Don't Look Back

by Wendy Vella

  Branna sighed. “The first is always the hardest.”

  Macy looked a little lost, her eyes moving around the carnival slowly. He wondered what she was thinking, and figured most of her thoughts would be centered on her father, and the firsts she would be doing without him in her life now.

  Her dress was yellow and reached her knees. She wore a short white thing over it, and looked young and vulnerable, a look she wore often.

  “Hi.” He went to her side.

  “Hi.”

  “Hi, Brad, I’m going to buy some fudge.”

  “Nice work, Billy, I’m just about to try some. You want a piece to test it before you buy?”

  The boy shook his head and left in a hurry.

  “How are you?”

  “Good… okay,” she added. “It's a time thing, everyone tells me. Thanks for the calls.”

  She had dark smudges under her eyes, which told him she wasn't sleeping.

  “Grief doesn't have a timeline, honey. It takes as long as you need it to take.”

  Her lip trembled, but she inhaled through her nose.

  “I miss him, and yet he wasn't the best dad, but he was my dad.”

  “We're taking Billy to ride with Rose. You take your time, Macy, and come on over when you're done.”

  “With what?” She looked confused at Annabelle’s words.

  “Whatever you want.”

  The friends left with the children, and suddenly it was Macy and Brad alone, surrounded by a town full of people.

  “He loved you, and you loved him. Nothing else matters, Macy.”

  “Everyone is so nice,” she said, looking up at him, “but I just needed a few days to….”

  “Be sad?”

  She nodded. “Then today, Annabelle and Branna arrived and said enough, and made me come here, and I'm glad they did, but this was something my dad looked forward to every year.” She looked around her. “He's everywhere.”

  “Then how about you take me on a tour of what he loved, seeing as I haven't been here before?”

  “Oh... I don't think so.”

  “There you go thinking again.”

  He held out his hand and she hesitated, then placed her fingers on his.

  “This, the fudge stall, was usually his first stop, and always was since I was a child.”

  “Macy!” Gussie Neeps gave her a toothless smile. “Here, this is for you, I saved it ’specially. Your father's favorite, but tonight you must eat it.”

  Macy took the bag the lady held out to her, and then managed to stumble out a thank-you before leaving the tent. It happened everywhere they went. Everyone wanted to talk about her father and give her things, and Brad's love of this town grew a bit more. An hour later she was laughing.

  “Sometimes this place is claustrophobic, but then sometimes, like tonight, there is no place I would rather be.”

  “It’s pretty special,” Brad agreed. “Want me to win you a soft toy?”

  She giggled this time, the sound making him smile.

  “I don’t think so. My days of boys winning me soft toys are done, but thanks for the offer.”

  “Is that—”

  “No way did that woman have the cheek to turn up here!”

  Brad and Macy had seen Nadine Buchanan at the same time. She was with the two lawyers, Mr. Ryan and Mr. Alexander.

  “Looks like she did, but don’t let her spoil your night, Macy.”

  “Bitch. What the hell is she doing here?”

  “If I had to guess, I'd say they're trying to win a few people over, because even though the fudge was great, I'm sure there's more to it.”

  She spun on him, eyes fired up, lovely body rigid.

  “I can't believe you're making light of this.”

  “I’m not, but I also believe that the people of this town are sparked up about this Buchanan business, and I don't think there's anything Ms. Buchanan or her suits can say to change that. I think they’re pushing shit uphill to even try.”

  She thought about that for a few seconds.

  “Okay, so you're probably right about that. Still, it makes me mad to see her here.”

  “You do mad well, Miss Reynolds. It lights up your eyes.”

  “Thanks. Now I should go find Billy, and move away from Nadine before I say something that has me arrested.”

  “Now that I’d like to see.”

  She looked at him. “To be fair, I probably wouldn’t have the courage, but I’m getting there.”

  “So you’re feeling better?”

  “Yes.” Her smile was so sweet he nearly missed a step.

  “Okay, let’s go find your boy before his teeth fall out. Jake bought six bags of fudge, and only gave me one.”

  “It’s his weakness.”

  “For a doctor, it’s not a good one to have.”

  Her hand stayed in his, and he knew people noticed, but didn’t care. He was leaving soon, and they’d find someone else to talk about.

  They were nearing the rides when a man approached.

  “Are you Macy Reynolds Delray?”

  “Macy Reynolds,” she corrected him.

  “This is for you.” He then handed her a brown envelope, and left.

  “Strange place to receive an envelope, don't you think?” Brad said, looking at it.

  “Yes, but then this is Howling, we do weird well. It could be something from a stall holder? A gift because of dad.”

  He took the envelope out of her hands and inspected it.

  “Did you know that man?”

  “No, but it's probably just a gift, right?” She said the words again, but he heard the doubt this time.

  “Could be, but let’s head over there to the quiet to open it.”

  Her fingers clenched inside his.

  “Why? What do you think it is?”

  “Not sure, but something's not sitting right, and that could be nothing more than my untrusting Texan instincts reacting, so how about you humor me.”

  They walked to the rear of a tent, then he handed it to her, although if he was honest, Brad wanted to open it himself. Something felt off, and he wasn't sure what. It could be as she said, a gift from someone, but then why did a strange man hand it to her, and not a local?

  She peeled off the tape and then looked up at him.

  “It's not ticking, so that's a good thing, right?”

  He managed a smile as the tension inside him climbed. She opened the flap and then slipped her hand inside. It came out with a handful of photos and a piece of paper.

  “No.”

  Her whisper was more a plea. Brad grabbed the photos from her and pulled her to his side. Using one hand, he managed to flip through the first few and saw a set of hands bound, and the next a set of feet. They were tied with rope, and it was tight, because he saw the marks where they'd rubbed.

  “Tell me these aren't you.” His voice was hoarse as he forced them into his back pocket and wrapped his arms around her shivering form. “Please tell me that.”

  “I-I can't.”

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Macy gripped Brad's T-shirt. Only one person had those photos. Only one person could have sent them, but he was in prison.

  “You're strong, Macy, remember that. He's in prison, he can't hurt you. He's the weak one, you're the strong one. Don't forget that.”

  The words slowly began to filter through the panic that gripped her. Slowly made the cold knot of fear unravel in her stomach.

  “Don't give him this power over you anymore. He's gone from your life.”

  “Yes.” She tried again, this time making her voice stronger. “Yes, you’re right.”

  “Good girl.”

  She looked up at Brad as he gripped her shoulders. Saw his concern for her, saw the rage that he held in check.

  “That pencil dick is in a tiny cell with only himself to play with now, honey. He'll never get near you or Billy again.”

  That surprised a snort from her.

  “I can't believe you
called him that.”

  “Pencil dick? It just seemed to fit the moment.”

  “He did have a pencil dick.”

  This time it was he who snorted.

  “I hate that for a minute or two he can take me back there again. Hate that he still has that power over me.”

  “It's not power, honey, it's fear, and entirely natural after what he put you through.”

  He lowered his head so their eyes were level, and she inhaled that wonderful scent that only he had.

  “I want to tell you a little secret now, honey, but it stays just between us, okay?”

  Macy rose on her toes, purely to get closer to this man. She'd feel different in a while. Wouldn't need this contact, and could get it from anyone else, but right here and now, it was Brad she wanted.

  “Scout’s honor.”

  “Have mercy, Macy. The thought of you in a Scout’s uniform just made my eyes cross.”

  “I got my Brownie first aid badge.”

  Why she was having this silly conversation when she knew what he had in his pocket, and what he'd seen, she didn't know. But, if she could suspend time for just a few snatched moments, she'd take it, because soon those photos would have to be shown to the sheriff.

  He gave her a smile that made little lines form around the corners of his eyes.

  “Nice work. I have no doubt that anything you want to do you will, if you haven’t already, honey. But let me tell you my secret that you've sworn an oath not to share.”

  Macy nodded.

  “When I saw my father the other day I was terrified. Fear raced through me like fire, and I had to make myself stand there and face him. Fear, Macy, not power. Because I will never again allow that man any hold over me, just like you won’t let pencil dick do the same.”

  His eyes were serious now, intent.

  Macy closed the few inches between them and pressed her lips to his softly.

  “Thank you for believing in me, and thank you for seeing me as strong. I promise to keep your secret safe.”

  He kissed her back.

  “You're welcome.”

  “We need to take those photos to Cubby now, Brad.”

  “If that's what you want then that's what we'll do.”

  “But do you think I should?”

  “Your call entirely, but it's a sound one if you're asking me.”

  “Okay, that's what we'll do then. But, Brad?”

  “Yes.”

  “I don't want to look at them again.”

  “Me either.”

  They walked through the crowds slowly, with Brad once again holding her hand. They were just friends. Friends held hands, Macy reminded herself.

  They found everyone still together. Cubby and Newman had their heads through the holes in a board, and Ethan was attempting to throw a wet sponge at them, and failing.

  “That's pathetic,” Brad said, releasing her and stepping forward. “Seriously pathetic. I'm almost embarrassed to share a name with you.”

  “It's harder than it looks.”

  “Step aside.”

  Macy watched Brad pull out some money and pay Mrs. Winslow, who looked after Billy at preschool. She tried not to look at his back pocket and what was poking out, but her eyes were drawn there.

  He’d seen her hands and feet. Seen some of what Brian had done to her. Shame washed over her.

  Find your anger, Macy, she reminded herself.

  “Go, Brad!”

  Macy saw the excitement and hero worship in her son's eyes and held back the sigh she felt. She'd been fooling herself if she thought neither of them would be hurt when he left Howling. They would both suffer, and poking about in the region of her heart, she realized that her pain would be significant and last a while. She wouldn't do anything to stop him, because she wasn't ready for a man in her life, just as he wasn't ready for a woman in his. She also had to thank him for that. Making her feel again. Bringing her back to life.

  “You want to throw one and me the other, Billy?”

  The boy nodded, and Ethan handed him a sponge. Her son threw it with everything he had, but it fell short.

  “Close, Billy boy, maybe next time,” Newman said. “What you got, TJ?”

  “He’s got squat,” Cubby called. “Weak Texan just like the other one. Anyone who supports the Longhorns should take up ballet.”

  Macy saw the corner of Brad's mouth curl, but he didn't say anything.

  “True that, Cubby.” Newman added his voice. “All looks and no substance.”

  “Go for Newman, and I'll take out Cubby.”

  Ethan had paid for another turn, and stepped up beside his brother.

  “Lordy lordy, how is a woman to stand so much beauty in one place?” Mrs. Winslow said. “Anyone got a fan handy, I feel faint.”

  Annabelle snickered.

  They are beautiful, Macy thought. Yet she liked the harder edge to Brad more. Ethan was softer, his edges rounded by time and Annabelle. Brad was still a work in progress.

  “On three then, bro?” Brad said.

  “Yup.”

  They threw in perfect harmony and hit their targets dead center, and if Macy hadn't been standing behind Brad and seen the edge of the pictures, she could probably have clapped too.

  She felt steady enough, but she didn't have a laugh in her.

  “You doing okay there, sweetheart?”

  “Sure, Jake.”

  “You look a little pale.”

  He had Rose in his arms, so Macy stalled by planting a loud kiss on the little girl’s cheek.

  “How's the sweetest thing in Howling?”

  “Stop using my daughter as a distraction.”

  “Can we discuss this later, Jake? Please.”

  He studied her.

  “So there is a something bothering you?”

  She nodded.

  “Your mom here?”

  “No.”

  Macy knew he was trying to find a reason for her mood.

  “You run into Nadine Buchanan and her hired bullies? I saw them earlier.”

  “No again.”

  “So, who's for the food area? I need a beer, and it’s time to annoy Buster,” Annabelle said, and much to Macy's relief drew Jake's attention.

  Newman and Cubby were released, shirts wet and looking pissed off.

  “Lowlife Texans,” the sheriff snarled. “I should run you out of town.”

  “Speaking of lowlifes being run out of town, what's the deal with Nadine and the Falkirk boys being here, Sheriff?” Ethan said.

  “Can't stop them from being here, and can only make a move if they offer up a bribe or display some disorderly conduct. They sure didn’t take my advice and get permission to come, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  “I don't like seeing them here,” Annabelle said.

  “I could only count two people in my head who would possibly take a bribe, Annabelle. It’s all right for them to be here, and in fact my money's on the locals making them feel downright uncomfortable.”

  “I hope you're right, Branna.”

  They all started heading to the food stalls, and Brad fell in beside her while Billy ran ahead holding Annabelle's hand.

  “Cubby,” Macy called as he went to walk by her.

  “You all good there, Macy?”

  “Cubby, I got something tonight, and I need to come to the Lair and talk to you about it, okay?”

  His hand settled on her shoulder.

  “You okay?”

  “Sure.” Macy nodded. “It's Brian, Cubby. He sent me some pictures, and I need you to take them, because I don't want them, or to see them ever again.”

  The sheriff's eyes shot to Brad and back to her.

  “You want to go there now?”

  She did. In fact, she wanted them out of Brad's pocket and away from both of them.

  “Can just you and me go and do this now, and come back here soon?”

  “I'm coming.”

  “You don't need to, Brad.”

  “
I'm coming too.”

  She hadn't even realized Katie was within hearing distance.

  “I really don't want this to get out, or people to see the photos.”

  “Katie's a detective, Macy. She's good at policing, she understands things, sometimes better than me. Hard to believe, I know, but there you go.”

  “All right. Just let me go and tell Annabelle to watch over Billy until I get back. I'll tell him I forgot to lock up the shop or something. You all head over to the Lair and I'll be there soon.”

  Her son was happy enough with her excuse, but she felt the eyes of her friends on her. Ethan got to his feet.

  “I-I need you to stay here for now, Ethan, can you do that for me, please?”

  He nodded and reseated himself, and she felt their eyes follow her until she was out of sight.

  Brad's blood was alternating between boiling and freezing. He wanted to rip something apart and at the same time pick Macy up and run for the hills.

  Fuck, fuck, fuck. He was falling for her. Don't be an idiot, you've fallen, he admitted. Hard and fast, without even knowing what was happening.

  You knew, the voice in his head said. Because you can't keep away from her. You hear her voice all the time, smell her scent, imagine her wrapped around you. Listen for her laugh when she's near… you're doomed.

  He saw her appear, head lowered as she walked, almost as if she carried the entire town on her shoulders. Come on, girl, put those shoulders back, he thought. As if she heard him, she looked up and found him through all the people milling before her.

  “I thought you had headed to the Lair.”

  “No you didn't, you knew I'd wait for you.”

  “True. Hoped, then.”

  “Texan, remember. We do gentleman well.”

  “And arrogance.”

  “That too.”

  Brad took her hand again, and they walked up the street. Stores were open and had displays set up outside, and Macy smiled and waved, yet as they approached the Lair, she started to tense up.

  Cubby met them at the door and walked them silently through the outer office. Macy and Brad took chairs before his desk, while he took up his position behind Katie, who once again had the seat.

  “I was walking around the carnival when a man came up to me. I hadn't seen him before, Cubby.”

  Brad sat silently listening, with the pictures burning a hole through his pocket. God, the thought of her being subjected to what he’d seen in just two of those photos made his stomach revolt. He’d try to smile, play things liked nothing had upset him, but he was upset… in fact, he was angrier than he’d even been before in his life.