A Staten Island Love Letter 3

by Jahquel J

  “Stop being so hard on yourself. Your aunt has raised him, but it’s you who have built the bond with your child. Stop hiding and speak to your sisters and mother about it. Part of healing is speaking your truth. You don’t owe any of them an explanation. Just telling them and allowing them to meet Chance is enough,” I told her as she stood between my legs.

  “Oh no. You’re not married and none of that mess under this god-fearing roof,” Betty came back and sat the phone down on the receiver.

  “My apologies, Ms. Betty.” I laughed and pushed Liberty away.

  “You’re fine. Liberty knows better.” She smirked as she cut up the garlic bread. “Speaking of Chance, he and Rodney are a few minutes away. He called to see if I needed some soda for dinner,” she spoke with her back turned as she cut into the garlic bread.

  “I’ll go set the table,” Liberty offered and went to the cabinet to grab the china. I grabbed the silverware from her and went into the dining room to help her set the table. “I’m so nervous for you to meet Chance.”

  “I think you’re more nervous about me seeing a different side to you,” I sat down the forks. My mama never taught us how to set a table because she was too busy trying to keep food on it, so I didn’t know if I was fucking up the order that it went in.

  “What are you talking about?” She laughed as she fixed the order of the forks, spoons, and knives.

  “Lib, you put on like this no-nonsense woman who shows no emotion, but you’re sensitive. You’ve had to put that front on for the world, but I see you ma.”

  She rolled her eyes and sat the last plate down. Just as she was about to respond, the front door chimed, and we heard feet coming down the hall. “Aunnie, Aunnie!” I heard a little boy’s voice.

  “Hey Chancy poo, go look in the dining room and see who is here,” I heard Betty tell him. We heard him come down the hall. When he laid eyes on Liberty, his face dropped, and he ran full force into her arms.

  “Mammy, mamay!” he hugged her tightly.

  Liberty hugged him back tightly and rubbed her fingers through his curly fro. “Hey baby. I missed you so much. Are you okay?” He reached up and she kneeled down and allowed him to touch her face and hair. “He’s been doing this since he was a baby,” she explained as I looked on from the table.

  “I’m fine, mammy. You going to stay here with me?” he asked.

  “I just got here and you’re already asking me to stay?” she giggled. “I’m with my friend so I can’t stay this time, but next time.”

  He put his head down. “I’ve missed you.”

  “I’ve missed you too, Chancy poo.” She kissed him on the forehead. “This is my boyfriend, Staten,” she introduced him to me. I was surprised she said boyfriend. Liberty had been against us being together because I told her what to do half of the time. When she introduced me as her boyfriend to her son, it made me feel like we were going to get through this small storm. As much as I wasn’t trying to hear Messiah, she was right. I couldn’t help Liberty alone. She needed professional help and that was something that I couldn’t do for her.

  “Hi Staten!” he came over and shook my hand. What made all of this sad was that I had to kill his father. He was better off without him anyway.

  “What’s up, man? You think it’s okay for me to be your mom’s boyfriend?”

  “Yes, Sir,” he replied.

  “My aunt is big on manners. Plus, in therapy he learns them too,” she explained when I looked over to her.

  “Can my mommy stay the night?”

  “Chanc—”

  “Of course. I can get me a hotel room and she can spend all the time she needs with you.” I told him and he jumped up and ran into the kitchen to tell his aunt.

  “Can I speak to you… outside?” she nodded toward the back door. When we got outside and I closed the door, she started in on me. “You don’t have to do that. I know you probably have things to do. Chance always wants his way and my aunt is trying to get him to understand he can’t have everything he wants.”

  “Chill. Nothing I have to do back home is important. I can get a hotel room so you can spend time with your son. Can I take you both out to breakfast in the morning though?” she walked over to me and wrapped her arms around my waist. “Oh, she wanna feel on me now?”

  “Chill,” she mocked me.

  “You better get off me before your aunt come out here tossing damn holy water on me for being near you.”

  “She said not under her roof,” she countered.

  “This close enough to her roof,” I joked. “On the real, we need to talk, but not right now,” I told her. She wasn’t going to be pleased with what I was going to say, but she had to do it.

  “First of all, I have anxiety so tell me right now.”

  “Nah, not now.”

  We heard the back door open and her aunt appeared. “Dinner is ready,” she told us, and I tried to turn, but Liberty wouldn’t let me go.

  “Staten, I like you a lot. You make me believe that all men aren’t assholes and there are a few good ones. Thank you for coming with me today.”

  “Nah, I’m still an asshole, just one who cares. You don’t never got to thank me for this.” I kissed her on the lips and followed her into the house.

  6

  Freedom

  I wiped the vomit from my lips as I tried to pick myself up off the marble bathroom floors. These mornings were becoming too much for me to bare. Each morning around the same time I found myself beating down the doors to make it to the toilet in time. Ghost’s master suite was too big for him to hear me chucking up last night’s dinner. Still, I was over this morning sickness and just wanted to spend my morning enjoying an extra hour or so of sleep. Instead, I was in the bathroom like clockwork vomiting my brains out. I flushed the toilet and grabbed my toothbrush and started brushing my teeth while looking into the mirror. My hair needed to be done, my eyes had dark circles and my nails had seen better days. For weeks I’ve been neglecting myself because I had bigger things to do. Being so wrapped up into Ghost’s life, I had neglected my company and myself in the process, and that was something I promised myself I would never do. I couldn’t lose myself inside of Ghost – again.

  Spitting in the sink, I rinsed my mouth out and continued my morning routine. Once I was done, I went into the bedroom where Ghost was up on his phone. He slept until the kids were dressed and then went down to have breakfast with them. As of lately, it had been a bunch of cereal because Marisol continued to call out with excuses. Ghost understood and allowed it to happen, but if she continued, she was about to be replaced. With a business, kids and trying to keep this house in order I couldn’t fall into the role as the housekeeper too. Especially since Marisol’s ass was continuing to get paid because Ghost felt bad for her.

  “Why you be up at the ass crack of dawn?” he asked as he continued to scroll on his phone. “Was trying to get some pussy and you out the bed.”

  “I bet you were,” I tied the white robe tighter around my waist and climbed back in bed. “I was brushing my teeth and getting ready to get the kids up.”

  “Free, they have a whole hour left to sleep,” he reminded me. “You need to come lay down so I could fuck the shit out of your fine ass.” He kissed me on the lips, and we shared a few kisses before his hands started to roam all over my body.

  “Not this morning. My stomach is sour. And, the reason I have to get up early and go to bed late is because I’m doing Marisol’s job. Breakfast should be made for the kids before they’re up in the morning and dinner should be prepared for them at night. It’s her job. Gyson, I’ve been neglecting my company and that can’t happen.”

  “Oh, so you were taking a shit?” he laughed.

  “Gysoonnnnnn,” I whined because I was becoming overwhelmed with everything.

  Imagine trying to raise twins, running a company, and doing it all alone. Now that I had help, it was appreciated, still I was doing a lot and I couldn’t keep doing it and ignoring my company. Be
ing a mother was first, but when my kids were in school, I found myself doing shit that Marisol was still being paid to do. It wasn’t fair. If she couldn’t come to work, that was fine. However, she needed to stop being paid and Ghost needed to find someone else to tend to the house.

  “I hear you, Free. I hear you,” he said the same thing when I brought it up to him last week. I was tired of hearing him tell me that he heard me. What I wanted was help and I wasn’t receiving it. I wasn’t putting it on him because he was still coping with a lot.

  “You don’t hear me. Gyson, you promised that if we moved in that I would have the help for the twins. Right now, I’m making breakfast, lunches, going to pick up Kiss and Kiki and dropping all the kids to school, then I’m back home to clean up the mess from breakfast. By the time I make it back here you’re already gone. I just really need some help,” I sobbed. He leaned up on the bed and that’s when he realized that I was serious.

  I was so overwhelmed with everything that I didn’t even know where to start. Each time I thought about the long list of things that I had to do, I wanted to cry. I never wanted to be the one to complain because I was blessed ten times over. Still, at times I wanted to crawl under the bed and never come out. So much was expected of me and then I had my own issues. Like, this baby growing in my stomach without a daddy, and Liberty going ghost on me and not having a chance to talk to her. The biggest factor was the fact that I had moved into a beautiful home and was settled with my children then it was shot up, which caused us to live in this house. I felt like I was living in Shakira’s home.

  “Baby, I’m sorry I was fucking with you. I’ll call Marisol and talk to her today and she’ll be here tomorrow. If not, she’ll be fired, and I’ll hire someone right away. I don’t want you to feel like that. You know that’s not my intent. If you need me to drop the kids off today I will. You stay in bed, ight?”

  I nodded my head as he wiped away my tears and pulled me in for a hug. “My business is important to me, Gyson. I don’t want this to overshadow it. I’ve done that in the past and I don’t want that to happen again. My role isn’t to be a stay at home mom.” I set the ground rules.

  He may have been used to Shakira being home all day and shopping, that wasn’t me. I wanted to earn my money and continue to build my company. It was the main reason that I moved back home. My dream was to establish an office here and I was no closer to purchasing an office space and I had been here for a few months. I didn’t want to blame Ghost, but I had gotten caught up in him and his life that my stuff took the back burner. If I wanted to live off his money, I could, but that’s not what I wanted to do. I wanted to offer more to our relationship. Most important, I wanted my daughter to know that her mother was a hard-working woman.

  “I never said that, Ma. You want to run your business then we’ll make sure you’re able to do that easily. If Marisol can’t come back to work, then we’ll start looking for some housekeepers and a nanny for the kids… Ight? I’m not the enemy, Free. I want you to have all that you’re trying to accomplish.” He kissed me on the lips and climbed out of the bed.

  I laid back in the bed and closed my eyes for a few. At least this morning I didn’t have to get up early and get the kids together. With my eyes still closed, I grabbed my phone and opened them to dial my sister’s number. With my free time, I planned to get some work done for the company and finally get down to the bottom of everything going on with Liberty. A sister’s lunch was well overdue, and Liberty couldn’t keep hiding from me.

  “What’s up, Free?” she answered nonchalant like she hadn’t been avoiding me for weeks. Each time I called or sent her a text it went unanswered.

  “Lib, you ignore me and then answer like everything is fine.”

  “That’s because everything is fine. I just got in from work, what’s up?” she barked back, and I sighed.

  Me and my sister had never argued like we were now. The crazy thing is that we weren’t even fighting. I was just trying to understand what was going on and she was being so guarded with me. I hated what she was doing. It made me worry about what was going on with her. I tried to be there for both of my sisters when I could, yet if they shoved me out there wasn’t anything that I could do.

  “Meet me at Angelina’s by the mall for lunch. I’m texting Justice too,” I told her, and she started to protest. “If you don’t show up then I know where we stand, and I’ll know to act accordingly,” I shot back and ended the call.

  Angelina’s @ 12 for lunch. We all need to talk.

  I agree. I’ll be there. Justice replied back. I tossed my phone on the night stand, pulled the covers over my body, and went back to sleep.

  Ghost allowed me to sleep for the entire morning uninterrupted. The kids didn’t even come in to kiss me goodbye before being rushed off to school. When he did wake me up, he was between my legs pleasing the hell out of my kitty. I just tossed my head back and enjoyed the things his tongue was doing to my kitty. After riding on his dick for an hour straight, we both came and laid in bed restlessly before I took a shower and headed out to lunch with my sisters. Priest and Staten were coming over to talk business with him so I knew he wouldn’t miss me for a few hours.

  I parked my truck in the nearest spot next to the restaurant and killed my engine. When I arrived, Justice was there looking over some papers. When she saw me, she got up and hugged me tightly. I hadn’t been in a room with my sisters since everything went down the night of Justice’s birthday. It made no sense we all lived on the same island and hadn’t at least caught up with one another. I understood we all had our own lives, but we should always make time for each other. After lunch, I was going to make sure that I enforced that with the both of them. Life was hectic being a mom. Sometimes I just wanted to sit and vent with a glass of wine to my sisters.

  “I haven’t realized how much I’ve missed you,” she said and kissed me on the cheek. “How are you?” she looked me over.

  “I missed you too. I’m good.”

  “Free, you don’t have to feed me bullshit.” She read right through me and I laughed. Justice was good at reading people. I wished she read right through Todd before wasting so much of her life on his irrelevant ass.

  “I’m just tired and trying to make sure everything is good with the twins. The situation with us staying with Ghost is now permanent.” Neither of my sisters knew that me and Ghost decided that me and the twins would move in with him.

  The waiter set down some Italian bread with olive oil and then left to go wait at another table. “You serious? Free, you don’t think this is too soon for you both?”

  “I kept his kids away for years, Justice. How could I stare into his eyes and tell him that we wouldn’t move in with him? In my opinion, he has taken everything better than I would have, if the roles were reversed.”

  “I agree. He has. Still, you have this thing where you put your all into Ghost, and I’m not saying he doesn’t do the same for you, but you neglect things just to be everything to him, Free.” It was bad when my own sister saw that I did that. I gave up going to a good college because I wanted to stay close to him. He never asked, but I felt like it was expected of me.

  “I’m not going to allow that to happen. He wants me to continue to work on my things. This morning he got the kids off to school so I could sleep in.” I smiled. My thoughts went to the way he woke me up, but Justice didn’t need to hear that.

  “That’s nice. How are the twins taking to living with him?”

  “Honestly? They love it. Somali loves being able to wake up to her father every day. Samaj just loves having another male in the house. He even listens when Ghost got on him about slacking in school. Even Rain loves having a big sister around. She’s finally adjusting to everything so I’m glad.”

  “Thank God. That little girl has been through so much. At least she can smile and get back to living her life. Any word on her no-good mama?”

  “Nope. Ghost called her parents last week and they said they hadn’t hear
d from her. Knowing her, she’s in another country laid up with some man she fucking with. I could never leave my babies after the hurt and pain Rain has experienced.”

  “Same. Then again, some women aren’t built the same so you can’t even be mad. Ghost knew what kind of woman she was before he made babies with her. These niggas need to learn to choose their baby mamas wisely. While they were concerned about them having a fat ass, bomb head and big breast, she could end up being an unfit mother who didn’t give a fuck about her kids.”

  “You’re so right about that. Did you hear from Myla’s stupid ass?”

  “No, she hasn’t called me. Not like I reached out either, but I’m still wrapping my head around everything.” Justice put her hands over her mouth.

  “Girl, I went the next day and got my ass checked out. He lucky that I didn’t get nothing from their nasty asses.”

  Justice laughed. “Oh, so we’re back to He?”

  “Hell yeah. His ass wasn’t trying to follow girl code so he’s a nigga again… at least to me.” I flipped my hair over my shoulders and grabbed a piece of bread. “I’m pregnant,” I revealed. The last time I had spoken about it was when I popped up at Liberty’s house.

  From Justice’s expression I could tell that she was shocked. “You guys are moving quick as hell, but when you know you know,” she smiled. “Congratulations, I’m happy for you and G.”

  “I don’t know who the father is.”

  “Wait, what?”

  “I fucked Zoe and Ghost around the same time.”

  “Damn, this is a mess, Freedom Reign.” We were like our mother. The only time we used our middle names was when we were serious about something. “What are you going to do? Ghost isn’t going to raise that man’s baby. Especially since he was responsible for killing Summer.”

  “You don’t think I know that already? I have to find a way to do a DNA test without him knowing.”