by Jahquel J
I was heading over to Marisol’s crib to get the results of the DNA test. The doctor’s office didn’t give information over the phone and Marisol wanted us to open them together. She was so hell bent on proving that she wasn’t fucking a bunch of niggas and that I was the father. All I wanted to know was the results and we could figure out how we both could move forward with co-parenting our child.
“I’m cool. I know if the baby is mine that I’ll take care of it, and if it’s not mine, I still got our baby,” I smiled at her.
She gave me a nervous laugh. “Well, no matter how it goes, you and Marisol need to have a better understanding of what’s expected from her. If she is your child’s mother, me and her don’t need to have any beef. We can all co-exist.”
“I agree with you.”
“I’m glad you do. I need to go put baby boy in the cradle, make sure Kiss is doing that English test she has and prepare dinner.”
“Did I ever tell you how much I love you?”
“Every single day,” she came over and kissed me on the lips. “I love you too. Now, go so you can come home and tell me what happened.”
I watched as she switched out the room and then finished getting dressed. Before I left the crib, I sent Marisol a text and told her that I was on the way. I kissed Justice on my way out and then headed over to Marisol’s new place. She and the boys had moved to an apartment in South Beach, not too far from where Justice used to live. While Ghost was still at the house, she still worked there. When he moved, she knew she needed to find another job. If her ass was smart, she would have been packing and going right with him. Marisol had been slipping with a lot of shit lately and Ghost was tired of it. Free was over her excuses and wanted her fired, but G said he felt bad because she was pregnant and had to provide for her sons. Ghost was a man with a good heart. With the shit that he’s seen and done, you didn’t find niggas with good hearts anymore. Everyone always wanted something in return in order for them to be a good person. With G, that shit was automatic.
Pulling up to the building, I killed the engine and made my way inside. Walking up the four flights, I gently tapped on her door. I heard feet scurry and then the door opened. Marisol opened the door and offered me a warm smile.
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t dressed,” she held her robe closed.
This was the shit that pissed me off. She knew like I knew that I was coming over here. I even went the extra mile to let her know that I was on my way. Her breasts were spilling out the robe as she did a terrible attempt at trying to hold the shit closed. Walking into the living room, I noticed she was in the middle of unpacking everything.
“You good. Where’s the boys?”
“With my mom. She took them to get some ice cream so I could get some unpacking done. With them running around I’d never get anything finished.”
“And you were unpacking naked?”
“No, stupid.” She did this flirty laugh. “I took a break and took a sh… none of that matters,” she cut herself short. “You want to know the results. I’ll go get them… sit down. Want something to drink?”
“Nah, I’m good,” I called out as she grabbed the paper off the kitchen counter. “This place is nice. You sure you can afford it with G moving?”
“I needed something bigger. Plus, I have some savings and with us having a baby I’m sure me and you can work out some child support, so we don’t have to do the whole court thing,” she sat on the couch beside me.
This apartment was not on the beach, but a few blocks from it. Off her balcony you could see the ocean through the trees. Staten Island was expensive, especially the property over here. She must have thought I was about to be handing her money like crazy.
“Why did you need something bigger? I’m just trying to understand.”
“With the baby coming I’m going to have a lot of things coming.” She smacked her lips. “Oh, and about the shower. I’m thinking we should do co-ed so you can invite your friends too.”
I took the paper out of her hand because she was getting ahead of herself with all of this. How did we got from apartments to fucking baby showers? “We need to open this. That’s why I came over here, not to discuss baby showers.”
She placed her hand on top of mine. “I know in my heart that this baby is yours. You know that I love you and want the best for us. We’re not together, but I want our friendship back.”
“There’s no way we can have a friendship again, Marisol. I fucked you. Any type of relationship that I have with you is for the sake of our child.” How did she think we would be best friends? I fucked her over a million ways. As cool as Justice was with the situation, I wasn’t about to push things by telling her that me and Marisol were friends. You couldn’t be friends with someone you fucked. Especially, since Marisol kept telling me how much she loved me and shit. We couldn’t be anything, especially not friends and Marisol knew that.
“Because your girlfriend says so? Ro, you used to have a brain before you got with this girl,” she accused, and I sighed.
“Marisol, I didn’t fucking come here for this!” I raised my voice and started to open the envelope. She was so worried about a woman that wasn’t worried about her ass. Imagine living your life bothered by someone who wasn’t worried about you. Marisol wasn’t even a thought in Justice’s mind.
“Open the stupid test then. I already know what it says because like I said, I haven’t been fucking around with anyone.” She got up from the couch and went into the kitchen.
I pulled the letter out of the envelope and read over it quickly and smiled to myself. “Yeah, keep lying to yourself.” I laughed and stood up.
Marisol’s baby wasn’t mine and I thanked my lucky stars. If I would have to co-parent with her, my life would have been hell. It made sense why her other baby daddies were never around. I was happy as fuck right about now.
“What are you talking about?” she came over to me and snatched the paper from me. She read over it before she busted out in tears. “This can’t be right. I know you’re the father of my damn baby,” she was in denial about what she had read on the paper.
“Stop flexing. You were fucking other niggas while fucking me. It’s fine, we weren’t together, Marisol. On the real, I wish you the best, but don’t fucking call me again. You revealed your true colors to me, and I can’t fuck with someone like you,” I told her.
“I wanted it to be yours so bad,” she sobbed. “The way you take care of the girls, I wanted that for my own baby.”
Part of me felt bad, but then another part of me felt like I needed to leave. Marisol knew what she was doing, and she probably knew that this test wasn’t going to come back as that baby being mine. “Marisol, I want the best for you, but what we had is over with. It’s a wrap, ma. Be there for your kids now,” I told her and touched the doorknob. She was crying so hard that I wanted to go back to console her, but after the way she tried to do me, I knew that what we had was done. I was starting something new with Justice, and Marisol couldn’t be a part of that.
11
Justice
“Justice? Is that you?” I heard a familiar older woman’s voice. Putting the kiwis I had picked up in my basket, I turned around and saw Todd’s mother. She was holding a jar of peanut butter and bananas with one hand.
“How are you, Maggie?” I replied.
After I had kicked Todd’s ass out of our apartment, I didn’t bother to keep any lines of communication open with him or his family. I changed my number, moved out and didn’t want anything to do with that devil of a man. Seeing Maggie, I knew that her son was causing stress on her. She was an older woman, but you could see the bags under her eyes. I understood her pain. Taking care of Todd wasn’t easy. Especially when he was a rude asshole who felt like everything should go his way.
“Todd is here too,” she informed me. “He went to get a basket for me,” she added. Why the fuck would I care about him being there? This man beat my ass and gave me emotional scars that I was still tr
ying to get over to this day. Why would I care about ever seeing him again?
“Nice. It was nice see—”
“Justice?” I was tired of all of them saying my name like a question. They knew it was me, so why say my name like they weren’t sure? “H... how are you?” he stammered.
His mother was smiling like she was going to play matchmaker and make us be together again. “Give me that basket. You two catch up,” she smiled and scurried off.
I took in his presence. He was no longer in a wheel chair and was now walking. I assumed he had a prosthetic leg or something. His hair was cut, and he actually looked like a nigga that could add something to your life. Except, he wasn’t. He was a man that would take everything you had and leave you depleted and begging anyone for a handout.
“You know I think about you every day, right?” he tried to reach out to me, and I moved back. “Jus, don’t be like that. I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done to you. My mother always tells me that you’re the one that got away.”
“Yeah, I got away clawing and fighting for my fucking life,” I replied. “Don’t think about me because what we had is over with.”
“Jus, I never gave up on you like you did us… I always fought for what we had,” he had the nerve to say with a straight face.
I looked around the market to see if maybe I was tripping and there were cameras around. This had to be a damn prank or something because how did I give up on him? “How did I give up on you? I lost myself being with you Todd. I sacrificed my own happiness for you. You changed from the man I met and fell in love with and turned into this monster I couldn’t recognize. Even then, I still loved you with my all, never switching up on you. You put your hands on me.” I got choked up. “You put your hands on me and I still loved yo ass. Nigga, I tried to hold onto what we had for as long as I could, but you broke me. You broke me down until I saw myself as nothing. Do you know what I face every day trying to rebuild myself to the woman that I used to be? So, before you fix your mouth to ask why I gave up, ask yourself why you didn’t stay the man you portrayed yourself to be.”
“Jus—”
“Save your shit. Don’t think about me, talk about me or any of that. I don’t want my name being spoken on by someone with a poisonous tongue.” I continued to the check-out line with the kiwis. I had planned to grab some food to cook, but I didn’t want to be anywhere around Todd. The girls would be satisfied with some take-out from somewhere.
When I got to the car, I took a few deep breaths and tried to compose myself. I didn’t think I would run into Todd today and I wasn’t prepared. All of the shit I went through with him came resurfacing and I wanted to forget everything that I went through with him. I was finally happy. Me and Priest were in an amazing relationship together and I knew we would last. The way he treated me with so much respect was different. Although I was living in his home with his nieces, he allowed me to have a say in things. They felt like my family and not just his. He told me every day that he loved me and was lucky to have me. I had never been a woman that experienced that with a man before. A man who could have any woman he wanted but wanted just me. I could go on and on about that man, but there would never be enough time to speak all the things he did to my soul.
He knew I was scared about the pregnancy and made sure to pray with me every morning and night. I kept trying to prepare myself for what I knew would happen. Being a mother wasn’t in the cards for me, and it was something I had forced myself to believe. I would never be able to be someone’s mother and it was something I tried to make peace about. With Priest, I felt like this time I might have an actual chance to have this baby. When we went to my doctor, she told me to take it easy. Usually, I would be ripping and running around, but this time I was taking it easy. I eliminated the stress and was taking one day at a time. Priest taught me faith. I had to have faith that I would bring a healthy baby into this world. I was relieved that Priest wasn’t the father of Marisol’s baby.
Marisol caused so much trouble that I knew that she would be a handful if she had his baby. I had no issues with the woman, and she took every chance she could to make small digs at me. I was hurt when I first found out because I was still nursing my own wounds. It took for me to take some time and realize that I was being selfish about the situation. Priest and I weren’t together, and he had always been open about he and Marisol’s relationship. The baby wasn’t the issue. It was Marisol that was going to become the problem in the situation. She was in love with Priest and wanted him to herself. In the end, I was so happy that we didn’t have to deal with her. Even with the foul shit she has said about me, I still wished her and her pregnancy well. She just couldn’t have my damn man.
I let myself into Ghost’s house and found the girls in the living room going over their cheer routine. The twins were watching and judging while Rain was trying to copy their moves. Kiss was at the counter with Zamari while Free cooked. I was glad she was cooking because after running into Todd today, I wasn’t in the mood to deal with anything that had to do with food. I quickly washed my hands and grabbed Zamari. While Kiss continued to study, I smothered him with a million kisses. With Kiss being back home, I could see the shift in Priest’s attitude. As much as he tried to play hard ball with her, it hurt the hell out of him to throw her out on her ass. I do think that because he made that move, Kiss knew not to fuck with her uncle. Since she had been home, it had been about school, Zamari, therapy and I allowed her to go on dates with Reese. She was still young and needed time out away from her son. Kiss was a damn good mother, so I felt that a break from her son was something well needed.
“My stomach hurts, ugh,” Free informed me as she tasted her spaghetti. “Mama in the theater watching damn real housewives,” she laughed.
“Dang, everybody over here, huh?”
“Yeah. She’s mad that we’re moving.”
“I’m mad that you’re moving too,” I reminded her. “You know I’m going to miss you. I feel like I just got you back and you’re leaving again,” I sighed.
We all had just got used to having Free and the twins around again and now she was leaving again. As much as I didn’t want her to go, I knew that her heart was now in Georgia. She came home and tried to make it work and it didn’t. I do think that God forced her to come to Staten Island so she and Ghost could reconnect again. I always believed that if you were meant to be, then you would always be. Those two were meant to be.
“We’ll be up to visit a lot. I tried, but too much has happened and I’m ready to go back to quiet Georgia.”
“Me, the girls and fatty cakes will be down there to visit you guys.” I kissed Zamari and rubbed Kiss’ shoulder.
“We’ll have the space for it all.”
Can we talk? I just really want to talk. I feel like I’m about to do something stupid. Myla sent me a text message.
I showed Free the text message and she shook her head. “She’s just doing that shit for attention.”
“And if she’s not? If we find our cousin dead?”
Free debated silently before she pursed her lips. “Come on.” She turned the pot of sauce off. “Check on the noodles while I’m gone, Kiss.”
Kiss nodded and took the baby from me. Heading to your house now... you home? I replied back to her message as me and Free got into the car.
“She better not be doing this shit for attention. I really don’t have the time or energy to deal with Myla today.”
“Better to be safe than sorry. No matter what happened, she’s still family, Free.”
“Uh huh,” she rolled her eyes and folded her arms.
When we arrived at Myla’s condo, I knocked hard and she opened the door. Her face was pale, and her hair had seen better days. “What’s going on?” I questioned as I looked around the apartment.
A pill bottle was sitting on her kitchen counter and I thanked God that I had decided to come. Myla had overdosed on pills while living with my aunt Betty when she was a teenager. As much as she l
oves attention, this wasn’t her seeking attention. She would have taken the bottle of pills without hesitation.
“So, you want to kill yourself stupid? For what? For a nigga that didn’t give a damn about you? I heard you didn’t even get to go to his funeral!” Free yelled and slapped her upside the head.
“I loved him, Freedom,” Myla howled. “He understood me. We were supposed to be a fucking family!” she continued.
“You loved a nigga so much that you would risk your cousin’s life for him? Bitch, you let me fuck that man knowing he was on the downlow. You didn’t give a damn about my kids and I could have caught something!” Free screamed so loud that spit flew from her mouth onto Myla’s face.
“Free, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t even thinking like that,” Myla begged as slob and snot fell from her nose and mouth. “I would kill myself before I allowed something to happen to you. You are like my big sister and Auntie Lolo is like my mother. My own mother don’t even love me because of what I am. And the only man that loved and accepted me is gone,” she walked over to her balcony door and put her head on the door while sobbing loudly.
Free was about to light more fire into her ass and I stopped her. “She gets it. You can wait in the car if you’re not in the place to forgive her, but she doesn’t need more of this,” I told her.
Free rolled her eyes and walked toward the door. “This hurt you’re feeling is good for you. You allowed me to be with a nigga that likes to give and take dick from men. Not once did you give a fuck about me then, so why should I care now? Justice, hurry up because I need to finish dinner for my family.” She headed out the door and allowed it to slam.
I walked over to Myla and put my arms around her. She had her own flaws and a lot of shit that I’m sure she wasn’t proud of herself. Still, suicide was something serious and I wasn’t about to allow my cousin to go through shit alone. Just as much as Free was hurt, so was Myla. She lost the love of her life. Growing up, Myla had it bad from her mother and then bad from the kids at school when she moved here. I’m sure having a man that took interest in her was like a breath of fresh air. Then, to have him killed right in front of her was traumatizing too. Just like Kiss had lost her child’s father, Myla had lost the love of her life. Free acted like her feelings were the only ones that mattered. She had always been like that and would never change. As much as Myla fucked up, she shouldn’t have come in here screaming and kicking her while she was down.
