by Rin Grey
Her mind tried to think back to that time, as though to remind her of all the things not to do, but it balked before she got there. She’d spent far too long trying to block it from her mind, it was too painful.
Instead, for some reason, a picture rose in her mind of leaning against a rock, the birth of her baby imminent, Sean standing in front of her ready to catch her. But the memory wasn’t real. It wasn’t her memory.
In fact, it reminded her of the memories from the journal. The thought was a distraction, but a welcome one, far easier to consider than impending motherhood.
Had reading it somehow messed with her mind? That wasn’t supposed to be possible, but what if Sean was wrong? The fact that he didn’t seem certain of the magic’s rise and fall made her doubt the certainty she’d once had in his teachings. As well as that, it was the only explanation she could think of.
“Liz? Are you all right?” Digger appeared in front of her, but Elizabeth wasn’t really registering his presence. Her mind was still stuck in the past, or wherever that vision had come from.
Digger’s concerned expression slowly sunk in as she stared at him, and it began to concern her. He wasn’t used to seeing her waver at all. He was going to want to know why. And the answer was going to cause him more pain.
Elizabeth winced. Why did she keep doing that? She swore softly.
When she didn’t say anything more, Digger asked again, “What is it?”
Elizabeth hesitated, but there was no point in lying to him. He was going to find out eventually. This one, at least, was easier to be honest about. “I’m pregnant.”
Digger’s eyes widened, and he grasped at the door frame as though for support. “Pregnant?” he repeated, his voice disbelieving.
That reaction, at least, she could sympathise with.
She gave a small smile. “Yeah, that’s about how I feel at the moment.”
“I thought you said it wasn’t possible? That you could prevent it with your magic?”
“Obviously I was wrong.”
He stared at her again, but this time his expression wasn’t completely disbelieving. In fact, a small smile twisted his lips. Elizabeth wasn’t sure why, until he asked, “Is it mine?”
That was when it hit her. She’d just been assuming this baby was Sean’s, but there was a very real chance it was, in fact, Digger’s.
She should be happy about that possibility. He would be, she could see it in his eyes. And she did care for him. She knew she’d be happy raising a child with him. She’d never have to doubt that he’d be there for her, or that he’d support her in whatever she chose.
Not like Sean. She had no idea how he’d react to another baby. She hadn’t even guessed his reaction right the first time. She’d completely mangled everything.
She counted the days under her breath, but the reality was, it was all too close together. There was no clear answer. She counted again, but it made no difference. “I don’t know,” she admitted with a sigh.
Digger let out his breath as though he’d been holding it, looking like she’d punched him in the gut. She couldn’t help feeling guilty.
Guilty that she’d put him in this position, and guilty that deep down, despite all the indications that she shouldn’t, she desperately hoped this baby was Sean’s.
It made no sense. She would have a much happier, easier life raising this baby with Digger. But that didn’t stop her wishing the baby was Sean’s, hoping it could be a chance to mend bridges between, all mingled with a longing for something she didn’t even understand.
The way she felt about Sean defied logic. It made no sense at all.
And yet, it was overwhelmingly powerful. He drew her to him like a moth to the flame, and there was nothing she could do to change it. She couldn’t walk away from him, no matter how hard she tried. No matter how much sense it made.
No matter how much she knew she shouldn’t, she desperately wanted things to work out with him. For this to be a chance to undo all the mistakes she’d made last time. To convince him that she cared for him, and that she could be a mother.
Even if she didn’t have the foggiest idea how.
All she knew was, she had to make the best of this chance—because it could be her last.
*****
Digger stared at Elizabeth blankly, thoughts tumbling over themselves in his head. His world was swirling around him at breakneck pace, and he could barely keep track of whether it was up or down. Right now his life hung in the balance, teetering between the possibility of having everything he’d ever wanted, and losing it all.
All because of Elizabeth.
It hurt enough that she’d been with someone else. The fact that it messed up what might have been a wonderful experience just made things worse. He stared out at the darkened garden, trying to make sense of it all.
The silence stretched between them for several long moments. Elizabeth clearly wasn’t going to say anything, and Digger couldn’t help resenting that fact. Then he took a deep breath, and let it go.
He couldn’t help what had happened, nor could he influence whether the baby was his or not. But he could make sure that Elizabeth knew he would be there for her if she needed him. That was all he had control over.
He glanced sideways at her. “What are you thinking?” he asked, needing to know.
She stared out into the darkness, and for a moment he thought she hadn’t even heard him. Then she said quietly, “Sean said I would eventually have to decide whether I was Jocelyn’s heir, or a mage of Linarra. It seems like fate has made the decision for me.”
Digger’s heart skipped a beat, even though he wasn’t really surprised by her response. The finality of it scared him though. He could lose her, despite everything. “You’ll still go back if it’s his? What about his wife and son?”
She looked over at him then, her expression sad. “I’m sorry, Digger. If the baby is his, I’ll have to go back.”
“Why?” Digger asked bluntly.
Elizabeth said softly, “Quite aside from the fact that he’ll insist, I won’t keep his child from him. If it’s his,” she added.
“He would drag you back there against your will?” Digger had no idea why he was angry for her, but he was.
“It’s not like that,” she protested weakly.
“Sure sounds like it to me.”
“Digger, the only reason I’ve had the freedom to come and go from the Dome all these years is because he gave it to me. Under the laws of the Dome, I shouldn’t be here.”
“So don’t tell him,” Digger said pointedly. He didn’t even allow himself to think about the fact that he was suggesting he would accept the child, whether it was his or not.
He just couldn’t bear the thought of losing her.
But she shook her head. “I can’t do that, Digger. He’d find out. And besides, how would you feel if I had your child, and didn’t tell you?”
He had to admit that he couldn’t fault her honesty, even if he didn’t like the outcome, or the mage’s apparent ability to know and control everything. “What do you plan to do now? It will be months before you know, either way, whose child it is. What do you plan to do in the meantime?”
“I can’t wait till the baby’s born,” Elizabeth said softly.
“So you’re just going to leave?” Digger asked in disbelief. “Just going to ignore the fact that this child might be mine?”
“No, of course not,” Elizabeth said quickly. “I’d never do that to you.”
“Then what?”
Elizabeth was silent for a moment, then said quietly, “He’ll know.”
“Are you sure?”
“No, but I’m pretty sure.”
Digger wasn’t sure how satisfied he was with ‘pretty sure’. “And if he doesn’t?”
Elizabeth was silent, no answering, so Digger repeated the question, “And if he doesn’t?”
“I don’t know.”
Digger felt his life spiralling around him and gripped the handrai
l on the veranda as though he could snap it in two. But he could no more snap the veranda rail with his bare hands than he could even try to force Elizabeth to do what he wanted her to do, much less stand up to a potentially angry mage father.
So instead he turned to her and grabbed her shoulders. Perhaps a little too tightly, for she winced, but didn’t say anything. He relaxed his grip with a deliberate effort. “Liz, I…” he broke off, swallowed, then continued, “I love you, Liz. I have for a long time. I want this baby. I want you. Hell, I don’t even care that much whose baby it is, unless it means I lose you. But by hell, if it’s mine, I won’t let someone else raise it.”
It was all a bluff, of course. If the child were his, and she honestly wanted nothing to do with him, he might bow out with an attempt at good grace, but otherwise…
Her eyes filled with tears nonetheless, shaking him more than he cared to admit. Getting used to this new Elizabeth who cried wasn’t easy.
“Thank you, Digger. It means a lot to me to know that. And I promise you, if this baby is yours, I’ll be here to raise it with you,” she said softly.
He pulled her into a rough embrace, not wanting to let her go. She rested there for a moment, but then he could sense her withdrawal and reluctantly released her.
“I should go,” she said, but her voice was undecided.
“Can it wait till tomorrow?” Digger asked. “Gemma is already going to wonder what’s going on.”
She hesitated, and he could see her considering that. Finally, she sighed. “All right, that’s probably a good idea. I can go instead of going to work.”
“Will you go to the Dome?”
Again the hesitation, then she shook her head.
Digger didn’t want to know any more. Instead, in silent agreement, they both went back into the kitchen. Elizabeth barely picked at her food though, and excused herself early on the grounds of feeling sick.
Gemma looked at Digger in concern, and he shrugged and followed Elizabeth out of the room.
Neither of them said much more that night. Elizabeth seemed happy to simply snuggle close to him.
*****
Miles away, Sean watched the image of the two of them sleeping together reflected in the bowl. He’d been unable to hear the words exchanged between them. Unfortunately the bowl didn’t work like that—not that he knew about anyway. He’d had to guess from their actions what was being said.
That she knew was obvious. What she was going to do about it, he wasn’t so sure.
What was she still doing in Asherad? With him?
Was this going to be a repeat of last time? His stomach clenched at the thought of having to go after her and bring her back. He didn’t want to do that. He didn’t want that to be the start of this next phase of their relationship. But he wouldn’t let another man raise his child. She had to be born here.
His thoughts and emotions were in such turmoil that he completely lost track of time, until a knock at the door brought him out of his daydreams. “Who is it?” he called out, holding his hand over the bowl, ready to disperse the magic in an instant if necessary.
“It’s me,” Hugo said, his voice muffled by the thick wood.
Sean relaxed and lowered his hand. “Come in,” he said, his attention going back to the bowl, although both were sleeping now, the scene quiet and peaceful.
“Where were you?” Hugo asked, strolling in. “It’s not often that someone misses a party at their own house. Senika was most embarrassed, though she covered for you admirably.”
Sean didn’t answer, and when he saw the bowl, Hugo needed no explanation.
Without an invitation, he came and looked over Sean’s shoulder. “I understand that it’s fascinating, of course, watching them sleep. But do you think you could have graced us with your presence, at least for an hour or so?”
“She knows,” was all Sean said. It was all he could manage around the lump in his throat.
“Oh,” Hugo said eloquently. He glanced at the bowl again, then walked around and sat in the chair on the other side of the desk. “What did she do?”
“What do you think she did!” Sean exclaimed. “She’s there, in bed, with him.”
“Yes, so she is,” Hugo said pleasantly. As though he were gossiping at a party.
“She should be here,” Sean said, hearing the petulance in his voice, unable to stop it.
“Well, it’s late,” Hugo said reasonably. “And she has no idea you know she knows. No idea that you know yourself even.”
Sean knew that what Hugo said made sense, but he didn’t want to hear it. “Fair enough, but why is she with him?”
“Well, does she know it’s yours?”
Sean frowned. He didn’t even want to think about that, but he had to grudgingly admit it was likely. “It’s possible she doesn’t,” he admitted.
“Well then…” Hugo let the sentence hang.
“Oh, all right, so it doesn’t mean anything yet. But if she isn’t here first thing in the morning, I’m going there.”
“Would I even attempt to try to stop you?” Hugo said with feigned innocence.
Sean gave a reluctant grin. “Oh no, I’ve never known you to do anything like that before.”
Hugo glanced at the clock, which read nearly midnight. “Come on, they’re not going anywhere. You’d better get some sleep.”
Sean shrugged. “You go on. I think I’m going to watch for a little longer.”
Hugo shook his head. “I’ll never understand how you get by on so little sleep.”
“What? You’re going to tell me you haven’t pulled all-nighters before?”
“Of course I have,” Hugo agreed. “But how many times have you done this in the last week?”
Sean was silent. He’d been up watching her nearly every night, waiting for the moment when she realised. And most of the days too, his work sitting undone in piles on his desk.
Janice had standing orders to see that he wasn’t disturbed, and it was only a need to stop Senika working out something was going on that he had agreed to hold a party at all this week. Looked like he’d failed at that.
And he couldn’t even bring himself to care.
Hugo didn’t need an answer. He just grinned. “I hope you get some sleep tomorrow night,” he said teasingly.
“Go home,” Sean growled, not pleased with his sense of humour at this time.
Hugo laughed and left the room, leaving Sean alone with the bowl of water. He stared into it, losing all sense of time, hoping Hugo was right—that in the morning, she would come.
Chapter 10 - Confessions
Elizabeth woke early the next morning. Not surprising, given how early she’d gone to bed. She lay staring at the roof for a few moments, letting the events of the previous evening flood over her.
She still couldn’t believe it. She used her magic to check on the tiny baby again, just to be sure. As she’d told Digger, the magic she used to prevent conception should have worked. This should not be possible. Yet it wasn’t the first time it had happened.
Before she could ponder that fact, Digger woke beside her. He didn’t say anything though.
Elizabeth didn’t blame him. She had nothing to say either. She felt so bad for doing this to him. He deserved much better.
But she couldn’t do anything about that now. The best she could do was get him an answer, so they could all move on to making plans with all the facts.
So she got up and dressed quickly. Going through the morning routine, pretending it was just a normal day to Gemma and Mitch, was harder than she thought. Gemma glanced at Digger once or twice, noticing his silence and probably the glum look on his face, but to Elizabeth’s relief, she didn’t ask any questions.
She wasn’t quite sure why she was hiding it from Gemma, only that it would be easier to tell her once she knew. If the child were Digger’s, then there would be no problem, and everyone could be happy about the news.
If the child were Sean’s…
Even though t
hat was the outcome she couldn’t help hoping for, it also brought up so many problems that she didn’t even want to think about them. Her stomach churned, and it took all her willpower, plus the assistance of a little magic, to keep it under control.
Finally, it was time to go. “I’ll see you this afternoon,” she said to Gemma and Digger, just as she did every day.
“Bye, Elizabeth,” Gemma said cheerfully.
“See you later, Liz,” Digger also responded. But his voice was dull, and she saw the pain in his eyes.
She paused long enough to give him a gentle kiss, squeezed his hand, and then made her escape.
Once she had left the house and her guilt about Digger behind, she felt ever so slightly better. Soon, she would have answers. Her choice would be made for her, one way or another.
It was a short walk to Sean’s house, and she felt the tingle of magic as she walked through the force field. Sean would know she was here. How long would it take for him to come?
She didn’t have long to wonder. In fact, she had only just let herself in the door when he materialised in front of her. How typical of him to arrive before she’d even had a chance to think of what she was going to say to him.
As she looked up at him, hesitating, he said quietly, “I’m glad you’re here, Beth.”
Probably he just thought it meant that she’d forgiven him for being married. In reality, that was the least of her problems now. So much so that she’d almost forgotten it.
She wavered. “Sean…” she began, not sure how to even say it, then figured she’d better just come out with it before she lost her nerve. “I’m pregnant.”
She waited for his look of shock, surprise, anything. Instead, he just said quietly, “I know.”
“What? How?” She was thoroughly confused.
She shouldn’t have been. He’d known last time too, even when she hadn’t told him.
He put his hand gently on her stomach and smiled. “I can feel her.”
Hell, how was she going to tell him? She was terrified of seeing that happy, satisfied look in his face turning to anger. She’d already hurt Digger over this, no matter what the outcome. Now she had to do the same to Sean.
