A Staten Island Love Letter 3

by Jahquel J

  “Free like a bird,” he laughed.

  I giggled through my tears. “Yes. Free like a bird.”

  “I’m your auntie Justice.”

  “Justice like police,” he looked at Justice and she nodded her head.

  “Yes. Can I have a hug?” she asked. He let go of Liberty and went and hugged Justice. She smelled his hair and hugged for as long as he allowed.

  “Can I have one too?” I asked, wiping my eyes.

  He walked over to me and wiped my tears away. “No crying. Be happy, right mommy?” he looked back at Liberty and she nodded her head as tears fell down her cheeks.

  I hugged my nephew so hard that I never wanted to let go. Despite the issues with my mother, aunt, and Myla, I knew that I couldn’t allow that to come between me and my nephew building a relationship. I needed to be here for him. I had to be here for him.

  Email: Koch OBGYN, I looked at the alert from the email I had been waiting on. My hands shook as I slid my phone back inside of my purse. As much as I’ve been waiting for this email, my time was being spent with Chance and my sisters. I’d look at the email on the ride back home.

  Yesterday was so emotional that I cried the entire way home. Justice had to drive because I couldn’t believe that Liberty had a son. Chance had a disability, but he was so smart. Liberty and Betty didn’t allow him to use that as a crutch. I watched how Liberty parented and it was so natural to her. I was surprised that he called her mom and my aunt Betty auntie. Liberty couldn’t wait to go home and spend time in her apartment alone. I wanted her to stay with me for a bit, but she insisted on going home. We couldn’t baby her forever and we had to allow her to get back to her normal life. It would be hard for her to avoid the path that she was used to following. For years, she kept her drug addiction a secret from us. My concern was how would we know if she was using again? Was this all an act and she was going to go back to getting high? I prayed that she didn’t. Liberty had made plans to get Chance and bring him to meet my mother. My aunt and mother didn’t have a relationship and neither of them wanted one. If she pushed my mother to come there, it would be all bad.

  “You been cuddled up all day on the couch… you alright?” Ghost sat down beside me and kissed me on the lips.

  “I’m drained. I just needed one day where I didn’t do anything except be a bum on the couch,” I explained.

  “I don’t know how you run around with barely any rest.” He pulled me into his arms and kissed me on top of my head.

  Me and Ghost decided that it would be best to wait until the baby was born to test it. At first, I thought it was a good idea and was all down for the cause. Then, curiosity got the best of me and I wanted to know whose baby I was carrying inside of me. I rarely thought of the baby because I was so scared of the outcome of a test. Priest told me about the DNA test he had Marisol take and I decided to speak to my doctor about it. She told me about a non-invasive DNA test where she needed a blood sample from me and a DNA sample from the father. Since I didn’t have one from Zoe, I grabbed Ghost’s toothbrush one morning after he finished using it. I bagged it inside of a zip lock bag, shoved it in my purse and brought it right to my doctor’s office. The test took a few days and I had got the results emailed to my phone yesterday. Truthfully, I think that was why I was so emotional too. So much happened yesterday that I just needed a break from everything, so I drowned my issues out with reality TV and junk food.

  “We need to talk, Gyson,” I turned my body so that I was facing him. From the expression on his face, I knew he was worried.

  “Whenever you say that talk shit, I know some shit about to come… shit is actually quiet right now and life is good, Free. Do we need to talk about this?”

  “Life is beautiful right now, but we do have to talk about this. I’d rather it be sooner than later,” I responded and opened the email.

  “Mama got the kids and we got the house to ourselves, I really don’t want to be arguing, Free.” He was hesitant to take the phone from me. I damn near shoved it into his hands with the email on the screen.

  He stared at me for a moment, then placed his attention on the screen. I watched as his eyes ran across the screen and his face remained the same. Ghost showed no emotion. When he was done, he handed me the phone back.

  “You dead serious?”

  I nodded my head.

  “That baby you’re carrying is mine”? A big ass smile appeared across his face. I was finally able to breathe. It was hard finding out the news and lying beside him last night, and not telling him about it.

  “Yes. It’s your baby,” I wiped away a tear.

  As I was wiping my face, he picked me up and put me on his lap. He kissed me on the lips as he ripped off my clothes, I held onto his face as I sucked on his bottom lip. My night gown had been tossed on the floor, and he cupped my breast with his hands. I never wore any panties when I wore my nightgowns. Ghost lifted up, pulled down his basketball shorts and his dick sprung loose from the shorts. He lifted me slightly and slid himself right inside of me. Kissing him on the lips, I rode his dick as he sucked on my neck. Life felt so good with us being together. I felt like I could conquer the world with Ghost and the kids by my side. We had been through so much that I felt like we couldn’t leave Staten Island. This was our home. As much as I loved my kids, I knew they could love Staten Island as much as I did. I couldn’t move away again. Especially with Justice pregnant, my mom and getting to know Chance, I couldn’t leave now.

  “Ride this dick,” Ghost’s voice brought me back to my current situation.

  I lifted myself up and started bouncing up and down while he held onto my waist. We stared into each other’s eyes. As I stared into his eyes, I could see all the hurt that he had suffered, but I also could see all the love too. With what this man has been through, his heart should have been cold. Yet, he was so warm and loving. It was the reason I never stopped loving him. Holding onto his chest I continued to ride the shit out his dick while moaning. I screamed, scratched, and moaned until I couldn’t anymore. I came and sat on top of him unsure of my next move. Ghost flipped me over on the couch, bent me over and inserted himself inside of me from the back. He held onto my hips and rammed himself inside of me while I creamed. Every so often he would slap my ass and the stinging would cause my pussy to become even wetter than before. I felt his hands tense, so I knew he was about to nut. He gave me three more strokes before he released himself inside of me. We both collapsed on the couch and kissed each other while trying to catch our breath. I wasn’t even concerned about the wet spots on the couch. After all of these years, the dick was still good and left me speechless.

  “I don’t think we should move to Georgia right now,” I blurted.

  He lifted his head and stared at me with a confused expression on his face. “What you mean?”

  “I think so much is happening right now that we shouldn’t be leaving our family,” I straddled him again and gazed into his eyes.

  “We do have a lot going on here, huh?” he chuckled.

  “Yes, and I can’t leave my sisters again. They needed me before and I left. I can’t leave them again when they both need me. Georgia is an escape for me, and I don’t want to run. I want to accomplish what I came here to do.”

  “You gonna tell the twins?”

  “Uh huh.”

  “Bet.”

  “Oh, and pull out your money because we’re moving. I’m not living in this house,” I informed him.

  He laughed. “I’ll get the realtor on it… you sure you don’t want to put your touch on it?” I rolled my eyes at him.

  “If we’re going to stay, we need fresh beginnings. A new place to make new memories.” I looked at him because I felt his dick poking my inner thigh.

  “Yeah, we can do that… come ride this dick again,” he demanded, and I did as he said. We spent all afternoon sucking and fucking. I was so happy that me and Ghost were on the same page about a lot of the things we had going on in our life. With a new baby on t
he way, we were going to do things different. I could never give him back the years he missed with our twins, but I could damn sure try and make up for it.

  Epilogue

  Liberty

  Being in rehab taught me so much. It taught me to stop using pills and coke as an escape. I needed to handle things full on and stop hiding behind my addiction. As much as I hated Staten for tricking me, I knew that my addiction had taken over my life. From the moment I would wake up until I closed my eyes at night, I would be thinking about what type of high I was going to chase for the day. Would it be Percocet, Xanax, or any other pill that I could get my hands on from work? My life wasn’t my own anymore and I was too afraid to admit that. It was hard trying to keep up an appearance for my family, which is why I decided to stop coming around and isolated myself. It took for Staten to realize that he couldn’t help me alone and that I needed professional help. He did his best to help me and I appreciated him for it, still I wasn’t ready to receive the help. While he thought I was trying to quit cold turkey, I had just found something else to feed that nasty addiction.

  For the first week in rehab, I hated Staten with a passion. He was all I spoke about in my individual therapy sessions. He betrayed and lied to me. How could I love a man like that? I banned him from visiting me and wanted nothing to do with him. The more days I was detoxing, the clearer my thought process had become. I realized that he was trying to help me because he loved me. He wanted better for me and I blamed him for that. I never lifted the ban because I didn’t want him to see me like that. He had seen me at my worst too many times and I didn’t want him to see me like that again. The moment I got out, I wanted to see Chance. I loved my son so much and not being able to see him for that month was torture. I usually would stay away longer than a month, but that was by choice. This time, I couldn’t see him because I couldn’t leave the rehab. Not being in control of what I did fucked with my head and made me want to do better. Chance didn’t deserve to have a mother who was a junkie. With everything that he has overcome while living with Down Syndrome, I knew that I could push through and get clean for him. He deserved that much from me.

  I sat outside of Staten’s house in my truck nervous. He had brought me here a few times while he was grabbing some clothes. We never stayed long because he was always in a rush to get back to my place. I prayed he was home. With the empty driveway, I prayed that he was the type that used his garage instead of the driveway. Killing my engine, I walked up the walk way and rang the doorbell. I wanted him to know how much I loved him and how I wanted to make this work with us. We were both stubborn and craved love, so we were meant to be together. During the month, I missed the hell out of him and wanted him to know how sorry I was. Even with him being mad, he constantly shipped me books, clothes, and anything else that I needed.

  The door opened and Staten was standing there without a shirt. “Liberty?” From his expression, I could tell that he was surprised to see me.

  “Did you sign yourself out or something?” he gripped the door.

  I smiled and grabbed the sides of his face and kissed him on the lips. “Shaliq Davis, I love the fuck out of you. I know I fought you on a lot of shit, but my feelings for you are real. I love you so much that you’re all I thought about while in rehab. I didn’t see it at first, but you saved my life. You saved me from going down a road I’m not sure I would ever be able to come back from. I know I never express my feelings, but I wanted you to know how I felt about you. I don’t believe in forever, but I want to try this forever thing with you and only you,” I spoke so fast I’m sure he was trying to make out what I was saying.

  “You feeling the kid, huh?” he cocked his head back and smirked while I still stood on his porch.

  “I am. I want this more than you know. You’re the first man that has ever gave a shit about me. You don’t know it, but you saved my life.”

  “Who is at the door?” I looked past Staten and saw Chanel standing there in a bra and panties.

  “I guess I’m too late. You’ve made your decision,” I shook my head and started to leave, but he pulled me back. Staten kissed me so hard that my legs weakened. When our lips separated, he had to hold me close for a second because I would have fallen on the floor.

  “Yeah, and you’re who I chose,” he kissed me again and closed the door behind me. “Me and Chanel are casting her belly. She wants to cast her stomach at every stage of her pregnancy,” he explained.

  When I looked at Chanel, for the first time she didn’t give me the stink eye or roll her eyes. “He’s already made his decision and you’re who he wants to be with. As long as you promise to love him just as much as he loves you, we’re good.”

  I nuzzled my face into Staten’s chest. “I promise.”

  “We’ll be back, let me talk with her real quick,” he told Chanel as she mixed the mold for her stomach.

  Staten pulled me onto the back porch, and I took a seat. “How did that happen? Do I want to know?”

  “She realized that she didn’t want to lose me as a friend. Chanel is spoiled and she can be a bitch, but she’s been my princess for years. I’m to blame for her behavior and how she has acted. With us fucking and making this baby, it complicated things, yes. But she’s my best friend and we’re having a baby together. I don’t want to have to choose between you and Chanel. I want to be able to have both of you in my life for different reasons.”

  I reached out and touched his hand. “I never told you that you couldn’t have us both. Chanel has just always made it difficult. That’s the mother of your child and I understand that she’ll always be in our lives. I’m fine with that. I just want us all to have some type of peace.”

  “We will. I’m mad hype you’re home. How are you feeling? Why you didn’t tell me?”

  “I wanted to see Chance first and have some time alone. After not being able to have much alone time, I just wanted to sit in my apartment and take in everything.”

  “Ah, you saw Chance? He was excited, huh?”

  “So excited. Justice and Freedom met him too. I plan to bring him to the city soon so he can meet my mother,” I explained.

  “I think she’ll like that. Ma, I want this to work between me and you so bad. You know I did everything to make sure you were good.”

  “I know that now. This will be a journey, but I want to make this work too. You have to give me my space, Staten. It’s not necessary for you to stay at my house often, and I don’t want you to think because I didn’t answer a phone that I’m doing crack in the hood.”

  He started laughing. “You wild.”

  “Nigga, you the one that was calling me crackhead Susan. I just want you to know that I’m going to be learning how to operate and deal with the issues in life sober. Be patient with me.”

  “You got my word,” he promised, and I smiled.

  With everything I had been through, I didn’t know if I was coming or going. My life was a big reality show and God was the director of my show. Just when I thought I was at the end of my rope, he came through and tossed me some more. When I decided to leave Chance with my aunt years ago, I wasn’t ready to be a mother. Chance had a disability and I didn’t know how to handle that. I was still young and full of life. Did I regret leaving my son with my aunt? Not at all. Betty raised my son and always got on the phone and made sure to ask me anything before she made a decision on him. My son was so blessed to have her in his life. He was in a good school, therapy sessions and sports teams geared toward kids with disabilities. I never regretted leaving him with her. What kind of life could I have offered him always being high? I was the best mother when I popped in on him, but with him living with me, what kind of life would he have had? As parents, we had to make decisions that were bigger than us and what we wanted. I made that decision and it was the best one that worked for me. There was no need to pull him out of school and move him to the city. My family would still be able to have a relationship with him too. I know Free was already planning her next trip t
o bring the twins to meet their cousin. I couldn’t wait because Chance was excited when Free was telling him all about them.

  When I thought about my sisters, I smiled because we had been through so much. I was so happy for Justice. She was finally pregnant with a baby and everything was looking good. Priest was so in love with Justice that you couldn’t tell him a thing about his woman. He was happy that Marisol’s baby didn’t turn out to be his baby. With him expecting his first child, he was doing the absolute most. He and Justice were excited to welcome the baby into the world. Kiss was busy finishing school and being a mother. She had spoken to Justice about applying to different colleges again. I knew she and Reese were getting close and I was surprised that Priest was allowing it to happen. After Reese looked out for Kiss when he wasn’t around, I guess he earned his respect. While Kiss was technically grown now, Priest was focusing in on Love. She was now sixteen and thought she knew everything. Ghost saw her hanging in Park Hill with a bunch of girls during school hours. I knew just as things were slowing down, he was hit again with that teenage girl branch. Justice was doing her best to make sure that Priest didn’t lose his mind when it came to his nieces.

  When Free told me she wasn’t moving back to Georgia, I was so happy. They decided to move to Princeton, New Jersey. They wanted to be out the way, but still close enough to get to family. They bought a big ass mansion with enough security to keep all of them safe. Freedom was having a baby boy. Ghost and Samaj were excited that another boy would be entering the house. Rain was so sad that it wasn’t another little sister. Free promised her in a few years she would give her a baby sister. Rain asked about Shakira and Ghost hadn’t explained what happened to Shakira yet. I don’t think he ever would. It hurt too much for him to. Free was doing a good job stepping in and raising Rain like she was her own. I could tell she loved that little girl just as much as she loved her own. Their little family was perfect. With them moving, Ghost allowed Marisol to keep her job. She was lucky since the nigga that fathered her baby wanted nothing to do with her or the baby. That girl wanted to lock Priest down so bad and ended up screwing herself in the end.