Clutch_A Rock Bottom Novel

by Gabriel Love

  His knuckle traces the outline of the bruise on my cheek and I wonder if I could diffuse his anger. I want to talk him down. But if I’m being honest with myself, I really want to confide. I haven’t talked to anyone in so long. I want to tell him everything. And I want to do it right here, in his arms. This is the one place it feels like the demons can’t find me. I’m safe.

  “It was the first time he hit me,” I whisper and his whole body stiffens.

  Anger narrows his eyes and I feel my lips curve in wonder at this protective side of him. “It’s okay,” I whisper. “I broke the cycle.”

  He seems to relax a little as I say his words back to him. He was right. Carl had seemed so nice at first. Heck, at times, even. He’d be so calm, so sweet. Then he’d… turn. He’d get so pissed, so mad without any warning. He’d fly off the handle for things that seemed so unimportant. A dirty dish in the sink. A night out with friends. A phone call coming in when he wanted my attention.

  “Come back to me,” Axl growls.

  “I’m right here,” I whisper. “It didn’t happen all at once.” I know it’s not my fault, but I feel the need to justify my own stupidity. I stayed. I could have said no, stood up to him, walked away. But I didn’t. I stayed.

  “He was so nice at first,” I say, my mind slipping into memories of the good times. “I think I always felt something was a little off, though.” I recall the cold knot in my stomach the first time I laid eyes on him. I noticed things. Red flags I ignored. I didn’t listen to my gut.

  When he’d kissed me, I felt… cold. But I’d stupidly told myself that he was nice. Maybe I’d come to fall for him. Maybe time would change things.

  “Then he got mad.” I remember the first time. It seemed like nothing. I got home ten minutes late after work and he asked me if there was anything I needed to tell him. And fear had flowed like ice water in my veins.

  I told him no, there wasn’t anything. I got caught up at work. But he’d accused me of fucking around on him. Of being a whore. He’d yelled at me. I’d been scared because there was something so dark and scary in his eyes.

  But he’d bounced back. The next day he’d apologized. Told me he hadn’t gotten enough sleep and was on edge because of some big deal at work. He told me he’d make it up to me, take me out on a date, that he loves me and is just so scared of losing me.

  And I’d forgiven him.

  “He’d kept coming up with reasons we couldn’t go see my parents,” I say, feeling like a total idiot. Saying it out loud makes me realize how incredibly naïve I’d been. No, how stupid I’d been.

  His arms tighten around me and I soak in the comfort of his gesture. “It was every time. There’d be some reason. He had a ton of work to catch up on. He wasn’t feeling well. He’d been up late the last night and needed to rest. Always something. And when I’d push it and go anyway, he’d give me the silent treatment or treat me like crap. So eventually I quit going or asking him to go.” It took him about a year to get me to alienate myself from my family and friends. And he’d made me responsible for it. When I’d call him out over it, he’d tell me he never told me I couldn’t go.

  And he was right; he never told me I couldn’t go.

  It left me conflicted and confused. Was I making it all up? Was I overreacting like he told me I was? Was I being unfair to him and painting him to be some monster he wasn’t?

  But things kept getting worse, not better. “I think he knew I was planning on running.” Things had gotten worse in the months leading up to my escape. Finally, the night before I’d fled, he’d called me a whore again. Accused me of cheating on him. And I’d fucked up. I told him I didn’t cheat, I don’t even like sex. That sex doesn’t please me and was something to just… get through.

  I guess he took that as a personal assault – and maybe it was.

  Because he’d slapped me so hard I fell into the counter.

  It was at that moment I knew that if I didn’t get away, he’d kill me. Eventually everything would get worse and worse until he really lost it. And no one would even notice I was gone. After all, I’d spent the last year pushing everyone away and shutting everyone out of my life. How hard would it be for him to simply text my parents like I do on their birthdays and major holidays?

  “After he hit me, I knew it was time to go. So I did.” I realize I’m trembling and he’s stroking my hair. After a moment, he reaches past me and grabs something. He pushes his phone into my hands and I notice the number already typed in and waiting for me to hit the green phone.

  It’s my mom’s number.

  “Call her,” he says, rolling over and sitting up on the edge of the bed.

  He pulls his boxers on and stands up while I sit up, pull my knees to my chest and stare at the phone in my hand. What do I say? What do I tell the woman I turned my back on and shut out of my life for some man? Not even a good man, a cruel, evil one.

  “Just say hello,” he says and I realize I must have asked him what to say.

  “It can’t be that easy,” I protest. Can it?

  “Why not?” he asks, staring down at me as I hold the phone in trembling hands.

  I glance up at him, struck. Maybe he’s right. Maybe all I have to say is hello. After all, I’ve been living one day at a time. Why can’t I speak to her one word at a time? I touch the green phone icon and hold the phone to my ear.

  It rings and I stare up at Axl, terror washing over me. What if she doesn’t answer?

  “Hello?” she sounds… older. Tired.

  “Mom?”

  “Cait?” She sounds like she can’t believe her ears and I feel twin tears stream down my cheeks.

  “It’s me, mom, hi,” I say, a little laugh breaking from me even as tears roll down my cheeks. The bed shifts as Axl climbs in next to me and wraps his arms around my shoulders.

  “Are you okay?” Mom asks, sounding like she still can’t believe her ears.

  “I am, yeah,” I say, sniffling. “Or I will be. How are you?” I ask. “I’ve missed you,” I say, looking up at Axl, who’s got a smile on his face. He kisses the tip of my nose and backs off the bed.

  “I’ve missed you too,” Mom says, joy lighting up her tone as she calls to my father on the other end of the line. I watch Axl disappear into the bathroom, smiling through my tears as I hear dad shout in excitement and disbelief. “It’s Cait! She’s okay.”

  I’m better than okay.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Axl

  Finding out I was right about what she’d been through brings me no pleasure. But listening to her talk to her mother with absolute love and joy is all the validation I need that I’m doing the right thing. Maybe sleeping with her wasn’t the right thing, but I’m going do right by her as much as I can.

  “No, I’m not coming home right now,” she says, her laughter dying off. “I love you guys and I’ll see you once everything calms down, okay?”

  Quiet.

  “I promise,” she says.

  And I wonder how the hell I’m ever going to be able to leave her alone again. Her family just got her back. What if he gets his hands on her again? What if he doesn’t stop at a slap next time? My fists ball at my sides. I’ll fucking kill him.

  Pulling myself together, I head out of the bathroom as she says her goodbyes. There’s a huge smile on her face and she opens her arms to me after very carefully placing my phone on the bedside table.

  I move into her embrace and she clings to me, her shoulders shaking. “It was like I never left,” she whispers. “Thank you.”

  I feel her giggle. “Mom’s going to call everyone she knows and tell them all I’m coming home.”

  Unease washes through me. I’m no stranger to abusers. No doubt he’s got someone on the inner circle ready to bring her right back to him. I shove the troubling thoughts away. I can keep her safe from all of them. I’ll protect her from the whole damn world if I have to.

  Pressing my lips to hers, I feel her melt. Feel her lips part and her tongue trac
e my lower lip. The kiss is lazy and warm. We’re exploring one another, something I’ve never taken the time to do. Something I’ve never wanted to do. I never gave a fuck about exploration with a partner. Sex was a tool. A need by the body. And while I’d get my women off, it was generally a quick, violent meeting of bodies that would leave both parties bruised and very, very satisfied.

  I don’t want that with Caitlin.

  “You’re in your head,” she whispers, not bothering to even pull her lips away from mine.

  “Thinking about you,” I say. It’s not a lie. She’s at the center of every thought in my mind.

  Her lips curve a little at the corners and her eyes meet mine. There’s something sleepy and sweet about her that stirs something deep and dark within me. “Thank you,” she murmurs. “For everything.” Her lips touch mine again and her whole body curls into me.

  “We should get up and go,” I say, regret ringing through my whole body. All I want is to go another round with her. To bring her to the brink of orgasm again and again all day and feel her walls tighten around me and hear her little gasping breaths in my ear. Just the thought is enough to make me hard and I growl.

  “Not yet,” she whispers. Her lips brush mine and heat erupts in me. The sensation of her breath on my lips is like a kick to the balls and her eyes focus on mine. “Just a little bit longer.”

  I’m not sure I have the control for a little bit longer. When I shift, she holds onto me harder. “Please don’t go.” Her whisper has all the stopping power of a train and I hesitate.

  “I can only show so much restraint,” I grind out, focused on the words and hoping they make sense.

  Arousal lights her eyes. “Are you warning me you might lose control?” she asks.

  I growl and back off out of the bed and head for the bathroom. Turning on the water, I pull off my boxers and stand under the cold spray until there’s no chance of movement below the belt. Only then do I get out and dry off. With a towel around my waist, I head into the other room and grab my bag. Pulling out clean clothes, I dress while Caitlin ties her shoes.

  She’s dressed in fresh clothing and seems to be in high spirits. I see her little grin as she glances at me. She stands up and I admire the curve of her sexy legs. And I notice the change in her posture. She no longer looks beaten down by life. She looks ready to take on anything.

  “Are you ready yet?” she asks, tossing a shy smile my way. “You take longer than a woman to get ready.” Her soft humor and throaty laugh make my cock throb.

  Once we’re all packed up and we leave the room, I watch her easy movement. All the fear and tension seems to have ebbed right out of her. Now she’s standing tall – as tall as a five foot two woman can stand, that is.

  I can’t help but admire her. She’s a strong little lady. Stronger than I think she gives herself credit for. As she heads to her bike and pulls on her helmet, I want to check it over. I want to make sure she’s safe. I want to protect her from the whole damn world.

  Before I pull on my helmet, I check hers and give her a thumbs up. It’s all properly fitted. She brings her bike to life and waits for me to gear up and get moving. We pull out together with her leading the charge as she’s done almost the whole way.

  And I mentally tally all the positive steps forward she’s making. She’s well on her way to making her life whole again. She’s rebuilding, proving to herself and the world that she’s got more fight in her.

  She’s broken away from the abusive ex. She’s back in contact with her family. She’s aware of her strong support system. She knows I’m here and I’ll be her muscle. I’ll keep her safe. I fucking swear it on my life.

  Still, I can’t help but feel a little hint of unease.

  Who the hell is going to protect her from me?

  Chapter Fifteen

  Caitlin

  Four Weeks Ago

  “Easy,” he says and I rev up the bike a little. It jolts as I pull out and I ride down to the lot he’d told me to turn into. Turning into the parking area, I make a loop and come back, looking before pulling the bike back onto the main road and riding toward him.

  I pull into the drive and kill the engine as Axl opens his arms in what looks like reverence.

  “You’re a fucking natural,” Axl says as Dex glares at his back like he’s thinking about smacking him upside the head. I struggle to keep back my grin. The brothers get along like cats and dogs. It’s amusing, but I sense the love between them.

  “Language,” Dex hisses.

  “Mom isn’t here,” Axl says, “you can quit trying to butter her up.”

  “Fuck you.” Dex spits the words like venom.

  Axl ignores him and reaches out to mess with my helmet. I jerk back, startled by the motion. He doesn’t pull away, he holds totally still, his eyes locking on mine.

  “No touching,” I say firmly.

  “Hard to adjust your helmet if I can’t touch you.” He’s just as firm.

  And I back down. Leaning toward him, I say, “Just this once, then.”

  “Just this once,” he agrees in a low voice that makes me shiver. His hands are surprisingly gentle as they fuss with the fit.

  “Is it comfortable?” he asks.

  I nod.

  “I’m not sure what else I can teach you,” he says, spreading his hands wide.

  “How about what a fucking Ducati is?” Dex mumbles. Axl smacks the back of his head so hard Dex jolts forward, then turns, puffing up and silently threatening his brother with physical bodily harm. I hold my breath as they stare each other down. But Dex merely shakes his head and moves right along muttering about women and crazy men.

  “Thank you,” I say softly.

  Axl shrugs, but I’m not willing to let him blow me off like that.

  “You didn’t have to teach me. You did. You chose to. I’m grateful,” I say, my voice so low it’s like I’m worried Carl is right outside listening. If he thought for even a second that I was here, talking to a man… I’d be in trouble. As it is, I’m going to be in trouble. He’s been so aggressive, so angry lately. Like he knows I’m up to something.

  I put down the kickstand and step off the bike. Pulling off the helmet, I notice Axl’s eyes skim over me before he looks away.

  “It’s no problem,” he growls

  It’s not a big deal to him, but it’s a big deal to me. He’s been kind to me and never asked anything in return. Sure, he said I’m a natural, but I struggled at first. The bike is so heavy I had trouble with it. Then I was afraid of it, afraid of the power. But he’d talked me through that. He’d told me I’m in control of this machine, not the other way around.

  “You don’t understand,” I tell him. He walks away like he’s blowing me off and I chase him to his office.

  “No, you don’t understand,” he growls, spinning to face me suddenly. “I’m not your friend. You bought the damn bike, I had to teach you to ride it. That’s responsibility, not something special about you.”

  I blink. Nobody has ever been that brutal to me before. “I was never your responsibility,” I whisper, studying him. “You chose that.”

  He seems stunned, as if he’d expected me to crumble in the face of his cruelty. “You’ve been kinder to me than some that claim to love me,” I say honestly, hating the sting of tears in my eyes.

  It’s sadder that I’m telling the truth. All the kindness that I’ve been shown for the last year has had strings attached. It’s always been ripped away when I needed it the most.

  “So it might mean nothing to you,” I say just above a whisper that he must be straining to hear, “But it means something to me.”

  I feel the shift in him. I feel him soften a little even though I don’t see an outward change. “If you need anything else,” he says, the words a clear shut down.

  He’s pushing me away. But I’ve made up my mind. I feel oddly safe around this man. I know he’s rough. I know he’s got some issues. Ugly ones by the look of him, but I’ve got my own ugly parts, so wh
o am I to judge?

  “Actually, there is,” I say and his eyes tick to mine. I see the curiosity behind his carefully controlled expression and know he’ll at least hear me out, even if he flat out refuses the insane thing I’m about to ask him for. I must be losing my mind. Haven’t I dug a deep enough hole in the last year? A hole so deep I never thought I’d get out?

  “Yes?” he wrings the single word out.

  “When I go, I’m going to need someone to keep me safe.” There. I said it.

  I see his whole body change. See his spine snap straight. See his muscles tense. The shifts are so small, so subtle I almost miss them.

  “But I can’t give any details,” I add in a whisper.

  He’d be flat out nuts to say yes to this. But somewhere in my head I hope he’ll say yes. Because it would be peace of mind to not be on the road alone when I run. When I run. I must be losing my ever loving mind.

  “I’ll do it,” he growls.

  I jerk my head up and stare into his eyes in shock.

  “I’ll be ready when you are.” With that, he leaves the little office and stalks toward Dex. The two talk for a moment as I watch them, in shock over what just happened. Everything is really falling into place. Maybe this will work. And hope sprouts like a little seed in my belly.

  The rough, tough, coarse man is going to protect me from the one that’s been so sticky sweet it’s sickening. Life is freaking weird.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Axl

  “We’ve got a fucking problem,” Dex says.

  I shift the phone on my ear and bite back a joke about his sex life. The seriousness of his tone means this is no laughing matter.

  “What?” I ask, noticing Caitlin stepping off her bike and smiling at the guy pumping our gas. He seems dumbstruck as she walks off, her sexy hips swaying with that natural, easy gait she’s had all day.

  “Some asshole was punking around.”

  The moment he says it, something ugly twists in my gut. I have a feeling I know who he’s talking about.