“Are you kicking me out?”
“By tomorrow at eleven, yes. I’ve got fifty finger sandwiches to make.”
“You’re seriously strange, Mom.”
“You had to get it from somewhere.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Shayler had to wait another day before she knew Rebecca would be home. It’d have been easier to approach her on campus, Shayler knew that, but they were both home and only three streets away from each other. Even if it was more difficult, it had to be done. She missed her best friend, loved her, and hated herself for doing what she did.
Instead of driving, Shayler decided to walk to Rebecca’s house. In the old days, before they’d gotten cars, she used to do so a lot. But now, she decided to stretch her legs in order to think. Not thinking had apparently been the root of her trouble and had alienated her from everyone she loved. It was time she tried a different approach to life.
Rebecca’s place was on the end of Coriander Street, and Shayler knew it well. Her house was perfectly white, and that included the picket fence wrapped around it to fend off intruders in the shape of small Chihuahuas and elderly solicitors.
She walked up the drive slowly, afraid to knock on the door, when she was startled by the sight of Rebecca’s mom on the porch. Ms. Washington was sitting on a wicker chair, downing what looked to be an iced tea as though she’d never had a drink before. Shayler hit the front porch and startled Ms. Washington out of her daze.
“Oh my. Shayler, you frightened me.”
“Sorry, Ms. W.”
“I thought you weren’t coming. Rebecca said something about it.” Ms. Washington shook her head and pressed the glass to her cheek.
“You okay, Ms. W?”
“I’m … adjusting.”
“To what?”
“Did you know,” she hissed, “that Rebecca brought a boy home?”
“You mean Derek?”
Ms. Washington’s eyes widened. “So you know him?”
“Yeah. He’s her boyfriend.”
She nodded, moving the glass to her other cheek. “Yes, yes. He’s … quite the character.”
“Is she home?”
“Oh, right. Yes, in the back by the pool.”
“Thanks, Ms. W.” Shayler paused with her hand on the door handle. “And, FYI, he’s not all bad. He’s a good guy, and he really loves her.”
“Sure.”
Shayler rolled her eyes at Ms. Washington’s usual dramatics and stepped into the house. She was expecting to run to the patio, to Rebecca, but a blonde stood in her path, arms crossed and head held high.
“Hi, Ansley.”
“Shayler. What are you doing here?”
Shayler stuffed her hands into her pockets. “Hoping to talk to Rebecca.”
“She’s with Derek.”
“I heard … and I’m surprised.”
“Yeah, well, she had an empty spot on the itinerary to fill.”
Of course there’d been an itinerary, and Shayler felt a growing sadness when she realized she wasn’t on it anymore. “Can I talk to her?”
“Depends on what you’re gonna say.”
“Ansley, I know I fucked up. I don’t need the guilt trip.”
“No, what you need is another slap in the face.”
“Mom already took care of that.”
“You know she didn’t deserve any of your bullshit. She was worried about moving in, and she needed you. There aren’t many people she counts on.”
“Ans, she’s not some fragile little princess. I shouldn’t have kissed you-know-who, but I stand by what I said. I was going through some shit, and no one noticed. No one cared.”
“We all asked, Shayler.”
“Yeah, I know. But I’ve never had to talk about anything like that before.”
Ansley slid to the side and flicked her ponytail behind her shoulder. “Go ’head.”
Shayler followed Ansley past the Washingtons’ giant foyer, used to the obnoxious paintings and portraits that hung on the wall like it was the Louvre and not a suburban, Floridian home.
“Derek!” Ansley yelled once she hit the kitchen window that overlooked the pool. “Cookies!”
“Sweet,” he called back.
“Five minutes, okay?”
Shayler smiled at the blonde. “Thanks. And I’m sorry to you too, Ansley.”
“You don’t have to—”
“I do. You’re my best friend too, Ansley.”
Ansley’s brow scrunched together as she hugged her arms tighter to herself. “Um…”
“Deal with it,” Shayler said, jogging to the patio and nearly running into Derek as he loped around the corner.
He seemed stunned to see her, but nodded and continued on his way without saying anything. She hoped it was because he wanted her to have a second to talk to Rebecca and not because he was afraid she’d launch herself at him again.
“Becca,” she said, out of breath as her foot hit the pool deck.
Rebecca turned, her arms flailing as she almost fell out of the baby-blue chair. “Holy geez Louise, Shayler. Some warning next time.”
“Sorry.”
Rebecca closed her eyes and exhaled before looking at Shayler again. “What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to apologize.”
“You can’t really apologize for what you—”
“Listen to me for a sec. I walked all the way here, and it’s possible I could die of heatstroke at any minute.”
“It’s three streets. It takes five minutes.”
“I’m out of shape, okay?” Shayler dropped into the chair across from Rebecca. “I know I made a mess. I kissed your boyfriend, and it was gross and disgusting and about as anti-feminist as I could get. I was pissed, and I know that’s not an excuse, but I’ve been playing second fiddle to Derek ever since he came on your radar. Then David and I … we … I don’t know, but I was upset, and you didn’t care. You wanted to talk about Derek.”
“I didn’t know,” Rebecca muttered. “I’m sorry. But it doesn’t change that what you did was awful.”
“I know. I reacted like the worst kind of person when Derek confronted me and brought up David and responsibility. I kissed him. I didn’t think about it. I just did it. To prove a point. And it was gross, and we barely made contact before he shoved me away. I’m sorry, Becca. I’m an idiot, I know I need to start thinking more.”
“It felt like a direct attack on me.”
“It was. It shouldn’t have been, but it was.”
“You’re an asshole.”
“I know.”
“And you’re a scaredy cat.”
“Hold up.” Shayler fluffed her curls, hating that they were absorbing all the moisture in the air and turning into balls of frizz. “I am not scared. I was…”
“Scared that David was changing you into something you didn’t like? Derek gave me the low down.”
“Yes, fine. It scared me. I thought I wasn’t that person.”
“Does it seem like I’m a Ferris Wheel type of person?”
“No.”
“I did that for Derek. It didn’t change who I am. It was just a small sacrifice. I’m still me.”
“She still refused to drive in the fast lane on the way here,” Ansley commented, coming up behind them.
“Hello, people were going eighty-five. That’s the speed you drive when you have a death wish.”
“As opposed to driving in the slow lane going sixty all the way home?”
Shayler laughed, an ache in her heart as she missed them. They were right in front of her, but she still didn’t feel like things were totally right. “I’m sorry, Becca. I love you.”
“I know. I love you, too. I can’t stay mad at you, and as long as you’re done kissing my boyfriend then, it’s fine. Okay, it’s not fine, but I’m willing to get past it.”
“Uh, yeah. No worries there. I can’t tell you enough how gross it was.”
“Excuse me? I’m an excellent kisser.” Derek
joined them at the table, eating a rather large chocolate chip cookie.
“Hey, Derek. I’m sorry I slobbered on you.”
He eyed her for a moment before shrugging. “I’ll live.”
“Um, does this mean I can be put onto the itinerary?”
“Definitely.” Rebecca nodded. “No offense, but I didn’t want to take Derek to the new Bridget Jones movie. Or to the Tea Shoppe.”
“Ugh, Tea Shoppe? I hate that place.” Shayler stuck out her tongue.
“I’ll let you bring your flask.”
“Seriously? Nice.”
“But you’re sharing,” Ansley whispered. “I don’t do tea rooms.”
Shayler laughed, glad when the rest of them joined in. Having Derek there wasn’t so bad either, he fit with them. Okay, so he had a penis and liked talking about sports, but he was fun and never awkward.
“Only, you kind of owe me a favor,” Rebecca said when they quieted down.
“What?”
“I need you to take Derek home with you. My mom almost passed out when he showed up with me and introduced himself as my soulmate. I don’t think she gets his humor yet.”
“No one does.”
“Hey!” Derek argued.
“I saw her outside,” Shayler said. “She seems … freaked out.”
“She’s good with Ansley, as usual, but you have to take him somewhere at night. I’m afraid she’s going to need a refill on her prescription tomorrow, and she just got it filled.”
“He can have the couch.” Shayler turned to Derek. “It sticks to you if you’re naked, so don’t even think about it.”
“I’m not gonna now that I have to wonder how you know that.”
“Thank God.” Rebecca closed her eyes and leaned her head back, sunlight filtering through the pool screen over her body.
Shayler copied her, not minding the heat for once. It was something she’d deal with since her best friends were with her. She was okay sitting there, letting Rebecca hose her down with sunscreen as Derek complained it’d get on his cookie, but it wasn’t everything. With every beat of her heart, she was reminded that something else, or someone else, was missing. And she didn’t think she’d be truly happy without it, or him, again.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
After Shayler had dropped Derek off at her house and left him to be interrogated by her father, she headed back to Rebecca’s. She was ready for some serious girl time when she ran to Rebecca’s room and found the girls sitting around two boxes of pizza.
Honestly, Rebecca’s room had always creeped Shayler out a little. She had porcelain dolls stacked in a row above her bed, and a fluffy pink duvet that would’ve been cute had Rebecca been five years old. Butterflies and stars decorated her otherwise white walls, and a life-size mannequin stood in the corner by her closet, dressed in a tutu and leotard.
“What?” Rebecca asked.
“Nothing, just happy to be back.”
“If you insult Sissy one more time…”
“God, don’t call her that. It makes her seem scarier.”
“She’s not scary! She’s not even real.”
“Why do you have a mannequin?” Ansley asked, picking a pepperoni off her slice of pizza.
“Mom bought it for me when I was ten and wanted to coordinate outfits for school.”
“Instead, it sits there in the same damn tutu she came with, staring into our souls.”
“She doesn’t have eyes.”
“Exactly.” Shayler shuddered and stuck a piece of pizza on her plate.
“We are never going to agree on this.”
“Nope,” Shayler agreed.
Ansley laughed and snuggled to the back of the bed. “What’re we doing?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t have anything planned for tonight but sleep.”
“Exciting,” Shayler joked.
“We could catch up,” Rebecca suggested. “Clearly I’ve been too absorbed with Derek drama to pay attention.”
“You first, Ansley,” Shayler mumbled.
Ansley finished chewing her mouthful. “Uh, I haven’t been up to much.”
“How’s the roommate search going?”
Ansley groaned. “It hasn’t been. I can’t find anyone because it’s the middle of the semester. I’m gonna have to wait until school ends.”
“You still staying for the summer?”
Ansley nodded. “Yeah. It’s that or hang out in Maui while my mom hits on every shirtless guy within a fifty mile radius.”
“Has she always been like that?” Shayler asked, wondering what Ansley’s childhood had been like and how it’d affected the blonde.
“When I turned seven, she and dad got divorced. That’s when it started.”
“Yikes.”
“No biggie. But it’s Becca’s turn now.”
“Me?” Rebecca asked. “You barely said anything.”
“I’m done talking.”
“Fine. I’ve been dealing with dirty socks and random frat house visitors and Derek definitely doesn’t squeegee after he takes a shower.”
“Is it that bad?” Shayler asked with a laugh, tearing into her pizza. Thank God her appetite had been restored.
“Worse.” Rebecca bit her lip. “He snores, like big time. I think he might have sleep apnea. And he always has to have the TV on when we go to bed, and I can’t sleep because it’s obnoxious, and then I end up crashing on Ansley’s floor when she’s home because at least it’s dark in there. Plus, he microwaved soup the other day and it splattered all over the microwave and he just shrugged—shrugged!—and left it.”
“Wow. Tragic.”
“I still love him, but I had no idea living together would be this big of a deal.”
“Have you talked to him about it?” Shayler asked.
“I tried once, but he gets sappy and thinks I’m mad at him, so he says whatever he thinks I want to hear instead of trying to solve the problem.”
“Have you told him that?”
Rebecca huffed. “Do I have to fix all of our issues right now? Can’t I just complain about how un-magical it is?”
“At least you don’t have to listen to you guys,” Ansley mumbled.
“Excuse me?” Rebecca asked.
“Nothing.”
Shayler giggled, and they finished off the rest of the pizza while they gossiped about their other friends’ lives. Apparently Trish enjoyed being single after avoiding the slimy jerk who’d almost conned her last semester, and Debbie was official with the poetry dude. Shayler had forgotten how much she’d missed them in the last week.
“What about you?” Rebecca asked. “Do you want to talk about … you know.”
Shayler sighed. She’d managed to avoid the conversation earlier today. “Not really.”
“Just do it,” Ansley said. “It’ll make you feel better.”
“And if it doesn’t?”
“Then you don’t have to talk about it anymore.”
“All right… I think I was falling in love with him.”
Rebecca gasped. “What? What do you mean you think? Don’t you know?”
“I never let myself think about it, so I’m not sure. But I care about him a lot.”
“What happened?”
Shayler gave them a detailed replay of everything they’d been through since Rebecca’s birthday party. It didn’t hurt as much as she’d thought it would, but it definitely made her miss him even more. Too bad she’d screwed that up.
“Are you going to tell someone about Hale?” Rebecca asked.
“No. He was an ass, but he didn’t do anything that’d get him in trouble.”
“Still … it was at the dean’s house. He’d get a warning at least.”
“I’m not interested. I just want to put it all behind me.”
“I’m sorry, Shayler,” Ansley said.
“It’s my own fault. I never should’ve agreed to studying. It ruins everything.” Rebecca smacked her arm, and Shayler cackled. “Stop hitting people!”<
br />
“I only use my force when it’s absolutely necessary,” Rebecca joked. “What now?”
“What do you mean?”
“With David. What now? Are you going to win him back?”
Shayler rolled her eyes. “Not happening. He’s probably going to fall in love with some sweet geek, and they’ll both become teachers and have four kids and live happily ever after.”
“What’s with you and the kids thing?” Ansley asked.
“I don’t know. It’s not for me.”
“Have you ever asked him about it? He might not want them either.”
Shayler covered her face with a pillow and kicked an empty pizza box off the bed. “I am twenty years old! I should not be worrying about whether the guy I like wants to have kids or not.”
“We’re not going back to this, are we?”
“No. But I don’t want to talk about that.”
Ansley grabbed Rebecca’s laptop off her peach-colored desk and opened it. “Okay.”
“What are you doing?”
“What everyone does after a break up. We’re stalking him online.”
“I may need wine for this.”
Rebecca shook her head and climbed off her bed. She trudged to her closet and opened it, bringing out a large, black duffel bag. Shayler grinned as she unzipped it and pulled out two bottles.
“I didn’t know you kept my senior year stash.”
“It’s not like I could pour it down the sink. My mom would smell it.”
As Rebecca uncorked them, Ansley booted up various social media sites, searching his name until they found two profiles that matched him. Of course he was the type of guy to only have a Linkedin and Facebook. Shayler couldn’t picture David snapping a selfie of himself with a puppy dog filter or taking a quick pic of his food to share it with the world. He was too professional. Her smiled tipped upside down.
“Oh my God, I think I found an ex-girlfriend,” Ansley said.
Rebecca jumped on the bed beside her, passing the wines out. Shayler glanced at it before putting it on the nightstand. She noticed the confused glances from her best friends and shrugged.
“I don’t think I want it.” Shayler ignored Rebecca’s proud-mom grin. “Okay, let me see.”
Ansley tilted the computer screen toward her. It was an ex all right, and a picture of David and her together. Rachel. Probably the real love of his life. And she was pretty too.
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