Don't Look Back

by Wendy Vella

  “You should have called me.” Ethan's words were almost a whisper, but Brad heard the anger that was still there, because he could sound the same when he was trying to keep himself in check.

  “Probably, but as I liked you about as much as EG, that wasn't going to happen.” It felt surprisingly good to say the words openly; for so long he'd kept his feelings close. He'd hated his brother, and piled a ton of shit on his head. He wasn’t sure that had changed much as he really didn't know him, but now he had calmed down, he could concede the man wasn't the monster his father was.

  Ethan scowled.

  “Mark asked me what I was doing, I said anything that involved alcohol and drugs.”

  “Drugs too?”

  “Come on, Ethan, you know the world I lived in. How could you think I wasn’t using drugs?”

  “Are you clean now?”

  Brad nodded. “It never really got its hooks in me, but it was getting there.”

  “What happened next?”

  “Mark asked me if I rode a bike, because he liked to get out on his when he had free time. When I nodded he told me what he did, and the rest is history.”

  Newman and Annabelle looked intrigued, Ethan still looked pissed off.

  “Does EG know?”

  Brad looked at Ethan. “I imagine so, as he seems to know everything about everyone. He's had you followed for years.”

  Ethan didn't appear surprised by that revelation.

  “He's capable of that and more, we both know it. But you, what you're doing, now that will stick in his craw. Helping people has never been a strong suit of EG’s. I like it.”

  Brad found a smile to match the one on his brother’s face. In this they were in total agreement. Anything that annoyed their father was all right by them.

  “Me too.”

  “Still can't get my head around what you look like now.” Ethan shook his head. “Last time I saw you, you were a different man.”

  “I was an asshole.” Brad hadn't realized just how much he wanted done with his life until EG had given him an out.

  “So I'm guessing we need to do some more digging about this consortium dear old daddy is heading, and find out what they intend,” Annabelle said, and Brad was relieved to move the conversation off him for a while.

  “It will include raping and pillaging the land for sure, and it's my guess he'll have a special interest as it's close to Ethan's hometown. When he finds out I'm here, that interest will double. Got any more coffee?” Brad added, standing. Annabelle waved him inside.

  He found large, soft sofas and chairs, a low coffee table, and polished floors with thick rugs. The walls were neutral, but the furnishings vivid splashes of color. He didn't know much about his new sister-in-law, but he knew she liked color, so he guessed this was her doing.

  The kitchen had more windows and plenty of modern appliances, and he saw Ethan's hand there. He remembered his brother liked to eat a great deal, and had made full use of his father's facilities when he was allowed. Brad had just located the coffeepot when he heard another voice.

  “Hey there, Mr. and Mrs. Gelderman!”

  Macy Reynolds was here, and his body suddenly fired to life. He saw her naked in the moonlight as she slid onto him, her silken skin and lush breasts.

  “Get a grip,” he muttered, pouring the liquid into his cup.

  “Brad!”

  He looked up in time to see Billy erupt into the room.

  “What's the hurry, Billy?”

  “We're gonna have an after-wedding party, and we got soda and cake.”

  “All that sugar's going to rot your teeth, surely?”

  “I'm only allowed it sometimes, because Mom says I go a little crazy when I have too much.”

  Brad smiled, the tension inside him easing as he looked into the open face. Kids, he'd learned since leaving his father's house, loved you no matter what you looked or sounded like.

  “Yeah, it does that to me too, but I have to say that I'm a chocolate cake fan, Billy.”

  He made himself straighten then and look at the woman walking toward him. Her eyes were guarded, making it hard for him to read what she was thinking.

  Her shorts sat midthigh, and the top was off the shoulder, the color baby blue, and it seemed to float around her lovely curves as she moved.

  “Hey, Macy.”

  “Brad.” She nodded but no smile followed.

  “Billy, you head on out and get that glass of soda, but only one, okay.”

  “Okay, and Brad can sit with me when he comes outside.”

  “We'll see, baby. Brad may be busy.”

  The two adults watched the boy leave, and then the lovely sparks and reckless need they'd felt last night turned into tension. Brad jammed his hands in his pockets to stop from touching her. He wanted to, and kiss her, running his lips over her soft pink ones again to hear her little sighs.

  “How are you today, Macy?”

  She waved a hand about, which Brad guessed dismissed his words.

  “I thought you were leaving Howling today?”

  “I am, but I stopped by to see Ethan, and I'm still here.”

  “Good, I’m glad you and he are saying good-bye properly.”

  “I’m not sure when I’m leaving.” Brad wasn’t sure why he’d said the words, because he’d already decided it was best to get out of Howling, but they came out of his mouth anyway.

  “I understand that you’d want to spend time with your brother, Brad,” Macy said, “and what happened between us was great and all, but there won't be a repeat of it.”

  Great? It was fucking amazing.

  “I’m sure we covered that last night, Macy. Both of us were aware it was a onetime thing.”

  “I just don't need this getting awkward, Brad. So while I am grateful to you for last night, you have to understand that I have a young, impressionable child, and I won't allow him to be hurt because his mother is loose. So we need to be adult about this.” The words had tumbled out of her mouth quickly, as if they tasted off.

  “Loose?” She was so far removed from loose it was ridiculous.

  “And I'm grateful, really,” she said again. “But I can't let anyone realize what happened last night.”

  “Grateful?” Brad felt the anger that had eased, return.

  “I explained that you were my first since—”

  “Right, got it,” Brad said softly. “I was the experiment, and it worked out just fine for you, so no need of a repeat performance.”

  “That's not what I meant, Brad, and maybe it came out wrong.”

  “You think?”

  “It was a wonderful night, but it can never happen again.”

  “And you believe I want it to? That I'd do something like that here at my brother's house, with your little boy a few feet away? Jump you now, like some kind of animal?”

  “No.” She shook her head. “I never meant—”

  “Whatever, and you're right. I don't do repeats either. So thanks, but no thanks,” Brad said, wondering why her words had pissed him off when they followed the philosophy he'd always lived by.

  “Don't.” She touched his hand, and the shock of awareness was not a pleasant experience. “I handled this entire conversation wrong, and hurt you, and I'm sorry.”

  “You didn't hurt me,” Brad looked over her head. “And you're right, so let’s just leave it at that, okay. Polite and distant will work perfectly. Besides, I won't be here long, and then we won't see each other again.”

  “No.” She shook her head, sending soft curls in all directions. “That's not what I want. I want you to get to know your brother and stay here as long as you need. I handled this conversation all wrong, and I'm sorry, I was nervous when I saw you because I've never been in this situation before. I would like for us to be friends, Brad, so we can talk if and when we see each other. I just wanted you to know I can't repeat last night, even if I want to.”

  “Hell of a night,” he said, throwing her a bone because he could see she
was genuinely upset.

  “Oh yes.” She sighed. “It was wonderful.”

  Brad watched her walk back outside. He needed to regroup. It was the sigh that had started heat traveling through his body again. That soft sound reminded him of the ones he'd kissed from her lips last night.

  Macy watched Brad Gelderman walk out onto the deck and take a chair several feet from hers. His hair was damp, T-shirt creased and displaying all those wonderful muscles she’d touched last night. Worn jeans molded the thighs she’d straddled. His sunglasses shielded his eyes, but the flash of pain she had put in them earlier still sat heavy on her shoulders.

  Macy hadn't meant to say what she had, but seeing him so soon after the night they shared had rocked her back on her heels. He'd said he was leaving, so she'd believed they would not meet again. Well, at least not for some time, but then there he was. Macy didn’t have a blueprint for this. Had never been in this situation before. She knew people thought she’d slept around, but Brian had been her first, so this, the day after the night of sex, was a new experience.

  Brad may have accepted her apology, but he’d fired a few verbal shots of his own before she’d seen the shutters lower in his eyes. He would keep his distance from her now, and wasn't that exactly what Macy wanted?

  “I think the first thing we need to do is find out everything we can about this proposal,” Ethan said, interrupting her thoughts.

  Annabelle had filled her in on what they had learned about the Buchanan land, and while she wasn't happy, like the others, she also knew Nadine Buchanan.

  They had been friends once, well, as friendly as two nasty, spoilt girls could be, and Nadine had told Macy years ago that even though her parents wanted their land kept in the family, she wouldn't hesitate to sell it if someone offered. She’d hated living there, so far away from everyone and everything. The only house for miles. Her favorite saying had been, “The world’s about money, Macy. You and I know that, and it’s up to us to go and get some any way we can.”

  “We also need to find out exactly what is being proposed,” Newman added.

  Macy listened as they talked, but didn't say much. She wasn't as smart as her friends. She hadn't wanted to go on to college; what she'd wanted was to get married and start a family, because that's what her mother had raised her to do. Not that you had to go to college to be smart, she understood that too, but she also knew she couldn't compete with her friends when it came to intelligence, so she rarely tried.

  “What are your thoughts on this, Macy?”

  Macy froze at Brad’s words.

  “Oh well... I'm sure you guys will do the right thing.”

  “But do you think that what the Falkirk Consortium is proposing is wrong?”

  “Of course I do. It makes me sick to think they could destroy that land.”

  He seemed happy with her answer, so she kept talking.

  “I want to leave this place as I found it for Billy and the next generation of children. I know change is inevitable, but when I think of the destruction of that beautiful countryside that comes right along with what that consortium is proposing, it turns my stomach.”

  Everyone was looking at her, Macy realized.

  “What?”

  “You never usually get involved in discussions, just nod and agree. It's good to see you contributing. We all know you have a brain, nice to see you using it.”

  Macy felt uncomfortable at Annabelle's words.

  “Yeah, well I think this is wrong.”

  “It is,” Brad said.

  The man wasn't even touching her and he unsettled her.

  “You knew Nadine, Macy. What's your take on why she's selling?”

  “Nadine had no loyalty to her family or that land, Newman, you know how she was. Like me, she thought about herself, and if someone offered her good money, she wouldn't hesitate to take it. But she did say once she thought she’d have that land forever, because who would want to buy it?”

  “Was like you,” Annabelle corrected her. “You're not that person, and never really were.”

  Uncomfortable, Macy didn’t add anything to that.

  “This could get messy and cost us money if we try to fight it,” Ethan said. “I'm happy to use mine.”

  “We’re not talking about borrowing your lawnmower, Tex,” Buster said. He’d been sitting quietly and listening. “This could take thousands and drag out for years. We all know what the legal system is like.”

  “Me too.”

  “Me too what?” Ethan asked his brother.

  “I want to offer some money to the cause should it be needed.”

  “This is not personal to you, Brad,” Annabelle said.

  “Sure it is, anything that bastard has a hand in is personal to me. Excuse me for cursing, ladies and Billy.”

  “You’ve been cursing since you got here, and now you’re apologizing? It must be you, Macy,” Annabelle added with a sly smile.

  Macy glared at her friend, but as she still wore her glasses the gesture was useless. Why had Annabelle said that? Did she know what had happened last night? God, that would complicate things terribly, Macy thought.

  “You're not using your money for this.”

  “You’re not stopping me. I have as much invested as you in getting at him.”

  “This is not just about getting at him.”

  Macy watched the Gelderman brothers as they talked. Neither had raised their voices, but there was no doubting the tension between them; like two wary dogs, they circled each other.

  “Now's not the time to discuss this.” Brad ended the conversation. “We'll work through it when and if we need to.”

  Macy hated tension; it unsettled her. Her ex would just walk into a room, and it nearly choked her.

  “Are you staying for a while then, Brad?” She made herself ask the question.

  “I'll see how this plays out before I decide.” He focused on her.

  “He’s staying for a while.”

  “Ethan, shut up,” Brad then said, much to everyone’s surprise.

  “Oh now you just have to stay.” Buster hooted with laugher. “Anyone who will speak to the giant ego like that has my backing.”

  “Is your cabin still empty, Macy?” Newman asked her the question, and Macy's instant and thankfully silent reply was no!

  “Yes.”

  “Maybe Brad could stay there then, as I'm sure the brothers don't need to be under the same roof.”

  Macy looked from Brad to Ethan. There was definitely tension between them.

  “Okay, sure. If Brad wants to use it, I have no problem with that, as it's still standing empty.”

  “I don't want to put you out.”

  “No, it's fine. I was going to let it this year, but never got ’round to it again.”

  “I'll pay the going rate.”

  His voice was cool, with nothing in it to indicate she had climbed onto his lap last night and— Shut it down, girl. No good can come from going there.

  “Sure,” she said. “When we leave, you follow me, and I'll show you the way and check everything is all right.”

  “Thanks.”

  She breathed easier when he turned away to speak with Annabelle.

  She could do this, be professional, if he could. She would take him to the cottage, check everything was as it should be, then leave. Billy would be there, so she wouldn't be completely alone with the man who had, quite simply, made Macy realize that she was not emotionally dead.

  Brad rode up the steep drive and then pulled his Harley in beside Buster’s car in front of the small rustic cabin. Macy’s friend was going home with his girlfriend and would pick up his car tomorrow.

  The sun was setting over the town of Howling and he was surprised that he had spent the entire day at Ethan and Annabelle's house talking with them and their friends. He’d been aware of Macy, as he knew she was of him, but they’d managed to maintain a polite façade, and he thought that next time it would be easier. Well, he hoped it would, a
nd that he would want her less.

  He watched Macy get out of the car and open the rear door for Billy. The boy ran to Brad, who was now settling the bike on its stand.

  “Can I have a ride soon?”

  “Sure.”

  “No.”

  He and Macy spoke at the same time. She was standing by the front door now, a key in her hand.

  “It's up to your mom, Billy.”

  “Why, Mom?”

  “It's dangerous.” She wouldn't meet Brad's eyes. “And we don't have a helmet to fit you.”

  “I could use my bike one.”

  “You're too young, Billy, and I don't want to say anything else about this.”

  Brad watched Macy open the door by dropping her shoulder into it, and then disappear into the little cottage.

  “Sorry, buddy, your mom's the boss.”

  “She's mean.” The boy had a militant look on his face as he glared at the door his mom had walked through.

  “She loves you, Billy, and that's about the most important thing a parent can give their child. One day you'll understand that.”

  Billy looked up at him, and Brad kept his face calm. The boy sighed.

  “I know, but she won't let me have a dog neither.”

  Brad snorted. It always amused the hell out of him how a child's mind worked.

  “I'm sure she has her reasons, bud.”

  “Suppose,” he said, kicking a stone.

  Brad ruffled his hair before he headed to the cottage. Billy was soon on his heels.

  “She reckons it'll dirty up the house,” he said with single-minded dedication to the topic at hand.

  “She is your mother,” Brad corrected him, “and she is probably right.”

  “About what?”

  Macy appeared in the doorway.

  “About not allowing him to have a dog because it will dirty up the house.”

  She gave Billy a look that he was sure a million mothers had given their children around the world that very day.

  “No.”

  “See, she's mean.”

  The boy looked disgusted and wandered along the deck to inspect the only chair that occupied it.