Catch My Heart

by Nora Roberts

  “I’m not insulted,” she said carefully. “I’m just not interested.”

  “Do you always kiss men you’re not interested in?”

  “I didn’t kiss you.” She jerked her hand free. “You kissed me.”

  “We can fix that.” He gathered her close. “This time kiss me back.”

  She could have pulled away. His arms weren’t banding her as they had before, but were wrapped loosely, coaxingly around her. His lips were soft this time, soft, persuasive, patient. She could feel the warmth seep into her bloodstream like a drug. With a little moan, she slipped her hands up his back and held on.

  It was like holding a candle and feeling the wax slowly melt as the fire burned at its center. He could feel her yield degree by degree until her lips parted for his own, accepting, inviting. But even as she gave, he could sense some strong, hard core that resisted, held back. She didn’t want to feel whatever he was making her feel.

  Impatient, he dragged her closer. Though her body molded itself to his and her head fell back in erotic surrender, there was still a part of her standing just out of his reach. What she gave him only stirred his appetite for more.

  She was breathless when he released her. It took an effort, too much of an effort, Natasha thought, to level herself. But once she had, her voice was steady.

  “I don’t want to be involved.”

  “With me, or with anyone?”

  “With anyone.”

  “Good.” He brushed a hand over her hair. “It’ll be simpler to change your mind.”

  “I’m very stubborn,” she muttered.

  “Yes, I’ve noticed. Why don’t you stay for dinner?”

  “No.”

  “All right. I’ll take you to dinner Saturday night.”

  “No.”

  “Seven-thirty. I’ll pick you up.”

  “No.”

  “You wouldn’t want me to come by the shop Saturday afternoon and embarrass you.”

  Out of patience, she stalked to the door. “I can’t understand how a man that could play music with such sensitivity could be such a clod.”

  Just lucky, I guess, he thought when the door slammed. Alone again, he caught himself whistling.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Saturdays in a toy store were noisy, crowded and chaotic. They were supposed to be. To a child even the word Saturday was magic—it meant a magic twenty-four hours when school was too faraway to be a problem. There were bikes to be ridden, games to be played, races to be won. For as long as Natasha had been running The Fun House, she had enjoyed Saturdays as much as her pint-size clientele.

  It was one more black mark against Spence that he was the reason she couldn’t enjoy this one.

  She’d told him no, she reminded herself as she rang up sales on a set of jacks, three plastic dinosaurs and a pint of blowing bubbles. And she’d meant no.

  The man didn’t seem to understand plain English.

  Why else would he have sent her the single red rose? And to the shop, of all places? she thought now, trying to scowl at it. Annie’s romantic enthusiasm had been impossible to hold off. Even when Natasha had ignored the flower, Annie had rescued it, running across the street to buy a plastic bud vase so that it could have a place of honor on the checkout counter.

  Natasha did her best not to look at it, not to stroke the tightly closed petals, but it wasn’t as easy to ignore the fragile scent that wafted toward her every time she rang up a sale.

  Why did men think they could soften up a woman with a flower?

  Because they could, Natasha admitted, biting off a sigh as she glanced toward it.

  That didn’t mean she was going out to dinner with him. Tossing back her hair, Natasha counted out the pile of sweaty pennies and nickels the young Hampston boy passed her for his monthly comic-book purchase. Life should be so simple, she thought as the boy rushed out with the latest adventures of Commander Zark. Damn it, it was that simple. On a deep breath she steeled her determination. Her life was exactly that simple, no matter how Spence tried to complicate it. To prove it, she intended to go home, soak in a hot tub, then spend the rest of her evening stretched out on the sofa, watching an old movie and eating popcorn.

  He’d been clever. She left the counter to go into the next aisle to referee a huffy disagreement between the Freedmont brothers about how they should spend their pooled resources. She wondered if the esteemed professor looked at their relationship—their nonrelationship, she corrected—as a chess match. She’d always been too reckless to succeed at that particular game, but she had a feeling Spence would play it patiently and well. All the same, if he thought she would be easily checkmated, he had a surprise coming.

  Spence had led her second class brilliantly, never looking at her any longer than he had looked at any of his other students, answering her questions in the same tone he used with others. Yes, a very patient player.

  Then, just when she’d relaxed, he’d passed her that first red rose as she walked out of class. A very smart move to endanger her queen.

  If she’d had any spine at all, Natasha thought now, she would have dropped it onto the floor and ground it under her heel. But she hadn’t, and now had to scramble to keep one play ahead of him. Because it had caught her off guard, Natasha told herself. Just like the one that had been delivered to the shop this morning.

  If he kept it up, people were going to begin to talk. In a town this size, news items like red roses bounced from shop to pub, from pub to front stoop and from front stoop to backyard gossip sessions. She needed to find a way to stop it. At the moment, she couldn’t come up with anything better than ignoring it. Ignoring Spence, she added. How she wished she could.

  Bringing herself back to the problem at hand, Natasha hooked an arm around each of the squabbling Freedmont boys in a mock headlock.

  “Enough. If you keep calling each other names like nerd and…what was the other?”

  “Dork,” the taller of the boys told her with relish.

  “Yes, dork.” She couldn’t resist committing it to memory. “That’s a good one. If you keep it up, I’ll tell your mother not to let you come in for two weeks.”

  “Aw, Tash.”

  “That means everyone else will see all the creepy things I get in for Halloween before either of you.” She let that threat hang, giving the two little necks a quick squeeze. “So, I’ll make a suggestion. Flip a coin and decide whether to buy the football or the magic set. Whatever you don’t get now, you ask for for Christmas. Good idea?”

  The boys grimaced at each other from either side of her. “Pretty good.”

  “No, you have to say it’s very good, or I’ll knock your heads together.”

  She left them arguing over which coin to use for the fatal flip.

  “You missed your calling,” Annie commented when the brothers raced off with the football.

  “How’s that?”

  “You should be working for the UN.” She nodded out the front window; the boys were practicing passing on their way down the street. “There aren’t many tougher nuts than the Freedmont brothers.”

  “I make them afraid of me first, then offer them a dignified way out.”

  “See? Definitely UN material.”

  With a laugh, Natasha shook her head. “Other people’s problems are the easiest to solve.” Weakening, she glanced toward the rose again. If she had one wish at the moment, it would be for someone to come along and solve her own.

  An hour later she felt a tug on the hem of her skirt.

  “Hi.”

  “Freddie, hello.” She flicked her finger over a bow that was trying to hold back Freddie’s flyaway hair. It was tied from the blue ribbon Natasha had given her on her first visit. “Don’t you look pretty today.”

  Freddie beamed, female to female. “Do you like my outfit?”

  Natasha surveyed the obviously new blue denim overalls, parade stiff with sizing. “I like it very much. I have a pair just like them.”

  “You do?” Nothin
g, since Freddie had decided to make Natasha her newest heroine, could have pleased her more. “My daddy got them for me.”

  “That’s nice.” Despite her better judgment, Natasha scanned the shop for him. “Did he, ah, bring you in today?”

  “No, Vera did. You said it was all right just to look.”

  “Sure it is. I’m glad you came in.” And she was, Natasha realized. Just as she was stupidly disappointed that Freddie hadn’t brought her daddy.

  “I’m not supposed to touch anything.” Freddie tucked her itchy fingers into her pockets. “Vera said I should look with my eyes and not with my hands.”

  “That’s very good advice.” And some Natasha wouldn’t have minded others passing along to nimble-fingered children. “But some things are okay to touch. You just ask me.”

  “Okay. I’m going to join the Brownies and get a uniform and everything.”

  “That’s wonderful. You’ll come in and show it to me?”

  Delight nearly split Freddie’s face in two. “Okay. It has a hat, and I’m going to learn how to make pillows and candle holders and all kinds of things. I’ll make you something.”

  “I’d like that.” She tidied Freddie’s lopsided bow.

  “Daddy said you were going to eat dinner with him in a restaurant tonight.”

  “Well, I—”

  “I don’t like restaurants very much, except for pizza, so I’m going to stay home, and Vera’s going to fix tortillas for me and JoBeth. We get to eat in the kitchen.”

  “That sounds nice.”

  “If you don’t like the restaurant, you can come back and have some. Vera always makes a lot.”

  Uttering a helpless little sigh, Natasha bent to tie Freddie’s left shoelace. “Thank you.”

  “Your hair smells pretty.”

  Half in love, Natasha leaned closer to sniff Freddie’s. “So does yours.”

  Fascinated by Natasha’s tangle of curls, Freddie reached out to touch. “I wish my hair was like yours,” she said. “It’s straight as a pin,” she added, quoting her Aunt Nina.

  Smiling, Natasha brushed at the fragile wisps over Freddie’s brow. “When I was a little girl, we put an angel on top of the Christmas tree every year. She was very beautiful, and she had hair just like yours.”

  Pleasure came flushing into Freddie’s cheeks.

  “Ah, there you are.” Vera shuffled down the crowded aisle, straw carryall on one arm, a canvas bag on the other. “Come, come, we must get back home before your father thinks we are lost.” She held out a hand for Freddie and nodded to Natasha. “Good afternoon, miss.”

  “Good afternoon.” Curious, Natasha raised a brow. She was being summed up again by the little dark eyes, and definitely being found wanting, Natasha thought. “I hope you’ll bring Freddie back to visit soon.”

  “We will see. It is as hard for a child to resist a toy store as it is for a man to resist a beautiful woman.”

  Vera led Freddie down the aisle, not looking back when the girl waved and grinned over her shoulder.

  “Well,” Annie murmured as she stuck her head around the corner. “What brought that on?”

  With a humorless smile, Natasha shoved a pin back into her hair. “At a guess, I would say the woman believes I have designs on her employer.”

  Annie gave an unladylike snort. “If anything, the employer has designs on you. I should be so lucky.” Her sigh was only a little envious. “Now that we know the new hunk on the block isn’t married, all’s right with the world. Why didn’t you tell me you were going out with him?”

  “Because I wasn’t.”

  “But I heard Freddie say—”

  “He asked me out,” Natasha clarified. “I said no.”

  “I see.” After a brief pause, Annie tilted her head. “When did you have the accident?”

  “Accident?”

  “Yes, the one where you suffered brain damage.”

  Natasha’s face cleared with a laugh, and she started toward the front of the shop.

  “I’m serious,” Annie said as soon as they had five free minutes. “Dr. Spencer Kimball is gorgeous, unattached and…” She leaned over the counter to sniff at the rose. “Charming. Why aren’t you taking off early to work on real problems, like what to wear tonight?”

  “I know what I’m wearing tonight. My bathrobe.”

  Annie couldn’t resist the grin. “Aren’t you rushing things just a tad? I don’t think you should wear your robe until at least your third date.”

  “There’s not going to be a first one.” Natasha smiled at her next customer and rang up a sale.

  It took Annie forty minutes to work back to the subject at hand. “Just what are you afraid of?”

  “The IRS.”

  “Tash, I’m serious.”

  “So am I.” When her pins worked loose again, she gave up and yanked them out. “Every American businessperson is afraid of the IRS.”

  “We’re talking about Spence Kimball.”

  “No,” Natasha corrected. “You’re talking about Spence Kimball.”

  “I thought we were friends.”

  Surprised by Annie’s tone, Natasha stopped tidying the racetrack display her Saturday visitors had wrecked. “We are. You know we are.”

  “Friends talk to each other, Tash, confide in each other, ask advice.” Puffing out a breath, Annie stuffed her hands into the pockets of her baggy jeans. “Look, I know that things happened to you before you came here, things you’re still carrying around but never talk about. I figured I was being a better friend by not asking you about it.”

  Had she been so obvious? Natasha wondered. All this time she’d been certain she had buried the past and all that went with it—deeply. Feeling a little helpless, she reached out to touch Annie’s hand. “Thank you.”

  With a dismissive shrug, Annie turned to flick the lock on the front door. The shop was empty now, the bustle of the afternoon only an echo. “Remember when you let me cry on your shoulder after Don Newman dumped me?”

  Natasha pressed her lips in to a thin line. “He wasn’t worth crying over.”

  “I enjoyed crying over him,” Annie returned with a quick, amused smile. “I needed to cry and yell and moan and get a little drunk. You were right there for me, saying all those great, nasty things about him.”

  “That was the easy part,” Natasha remembered. “He was a dork.” It pleased her tremendously to use the young Freedmont boy’s insult.

  “Yeah, but he was a terrific-looking dork.” Annie allowed herself a brief reminiscence. “Anyway, you helped me over that rough spot until I convinced myself I was better off without him. You’ve never needed my shoulder, Tash, because you’ve never let a guy get past this.” She lifted a hand, pressing her palm against empty air.

  Amused, Natasha leaned back against the counter. “And what is that?”

  “The Great Stanislaski Force Field,” Annie told her. “Guaranteed to repel all males from the age of twenty-five to fifty.”

  Natasha lifted a brow, not quite sure if she was amused any longer. “I’m not certain if you’re trying to flatter or insult me.”

  “Neither. Just listen to me a minute, okay?” Annie took a deep breath to keep herself from rushing through something she thought should be taken step-by-step. “Tash, I’ve seen you brush off guys with less effort than you’d swat away a gnat. And just as automatically,” she added when Natasha remained silent. “You’re very pleasant about it, and also very definite. I’ve never seen you give any man a second’s thought once you’ve politely shown him the door. I’ve even admired you for it, for being so sure of yourself, so comfortable with yourself that you didn’t need a date on Saturday night to keep your ego out of the dirt.”

  “Not sure of myself,” Natasha murmured. “Just apathetic about relationships.”

  “All right.” Annie nodded slowly. “I’ll accept that. But this time it’s different.”

  “What is?” Natasha skirted the counter and began to tally the day’s sales.<
br />
  “You see? You know I’m going to mention his name, and you’re nervous.”

  “I’m not nervous,” Natasha lied.

  “You’ve been nervous, moody and distracted since Kimball walked into the shop a couple of weeks ago. In over three years, I’ve never seen you give a man more than five minutes’ thought. Until now.”

  “That’s only because this one is more annoying than most.” At Annie’s shrewd look, Natasha gave up. “All right, there is…something,” she admitted. “But I’m not interested.”

  “You’re afraid to be interested.”

  Natasha didn’t like the sound of that, but forced herself to shrug it off. “It’s the same thing.”

  “No, it’s not.” Annie put a hand over Natasha’s and squeezed. “Look, I’m not pushing you toward this guy. For all I know, he could have murdered his wife and buried her in the rose garden. All I’m saying is, you’re not going to be comfortable with yourself until you stop being afraid.”

  * * *

  Annie was right, Natasha thought later as she sat on her bed with her chin on her hand. She was moody, she was distracted. And she was afraid. Not of Spence, Natasha assured herself. No man would ever frighten her again. But she was afraid of the feelings he stirred up. Forgotten, unwanted feelings.

  Did that mean she was no longer in charge of her emotions? No. Did that mean she would act irrationally, impulsively, just because needs and desires had pried their way back into her life? No. Did that mean she would hide in her room, afraid to face a man? A most definite no.

  She was only afraid because she had yet to test herself, Natasha thought, moving toward her closet. So tonight she would have dinner with the persistent Dr. Kimball, prove to herself that she was strong and perfectly capable of resisting a fleeting attraction, then get back to normal.

  Natasha frowned at her wardrobe. With a restless move of her shoulders she pulled out a deep blue cocktail dress with a jeweled belt. Not that she was dressing for him. He was really irrelevant. It was one of her favorite dresses, Natasha thought as she stripped off her robe, and she rarely had the opportunity to wear anything but work clothes.