Breathe into Me

by Fawkes, Sara

  “You dance well yourself,” he murmured, and I knew he was going to kiss me.

  “Why don’t we get something to drink?”

  My blurted words surprised him, but he let me go as I stepped back. His hand didn’t leave mine, however, and emotions warred inside me as I pulled him off the dance floor. What the hell, Lacey? This isn’t some random guy you picked up, this is Everett.

  I tried to keep my regret from showing as I pulled us toward the table with all his buddies. Plastering on a smile, I waved silently as the construction crew made us room around their tables.

  “Saw you two out there,” Trent said, laughing as I blushed. “Didn’t think a girl who moved like that could blush.”

  Everett gave him a hard jab to the ribs, enough that Trent winced. “Okay,” the blond boy said after a minute, “let’s pretend that was the beer talking.”

  “How many have you had?”

  Trent grinned. “Enough to lose my brain-to-mouth filter.”

  “Haven’t seen you around lately with those treats,” Vance said, giving me a good-natured grin. “It’s only getting hotter and hotter outside, so wouldn’t mind if you showed up at work again sometime.”

  “Well, I’m up.” Cole stood up from his chair, eyes on the stage. “Try not to get into any fights without me.”

  “Can’t promise you that,” Trent called after him. He winked at me. “That’s half the fun of these places.”

  Beer bottles already lined the tables, and I added mine to the throng. “How long have y’all been here?” I asked, surveying the damage.

  “An hour or so.” Trent grinned as my eyes widened. “What? We were thirsty.”

  Snorting, I leaned back in my chair and surveyed the bar. Everett’s arms snaked around my shoulders, and I hid a smile at the move. The smile, however, disappeared as I saw Ashley staring at me from several tables away. She gave me a nasty smile and I looked away, a sour pit forming in my belly.

  “Trent here’s gotten himself off the day-to-day grind,” Everett said, pointing with his beer toward his friend.

  “Yeah, Dad thinks I should learn some of the office stuff. Get ready to take over the business when he leaves for vacation.”

  “How long is he going to be gone?” I asked, trying to put Ashley’s presence in the bar out of my mind.

  “Winter’s a tough time for construction, so my dad is letting me have the reins while he heads west to winter in Arizona.”

  “You’re not going back to college with Everett?”

  Trent and Everett shared a look. “I’m, uh, not going back to college after summer. Mom’s not happy but Dad thinks it’s a good idea and so do I.”

  Everett’s fingers made lazy circles on my shoulder, and I leaned my head back against his arm. Tilting my head sideways, I frowned as I saw Ashley talking to Daniel, the youngest of Everett’s coworkers. When she pulled out a cell phone to show him something, a sick churning started in my gut. “I’m going to get another beer.”

  Everett turned toward me as I stood up. “Is everything all right?”

  I tried to speak, but couldn’t figure out what to say. My eyes turned back to Ashley and Daniel, and Everett followed my gaze. Whatever he was watching on the girl’s phone had him riveted, and I suddenly needed to get out of there.

  “Listen, if it’s about your friend …”

  “She’s not my friend.” I stood up quickly, then realized every pair of eyes around the table was on me. I flushed. “I just need some air, I’ll be back.”

  “Lacey …”

  Ignoring Everett, I scooted my chair back to leave. Everett stood to follow me, and then suddenly Daniel was there between us, shoving the phone under Everett’s nose.

  “Dude, you gotta see this.” His voice was slurred, the result of too many beers for someone not used to alcohol, but his words were still understandable. “Your girlfriend’s got a video online.”

  The bar was loud: people talked and music blared, the cacophony making it difficult to hear much if you weren’t close to someone. Yet I could hear the tiny groans from that cell phone, the familiar jeers and sounds from the video as if I were watching it myself. Horror engulfed me, rooting me to the spot, as Everett stopped, his eyes on the small screen.

  No, please don’t watch that. It was the moment I’d been dreading, and there was nowhere for me to hide. Everett’s eyes flickered from the screen to me, and I wanted to run, to get out of there and away from my shame. But before I could take a single step, I watched as Everett twisted, his fist coming up to make contact with Daniel’s face.

  The phone flew from the Daniel’s fingers, bouncing off a table and onto the floor. Nobody was watching its trajectory, however, too focused on the fight. Daniel dropped like a stone but Everett followed him, raining blows on the other boy. I covered my mouth in horror as the table full of boys leaped to their feet, shouting and throwing themselves on Everett. His arm was pumping up and down, his elbow visible in rhythmic bobs above the table. Hands grabbed at him but nothing slowed down his pummeling. Only when Vance stepped in and wrapped his arms around Everett’s torso, lifting him high into the air, did I see what was happening.

  Everett’s face was contorted in rage, and as I watched he snapped back and his elbow connected with Vance’s face. The black man lost his grip as Everett threw himself back on the prone Daniel. There was shouting around me, and I stumbled back as two bouncers in black shirts waded through the circle of people.

  God. I covered my mouth, horrified, and backed away. Everett was pulled to his feet, one arm held behind his back by the big bouncer. He had a gash along one eyebrow, but the anger fled his face as his eyes captured mine. The inexplicable pain I saw there made my heart hurt.

  I suddenly wanted to cry. This is all because of me. The boys were trying to reason with the bouncers but were ignored, as Everett was held immobile. Not sparing a glance for Daniel, still on the floor, I turned and raced toward the front door, unable to take the cloying bar anymore.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Outside, the rain came down in buckets, but I didn’t care. My boots sloshed through the puddles in the gravel as I ran away from the bar toward the ocean. The Calamity Jane was only a block off the water across the highway, and in this storm there was nobody on the road. By the time I’d reached the water’s edge, I was soaked and breathing hard. The normally placid waters of the Gulf were choppy, waves crashing against the sandy beaches. The area was illuminated by the nearby pier, but I wanted only to be left alone.

  Every painful memory came roaring back, blindsiding me with their intensity. I felt dirty all over again, as if everything had happened yesterday. Waking up alone in a strange bed, sore in places that scared me; my thin dress sticking to my body, pasted there by unknown fluids. I had no idea where I was, no memory of the previous night, but I’d known I needed to get out of there.

  “Lacey, wait.”

  The memories continued to play through my head like a bad movie. Walking home along two miles of country roads, without shoes or underwear because I’d lost both somehow during the night. Being thankful that neither my grandmother nor mother was home from church when I arrived home. Stuffing that tiny party dress in the bottom of the garbage can, then bathing in scalding water for two hours, trying to scrape off the memory of the slime on my skin. Hoping that I could somehow forget this whole night ever happened, even when I couldn’t remember a single thing.

  Then going to school Monday morning and learning that events I didn’t remember in the slightest had been recorded and broadcast to everyone in my school. I was instantly labeled a slut and a pariah, shunned by the girls and relentlessly pursued by the boys.

  “Lacey!”

  Somebody grabbed my arm, and I reacted instinctively, attacking the person who held me. Some sane part of my mind told me I knew this person, but another more broken part only wanted to lash out, to hurt the ones who’d done this to me. Lost in my memories, I blinked as I fell back onto wet sand, the real world c
rashing around me once more.

  Lightning flared over the water and I saw Everett standing above me, as soaked as I was by the storm. The blood from his eyebrow was a dark line running down the side of his face. I couldn’t see his expression but realized from the way he held himself back that it was him I’d mindlessly attacked. Remorse and mortification set in and I scrambled to my feet, looking around. The rain had plastered my hair to my head and I had to look an absolute mess, but I couldn’t find it in me to care.

  “Are you all right?”

  I started to nod my head, and then shook it instead. “No, not really.” My voice was a croak, barely audible over the storm.

  “Let me take you home.”

  There were no questions about the video, no remarks on my reaction. He didn’t seem at all curious about why I ran away and, somehow, that made me want to explain it all the more. But what could I say? “I’m sorry you had to see that? I thought with you I could start over?” There wouldn’t be any do-overs, though, would there?

  “Come on, let’s get somewhere inside and we can talk.”

  I didn’t want to talk about it, though, not really. Lightning flashed again, illuminating the dark waters of the Gulf. Oddly enough, I couldn’t take my eyes away. I’d never been on the beach in a storm before. The normally placid waters were roiling, waves crashing against the shore and reminding me of the Oregon beaches.

  “Lacey …”

  “I want to go for a swim.” The urge to see if the ocean was as strong as it looked was overwhelmingly powerful. Maybe it could sweep away my pain, end this wretched existence I called my life. I hadn’t taken more than a step, however, when Everett’s hand grabbed on to my arm.

  “What are you doing?”

  Everett’s grip was like steel, but his voice washed over me like the tide. I was so tired of fighting everything: my grandmother, my reputation, that video. My eyes blinked slowly as I stared at the waves. They were beautiful, illuminated by the lightning, and suddenly I wanted to see if they were as cold as the waters of my childhood. I tried to pull my arm out of Everett’s grip but he held firm. “Let go.”

  “No.”

  Anger bubbled up from deep inside, and I shot him a look. “Everett, let me go.”

  “To do what? Go drown yourself in the waters out there?”

  No. Yes. I didn’t know what I wanted to do, except to wade into the turbulent ocean. It was just a little swim. I tried again to pull myself free, harder this time, but his grip was like iron. Not thinking about anything except escape, I lashed out quickly with my fist, twisting in his grip. The move must have surprised him because he relaxed his grip briefly, enough for me to slip free, then I was racing toward the water.

  The wet sand offered me the perfect grip for running, but I’d only just reached the high tide point when something slammed into me from behind. We fell to the ground, Everett’s arms pulling me sideways and up so that his body absorbed the blow.

  “What the hell are you doing?”

  “I don’t want to do this anymore, let me go.”

  “Do what anymore?”

  “Live my life here, in this hellhole.”

  “So what are you going to do?” Everett rolled me over, pinning me to the sand. “Swim away in the middle of a storm? Are you trying to kill yourself?”

  “I don’t know!” I wanted to fight something, to rail against the world, but Everett held me still against the ground. Unable to move, unable to fight, the despair burst forward from a dark part of my soul. “I can’t take this anymore,” I sobbed. “If dying is the only way out …”

  “Don’t say that, don’t you ever say that.”

  The intensity in his voice startled me out of my misery. Everett shook me, his grip like iron. “I can’t let you go, Lacey,” he said, releasing one of my arms so he could stroke my face. The skies illuminated his face again, and the desperation I saw there mirrored my own. “You can’t do that, or I’ll follow you.”

  Water dripped from his face onto mine, but the despair I read across his features told me they might as well have been tears. When I didn’t struggle, he let my hands go, framing my face with his hands. “You can’t leave me,” he murmured, and the anguish I saw in his eyes broke my heart. “Don’t go, please …”

  His face hovered above me, his lips only inches from mine. Around us the storm raged, but for right now there was only the two of us. It took barely a tilt of my head, the smallest of movements, for me to brush my lips across his. I tasted salt mingled with the rain, and wondered if they were his tears or mine. Then Everett’s lips parted, deepening the kiss, and my brain lost focus on everything but his taste.

  There was desperation in his kiss, a hunger that answered a similar need inside me. I twined my arms around his neck, pulling him close, sighing into his mouth. Every situation weighing on my mind fled at his touch, and I sighed into his mouth as he gathered me up.

  “Don’t leave me,” he pleaded against my mouth, his lips trailing down my neck. I sighed, enjoying the feel of his body on top of mine as he slowly chased away the lingering darkness in my mind. His touch was like a balm, distracting me from the pain until it was only a memory, not a monster ready to swallow me whole.

  This close, even in the darkness I could see the beautiful lines of his face. His hair hung down from his head, the shaggy locks limp and dripping from the rain. The bedraggled look somehow struck me as amusing, and I gave him a small smile. “You look cold.”

  “So do you.”

  I touched his cheek, running my fingers along his face before leaning up and giving him another feather-soft kiss. “Can you take me home?”

  Everett’s eyes searched mine, and then I saw the edges of his eyes crinkle slightly as he smiled. “I’ll drive you.”

  He helped me to my feet, but wouldn’t let go of my hand. I don’t know if he was afraid I’d take off running toward the water or just wanted to hold my hand, but I didn’t protest. The crash of the waves lessened as we crossed back toward the Calamity Jane hand in hand.

  Everett led me over to his car, but as he opened my door I saw Trent walk over from under the awning. He took in our bedraggled faces and soaked clothes, then gave a lopsided grin. “Glad you found her.”

  I looked away from Trent, just wanting to hide in the car, but paused as the blond boy called my name. “I remember you from school now. It was shitty what happened to you back then, and I’m not going to let it happen again now.”

  Flushing with shame, I ducked quickly inside the car door. Outside, I heard Everett say his good-byes, and then he got inside the car and drove out of the parking lot. “We’ll get your truck tomorrow, I promise.”

  The mansion was only a few miles away, and we spent most of that time in silence. I snuck peaks at Everett, who kept his eyes focused on the rainy road ahead. He pulled up behind the house and came around to open my door, but when I started toward the guesthouse he grabbed my hand.

  “Come on, we have some towels upstairs.”

  I followed him inside the back entrance, acutely aware of his hand in mine. The lights inside were all off, although the exterior around the compound was kept lit. I followed him blindly as we weaved around furniture, my heart fluttering as we went up the stairs.

  Everett rummaged through a hall cabinet, and then threw a large towel over my shoulders. “Here, use this to dry off real quick.”

  I drew it around me, not realizing just how cold I really was until I had the terry cloth over me. Everett must have noticed because he began rubbing my shoulders. “We should probably get you out of your clothes.”

  I knew the moment he realized exactly what he said because his hands stopped trying to dry me off and he cleared his throat. His uncertainty made me smile, but I kept quiet, not wanting to ruin the moment with a joke. “I can get you some clean clothes from the guesthouse while you take a shower.”

  “They’re all in my truck,” I said, shaking my head.

  “Well, maybe we can borrow from the people wh
o live here. There’s a girl’s room just down the hall, her clothes will fit you.”

  “You’ve gone through the drawers?” I quipped, and flushed at the shrewd look he gave me.

  “Never know when I might want to suddenly become a cross-dresser.”

  The deadpan statement made me laugh, and I clapped my hand over my mouth. In the low light, Everett grinned and handed me another towel. “Take a shower and get the sand off you, I’ll have clothes for you when you get done.”

  For a guest bathroom, it was pretty darned big. There was a white metal tub to one side that looked deep enough to sleep in, but the shower was insane: four jets, two on each side, as well as one traditional showerhead.

  “Yeah,” I murmured to myself, wadding the now-sandy towel onto the floor near the tub, “I gotta try this.”

  I wasn’t sure how long I stayed in that bathroom, but I couldn’t remember the last time I had this much fun. The shower itself had numerous settings as well as a waterproof keypad that let you play music, but I wasn’t in the mood for songs. I took my time, not leaving the shower until the water was lukewarm even on the highest heat settings. The new towel Everett had given me was big enough to wrap around me twice and nearly came to my knees, so I wasn’t afraid to open the door and step outside.

  The lights in the hall and interior were still off, but I blinked as I saw a row of small candles on the floor. A smile tilted my lips as I followed the tiny votives, padding quietly over the wood floors in bare feet. The hallway was long, curving around a corner to the left before opening up into a large bedroom. My jaw dropped as I stared around the room, lit only by the glow of what seemed like a million candles.