by Kristi Gold
“It’s never too late to correct a mistake.” Like he was one to hand out advice he couldn’t seem to follow.
Kevin nailed him with a questioning look. “What about you and Erica? I haven’t heard you mention her.”
For the past two weeks, Erica had been all he’d thought about. He really didn’t want to get into that, but since Kevin had been honest with him, he might as well return the favor. “It’s over between us, although I didn’t want it to be over.”
“Both of us screwed up for a change?” Kevin laughed. “That’s rich.”
Kieran leaned back in his chair and focused on the tile floor. “Problem is, I didn’t realize I was screwing up. When I decided not to tell her about this ordeal, I was trying to protect her. She lost her husband, she had a sick kid and I didn’t want to put her through anything remotely resembling a medical issue. She said my need to protect everyone alienates the people I care about.”
“She’s right.” When Kieran’s gaze snapped to Kevin, his brother held up his hands. “Before you coldcock me, hear me out.”
Kieran wasn’t in the mood for any criticism. “I don’t need a speech.”
“Shut up and listen.” Kevin scooted up on the bed and looked at him straight on. “I honestly didn’t mind you fighting my battles when we were kids and I was too scrawny to defend myself. But when I got older and bigger, it got on my nerves. You tried to make up for my shortcomings by always walking the straight line. But the straighter the line, the more I veered off course. Between Mother thinking I could do no wrong, and you thinking I couldn’t do anything right, I went on a thirty-year rebellion. And it took Leah pointing that out to me before I finally got it.”
“I thought she was a pediatrician, not a damn psychologist.”
“I told you she’s smart. And just because I gave up the best thing that’s ever happened to me, that doesn’t mean you should follow my lead. Go talk to Erica and make it right.”
For once, his brother was making sense. “I’m not sure she’ll see me.”
“You won’t know until you try, and you need to try before more time passes. Believe me, it’s lonely down here at the bottom.”
Kevin was right—he still had the opportunity to set things straight with Erica and convince her that he was going to try to do the honorable thing by her and Stormy. Otherwise, he’d be losing the best thing he ever had.
Kieran quickly pushed out of the chair, more than ready to head to Erica’s house. “Guess the next time I see you, you’ll be asking for sprouts with your lunch.”
Kevin grinned. “Get out of here.”
On the way to the door, Kieran paused and faced Kevin again. He wanted to thank him for pointing out that life was too short to put things off until it was too late, but Kevin had already fallen back to sleep. For the first time in years, Kieran felt as if they’d gained solid ground toward reconciliation. He hoped the same held true with Erica.
Chapter Twelve
Thursday pizza night had become a thing of the past, making way for birthday sleepovers and best friends. Erica had realized that all too well when she’d dropped Stormy off at Lisa’s a half hour ago for a birthday and school holiday celebration. Now she sat alone in the den with only her thoughts of Kieran for company. The silence was so stark that when the doorbell rang, she physically jumped. She wondered if Stormy had decided to come home. A ridiculous assumption. Her daughter had better things to do than sit with a mother who’d come down with a solid case of self-pity.
Erica pushed off the sofa and walked to the door to peer through the peephole. And as it had been all those weeks ago, she discovered Kieran standing on the threshold, as if she’d somehow conjured him up. He looked tired, but good. Too good. She had no clue why he was there. More important, she had no idea what to say.
This is not that difficult, Erica. She finally gathered the wherewithal to open the door and the strength to step onto the porch to face him. “Hi.” A simple greeting, but the only thing she could think of at the moment.
He held up a pink gift bag. “Stormy’s birthday present.”
She was impressed he’d remembered, and admittedly disappointed he hadn’t come to see her. “Unfortunately, she’s at Lisa’s for the night.”
He offered her the bag. “Give it to her for me. It’s a new ball glove.”
She took the bag and held it against her. “She’ll love it.”
He leaned a shoulder against the porch’s support and studied her a moment. “You cut your hair.”
Erica’s hand immediately went to where her hair touched her shoulders. “I needed a change.” She no longer needed to hide behind it.
“It looks great.” A few moments of silence passed before he added, “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said at the club that night. You were right. I’m damn bad at talking about my feelings. But I’d like to try, if that’s okay.”
Erica tried hard not to hope, but a part of her couldn’t help it. “I’m listening.”
“First of all,” he began, “that weekend in Galveston, when we talked about my problems with Kevin and how hard it was to give up baseball, I told you more than I’ve ever told any woman. It might seem like surface stuff to you, but it was a big step for me. I hope you know that.”
“I do now.” She also knew he was still troubled. “How is Kevin?”
He drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “He’s sick, and he has been for several months. He didn’t tell anyone until he found out he was dying.”
Erica bit back a gasp over the terrible revelation and the abject pain in his expression. “I’m so sorry, Kieran. I wish you would have said something. No one knows better than me what you’re going through.”
“Which is why I should have told you from the beginning. When I said you couldn’t handle it, that was only an excuse. The truth is, I couldn’t handle it. Hell, I didn’t want to believe it.”
She intimately understood everything he was feeling. Every raw emotion, especially the disbelief. “Can anything be done for him?”
He kicked a leaf from the porch before looking at her again. “Kevin has aplastic anemia. A bone marrow transplant is the only thing that can save him at this point, and I’m—”
“The donor.” At least now things were beginning to make sense.
“The procedure’s at 10:00 a.m. tomorrow at the university hospital’s transplant center,” he said. “I just wanted you to know.”
She smiled around her own fear of sitting in a waiting room, counting down the minutes until she knew he was okay. “I’ll be there.”
He looked clearly surprised. “You don’t have to do that, Erica.”
“Do you want me there?”
“Yes, but I don’t want you to suffer because of my own selfishness.”
How could she possibly refuse? “There’s nothing selfish about wanting some support. I’ll have plenty of time to clear my schedule.”
“As long as you’re sure.” He looked as if he wanted to say something more but only offered, “I’d better go. I have to be at the hospital early.”
She wanted to hold him. She wanted to invite him in. She wanted more than he might be willing to give her. “I’ll see you in the morning then.”
When Erica turned to go inside, Kieran was right there at her back, his palm preventing her from opening the door. “I know I don’t have the right to ask, but God, I want to stay with you tonight.”
She slowly faced him, one important question weighing heavily on her mind. “Do you want a warm body, or do you want me?”
He tipped his forehead against hers. “It’s not about sex, Erica. I need to be with you. I need you more than I’ve ever needed anyone.”
And that was all she needed to hear. Wordlessly, she clasped his hand and once in the house, tossed the gift on the sofa before leading him into the bedroom where she guided him to the bed. They stood face-to-face, neither moving for a time, until Erica took control by pulling his shirt over his head. The chemistry th
at had always existed between them took over, beginning with a harried dispersal of clothing and ending with them both naked and entwined across the bed. Kieran’s touch was gentle, but his kiss was almost desperate. “I can’t get close enough to you,” he told her, though it wasn’t long before they were as close as they could possibly be.
Their lovemaking was as passionate as before, as strong as Erica had ever known. And she was as lost in him as she’d been the first time. After their bodies calmed, Kieran rested his head on her breast, and she cradled it in her arms. When she felt the dampness against her skin, she knew that he’d finally given up the battle to be brave. Tears never came easy or often for a man like Kieran, and for that reason Erica cherished them all the more. Loved him all the more.
Then she did the one thing that he had done for her their first night together. She held him close, stroked his hair and whispered, “Everything’s going to be okay.”
Erica was anything but okay. With every step she took toward the hospital’s entry, her breath came faster and harder. Her palms began to perspire, her head began to spin. But she had to keep moving despite her anxiety. She was already late. Maybe even too late to see Kieran before they took him away for the procedure. Before she had a chance to tell him she loved him, something she should have done before he’d left at dawn. She refused to think about that now, or invite anything negative into her world.
Immediately outside the sliding-glass doors, Erica paused long enough to give herself a good pep talk, to establish some sort of calm before she faced Kieran’s family. This wasn’t the same hospital where Stormy had undergone her numerous surgeries. This wasn’t the same emergency room where Jeff had died. This was a totally different situation, a totally different patient. But it was still a hospital.
Somehow she managed to make it to the second floor without hyperventilating in the elevator, and she was able to find the sign pointing to surgery without needing assistance. She also managed a pleasant look when Mallory approached her. “Erica, I’m so glad you’re here. I tried to call you, but I didn’t have your phone number.”
A surge of panic threatened to strip Erica of any composure. “What’s wrong?”
Mallory hooked her arm through Erica’s and began guiding her toward the waiting area. “Nothing’s wrong. They took Kieran in early because the case before his cancelled. He’s already been in the O.R. for almost an hour.”
Leave it to Kieran to somehow save her from the excruciating waiting game, although Erica recognized he’d had nothing to do with it. When they reached the bank of chairs housing the majority of the O’Brien clan, Kieran’s mother caught sight of Erica and rushed over. “I’m so glad you’ve joined us, dear. I know how important it is to Kieran that you’ve come.”
Erica hugged Lucy, all the while thinking how nice it was to find someone who hit her eye level. “I’m sorry I’m late. I would have been here sooner but I was stuck in the middle of the Interstate because of a fender bender. I can’t believe I didn’t get to see him before he went in.”
Lucy patted her cheek. “You can see him when he’s ready for visitors.”
“And it looks like that could be now.” Mallory nodded to Erica’s right where Devin O’Brien emerged from a lengthy corridor. The group gathered round, anxiously awaiting news, but no one was more anxious than Erica.
“He’s in recovery now,” Devin said. “Everything went fine. He’s just waking up, and he’s going to have a sore a—”
“Don’t say it, young man,” Lucy admonished.
“A sore butt,” Devin said, looking suitably scolded. “He also had a slight drop in his blood pressure during the procedure, so they’ll keep him in recovery for a while longer to make sure he’s stable.”
Erica’s own pressure most likely bottomed out over the news and when Lucy said, “Oh, heavens,” Devin held up a hand to silence her. “He’s okay, Mom. He was never in any real danger.”
Erica questioned whether the fates were testing her, cruelly standing by to see if she might buckle under the pressure. Thing was, she’d passed the test. She hadn’t panicked, hadn’t jumped to unnecessary conclusions. Hadn’t rushed out the door in search of air. Her only concern was seeing Kieran.
But after Devin said, “Two family members at a time can go in now,” Erica thought she’d been ruled out, until he added, “And he wants to see Erica first.”
She looked around to find everyone grinning at her. “But I’m not family.”
Lucy patted her cheek. “As far as we’re concerned, you are. Now go tell our boy we’ll see him soon.”
Without further argument, Erica followed Devin through the double doors indicating the recovery unit, this time excitement dogging her steps. Outside the cubicle, he told her, “He’s still out of it, so don’t be surprised if he talks out of his head.”
Erica didn’t care what he said, or if he said anything at all. She only wanted to make certain he was okay. “I’ll just stay a few minutes so everyone else can have their turn.”
Devin presented the patent O’Brien smile. “Take your time. You’re the one he wants to see.”
Erica brushed past the plaid curtain and took her place beside the narrow bed. Kieran’s eyes were closed against the overhead light, his lips slightly parted and his jaw surrounded by the usual dark shading. Even in the ridiculous cap covering his hair, he still looked beautiful.
When she took his hand, his lids drifted open and he smiled. “You’re here.”
“Yes, I’m here. How do you feel?”
“Like my head’s not attached to my body.”
“Nice shower cap,” she said. “Mind if I take a picture with my camera phone?”
“Hell, no.”
When he tried to sit up, Erica nudged him back down. “Don’t move, Kieran. You might hurt something.”
He grimaced and gritted his teeth. “I feel like someone used my kidneys as a punching bag.”
She brushed her knuckles over his rough cheek. “When you get out of this place, I’ll rub it and make it better.”
He curled his hand around her neck and reeled her close. “Feel free to climb in bed with me and get my mind off my pain.”
“If I do that, I’m liable to get tossed out and we’ll both have sore backsides. Will a little kiss do?”
“Oh, yeah.” For a man under the influence of anesthesia, he didn’t miss a beat with that kiss, and it was anything but little. In fact, it went a bit beyond the point of respectability for a hospital setting, the only reason Erica ended the kiss first.
“You’re well on your way to recovery, Kieran O’Brien.”
“And I love you, Erica Stevens.”
Erica swallowed hard around the shock. “You’re drunk.”
“I’m serious.”
If his expression was any indication, he was. “I love you, too,” she said. “Although you probably won’t remember any of this in an hour.” Yet she would never forget it. She also hoped he said it again when he was completely coherent.
He ran his fingertip along her jaw, his eyes looking heavy. “Since I’m wearing a butt-exposing gown and a shower cap, I’m not going to propose to you right now. But one of these days…”
After Kieran’s eyes closed again, Erica kissed his cheek. She had no idea if he would recall what he’d said or if it was only the drugs doing the talking. But maybe one of these days…
Epilogue
Erica loved summer days best, and this particular Saturday morning in early June was picture-perfect. She waited at the Porsche for Kieran and Stormy to finish gathering softball equipment from the dugout, thrilled with the progress her daughter had made as a relief pitcher for the softball team. An exceptional athlete, the coach had told Erica at the last practice. Jeff would be so proud of her, Erica thought as she watched Kieran and Stormy work their way through the remaining family members and fans. The memories of her former husband came less frequently now, but always fondly. She would forever reserve a special place in her heart for Jeff
. She would always be grateful to him for giving her a precious child. In many ways, she would always love him.
But she also loved another man who’d been an important part of her life for the past seven months. And Kieran loved her, too, something he told her often while completely coherent. He hadn’t spoken of proposing since that day in the hospital, but as far as Erica was concerned, that was okay. Whatever happened, happened. Right now she looked forward to spending the weekend in Galveston, as they had most every weekend since May.
With her baseball cap turned backward and her face dotted with dirt, Stormy rushed over like a tempest, doing her name justice. “Did you see me strike out that girl, Mom?”
“Yes, sweetie, I did. Your and Mallory’s hard work has really paid off.”
Kieran walked up to the pair and laid a palm on Stormy’s head. “Did you ask your mom yet?”
Erica frowned. “Ask me what?”
Stormy exchanged a look with Kieran before she turned her attention back to Erica. “Grandma Lucy wants me to help her babysit the twins this weekend instead of going to the beach house. Can I?”
Stormy loved the beach, but she also loved the O’Brien babies. And that baby love would allow Erica some rare alone time with Kieran. “Sounds fine to me, if you’re sure it’s okay with Lucy to have you two whole days.”
“It’s okay,” Kieran said. “Mallory’s still here, talking to Stormy’s coach. She’s offered to drop her off before she heads out of town with Whit for the weekend.”
Stormy gave Erica a brief hug. “See you Monday, Mom,” she said before she sprinted off toward Mallory.
Kieran winked at her. “Guess it’s you and me and the beach all weekend, all alone. No more sneaking around to make out.”
Erica got a case of the chills just thinking about it. “What are we waiting for?”
“Not a damn thing.”
Kieran drove out of the parking lot slowly but hit the accelerator the minute he’d cleared all the other cars and kids. Erica was still getting used to his occasional need for speed, although he had learned to show much more restraint, at least when it came to his driving. When it came to lovemaking, well…
