Hard To Love You (The Love Series)

by Smith, Megan

  I wasn’t sure if she was still listening because she was crying so hard, but I had to tell her. “I’ve never lied to you and I’ve always been honest. You deserved to hear this from me, no-one else.”

  When Hailey calms down enough to speak, she asks, “But regardless, there is a chance that you slept with her?”

  I nod.

  “But you blacked out, right?”

  I nod again.

  “How the hell did you even get it up Mason? We’ve tried the drunken sex when we were both three sheets to the wind and your dick never worked. There is no way you slept with her.”

  I scrub my face with my hands. She doesn’t think that I slept with Lily even though I woke up next to her after binge drinking myself into oblivion, but she thought it was possible before when the only proof was nothing more than two bitches spewing lies? I’m agitated, I can’t even sit. I stand up from the couch. Hailey stands and I stop in front of her, “You want to think she’s lying now? Really Hailey? You couldn’t believe in us before?” I yell at her.

  Her anger flashes in her eyes, making them brighter, and her cheeks flush. “I don’t know what to believe Mason!”

  I’m breathing hard, trying to keep my anger under control as much as possible. “I guess our relationship isn’t as strong as we thought, huh? You know Lily tried to sink her teeth into Hunter once before, why wouldn’t she try her hand again with me?”

  Hailey screams, “I don’t know what to fucking believe!”

  She’s lying to me. I know she believes me deep down but she just can’t admit it. “So if I told you she was better in bed than you. You would—-”

  Slap!

  Hailey slaps me across the face. “I fucking hate you Mason!” Hailey turns and runs down the hallway.

  I run after her and grab her by the waist. “Let go of me, Mason.” Hailey sobs.

  I grip her a little tighter. “I’m so sorry, Hailey.” I say as I kiss the side of her head. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it, Hails.” I repeat over and over again until she stops fighting me. With her back pressed to my chest I walk us to the sitting room in the front of my mom’s house. Everyone hates this room, l the bad shit happens in here.

  I sit and pull her to sit on my lap. I reach up and pull Hailey’s hand down from her face. Her mascara is running down her cheeks and her eyes are all red. “I didn’t mean it, Hailey, I’m sorry. I was an asshole.”

  Hailey buries her face in my neck and just cries and cries and cries. We both know that it’s over between us. Neither of us wants it to happen but our feelings are hurt. We aren’t the couple that we used to be. I’m not the same Mason that I once was. I put everyone else before myself; I was trying to protect my family but at the same time I hurt Hailey. This girl has a list of insecurities that mostly stem from her father; it’s hard for Hailey to trust anyone and now she’s lost her trust in me. She never should have, but somewhere along the way it happened.

  “I love you Mason.” Hailey whispers a while later.

  My heart breaks all over again. This is her goodbye. Our love for each other isn’t enough. “I love you Hailey. I always will.”

  I don’t want to let her go so I hold on for as long as she’ll let me.

  I remember the first time I saw her. Her mom was out riding her bike and little Hailey was following behind her on her own bike with training wheels. Hailey’s blonde, almost white, hair was up in pigtails. Her mom was riding in the street so she could keep an eye on her daughter who was riding on the sidewalk. I was standing in the front yard playing catch with Cooper when I caught a glimpse of her heading our way. Hailey was starting to pick up speed. There was a pretty big crack in the sidewalk right before our house; I’d wrecked a few times when I hit it just right. I threw the ball to Cooper and just as it left my hand I saw Hailey hit the crack on the sidewalk. Her hands were trying to steady the handle bars but she wasn’t quick enough and tipped the bike over.

  I dropped my glove and ran over to the little girl in pigtails. She was crying and holding her elbow. I dropped to my knees in front of her and saw that her knee was scraped up as well. Hailey’s mom ran over and helped her daughter up.

  “Shh, it’s ok Hailey, it’s just a little cut. We’ll get you home and get you cleaned up.” Her mom told her.

  “I have a band-aid in the house I can go get.” I said to her mom who then noticed that Hailey’s cut knee was still bleeding.

  “Sure, that would be great. I’m Mrs. Taylor and this brave little girl is Hailey.” Mrs. Taylor said.

  “I’m Mason and that over there is my brother Cooper.” I stood up and brushed the gravel off my knee.

  “Hi Mason.” Hailey said, still hiccupping from crying.

  From the very moment Hailey fell off her bike, all those years ago, I knew that I’d fallen for her.

  Hailey’s hand slides down my chest to rest over my heart. “I think it’s time I go.”

  I nod, not trusting my voice. The panic starts to set in that this will be the last time I ever hold Hailey like this. My breaths are coming in slow and shallow. I’m losing a piece of what I thought was mine forever.

  Hailey hugs me one more time and I wrap both my arms around her, holding on to every last second that we have together.

  Hailey starts to pull away. She places her legs on the floor in between mine. She looks over her shoulder before standing and says, “Remember that time when you told me that I lost my mirror?”

  “Yeah.” I remembered it exactly. I’d told her that when she was ready for it that I would be here for her.

  She looks straight ahead out the bay window, “You told me before that I was your mirror Mason, but the thing with mirrors is they shatter all the time.” Hailey sits for another few seconds and then stands up out walks to the front door leaving.

  My mirror has officially shattered and I’m sure I’ll be cursed for the next seven years.

  When I left the Cahill’s house I decided to just go home, I really didn’t need to be dealing with Tara and her bullshit, but I didn’t have anywhere else to go.

  “Hailey?” Mom calls out from the kitchen.

  I drop my keys in the glass bowl that’s on the table by the front door. “Yeah it’s me, Mom.”

  “Come in here Sweetie.” Mom practically sings. If Tara wasn’t here I would think she had my favorite Vodka poured in the biggest glass that we own, but I knew this wasn’t going to go well.

  I walk to the kitchen and decide that Chocolate Vodka sounds good right about now. I open up the cabinet above the sink and grab the bottle, then I reach into the other cabinet and get a glass.

  “Honey, is that such a good idea?” Mom asks. Tara is just watching me move about the kitchen. She hasn’t said two words to me and I’m not saying shit to her.

  I fill the glass halfway with Coke and ice and then finish it off with the Chocolate Vodka. I mix it around with my finger and take a sip, letting the first taste settle into my stomach and warm me up.

  “So we have some news.” Mom says as she continues to stir the sauce that she is making.

  I take a seat on the other end of the table, opposite Tara, and keep my eyes trained on my glass. I can feel her staring holes into my head. I’m not letting her get to me. I’m barely holding my shit together right now as it is.

  “Oh yeah? What’s the news, Mom?” I finally ask since she doesn’t seem to want to tell me until I’m paying attention.

  Mom says without missing a beat, “Tara is pregnant.”

  My eyes fly to my sister’s. She is sitting there, looking down at the table like she’s trying to figure out how all that wood was made into a table. I’m not surprised by this; actually I’m kind of shocked it took her so long.

  “Congratulations, I hope he or she turns out to be just like Satan.” I say to Tara and then get up from the table to head to my room and drink this night away.

  Mom is staring hard at the sauce, “And she’s moving home.”

  I walk over to where I left the Vo
dka on the counter, pick it up and start walking to my room. “And I’m moving out.” I throw over my shoulder.

  I hear Mom cry out in protest but I don’t give a shit. How could she allow Tara to move back in with us? Mom knows Tara and I don’t get along, we are like oil and water. Plus, how would we all fit in a two bedroom house? I push my bedroom door open, start my iPod, take off my bra and shorts and then climb in bed with my new best friend, Vodka. I want to forget about Mason, mirrors, my sister, my mom, all of it. Tomorrow I will come up with a plan, but tonight I just want to drown in this bottle.

  The next morning, while I’m at work, I put in my two week notice. I knew I needed to get away, start fresh somewhere else for a while. I called Bentley and took him up on his offer to come for a visit. I told him everything that had happened and he offered for me to stay for however long I needed, but he said he had to talk to the guys first. Apparently Logan had moved in a few weeks ago. Bentley said there was plenty of room in Hunter’s old room for Zeke and Logan to share, or they could fix up the basement and make a room down there for Logan. To be honest, after I’d found out Logan was there I started to hesitate. Logan was Brittany’s cousin and I had a little fling with him in my freshman year of college. I told Bentley he didn’t have to go through all that and I would figure something else out. He told me to think about it and I promised I would. Ten minutes later, after hanging up with Bentley, Logan was calling me and telling me he had no problem moving around and things wouldn’t be weird. I made him promise that he would never invite Brittany over while I was staying there. He agreed, and I agreed to move in. Everything was set. I was moving and transferring back to ODU in the fall.

  It’s Wednesday afternoon and I welcome our away game; I needed to get the hell out of town. I felt like I was suffocating in all of mine and Hailey’s memories. . We would arrive back home on Sunday and were expected to go to my parent’s house for dinner with Hunter and MacKenzie, who had just got home from their honeymoon. This is something I am not looking forward to in the slightest; MacKenzie is going to cut off my balls. Hailey and I promised her that we would fix things.

  I keep to myself while we’re on the road. The rest of the world is going on around me while I feel like I’m stuck in time. I miss Hailey. I miss her smile, her blue eyes. I miss the way that I can make her laugh so hard she snorts, and the way her tiny little dimple on her right cheek shows when she smiles. I miss her kisses and her warm, soft body wrapped around me.

  I growl in frustration as I pound my feet harder and harder on the treadmill. I woke up earlier than the rest of the team because I was restless and irritable, so I came down to the hotel fitness center for a run. My life is so fucked up. I’ve come clean with Hailey about everything but still haven’t talked to Cooper about it and I really don’t even feel like it’s important to me right now, not at this point. But it’s causing tension between us and I hate that.

  Coach was pissed when he caught a look at my hand as we were boarding the bus on Tuesday. I tried to hide it and I think that pissed him off even more. He demanded x-rays when I told him it was fine. Coach said if it wasn’t broken then I could come and catch a ride with our assistant coach, Chris, since he was coming down later that night. Turns out it wasn’t broken but I wasn’t going to be pitching for at least a week. That’s how my bad luck started. The ride down to Charlestown, West Virginia, was long and quiet until just after midnight. I had just started dozing off when I was woken by a loud bang. Coach Chris’s car hissed, knocked, stuttered and then shut down. We had to call a tow truck and then find a cab company to drive us the rest of the way to the hotel. Thankfully we weren’t too far because the stench in the cab was nasty, like stale cigarettes and sex.

  My legs are burning and my lungs are screaming but I keep pushing until I feel like I can’t go any further without falling. I slow the treadmill and start my cool down. Shirt soaked, skin flushed and body burning, I drag my ass upstairs to the room I’m sharing with Cooper for a much needed shower. After my shower and some breakfast, the boys and I went down to the field to face the Charleston Blue Jackets. The temperature’s in the eighties today, with a nice breeze blowing; the perfect weather for a game. By the bottom of the fifth, the game is tied at one run each. The guys are all in pretty foul moods. No one is really getting any decent pitches and we need this win. At the top of the eighth, Duff from the Blue Jackets tries to run home but runs Jacks, our catcher, off the plate by shoving him out of the way. The umpire calls Duff out. Jacks jumps up like it’s no big deal and runs to the dugout, since that is the third out. Mills, our Pitcher, saw the whole thing and started having words with Duff. Duff shoves Mills and then all hell breaks loose and now the field is just one big brawl. After everything settles, the game starts back up and we win four to one.

  When the whistle has blown, we go back to the hotel and do our own things. I stay back and try to catch up on sleep since I’m not really getting much at night. This is how the rest of the week goes. We win three out of our four games, but by the end of the fourth I am even more frustrated and miserable. I need the distraction of pitching to keep my mind from wondering what Hailey is doing, but that’s not happening because my dumbass decided to go and punch my door and fuck up my hand.

  After I made my plans to move down to Bentley’s, I gave Cole a call in the hope that he might be able to fill me in with a little about Monday night.

  “Hey pretty girl.” Coles greets me.

  “Hey.” I say, trying to keep all my emotions in check. Cole’s been a good sport through all this and I hate to feel like I’m dragging him into this but I need something, anything, at this point.

  “Hailey, what’s the matter?” I should have known Cole would think there is something wrong. I think I only ever really call him when something is wrong, or if I need something. What a horrible friend I am.

  I sigh loudly, “Were you at the bar Monday night?”

  Cole must be outside because I hear someone in the background blowing their horn. “Yeah. I ran into Mason.”

  I cringe. “Did you see him with Lily?”

  Cole clears his throat, “I saw Lily, but she wasn’t with Mason. I tried talking to him, Hailey, but he was pretty toasted. I told him that I knew you both loved each other and I told him that you should give him a chance.”

  Tears sting my eyes, “Alright, thanks.”

  I hear Cole’s door slam and his car start up. “Why, what’s going on?”

  I play with the hem of my shirt and don’t respond right away. I watch out the window as a car goes down my street. “Nothing. I just need to get the hell out of here for a while.”

  “Talk to me Hailey. Can I do anything?”

  I think Cole was put in my life for a reason. I’m not sure why just yet but I’m sure he was.

  “No. I’m just going out of town to visit some friends.”

  “Hang on.” Cole says.

  After a few seconds he comes back on the line. “I’ve got some time on Thursday and I’m free up until Friday night. How about I take you to go see your friends?”

  I smile just a little bit. “I think that would be a great idea.”

  So for the next half-hour I tell Cole my plans to move to Bentley’s and he agrees to help me.

  On Thursday afternoon, Cole shows up at my house and helps me load up his car with everything that will fit. I’m leaving my car here because I don’t think it will make it down to Virginia. I’ll miss having my wheels but I look at the bigger picture. I’m going to start off completely fresh, no baggage from my past.

  “Hey pretty girl.” Cole greets me when I open the door. He takes in my appearance and his face turns into pity. Something I do not want.

  I push the door open to allow him entrance to the house. “Hey. You ready to get this show on the road?”

  Cole stops in front of my bedroom door, “No, not really. I wish you weren’t leaving.” He turns to look at me and holds his hands up in surrender. “I know, I know. You have to do this
.”

  I pat his arm, walk into my room and hand him a bag. We work for the next two hours, loading his car and throwing away all the stuff that I no longer want; basically erasing my old life away. I only keep a few things that mean a lot to me. When we’ve finished I take one last look at the house, turn and climb into Cole’s car and we pull out of the driveway.

  Once we’ve passed the state line into Delaware I feel a sense of calm and peace wash over me. Like I really did leave my past behind and nothing will come back to plague me. I know this isn’t true because I’m a part of the Cahills, no matter what has happened or will happen in the future, they are my family.

  Cole pulls into the gas station, cuts the engine and then looks over at me. “Want anything?”

  I shake my head no. He goes and fills the gas tank. When he gets back in I try to hand him money for the gas but he refuses. We pull back out on the highway and then I remember what I wanted to ask him.

  “How do you know Lily?”

  Cole takes his eyes off the road and looks over at me. A few, long minutes go by and the question still hangs in the air, unanswered.

  “Ok, how about we play a game.” If he doesn’t want to tell me everything about her that’s fine, but he’s going to have to give me something. This might not answer all my questions but I’ll get the point.

  “Alright. What kind of game?” Cole asks.

  I reach up and lower the radio. “Twenty questions. You can only skip two.”

  “Five questions but no detailed answers.” Cole retorts.

  “Deal. I get to ask first.” I’ll take anything I can get at this point.