A Staten Island Love Letter 3

by Jahquel J

  “That’s where you’re wrong. All that woman wanted was for someone to love her. You know… she been lacking that since her father passed. She wanted you to be her safety net and you weren’t. You fed her to wolves and guess what? She came back as a wolf herself. Now, guess who has to break down those wall she has built because your stupid ass wasn’t taught to love a woman correctly?” Staten leaned back in the chair. “I can’t fault you though… you probably never seen your mama loved the right way. I can admit, I haven’t seen my own mama loved the way she should have been. Yeah, I could treat women bad and use that as an excuse, but nah, I’m gonna break that cycle. I’m gonna love Liberty even when the shit fucking hurts. I’m gonna make sure I break all that hurt you put around her heart. She’s a Queen and deserves to be treated as one. The shit that you did years ago is something she battles with to this day.” Staten poured out his heart and Pook had passed out two minutes ago.

  “Nice to see you feel someway about someone.” Messiah smirked. “Make sure all your love isn’t being put into a crack head.” She walked toward the front door. “Get him down to the basement and then you know what to do with him,” she winked at the butcher in the shop.

  “Man, I don’t even know how you eat in here. You know what the fuck they do with the bodies in here?”

  “Yeah, they feed them to this nigga. He thought that was chicken and that’s somebody’s skin.” I laughed and watched as the large Cuban man picked up Pook’s limp body and headed to the back.

  “He’ll be dead by tomorrow. That nigga didn’t even get a full hour of being awake.”

  “Frido will call when he’s dead.” I nodded and headed out of the restaurant. Messiah was getting into the back of her Phantom when we made it outside. She waved and then the black on black phantom pulled from the curb and cornered the block.

  “I appreciate you and Siah for doing this for me. I’m gonna get Liberty clean, you got my word,” he promised.

  You couldn’t get anyone clean. It was up to them to want to get clean. Staten couldn’t want her to get clean more than she did. It wasn’t going to work. He had to know that she had to want this for herself. Chanel had always been on Staten’s mind and I didn’t doubt that he loved her, but seeing how much he loved and cared for Liberty told me that he was far more invested in this shit than he should have been. Knowing my brother, it was best to keep my advice to myself and let him do things his way, cause he was going to do it anyway.

  “I believe you,” I replied and dapped him up before heading back to my car. Before I could head home, I had a few more stops to make. Sitting with Pook’s ass took up enough of my time already.

  8

  Liberty

  I popped two Percocet pills and washed it down with my coke as I walked into one of the patients’ room. This week I was working the labor and delivery floor. Ever since that whole shit happened with me almost killing a patient and blaming my co-worker, my supervisor decided to move me to a different wing. I didn’t mind if she moved me to mars, as long as I had my job. I made sure to send my aunt two-thousand dollars a month for Chance. Every month the money was deposited into her account and I had never been late. If I lost my job, I wouldn’t be able to provide for my son and he needed me. I carried the guilt of not raising him, so the one thing that I could offer, which was financially, I carried that with pride.

  “Here you come with that nasty ass pill,” the patient complained. She was pregnant with triplets and had been admitted to the hospital until the day of her scheduled C-section.

  “I’m sorry. You know you have to take it every six hours,” I laughed and handed her the cup of water off her tray.

  “I can’t wait to have these girls. They have been messing me up since I found out it was three of them,” she laughed. “You have any kids?” she questioned before she choked down her pill.

  “No,” I lied and accepted the empty cup she handed me.

  “You’ll understand once you become a mother. The feeling of having your little one’s feet in your rib will make you want to scream.” She laughed.

  I knew all too well what she was talking about. Chance’s little foot stayed in my ribs. I think that was his favorite thing to do when he was in my womb. It was also one of the things I missed about being pregnant. His little foot in my ribs was a constant reminder that there was something bigger than me coming. Chance was the reason I decided to leave him with my aunt. He deserved better. With me as a mother, there was no telling the life that he would have lived. Yeah, I lived well and had my own, but that was because I was responsible for just me, not a child. There was no guarantee, that I would have had everything that I had now, along with raising Chance alone. He went to a great school, had amazing therapists and after school programs. He had a fund set up for him once he got older and everything. I wasn’t there in the flesh, but I was going to make sure my son was set up good. That was the main reason that I worked and pushed myself so hard.

  “I’m sure I will. You need anything before I go make the rest of my rounds?”

  “A induction date,” she shot back with a smile on her face.

  “The doctor still hasn’t given you one?” I was shocked. She had been here for a month and the doctor still hadn’t given her a date.

  “Nope, he wants to try and keep them in as long as he can. I understand that, but I’m ready for them to get out of me right now,” she laughed.

  “The longer they bake the better off they’ll be,” I reminded her. “It’ll all be worth it.” I smiled.

  “See, I like you. Those other nurses are so damn rude. Never want to speak and always talking like I’m getting on their nerves.”

  “Between me and you… I don’t like they asses either. I do what I have to do so I could go home with a job at the end of the shift.” I laughed.

  “That’s all you can do. Thanks again, Liberty.”

  “No problem,” I smiled and grabbed the iPad with her information on it and went to the Nurse’s station to fill in her dosage of her medicine and what time I had administered it.

  I popped open another coke and grabbed the half-eaten bag of Cheetos next to the computer. Tossing a few into my mouth, I guzzled down the soda as I filled in the chart. The Percocet’s I had taken were doing their job and everything was starting to feel real good. I had two hours left of my shift and I knew the time was going to breeze by with the way I was feeling.

  “When did you get back?” I heard one of the nurses ask. When it came to the nurses on this floor, I ignored the shit out of them.

  They were all cliqued up and acted like this was high school instead of a damn job. These bitches seemed to think that I got paid to like or hang out with them. I was here to collect my money and go the fuck home. They all didn’t like me, and it was like pulling teeth when they had to ask me to brief them on a patient before clocking in. I always made sure to brief them while I was stuffing my face so I could make it hard for them to understand me.

  “Girl, I needed to take a break. Me and my girls went to Cabo for two weeks and had a ball,” I heard Chanel’s annoying ass voice.

  I hadn’t worked with her because we worked different shifts. She was usually clocking out when I was coming on shift. I preferred it that way. Since I worked a double from last night, I was going to have to work these couple of hours with her. Rolling my eyes, I continued to put in the patient information and then got up to leave the nurse’s station to go tend to my other patients.

  “Liberty, can we talk for a second?” she asked.

  Turning around slowly, I sighed. What the fuck did we have to speak about? Last we spoke was when Staten was being rushed to surgery and she acted like she didn’t even want me there. Then, at the funeral she acted as if she was disgusted that I showed up. Chanel had made it clear that she didn’t like me hanging around Staten, so I made it my business to keep my distance from her. That was Staten’s place to tell her what it was between us, not mine. Their friendship was too close, and I had told him
that, so this was up to him to fix and let her know what it was.

  “I guess.” I shrugged and followed her over to the staff’s lounge. On the walk over, I prayed that she wasn’t on no bullshit. After I was moved up to this floor, I’m sure the next time I was involved in some shit, I would be walking out the hospital without a damn job.

  “So, yeah… I know you and Staten are…” she allowed her voice to trail off. “Together or whatever,” she practically choked on the words.

  “Yeah,” was all I replied.

  “Well, he knows how I feel about this situation and how I don’t think you’re the right person for him,” she carried on as I screwed my face up at her.

  “This is coming from Chanel who lets hood niggas fuck all up on her so she could become wifey and never does? Who the fuck are you to tell him that I’m no good for him?” I had to admit, Staten was way too good for me.

  He had his faults and flaws, yet under all of that was a good man. A good man that I was afraid that I was going to ruin or runaway. I agreed with Chanel, but I wasn’t going to sit here and allow her ass to say that shit to me. Especially, not from someone that had more niggas inside of her than Rikers Island.

  “Um what? Who I’m fucking isn’t your business. Me and Staten are best friends and I care about him more than you know.”

  “You care now but didn’t care when you was running around thinking you were going to be Carmine’s wifey. Oh, that was until you found out that he had an actual wife. Chanel, what me and Staten do is our business. I’m not questioning him about who you’re fucking, so don’t question him about our relationship. Period.” I turned and walked to the door.

  “With me carrying his child, I have a say about who he chooses to bring around my child,” she blurted.

  I turned around and stared at her. She had lifted her scrub’s top and sure enough she had a tiny pudge. Chanel was tiny, so I knew she was pregnant. That shit hit me like a damn punch from Mayweather.

  “Stop fronting. Staten would have told me.”

  “Well, I guess he lied to you. He wanted this baby too. This wasn’t a drunk night, we were trying to have this baby.” She rubbed more salt into the wound.

  Staten hadn’t mentioned Chanel being pregnant to me. All he was worried about was all my skeletons in my closet. Here his ass was hiding one and didn’t bother to fucking tell me about it. Chanel was annoying as his friend, but with her being his baby mama that shit was about to be ten times worse. Staten let Chanel have her way and treated her like a princess as his friend. Would he be so quick to get rid of me because she said so? Would she make him choose between me and his child?

  “Congratulations,” I smiled. As hurt as I was feeling I wasn’t going to allow her to get a rise out of me. She wanted one, nah she craved for me to get mad and storm out of the room.

  “You think he’s going to stick around with your shit? C’mon, you’re a fucking coke head and loner. Niggas don’t even fuck you because you’re ten minutes from becoming a crackhead. Staten will see past all you’ve been clouding his vision with and leave.”

  Her words hurt more than she knew. I wanted to collapse with each hurtful word that came out of her mouth. Still, I held my ground and walked out the lounge. I think what hurt the most was the fact that what she said was true. Niggas wanted me, but not after they found out that I did coke. Zeek was the only one that paid me some attention. That didn’t mean I didn’t get dick because, I got lots of it. They just didn’t see me as the wifey type, soon as we were done fucking. Staten was different. He saw past the hurt woman and saw my potential. I headed by the supervisor’s office on this floor and picked up another shift. When people were sad, they wanted to climb in bed and deal with life another day. Whenever I was sad, I would pick up extra shifts at work. Being at work made me feel like I was needed for something in this cruel ass world. When I finished in the supervisor’s office, I saw Chanel smirking and rubbing her stomach. As much as she made me want to leave and go home to get high, I pulled up my big girl panties, dipped down the hall to pop another pill and got back to work. No bitch or nigga was about to fuck up my money, and I meant that.

  It was midnight when I made it home. When I clocked out, I sat in the cafeteria with my laptop watching YouTube videos. Whenever I was going through something, it was the only thing that could cheer me up. Being surrounded by some people, although strangers, felt better than going home and sitting there alone. I locked my Jeep’s doors and headed into my building. After working and then sitting in the cafeteria, I was tired as fuck. My phone had been turned off because I didn’t want to be bothered by Staten’s constant text messages about my whereabouts. Turning the key in my lock, I opened the door and saw rose petals on the floor. I knew it had to be Staten. He was the only person who had a key. Last week, he had to come by my job to grab my spare key that I kept in my car, because he left his wallet at my condo.

  I walked further into my condo and found Staten asleep on the couch. There was a bouquet of roses, candles lit and food set on the dining table. I smiled because no one had ever done something like this for me. The thought of him lying to me had faded and I had felt special. He jumped up when he heard my keys hit the small table by the entry way. Wiping his eyes, his face brightened up once he laid his eyes on me. I really made this man happy.

  “Damn, where you been? I’ve been hitting your jack all day,” he cleared his raspy voice. I walked over to him and sat down.

  “Working,” I replied as I took in the sight before me. My heart felt all warm and tingly because Staten had taken time out of his day to do something that would make me feel special.

  “All day?”

  “I got off around six and sat in the cafeteria for a few hours,” I admitted.

  “Your sister called me all worried about you,” he informed me.

  I hadn’t spoken to Free or Justice since I left the restaurant. We all needed to sit down and talk, but I wasn’t focused on them right now. Free always felt like she was the mother of the group and could tell each of us how we should live. For once, I didn’t want to hear what she thought I better do. My life was my own. I didn’t need her or anybody judging me for the decisions that I’ve made. I lived with them every day so hearing them talk about it made me want to block them out instead of embracing their advice.

  “It was one of those days where I didn’t want to be bothered,” my voice cracked. I was feeling emotional for some reason. “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Anything.” He turned and gazed into my eyes. “Why you sound like that?” he wondered out loud.

  “Do I mean anything to you? This is all nice, but will I have to worry about you choosing Chanel over me?” It was something I worried about often. Chanel had the power to end Staten’s relationships, even before she became pregnant. I didn’t want to be someone tossed to the side the moment she decided it was time for him to get rid of me.

  “Why you ask that? You think I would do this for anybody?” he questioned.

  I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know. Did you ever do this for Chanel?”

  “You serious? I told you we’re just friends,” he tried to convince me again. I gave him a chance to be honest and he lied to my face instead of telling me the truth.

  “So, there’s nothing between the two of you?”

  “Yo, what the fuck have you heard. Me and Chanel are friends. Nothing more.” Strike two. I had all the evidence to bust him, create a loud scene and argue about how much of a liar he was, but I wasn’t in the mood for all of that.

  I left him sitting on the couch and went into the bedroom. A slight smile spread across my face when I saw the bed had been decorated as well. He came behind me and kissed me on the neck before pulling down my coat. I allowed him to drop my coat to the floor and turn me to face him. I stared up into his eyes as he looked down into mine. Staten lifted my arms and I allowed him to pull my scrub top over my head, exposing the tight black cami that my breast spilled out of. I knew I should ha
ve bought a new one and it wasn’t like I couldn’t afford it, but this was my favorite one. Every woman had a piece of clothing that they knew should have been tossed years ago yet kept it and cherished it like it was gold. For me, it was my cami.

  Placing soft kisses on my collar bone and then neck, my body froze at his touch. His touch made my heart quicken, breath become shallow, and body become putty. It was like my body was his body whenever he touched me. He pulled my cami off my body, unbuttoned my bra and allowed my breast to be free. Standing there, he tucked the bottom of his lip between his teeth and took me in with his eyes. I didn’t feel weird, awkward or any of those things. It felt freeing. He stared at me like I was a piece of priceless art that he wanted hanging in his house for years to come. Once he finished admiring me, he pulled my scrub pants down and pushed me on the bed. I laid back as he unlaced my sneakers and pulled my pants all the way off. I felt him open my legs and replace his fingers with his tongue. I arched my back feeling his cool and moist tongue invade my inside. He held my legs opened and flicked his tongue across my pearl a few times fast. A small moan escaped my lips as I held onto his head and gyrated my pussy into his face. Sex with men these days consisted of a wham, bam, thank you sir. There was no passion, feelings and certainly no head. If there was head involved, they usually wanted me to give it to them. The way he held me down and sucked the life out of my pussy told me everything I needed to know. It told me that this wasn’t something he was doing to past time. That, he wanted our relationship and wanted things to work. Could I fault him for his lies about he and Chanel’s baby? Yeah, but I hadn’t been honest with him either. While he thought I was trying to get clean, I had found another addiction to get me through not having coke.

  He did one big slurp that sent shutters through my body. I think my soul shuttered too with how he slurped all my juices. Leaning up, I watched as he unbuckled his jeans and they dropped to the floor. His dick sprang free from the polo briefs that he wore. My mouth watered at the smooth dark mushroom tip that he had given me the privilege of viewing. He opened my legs and lowered himself on the bed, I laid there as he stared down into my eyes as he pushed himself inside of me. Like a dress you’ve been starving yourself to fit, he fit perfectly. I moaned as I wrapped my legs around his waist. His hand pushed into the bed above my head as he moved his hips and pushed and pulled himself out of me. My arms found their way around his neck as he continued to stared down at me as he finally found his groove and went harder. I enjoyed rough sex, so I unwrapped my legs from around him and opened them wider, matching his thrust.