Worth the Risk (Blue Falls #2)

by Stella James

  Slave girl. How original. I know that by choosing to stay in a small town my past will often be subject to gossip but I don’t care. I’ve never thought of myself as a victim and maybe life hasn’t always been easy but I will never allow my struggles to define me. There is more to me than a newspaper headline or a few years spent in foster care. I check my phone as I make my way home and see that I have a text from Mona.

  Mona: Hey Deb! I hope you’re ready to snuggle on the couch like the non-lesbian couple that we are because I have had a day from HELL. I need Netflix and junk food like I need a massage from a well hung man named Pedro. Xox

  I don’t know why but Mona always calls me “Deb”…I asked her once and all she did was stroke the side of my face with her hand and tell me to be quiet.

  Me: Be there in five, sounds like a plan!

  I first met Mona about a week after Trace found me. I was caught up in a whirlwind of interviews and trial prep, spending most of my time at the Sheriff’s office. I was sitting in the conference room waiting for the prosecutor when the door flew open and Mona stomped in. She was small but curvy, her jet black hair pulled into a sleek ponytail. She was wearing bright red leggings and a T-shirt that said “no kids allowed”. Trace was right on her tail but before he could say anything, she whirled around and silenced him with a scowl. She turned back to me and smiled. At that point the only person I felt like I knew was Trace, and even then it would have been silly to refer to him as my friend. He seldom spoke to me and when he did it seemed like he was irritated.

  “You must be Sophie. I’m Mona,” I stood and held out my hand awkwardly but she waved it away and hugged me tightly. “We’re going to be friends Sophie. Friends don’t shake hands like fucking weirdos.”

  I looked at Trace for an explanation but he just shrugged his shoulders and shook his head, muttering as he turned and left the room.

  “Now, let’s talk about what’s happening with your hair,” she said.

  She insisted I come to her salon after my meeting for some “hair therapy”. I ended up spending all afternoon with her. That night she took me to Mac’s and introduced me to Cole and Lily and Cole’s sister Kate. Everyone was so welcoming and none of them pressed me for details about how I came to be in Blue Falls, which I was grateful for. I was sick to death of talking about it and wanted a dose of normalcy, even if just for one night. I’d gotten to know all of them pretty well in the months that followed.

  My plan was to stay at a local B&B until I could find a decent apartment to rent but Mona offered me her spare room and I was happy to accept. She was loud and bossy but she had a truly kind heart. I didn’t tell her about my secret infatuation with Trace. It felt wrong to share my feelings for him with anyone when I wasn’t even sure how to explain them. I felt it the moment I saw him and I’ve been feeling it every day for the last six months. Sometimes when we are all together or when he stops by the cafe for a coffee, I think he might feel the same way I do. He’ll look at me a certain way and I’ll think for just a split second that maybe he feels the connection. That maybe he doesn’t see a victim in need of rescuing but a desirable woman instead. I may be a bit inexperienced but the fact that I’m a virgin doesn’t mean that I’m stupid. There is something there, I’m sure of it.

  I open the door to the apartment to find Mona reclined on the couch, her face covered in white goop, a glass of wine dangling from her hand. She doesn’t even open her eyes or look my way.

  “Get your ugly ass sweats on and join me Deb, Mr. Tatum is waiting.”

  And like the obedient roommate that I am, that’s exactly what I do.

  Chapter 3

  Trace

  The winding road leading to Cole’s parents place never fails to fill me with a calming familiarity. I spent a lot of time at Tim and Judy Stone’s house growing up, my own father too busy chasing himself down empty booze bottles to bother too much with his only kid. My mom split when I was thirteen, I came home from school one day to find my dad drunk as usual. Apparently she packed her shit while he was at work and hit the road with some loser she met online. That’s essentially what her note said anyways. If it hadn’t been for Cole’s family and Mona, I don’t know how I would have gotten through any of that shit. The reminder of my own parents’ failed marriage serves as one of the many reasons that I will never act on my attraction to Sophie. I can’t guarantee that I’ll never break her heart, whether I mean to or not. Who’s to say that someday I won’t turn out exactly like my father? My time is better spent with women like Melissa who know what the score is from the get go. No commitment. Zero expectations. Sophie deserves so much more than that. At thirty one years old I at least know that much.

  I haven’t seen her in over a week. Not since that night outside of Mac’s when I went home with Melissa. Shame is not something I often feel, but it overcomes me when I think of that night. The look on Sophie’s face as she watched us from across the street made me feel like there was a tight fist around my heart. The small frown on her face and understanding in her eyes, like she knew exactly what I was doing, made me hate myself. I’ve suspected for a while that she’s interested in me but I maintain my indifference when it comes to her. I treat her like an acquaintance and nothing more. Mona has called me out on my shit more than once. I don’t have to tell her anything, she just knows. She’s damn scary like that. Too many times she’s told me to grow the fuck up and do something about my feelings before someone else comes along and takes her. But even her words aren’t enough to convince me that it’s a good idea.

  I’m sure Sophie will be here today, Mona made sure that she was welcomed into our makeshift family from the minute she stormed into the Sheriff’s office demanding to see for herself that she was taken care of. That was Mona, loud and crass on the outside but a bleeding heart on the inside.

  Cole phoned me a few days ago and said his parents were having a BBQ and he wanted everyone to come. I don’t see him as often now that he’s married to Lily and they’re building their life together, I can’t fault him for that though. Lily is an amazing woman. She’d been through hell before she came to Blue Falls to start over. She’s beautiful and kind and exactly the type of woman that can bring Cole to his knees. I park my truck and grab the case of beer off the passenger seat. I’m halfway to the back yard when Kate’s dog, Asshole, comes barreling towards me with a dirty rope in his mouth. A few throws later, he gets bored of me and wanders off. I round the corner to see everyone has already arrived. Kate and Mona are sitting in the shade drinking some pink shit with little umbrellas. Cole and his dad are at the grill arguing over who makes a better steak and Judy is just coming out of the kitchen, Lily right behind her, each carrying a tray of food. I scan the yard, looking for the red head that will unknowingly torture me for the next several hours when I hear her soft laughter behind me. I’d know her laugh anywhere, it’s one of her many traits that I think about every time I jack off like a horny teenager. I brace myself and turn around, ready to greet her with the apathetic tone that I hate using.

  Beautiful will never be an accurate enough description for Sophie. She’s wearing a long dark blue strapless dress, the colour makes her ivory skin glow. Her long hair is hanging down her back in its usual loose braid and as predicted, she’s wearing hardly any makeup. My appreciative eyes are so focused on her that I don’t notice the guy standing to her left. The fuck?

  *

  “Trace?”

  “Uh, yeah. Sorry what was that?”

  She looks at me expectantly. “I asked how you were doing.”

  “Oh, right, I’m good. How about you?” Fucking kill me this is ridiculous.

  “Good, thanks. You and Brent work together right?” She asks while gesturing to Doyle. That smug bastard has the nerve to grin at me like he just won the damn Super Bowl.

  “That we do. Shouldn’t you be resting up for your shift tonight?” Doyle isn’t a bad guy but lord help me I want to punch him in the throat.

  “Nah, I’m good. I
ran into Cole at the bank yesterday and he said to stop by. I was just telling Sophie about the old couple you busted the other day for skinny dipping.” He laughs and I swear it takes all my strength not to do him serious bodily harm.

  “Yeah, that was a good one. Nice seeing you Sophie, I’m gonna go help with the grill.” I don’t wait for a response before I turn and stalk in the opposite direction. This is going to be a long fucking day.

  When everyone is done eating, Cole and Lily stand up together and say they have an announcement to make. Judy nearly jumps out of her seat when Lily pulls a sonogram picture out of her purse and Cole tells everyone they are expecting twins. The group erupts in loud cheers and everyone takes turns hugging the happy couple. Cole is beaming with pride and Lily can’t stop smiling. I’m happy for them and equally amused at the idea of Cole taking on two kids right off the bat. After we pass around a bottle of champagne and get everything put away, Tim gets a fire going and we sit around roasting marshmallows, just like we used to do when we were all kids. Doyle has been long gone for hours but I can’t get the image of him leering over Sophie all afternoon out of my head. Every time he made her laugh I wanted to kill him.

  I plant myself in a lawn chair off to the side and wallow. I don’t think I’ve ever wallowed before but the multiple empty beer cans that lay scattered on the grass beside me are bullet proof evidence that I am doing just that. I catch Sophie’s eyes on me periodically but I make no effort to talk to her again and she keeps her distance. My miserable thoughts are interrupted when Mona stomps over and smacks me in the back of the head. Damn she’s strong for someone so tiny.

  “You’re one stupid bastard you know that?” She hisses.

  “Go away Mona, I’m not in the mood.” I crack another beer only to have her swipe it from my hand. Strong and quick.

  “Look, I care about you and I know you have this whole woe is me, I’m damaged goods blah blah blah, I don’t deserve to be happy thing going on but you HAVE got to pull your head out of your ass. Sophie is a great person, someone worth taking a risk for. She’s sweet and considerate and ya, she’s young, but she’s not stupid and she’s not going to spend her life waiting for you. She’s seriously into you. Of course she won’t say a word about it to any of us, bless her God damn heart but it’s so obvious. If you don’t do something about it soon you’re going to regret it. Please stop wasting your time on skanks like Melissa, you deserve better than that.”

  I want to believe what she says but the alcohol I’ve consumed turns my hope into bitterness. “You about done now?”

  She shakes her head with a sigh and leaves me in my misery. She’ll leave me alone for now but Mona is relentless and I’m not sure that I am strong enough to fight her logic next time. Hell, I’m not sure I want to fight it.

  *

  I wake up to the steady rhythm of a pounding headache. My mouth is dry and filled with the taste of rancid alcohol. Jesus. How much did I drink last night? I blink my eyes open and roll over just as a set of long legs wearing a pair of my boxer shorts comes into view.

  “Good morning, how are you feeling?”

  Sophie? Ugh, what the fuck happened last night? I sit up and rub my eyes, mentally begging for mercy. The bed dips down slightly beside me.

  “Here, I found some Advil in your bathroom. Did you want something to eat? I could make you some toast or something.” She sounds so damn sincere, it’s almost too much to bare.

  I look at her fully now, sitting beside me. Not only is she wearing a pair of my underwear, but she has on one of my old T-shirts. I well and truly fucked up last night. I can’t believe I let myself do something so stupid.

  “Sophie.” I hate how hollow my voice sounds but there is no other way to do this. I look her in the eye and know it will likely be the last time I ever see kindness there for me. “What happened last night was a mistake. I’m sorry if you thought there was going to be something more here, but there isn’t. I don’t do relationships and I shouldn’t have brought you here last night.” She looks confused and is about to respond when I cut her off to deliver the final blow. “I don’t think of you as anything more than Mona’s roommate and I think it would be best if we stayed clear of each other.”

  She remains still, her eyes still on mine. I pray to whoever is listening that she won’t cry. I know I won’t be able to handle it if she does. She looks down at her hands and then stands up. She has yet to speak and the silence is deafening. She’s halfway to the bedroom door when I hear her quiet voice but I can’t make out the words.

  “I’m sorry Sophie. Really, I am.”

  She spins around before I get the words out. Her face is flushed, her kind eyes filled with nothing but sheer anger. When she finally speaks, her tone is calm and collected but scary as fucking hell.

  “You selfish, arrogant son of a bitch. Who in the hell do you think you are? Really, I’d love to know. Obviously you’re having some trouble remembering last night, so let me break it down for you. YOU drank too much. YOU wanted to hop in your truck and drive home. Kate and Mona stayed at Kate’s parents place, Cole and Lily had already gone home and YOU insisted on coming back to town. Since I’m the only one who wasn’t drinking, I volunteered to get YOU home safely. When we got here, I hauled your drunk ass up two flights of stairs only to have you puke down my dress. YOU were passed out within five seconds of hitting the mattress so I dug through your drawer to find something to wear. It was late by then and I was too damn tired to walk home, so I slept on the couch – which by the way was incredibly uncomfortable.” She’s two feet in front of me by the time she sets my ass straight. I also notice for the first time that I am fully dressed, right down to my shoes.

  “Shit, Sophie I’m sorry I just assum-“

  “Yeah, that’s right. You assumed I would jump at the opportunity to sleep with you, even though you were so drunk you could hardly walk straight. You assumed that I value myself so little that I would spread my legs for you when just a week ago you were in between Melissa’s. Wow, what a high opinion of me you must have.”

  Her words cut through my bullshit like a razor. I never would have thought there would be so much fire underneath that sweet exterior. Now is definitely not the time to get turned on. Shit. I really fucked this up. I can’t let her leave like this. I’m a selfish bastard but the thought of not being around her anymore makes me sick. The slamming of my front door pulls me from my thoughts. I jump from the bed and race out the door, catching her just as she hits the last stair in the lobby.

  “Sophie, wait, please stop and let me explain.” I sound like a desperate fool but I don’t care, I don’t want to throw away any chance that I might have with this woman. I’ll drop to my knees and beg if that’s what it takes. Mona’s words play over and over in my head. I want to take a chance and believe that she is right, that I can be enough for someone like Sophie and not ruin everything. I have to try. She turns back at the sound of my pleading voice, anger still radiating off her gorgeous body. She points her slim finger at me and steps close enough to jab me in the chest.

  “No. You let me explain. I have been beating my head against the wall for six months trying to figure out why you insist on doing this little dance around me and I am sick to death of it. I’ve stood by and watched you with other women while at the same time looking at me like I’m some kind of forbidden treasure that you want but can’t touch. I deserve more than that Trace. And so do you, whether you believe it or not. So you can go ahead and feed me your bullshit lines about only thinking of me as Mona’s roommate but the truth is you’re scared and you’re a coward. The way I feel about you is something I’ve never experienced before, but I won’t sacrifice my worth and continue to waste my time waiting for you to snap out of whatever this self- pity bullshit is.” Her voice softens with defeat over her last words. I’m losing her before I’ve even had her.

  “Please give me a chance Sophie, let me explain everything,” I plead.

  “Then explain it to me now. Do yo
u want me or not? Do you feel this or not?” She demands.

  The words are stuck in my throat, I don’t know where to begin. I’m so fucked up and Sophie is so much better than all my bullshit baggage. She brings her delicate hand up to my cheek. Her touch alone warms me from the inside out.

  “Tell me Trace,” she whispers.

  “I don’t deserve you Sophie.” She drops her hand and I feel the absence of her comfort immediately.

  “I wish you didn’t believe that,” she says softly.

  She turns and walks out the door and all I can do is watch.

  Chapter 4

  Sophie

  It has been almost a week since I spent the night on Trace’s couch. Almost a week since I completely lost it on him. And almost a week since his pleading eyes asked me to give him a chance. I’ve been in a constant state of battle with myself since that morning. I feel awful that he has so little faith in himself but I meant what I said. I won’t waste my time waiting for him to decide what he wants. Easier said than done.

  I roll out of bed with a sigh and throw on my bathrobe. Today is my day off and I plan on getting my errands done and then crawling back into bed to waste away the afternoon with a book. Lily phoned me last night to tell me that she got in a new series I’ve been dying to get my hands on. The library will be my first stop. I make some coffee and heat up a muffin. Mona is already gone for the day but left me a note on the kitchen table.

  I saved you the last muffin because I am fucking amazing. You better make some more of these tasty little bitches, me likey the baking. -M

  I’m still smiling when I get in the shower and finish getting ready for the day.