by Val Daniels
During the past few weeks, Alicia had almost managed to forget the scene she’d interrupted. Now she nearly cried out at the irony of it. The “sweethearts” who’d grown up together had probably realized they still loved each other the night she’d walked in on them. Maggie had probably told her husband their marriage was ending just as Alicia found out she was pregnant. Once again, fate had dealt them an untimely blow and they had missed their chance at happiness.
These past few days Alicia had been mulling over the idea of forgetting past history and rectifying their mistakes. She’d allowed herself to hope her marriage had a chance. That’s why she’d suggested this small dinner, just as she’d hoped that was why he’d eagerly agreed to the suggestion.
But Dan was probably being his usual noble self; making the best of a bad situation. He wanted everything to be right for their baby. And for another two years anyway, Alicia knew he would stand by the promises he’d made to her.
But Maggie was free now. This farce was probably pure torture for him.
“Alicia?” Dan’s mother sounded concerned. “Are you feeling all right?”
She sat up straight and shrugged. “I’m sorry. I get these weak moments occasionally. It passes.” She curved her lips woodenly and turned her full attention to the conversation Laura had stopped.
“As I was saying,” Laura continued. “It amazes me how life runs in cycles. Dan knows that Daniel and I had to get married. Everyone in town knew it, so I didn’t see any reason to try keeping it from him.”
Dan smiled with his mouth but his eyes held reserve.
“Once your child is old enough to question his early birthday, I’d advise you to tell him the truth.”
“It’s a little early to worry about it, don’t you think, Mother?” Dan inserted diplomatically.
“Well, probably, but I was just trying to say that despite all the statistics...” She directed the statement to Alicia. “The ones about marriages ending in divorce when a couple marries because of a baby—Dan’s father and I made it. You will, too.” Laura looked across the table at Melanie. “I shouldn’t be talking this way. I don’t want you to think I’m condoning anything, young lady. It’s just that there are so many real problems in adjusting to marriage, I don’t want you two to add to those by worrying about everyone else’s statistics or dire predictions.”
“Then let’s not talk about them,” Dan suggested.
Maggie asked about one of their patient’s test results and the discussion changed to generalities and people who were only names to Alicia.
Alicia, who had been born and raised in an assortment of cities, watched from her end of the table as Dan and Melanie argued over various friends and acquaintances with Maggie and Laura. Alicia hadn’t known her workmates’ parents, like they all obviously did. When a co-worker said her parents couldn’t take care of themselves or that they were going senile, it wasn’t Alicia’s concern except to sympathize. Everyone in Providence was apparently everyone else’s concern. Dan and Maggie belonged here. Alicia was an outsider. She didn’t.
And Maggie earned her grudging admiration as the evening wore on. Maggie showed sincere concern for those sharing her corner of the world. She consistently drew Alicia into the conversation. When it veered to a person or situation they all knew about but Alicia might not, Maggie was the one to turn and offer a brief history of the subject under discussion.
Maggie’s quiet acceptance of life’s little surprises made Alicia’s intense mistrust of her seem petty. Of course Dan loved her. Who wouldn’t? If only Alicia could only be as caring and unselfish when the time came, she would have Dan’s baby, then Maggie could have him back. She was sure, by rights, that was the way it should be.
Alicia breathed easier when they were all finally leaving. Her face hurt from smiling and her heart hurt from seeing the way things should be. While Dan helped Maggie on with her coat at the other end of the foyer, Alicia stood at the door exchanging pleasantries with his mother and sister and furtively watched Maggie and Dan chat. She felt the sudden urge to wave a friendly hand in goodbye and leave, thanking her “host” for the excellent dinner. It seemed unnatural when Maggie joined Laura and Melanie by the door and walked out with them.
With a quiet good-night to Dan, Alicia made her way to her room and laid wearily across the bed. Dan didn’t knock when he came in with some milk a few moments later.
“I guessed I might find you in here rehashing things in your head,” he said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “I thought it went well, didn’t you?” He was being the perfect husband.
She nodded. Still dressed in the brown lightweight wool slacks and multicolored striped sweater, she sat up and huddled with her chin over her knees as she drained the glass he’d brought her.
“I didn’t know Mel would bring Maggie,” he said apologetically.
“It’s okay.” There was no need for both of them to suffer; she would try not to cause him unnecessary pain in the meantime by being hateful. “If I’m going to be a part of your family, it looks like I should get used to having her around. Your mother and sister obviously care a lot for her.”
He smiled the slow easy smile she’d fallen so hard for, straight white teeth gradually became the focal point of his tanned face and his strong jawline softened. His blue eyes turned a warm navy as they narrowed and small crinkles settled around them. “Thanks for understanding.”
She lifted a shoulder and looked away from him. Though it had been at least a dozen years since he’d played running back on the local high school football team, he still had the physique for it and his physical closeness made her nervous. His broad shoulders blocked out the rest of the room as he placed the empty glass she handed him on the bedside table.
“Why did you and Maggie break up after high school?” she asked to fill the silence since he seemed to be in no hurry to leave. If they didn’t talk, she was afraid she’d give in to the urge to touch him, to push the strand of dark, wavy hair from his forehead.
He shrugged. “I knew I had quite a few hard years ahead of me. I didn’t want her waiting around for something that might or might not happen in the distant future. I think it was around then that we both realized our relationship was based on familiarity and affection instead of true love.” He shrugged again, raising an eyebrow to question her reason for asking. “We both thought we should date other people since we’d gone together from the time we were five.”
“I’ll bet you still got a jolt when Maggie announced her engagement to Jeff,” she said, wondering if she was becoming a masochist.
“Not really,” he said, watching her closely. “We’d grown apart by then.” He ran his tongue across his lower lip, visibly bracing himself for something. “Things change, Allie,” he said.
“I know,” she agreed, weaving her fingers together, unwinding them, then repeating the process.
“Mom likes you a lot,” he said, changing the subject. “I hope she didn’t upset you quoting statistics. She reads too many magazine articles and Dad always treated every word she said as if she were an authority on the subject. I think it went to her head.”
She looked up at him, surprised. The picture of his parents’ relationship from Dan’s point of view didn’t go with the hospital gossip. “I thought your father ran around on her most of the time they were married.”
He captured her hands as if her attention to her movements distracted him. She felt the normal electric thrill creep up her arms and folded them around her knees. “What you’ve heard about my parents’ relationship bothers you, doesn’t it?”
Her nod wasn’t enough, and he lifted her chin so that he could see her eyes. His sadness made her want to hold him. “It bothers me, too. It doesn’t make sense to me, but parents don’t confide in their children about those things.”
“I guess they wouldn’t,” she agreed, trying to smile.
“This is driving me crazy,” he said softly.
“What is?” she asked, and knew the a
nswer because she was suddenly very aware of the large bed they occupied and the way he was looking at her. She bit her lip.
“We’ve got to come to some kind of agreement. The one Shawn made up didn’t cover enough. We can’t live in an armed camp from now until...” He hesitated. “Who knows when.”
“I’ve been thinking the same thing. It’s miserable, isn’t it?” She gave him a sad smile. “It’s my fault. You’ve been considerate and concerned. I’ve been awful.”
“No,” he denied.
Aren’t you glad you aren’t stuck with me the rest of your life, she tacked on silently. “I’ve been a pain,” she repeated.
“You can’t help it. The hormonal changes in your body contribute to wide mood swings.”
She laughed. “I must admit, having a doctor in the house for the next couple of months might come in handy. Especially if you always come up with a physical excuse for my shortcomings.” She sobered. “There’s no excuse for the way I’ve been acting. I’ve been lying here thinking about it, and I promise, I’m going to settle down. Be more agreeable.”
His eyes on her lips made her nervous. She lowered her lashes against the warmth she saw there.
“It seems we’ve spent the past month starting over, then rearranging things and starting over again. Do you suppose we can do it one more time?” he asked.
Her feelings for him washed over her in waves and she trembled. How could she love him so much and yet cause him pain? He was working so hard at making things bearable for both of them. She tried to keep her heart out of her eyes as she looked at him. “I think we can be friends.” She patted her tummy. “It’s not like we don’t have a mutual concern.”
“That’s not what I mean—”
“I had a conversation with Mark today that might make things easier,” she interrupted. She’d been weighing Dan’s reaction to her proposal and had decided not to bring it up for a while but... “He wants me to go to a little town named Greenville later this month. I’ll do the same thing at the hospital there that I did here.”
His jaw hardened.
“I told him I couldn’t go until this crazy morning sickness quits,” she rushed on. “And I called Bill. He didn’t see any problem with me going back to work.”
“No problem?” His voice raised part of an octave. “I’ve seen the hours you put in. Days conducting training sessions, nights trying to work bugs the staff finds out of the software.” He shook his head. “And I heard Bill tell you when you left the hospital that you’d still have to take it easy. Just because you didn’t spontaneously abort then doesn’t mean you won’t if you aren’t careful.”
“Then we wouldn’t have all these problems to worry about, would we?” she said, and immediately regretted the words. He couldn’t look more shocked if she’d reached across the small distance between them and slapped him. “Oh, God, I’m sorry, Dan.” Her hand automatically cupped his face. “I didn’t mean it. I’m being spiteful again, aren’t I?” The pained expression didn’t totally leave his face, but he smiled.
“You are.” Then his arms were around her. His fingers twined through her hair and he gently tugged, pulling her head back, examining her face, her eyes, her mouth. Her loosely clenched hands braced her away from his chest. “If I honestly believed you didn’t want this baby, we wouldn’t be in this farce of a marriage.” He held her gently but firmly, his eyes on hers were as binding as his arms.
She remembered the future. Him and Maggie. Her and the baby. His baby. “I want this baby as much as I’ve ever wanted anything,” she whispered. “I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him. I promise.”
“Her,” he corrected absently.
Alicia’s heart was pounding. Her hands unfolded and flattened against the hard muscles of his chest. Her eyelids fell heavily. She felt weak, and she couldn’t bear to see the matching desire that flamed in his eyes.
“I want to make love to you,” he whispered.
“Dan,” she protested. Her lips parted and she felt his warm breath on her cheek. His lips settled where his breath had been. “Oh, Dan, don’t,” she groaned, struggling to think of Maggie, who belonged with him; trying to think of his baby. Her head tipped back onto the long, curved fingers that stroked her neck, sending a foretaste of the ecstasy to come to the pit of her stomach. His lips wandered down the side of her face and the length of her neck. “Please, Dan,” she begged, yet was unable to push him away. “We can’t.”
“We’re married, Allie.” He laid her back on the bed, following her body with his. “You let me love you before we were married. Now that we’re married, I can’t touch you?” He kissed the sensitive center of her ear. “I thought you wanted to start over. Fresh.” His long body moved seductively over hers. She felt his need and didn’t resist the urge to press her hips to his.
“We’ve got to stop,” she groaned, pushing him away and rolling to her side, her back to him.
His fingers laced through her hair, pushing it away from her neck. He kissed the throbbing spot behind her ear.
“We’re not being sensible,” she said huskily. “Bill said we shouldn’t.”
He yanked his hand away, then swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat up.
“Considering the circumstances, I didn’t think I needed to mention it,” Alicia added.
“Damn, I’m not thinking. I’d have advised any of my patients the same way.” He crammed rough fingers through his thick dark hair and massaged his neck, flinching away when she placed her hand on his back comfortingly. “Don’t touch me,” he warned. “I feel like a firecracker on the verge of exploding.”
She crept across the bed and sat on the edge, careful to keep a wide gap between them. She swung her shoeless feet thoughtfully. “That’s what got us into this mess in the first place,” she said.
He looked over at her questioningly.
“From the first night we went out together, there was some wild, physical reaction between us. You touch me and my body reacts automatically and my mind goes on hold.” She tried to smile, but it turned into a grimace. “We didn’t build this relationship on anything but pure physical desire. You asked me to marry you the first night you made love to me. I’ve wondered since then if it was guilt.”
She held up a hand to stop his denial. “It doesn’t matter—you didn’t take anything I didn’t willingly give—but think about it. Would the thing with Maggie have happened if you were really in love with me?”
He did protest then, but she shook her head. “And I didn’t trust you enough to let you explain. We rushed into an engagement, a physical relationship, and now parenthood without really getting to know each other.” She sighed sadly. “It’s time to slow down.”
“Alicia.” He smiled ruefully at her. “You are the world’s best aphrodisiac. There is no way we can slow down, but I’ll agree with Bill—we can’t take any chances where you or the baby are concerned.”
“I think it’s best if I go ahead and accept the job in Greenville.” She went on quickly, “I won’t go until I’m feeling good and the morning sickness is gone, and I’ll come home on weekends. We can go from there.” And with me out of the way, the temptation won’t be as great.
“I don’t like the idea.”
“I’ll take care of myself. And the baby,” she added. “When I’m home...” She frowned over the word, realizing she’d said it twice now. She’d have to quit thinking of his comfortable house as home, no matter how much she loved it. That was a good reason for leaving. “When I’m here, you’ll be able to satisfy yourself that I’m doing everything I should.”
“I’ll definitely be more comfortable if I don’t have to look at you every evening.” That was as close as he would come to agreeing with her plan. “Let me think about it. We’ll talk more when you’re feeling better.” His sinfully long black lashes drooped lazily as he watched her. He tucked his hands under his well-muscled thighs as if that was the only way he could keep from reaching for her.
“And we’
ll be friends,” she stated, extending her hand.
He stood, smoothing the creases in his slacks, and raised an eyebrow. He stared at her extended hand. Then, with his face inches from hers, he gripped the mattress on either side of her. “A handshake won’t change anything,” he said silkily.
Her eyes wouldn’t leave his mouth.
“We were never meant to be anything but lovers.” After a quick kiss on the tip of her straight little nose, he walked away. “Good night, Alicia.”
CHAPTER FOUR
STAND and fight, or cut and run? Alicia stood by the window she’d flung open as soon as Dan had left the room and gasped in the cool, cleansing air. Why was Dan doing this to her? Hadn’t they agreed on a friendly, get-through-this-the-best-way-possible marriage? It was temporary. The marriage wouldn’t seem like it lasted forever if he would keep his distance and let her do the same. Why would he try his darnedest to make her physically and emotionally crazy?
He’d stood by the door as Maggie had prepared to leave and the two of them had been locked in an intense and quiet conversation. Then he’d come straight to Alicia’s room and tried to seduce her.
“Tried to?” Alicia muttered, and admitted that he’d succeeded in the effort in every way but deed. Since he’d left her room, she’d been breathless with wanting him, and trembling with need. And so confused she wanted to scream.
Why had he married her? The baby hadn’t entered his mind when he’d tried to make love to her tonight. Why had he practically forced her to marry him? Be honest, she berated herself, he hadn’t dragged her kicking and screaming to the altar. This marriage had been the easy solution to her very motherly problem. And she’d always taken the easy way out. In that, she was very much like her father. But she had hoped, deep down inside, that they could fix the problems and live happily ever after. Would she be working on winning his mother’s approval with dinner invitations if she wasn’t hoping to turn this into a real marriage?
