Deviant Fixation

by Valencia Carmelita

  "What are you doing ?" I question, my gaze warily following his approaching footsteps.

  "Do you remember Sanam.." He licks his lips slowly. "How many times..I made you cūm today?"

  I gasp as my face steams further with embarrassment. I attempt to look anywhere but him, yet fail miserably.

  He presses on with his shameless inquiry. "Go on, say it.."

  "Please leave!" I begin retreating back.

  "Five times..." He whispers hotly, eyes glimmering in wickedness. "Or was it six?...certainly above four..."

  "Shutup!!" I bellow, my palms perspiring as I balled them into fists at my sides.

  "We were onto number seven, weren't we?" He grins, displaying a pearly smile. My heart flutters at the gesture, yet my mind rebukes it.

  "You were reaching that peak..so beautifully.." He divulges, smile vanishing just as quick. His expression modifies intensively. "I could watch you like that over and over again..lose my mind to it..that's what you do to me."

  With tremulous knees, I swallow hard at the lump forming in my throat. "I-I don't know what you're talking about !"

  The familiar heat of yearning prevails throughout my body from his words. My rationality dwindles by the seconds.

  "The way I felt inside you?" He murmurs fervidly, eyes shone with renewed hunger, molesting my face and figure seductively. "Why don't we complete round seven in my room right now..lets make babies."

  The last three words out of his mouth shatter the spell he was casting over me. My eyes widen in alarm before furrowing at him in acrimony. "God forbid such a thing from occurring! I don't want your children!!!"

  Instantly his gaze hardens. "Don't you dare ask God of that!"

  "No! I'll keep asking for it to never happen!!" I shake my head in defiance against him. "I don't want your children, I don't want you!! I will have my freedom from your mafia world!!"

  He studies me curiously for a quiet few seconds before uttering. "Did you start your period yet?"

  My face drains of colour. "That's none of your business!"

  "May God bless you with my offspring.." He whispers fiercely. "Amen."

  "No!!" I shout at him, gritting my teeth.

  "You should be pregnant by now, wife." He continues, evading my stance on the matter. "It will bind us more closely."

  "Shut up!!!" I chuck a pillow in his direction, but he easily catches it in his hand instead.

  "Considering how many times.." He murmurs heatedly. "I came in you earlier today."

  I was seething now and before I know it the next words out of my mouth are. "I'll abort-" I gasp, stopping midsentence at the wrong words.

  "Don't you fūcking dare, Sanam!" He growls, enraged as he launches himself at me. In a split second I'm pinned to the wall with his body hard pressed against mine.

  "What's wrong with you?!" He demands, shaking my shoulders. "Don't you know that's a fūcking sin!! How can you even think such a vile idea?! Huh?!"

  My eyes distend in surprise at his reaction. I wasn't expecting such a response from him. Why was he so vehement in wanting a child with me? Didn't he marry me for his own sick pleasures?

  "Wh-Why do you want to.." I ask disquietingly. "Have children with me?..Why?"

  His eyes lock with mine in the most intent expression I've seen him produce yet. He lowers his head and rests his forehead against mine, our breaths mingling. The fragrance of his minty one cooled my cheeks. I attempt to suppress the defiant shiver of desire coursing down my spine.

  "Because I love you.." The following declaration out of his mouth had my heart stopping, breath freezing.

  I gape at him, shock distending my eyes into saucers. He cups my cheeks in his ivory palms and takes a deep inhale of the scent from my face.

  "I love you.." He confirms again, caressing my cheeks.

  "No!!" I snap, shaking my head in disagreement. "This can't be happening!!"

  "I love you, Sanam." He reaffirms sternly.

  "You're supposed to hate me!!" I shout at him, attempting to wriggle away from his possession against the wall. "Since when did you stop hating me!! Go back to hating me!!!"

  "Listen to me, please." His voice takes on a desperate measure as he tightens his grip now around my waist. "Ever since the first kiss, I didn't realize..or perhaps it was even before that.. I don't know when I've stopped hating you..believe me..I don't regret any of it...I can not go back..I will not attempt it..I love you Sanam!"

  "No!!!" I bellow in rage. "I don't believe you!!! You're full of poison!! You're only using me for your sick pleasure!!"

  "You've got it all wrong." He argues, eyes set ablaze in indecipherable passion. His tone slips in a crestfallen manner. "That night of my arrival back after such a long separation from you..when I was in the kitchen with you..breathing you in..so close to you..I had missed you so terribly..Sanam I can't even express in words..these emotions..I've never known them..they frightened me Sanam..I had been afraid of the change..yet I had never experienced such an elevated form of bliss as I do near you.."

  My ears were ashamed of what I was hearing now, my eyes full of disbelief. I continue shaking my head in disagreement. "That's not love...that's not love..."

  He raises a brow inquiringly. "Then what is it?"

  "Sick obsession!" I snap, irritation gaining my stance. "You're sick in the head! I don't want any part of it!!!"

  "I can not go back to hating you!" His austerity delivers sparks of confusion to my mind. "I love you Sanam..call it obsession if you want..I love you and I'm ready to spend the rest of my life loving you..taking care of you..of God willing, our children."

  "No!!" Before I realize it, I'm weeping. "You don't know what love is! All you know is cruelty! You're a cold blooded killer!"

  His visage drains of color as he stares down at me. I proceed to inform him of his actual reality. "A killer like you can not know what love is! Everything you do is for your own selfish desires! In Islam, it's called the nafs and you have lost yourself fully to your nafs! You think you're in love, when love is supposed to be selfless! You keep me caged, you forced this marriage! You manipulated my emotions when I was at my most vulnerable and I ended up engaging in shameless acts with you! Even before that, you forced oral sex on me! Now you have the audacity to claim love?! You are sick beyond repair!! You have no idea how much I hate you!!! You deserve nothing but hate!!!"

  I was left out of breath as I completed those words. My eyes stinging with tears. My heart thudding rampantly within my ears. He merely gapes at me, a flicker of dejection passes within his gaze.

  Suddenly his phone begins ringing. He gradually reaches in his pocket and without unlocking his gaze with mine, he answers it. "Yes uncle?"

  I take this opportunity to distance myself from our close proximity. My tremulous legs don't carry me far when he halts me midstep with promising words. "I will never free you Sanam..unless I'm dead, it's too dangerous to let you leave now."

  With that finality in his tone, he absconds from my room. I'm left there boiling in fury. After everything I've said to him, that is the only statement he issues to me. He is indeed incapable of love. A man completely subdued by his nafs.

  ◆◆◆

  The very next day's events unravel unexpectedly. When Rachael summons me to the foyer lounge, I was beyond astonished to find none other than Khalil's presence besides her.

  "Khalil?!" I gasp, unable to believe my sight.

  "Sanam madam!" Khalil addresses, tears pooling in his eyes. "I'm so glad to see you again!"

  "Oh my Allah!" I laugh joyously, rushing to his side. "You're here! You're free from Imran's clutches! How did this happen?!"

  Khalil smiles sadly and aims a timid glance in Rachael's direction. I follow his gaze and vocalize my gratitude. "Thank you so much, Rachael! Thank you so much!!"

  Rachael merely chuckles, shaking her head in disagreement. "Don't thank me, thank Vladimir. He completed this mission overnight."

  Immediately the smile vanishes from my face. "Oh.."<
br />
  After leaving Khalil in the kitchen with Mrs.Agnelli and Bilal, I pace back and forth in my bedroom. Thoughts of Vladimir hunted my mind relentlessly. Despite of how much I told him I hated him, he had gone to rescue Khalil anyway.

  I felt nothing short of embarrassment. Finally making up my mind, I trudge out into the corridor. I spot Anya and ask her where Vladimir could be right now. She informs me he may be in the billiards room, relaxing before setting off for some other classified task due to commence tonight.

  As soon as I get to the billiards room, I inhale deeply before knocking at the door. I was hoping for him to be in seclusion within. I didn't wish for Grigori, Serge or Yigor to witness my bashful display of gratitude towards Vladimir.

  "Come in." That familiar sleek velvety voice commands. I feel a chill run down my spine.

  With shaky fingers I grip the door knob and turn, pushing in. The billiards room is illuminated in a soft glow from the active fireplace. I glimpse Vladimir reclining on a cushiony armchair.

  A glass of amber colored liquid held in one hand, a decanter labeled brandy set upon a side table. In his other hand a lit cigar. His eyes stare aimlessly into the crackling flames of the fireplace.

  I dawdle forward awkwardly and come to a halt a few steps away from him. His side profile appears full of regality by the glow casted upon him from the fireplace. The hair on his head resembles as if spun from pure gold.

  This is another daunting trait I found about him. It irked me that his appearance alone could set my nerves on edge even when he was just sitting dazedly. How could someone possess so much charisma yet also cruelty like he does?

  After a long moment of silence, I muster the strength to utter my gratitude. "Th-Thank you."

  "For?" He inquires without looking at me while he takes a drag of his cigar and exhales out smoke.

  I fiddle with the hem of my sleeves. "Uh..for..freeing Khalil."

  "He's already thanked me." He replies dryly, eyes remain focused on the fire flames ahead.

  "I meant.." I take a deep annoyed inhale, slightly tapping a foot against the flooring. "Thank you for doing that for me."

  "I didn't do it for you." He shrugs his broad shoulders casually and sips from his glass. "I did it for my sister."

  "Oh.." I feel a part of me disappointed for some odd reason.

  He sets his glass atop the side table and mutters aridly under his breath. "Now if you don't mind, please shut the door after you leave, thanks."

  With that concluding statement, he blinks his eyes shut and continues exhaling from his cigar. I'm nothing but shocked at this sudden change within him.

  I can only but offer him a glower, suppressing the urge to scoff openly at his rude demeanour. I swivel on my heel and march out of there, slamming the door shut behind me.

  Who the hell does he think he is ?!

  My heart trembles at this new unpleasant shift in his character. So will he now treat me churlishly while keeping me prisoner in his gilded cage? This was unbelievably abhorrent.

  When he departs along with his cousins for another classified mission, my heart seems like it's on the verge of cracking. Like the last time, I wasn't present to bid him farewell. I was unable to convene the courage to face him while knowing he was departing for a dangerous task.

  What I was reasonably loathing was the confusion encasing my mind in ever growing distress. What was happening to me? Why couldn't I place Vladimir Nielsen out of my mind for good?

  You said you hate him.

  Over the following days, I was behaving the exact same way I had been when the last time he was gone for so long. Katie and Bev including the household staff were all remarking upon my disheartened condition left so apparent. I failed at concealing such a vulnerable stance.

  "You love him." Rachael's voice obstructs my despondent thoughts.

  I glance away from the window of the lounge and at her face. Mildly alarmed at her statement. We were the only two occupants in the lounge area presently.

  "I-I.." My brows furrow as I search for a response. "I don't know what you're talking about."

  "Ofcourse you do." Rachael smiles wistfully. "You love my brother."

  I close my eyes, drawing in a shaky breath. My body trembles along with my heart.

  Please don't cry, please don't cry, please don't cry..

  "I just.." My voice cracks, as tears begin rolling out of my eyes. "I just don't know anymore..."

  "Oh dear, come here." Rachael collects me into the comfort of her arms.

  "Shhh.." She smooths her hands on my hijab concealed head. "It's alright..it's alright to love..don't deny it."

  "Rachael! Sanam!!" I recognize none other than Ivan Molotov's voice, he was Vladimir's deceased oldest uncles son.

  The last time I saw him was at the Christmas banquet, when he was being very intrusive about why Vladimir took interest in me.

  "What is it, Ivan?" Rachael queries. "Does uncle Dimitri need something ?

  "No!" Ivan begins as he aims me a worried glance. "Duffield and your little brother along with the freed servant have been captured by the Doucette and the Siberian Ulyanov mafia!"

  "What?!!" I gape at him in dismay. "I saw them hours ago this morning, they were out in the front yard by the poolside!"

  Ivan shakes his head. "What I'm relaying to you is true, they are nowhere to be found within the perimeters of the estate.We've received images and videos of their imprisonment by the Doucettes and Ulyanovs! Come see uncle Dimitri, you both!"

  We rush after him in the direction of Dimitri Molotov's temporary study set aside in the Nielsen manor. My heart flagellating harshly within my ribcage. My mind engulfing with dread over Bilal, Duffield and Khalil.

  This can't be true, you saw them this morning!!

  As soon as we enter into Mister Molotovs study, he's scowling deeply at me. "You girl! This is all your fault!"

  He gestures at the power point screen and presses a button to activate it. There on the screen, plays the video clip of Bilal, Duffield and Khalil. They are crying while their hands and feet are clamped in shackles of chains. Their faces appear bruised badly.

  I let out a heart shattering shriek seeing them in such a terrible condition. "Oh God, what is this ?! Where are they??!!"

  "It's all your fūcking fault!" Mister Molotov snaps at me derisively. "Had you not insisted Vladimir free that man servant, this problem wouldn't have occurred!"

  "What's going on, uncle?!" Rachael demands, she immediately takes ahold of my shoulders protectively. "Why are you blaming Sanam? How did this all happen?!"

  "That traitorous manservant lured her little brother and Duffield into a ploy!" Mister Molotov wags his finger at the image of Khalil. "He was being blackmailed already by that scoundrel gang Burq Al Nar, they were holding his family members in separate locations. It was a set up all along! They knew this foolish girl here would return to free the manservant, but little did she know that the manservant can never be freed when his family members are also enslaved!"

  "How did they manage to leave the estate with all the heavy security?!" Rachael shook her head in apparent disbelief.

  I begin crying into the palms of my hand as I could no longer stand to witness the sight of my little brothers bruised face on the screen.