by Jahquel J
I heard the front door open and saw Justice walk in. She had a smile on her face as she put her purse and keys down. Seeing her wear a smile made my heart jump the fuck around in my chest. A smile was all I wanted to see on her face. She had been through enough pain that all she deserved to wear was a smile. Her tutoring center was in the process of opening up. She had just finished her business plan and was now figuring out the next part of the process. Seeing her following her dreams made me proud of her. She was using the money I gave her to turn this into something that she could be proud of and help children in the same breath.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” she asked as she came and bent down to kiss me on the lips. “I dropped the girls at the nail salon. She’s so excited to be turning sixteen,” she was bursting with energy while telling me what was going on with the girls.
Love and Kiss’ birthdays were a few days apart. Sandy’s original due date was on Kiss’s birthday. As stubborn as Love was, she decided that she needed her own day. I tried to reach out to Kiss on her birthday and didn’t hear shit back from her. My baby girl turned eighteen and I couldn’t even speak to her to celebrate with her. As much as it hurt me, I was grateful that I had Love who I could celebrate with. She didn’t want a big party. All she wanted was to go see Lion King on Broadway with Kiki and her friends and stay in a hotel in the city with the girls. The girls never asked for much, so I made it work. Me and Justice were staying in the same hotel on the same floor so the girls could have privacy and do them.
“What’s this, Justice?” Her face told me everything that I needed to know. “You were trying to hide this from me? Why?”
“Getting pregnant is never the problem, it’s keeping the baby. I’ve already let one man down with not being able to carry my baby to term, and I didn’t want to let you down too. We had sex during the time where I was healing and very fertile after my miscarriage.”
“How many times do I have to say that I’m not that other nigga, Justice? I don’t give a fuck about none of the shit you over here trying to tell me. How long have you known?”
“A few days. Wait, why were you in my room? I thought moving in I would have privacy.”
“I was putting roses on your bed and went to piss real quick and found the shit in your bathroom. You have all the privacy you need, but it becomes a problem when you’re hiding shit that has to do with me.”
“Why get our hopes up? I’ll be miscarrying by next week,” her voice cracked as she spoke. I stood up and hugged her. “Stop fucking thinking like that.”
“It’s true. I’m so tired of being in this situation, Ro. Do you know how mentally fucked up I am because I keep miscarrying my babies? It makes me feel like less than a woman. Like, I can’t do the one thing that we’re put on this earth to do; procreate.”
I wiped her tears and kissed her on the lips. “Maybe back in the day that’s all women were expected to do, but you have so much more to offer this world than kids. God forbid you miscarry, I swear on Sandy I would never look at you different. In my eyes, you’re the strongest woman besides Sandy that I’ve met.”
“I believe it when you say it,” she admitted.
“Good, because I’m speaking the truth. Anything I say to you is the truth. Not every time it’s going to be something that you want to hear, but trust I’m always going to keep it real with you.” I held her chin and forced her to look into my eyes. “I love you and this baby. We’ll get through this and you will have this baby,” I kneeled down and spoke to her stomach.
“What are you doing?” she giggled as she sniffled.
“Speaking life into your womb. You’re going to have my baby. I don’t want to hear anything other than what gender you want and the color of the nursery you want… you hear me? You gotta start speaking life into situations, ma.”
“How are you so positive when you have all of this madness going on in your life?” she hugged me as I stood back up.
“If I decided to walk around negative, what would that do? Shit is hard right now, but it will get better. I’m claiming it.” She smiled at me and kissed me. “Now that we handled this, I need to go meet up with Reese… ight?”
“Ight,” she mocked, and I kissed her.
“We’ll talk about this more tonight. I’m not done talking about this, okay?”
“Neither am I,” she replied, and I grabbed my car keys and headed out the door. Justice had been driving around in my other whip since hers was repossessed. It didn’t make sense for me to buy her a new whip when I had another one she could use when I was using one.
I hopped in the whip and headed over to this West Indian spot where Reese was meeting me. I kept ignoring that nigga and I finally answered his call and decided to go meet with him. He said he had to talk to me about something important. I still couldn’t believe that Justice was pregnant. I was excited, but then my excitement calmed down the minute I thought about Marisol. If Marisol knew about Justice being pregnant, she would make shit ten times harder. We were in a good place finally and I didn’t want to go back to her acting all fucking petty over Justice. She had finally agreed to get the DNA test. She was finally further along, so she could get it done, so I was happy about that. Her appointment was in a few days and I had made sure to tell the doctor that I wanted the results to come as soon as possible.
It didn’t take any time for me to make it to meet up with Reese. I killed my engine and hopped out. Reese was sitting at the bar nursing a drink. I dapped him up and sat down. “What’s good?”
“Ain’t shit… want a drink?” he asked.
I nodded and he signaled for the bartender to make me the same drink that he was nursing. “You good?”
“Yeah, the streets been crazy as fuck. Money ain’t moving and we hungry out here.”
“Yeah, especially since your money dried up with Zeek.”
“Nah, you know it ain’t like that. I collect my bread and keep watch over shit and report back to Ghost… that’s it. Zeek was ight and shit, but Ghost is like family, but I don’t have time to be caught up in their mess. Hella people have lost their lives over this war with them. I’m good.,” he explained. Not many people could be Switzerland in the situation that was going on. I think the only reason Ghost allowed it was because he had known Reese since he was younger.
“I hear you.” I accepted the drink from the bartender. “Why you dragged me here? What’s good?”
I watched as he took a drink from his cup. “Kiss has been staying with me.”
“Nigga and you just now telling me that? How the fuck is she? She good?” I questioned. Kiss was good at hiding. I had everyone looking out for her, but nobody had heard anything from her. It was like she fucking vanished into thin air.
“Chill. She was staying at the woman’s shelter over near the ferry. I ran into her and the baby and told her to come stay by me. Word to my mother, you know I would never do anything to Kiss… it ain’t even like that,” he noticed my facial expression.
“Nigga don’t front. You fucked my niece?”
“Nah Priest… chill. She in a fucked-up situation and I wanted to help. She begged me not to tell you, but she’s struggling and needs you.”
I pulled my wallet out and counted money out to hand to him. “How much she need and when can I come to your crib to see her?”
“She don’t need the money. I got her and the baby mad shit that they needed. It ain’t about the money, I could tell she needs you. Shit went left and you bodied her baby father, I see that. But, y’all family and she shouldn’t be out here without you. She can stay with me for however long she needs to, but I know that’s not gonna help the fact that she needs you, her uncle.”
I was listening to everything that he was saying. Kiss and her sisters were my entire world. I would move hell and highwater to make sure that they had any and everything they needed. Although my nephew wasn’t a part of the plan, I would do the same for him too. It fucked me up that I hadn’t met my nephew and he had been in this world f
or a little while now. I wanted to make shit right with Kiss. It didn’t matter who was right or wrong, I just wanted to make all of this right. Kiss could do what she wanted, I just wanted to lay down and get some sleep without her being on my mind and worried about if she was good or not. I walked around with what felt like a boulder on my chest because me and my niece hadn’t come face to face in some time. I wanted to make this shit work.
“Where you stay at? I want to go by and see her.”
“I stay over in Grymes Hill,” he finished the rest of his drink. “I’ll text you the address now. I’m actually on my way to the airport but wanted to make sure I told you that.”
“Fuck you going?”
“Nigga, all y’all dysfunction got me missing my own family,” he chuckled. “Nah, my cousin is graduating from business school and I need to be there.”
“Word?”
“Yeah. It’s the reason I hustle to make sure my family good, man. Make that shit right with her. She needs you.” He dapped me and left a tip on the bar.
“Look at me being schooled by a little nigga,” I laughed.
“You know, old head… I’m not gonna be too many young niggas,” he smirked and then headed out the restaurant.
I sat there for a second and finished my drink. Like promised, his number popped up with the address to his place. I closed out the tab and then jumped in my whip. Now, I could have sat on this information and then popped up, but I needed to see Kiss right now. I just needed to lay eyes on my niece. Even if she didn’t want to come home, I wanted to see her and my nephew. It didn’t take me long to make it to Reese’s crib. He lived in a nice two-family house, with his house being the left side. I appreciated him for taking her in and making sure she was straight. He didn’t do it for the money, he did it because he knew how much she meant to me. Killing the engine, I took a deep breath before I got out of the car. I walked up the three steps and pressed the doorbell while I stood there.
It took a minute for her to come to the door, but when she did, I knew she was stressed. She had dark circles under her eyes, the baby was crying, and she had spit up all over her clothes. When her eyes connected with mine, tears fell from her cheeks. She stood behind the screen door bouncing the wailing baby.
“Kiss,” I broke our silence.
“Ro, please no… I can’t do this right now,” she pleaded. The tears streamed down her face as I opened up the screen door.
She took a step back and I entered the house. For a young nigga, Reese had some taste. The way his crib was decorated made me feel like I was at some upscale ass hotel. “You’ve avoided me for long enough. Kiss, we need to talk.”
“Who told you I was here?”
“You know who. Don’t be mad him, he just wants us to fix things.”
“Fix things? How? It hurts having to raise him alone, Ro. Every time I look at him it hurts that his father is dead. Let’s add his aunt and uncle to that too. You damn near wiped that family clean for just Summer.”
“I did what I had to do, Kiss. Did I know that Zoe was your baby’s father? Nah. Would I have did things different? Yeah. Instead of me killing him I would have had Ghost or Staten do it, but the end result would have been the same. Zoe was going to get killed.”
She gently placed the little boy that resembled so much of his father down. “How can we move on from this? My son is supposed to love you and you killed his dad… how, Ro?”
“As a mother, you’re going to learn how important it is to lie to your child, just to protect them. It hurts to have to lie, but you’re protecting them. Your son doesn’t need to know what happened to his father. Kiss, if Zoe as alive, he wouldn’t have been much of a father no way. If we didn’t get him somebody else would have.”
When the girls were younger, I used to lie to them about their father. They would always be excited and ready to see him. Sandy didn’t want him to have anything to do with them and I respected her wishes. I lied about things because I wanted to protect their feelings. Their father wasn’t shit and I knew that. Yet, they were still young, and I didn’t want to place that burden on them so young. As they got older, they figured out the truth. Kiss’ son would never have to figure out the truth because who was going to tell him? This was a secret that she would have to take to her grave. Zoe lived a fast life and because of it, it ended his life. There wasn’t anything that Kiss could do. The only thing that she could do was pray that she had been fortunate enough not to ever get riddled with bullets just off association with him. If Shakira’s ass was smart, she would be alive today. Instead, she wanted to put off her responsibility as a mother and run and be with Zeek, the same nigga that ordered the hit that ended up killing her daughter.
“I’m just so overwhelmed, Ro. I swear I don’t know if I’m coming or going. Reese helps a lot, but he shouldn’t have to. This isn’t his baby or responsibility,” she sobbed.
I walked over and hugged her. All of her tension in her body faded as I hugged her hard. I never wanted this life for her. When it came to Kiss, I had big plans for her. I wanted her to go to college, experience life and be carefree. I never wanted her to be a teenage mother and the baby mama of an dead drug dealer. Yeah, I pushed her, but it was because I wanted all my nieces to have the best. This life wasn’t for them. They deserved to live life free and no worries of the streets. Kiss had gotten a taste of the street life and I didn’t think she would ever be the same.
“You wanted to know how we can move on, right?”
She nodded her head and looked up at me. “We can move on by forgiving each other. I was wrong for things and you were too. Our focus should be on you and your son. I want you back home, back in school and getting your life in order. You were supposed to graduate and now look. Kiss, you know I’d kill any and everything for you because you mean that much to me. However, you can’t keep living like this. Your sisters miss you and follow your every move. Do you want Love to be doing this at seventeen?”
“Her birthday is tomorrow,” she sniffled.
“It is. I wanted to be there for your birthday,” I wiped the tears from her face. “You turned eighteen, Kiss. You don’t think I wanted to spend your day with you?”
“I’m sorry, Ro. What Justice said was true. I’m ungrateful and I’m a brat. You’ve done everything for me and all I’ve done is complain. I’m so sorry about everything,” she continued to sob.
“None of that shit matters right now. It’s about what we’re going to change. How we’re going to move past this, that matters. I want you to come home.”
She nodded her head. “I’ll come home.” I kissed her on the forehead, and we hugged. I had never hugged someone so hard in my life. None of what had happened mattered in this moment. All that mattered was that Kiss was coming home and I could finally get a good night’s rest for the first time in a while.
I felt like I was the king of the world with all my girls under one roof. Kiss and Zamari came home that next day. I sat and helped her gather the things that Reese had gotten for her and the baby. Love and Kiki were so happy to have Kiss back in the house. Zamari had stolen the show. I used to be the man of the house, but little man ran the show with all the ladies. Justice decided to move downstairs into my bedroom so Kiss could have the guest room for she and Zamari. It was bigger than her other room. We all decided that down the line we would turn Kiss’ old room into Zamari’s room. Right now, he was in her new bedroom. A nigga couldn’t even turn over and try and rub on Justice without him laying up on her chest. Kiss was doing home school and was able to stay on track to graduate with the next class of seniors who graduated in June. Everything was going good and I thanked God for it. My house felt complete with Kiss being home. I enrolled her into some therapy sessions because as much as I hated Zoe, I couldn’t ignore the fact that seeing me shoot and kill him would fuck her up mentally.
“Why you sitting here smiling?” Justice asked, as she came into the room holding Zamari. Man, I wanted Justice to have my baby so bad. I prayed d
aily that she carried our baby to term.
Seeing how she stepped up and helped with Zamari told me that she was going to be a good ass mother. “I can’t smile? Dang.” I laughed.
“I’m just saying. You sitting here with one shoe on and the other in your hand smiling like a lunatic.”
“Give me little man and leave me alone,” I tossed a pillow at her. She gently handed me my great-nephew. I kissed his little face as he yawned.
“He just ate so be careful,” she warned.
“I’m good. I’m bout to be a poppa soon, I gotta get my practice on,” I shooed her away and continued to kick it with my nephew.
“Whatever.” She giggled and sat down on the couch in the room. “I went to see Myla today,” she told me.
“Word? She’s been real quiet since everything went down.”
“She’s pregnant,” I turned around so quick I damn near dropped the baby. “I’m kidding!” she busted out laughing. “You should have seen your face, babe,” she continued to laugh.
“Yo, that shit not even funny. What the fuck happened at y’all little meeting?” Justice was still over there laughing. “You know what, fuck you!” I laughed with her.
“I’m sorry, I just really wanted to do that.” She calmed down and got her breathing right. “I wanted to see where her head was at. I decided to talk to Free about it. She’s our cousin and family is important.”
“I mean, I get that, but Myla fucked up the moment she didn’t tell Free Zoe’s ass was getting porked in the ass,” I cringed even saying the shit.
“True, but we’ve all been blinded by the dick a time or two. Free’s not perfect and none of the things she’s done isn’t either. So, she can’t sit there and act like she is. Myla fucked up, but she wants to make it right with her cousin.”
“Y’all need to figure that shit out. With Liberty coming home soon, she don’t need to come right into drama… feel me?”
“I agree. We all need to sit down and figure this all out,” she sighed. “Anyway, give me baby boy and you finish getting ready. How do you feel?” she questioned.
