Before I could follow this line of conversation, Lexi stormed out of the house.
She paused at the sight of Ethan and me side by side. The corner of her mouth curled into a smile. “Are you ready to leave Kate? Or will you be staying out with him?”
I stepped towards Lexi, concerned by the anger and sadness written on her face. “What happened with Chase?”
She leveled me with her look. “He’s not sure we could work out. Too many issues. He’s not even sure we should try to make it work.” She looked between Ethan and me. “Sounds familiar, I bet.”
I narrowed my eyes, and she looked away, unshed tears glistening in her eyes.
“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to take it out on you two,” she said.
“It’s okay. I’ll leave with you. Just give me a moment.”
She walked down the steps to her car with a nod, and I turned to Ethan. “I’m sorry for making you come all the way out here. But she’s upset; I’ve got to go with her.”
“It’s all right,” he assured. “I get it. She needs you right now.” He hugged me in slow motion and kissed my forehead. The warmth of his lips radiated from the top of my head to my toes. “I’ll call you tomorrow?”
I nodded and reluctantly stepped out of his arms as Chase came out the front door. He shoved his hands in his pocket and nodded to me. “Did Lexi leave?”
“She’s at the car. We're leaving now,” I said, not sure if I wanted him to go to the car and talk to her or not.
Either way, he didn’t step in that direction. Instead, he greeted Ethan. “It’s good to see you, man.”
I waved goodbye and left to meet Lexi at the car.
As we pulled away, we passed Ethan’s motorcycle, and regret bubbled in my stomach. It would have been fun to ride on the back, but Lexi has always been there for me, and right now, I needed to be here for her.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked.
She banged the steering wheel with the palm of her hand. “I don’t know how to fucking win with him. He was mad that I ignored him, but it pissed him off that I showed up here for him tonight. Then he had the nerve to say I needed to figure out what I wanted. As if I hadn’t been sitting there telling him it was him I wanted.”
She pulled up to a red light and groaned as she turned to me. “He said we were probably too much work. That between our busy schedules, we wouldn’t have time for each other. What the hell is that? I guess he wants a girl whose life will revolve around him? Well, that’s not happening. Not from me.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, weary of her temper.
The light turned green, and she pressed the gas, taking deep breaths as she reigned in her temper.
“You deserve someone who is willing to put in the effort to make a relationship work,” I added.
“So you think I take a lot of work, too?” She questioned with an edge in her tone.
I started, surprised at her interpretation. “No. I just mean relationships take work. And the guy you end up with should gladly be willing to put in the work.”
“You’re right. I just thought this could have worked. He seemed so different. But...” she trailed off and shook her head. “Fuck it, I’ll quit pushing it. It’s funny, you give up too easily, but I hang on too long. I’ve got to let this one go.” She nodded with her decision and turned up the radio, blaring a rock song.
I wondered if I needed to try to hang onto Ethan? I dismissed the question. It was too early to tell. I needed to wait and see how things played out. There’s still so much I don’t know about him.
Ethan and I walked onto the roof for our swim, and I paused when I spotted Liam and Taylor by the recreational pool. Taylor sat on the edge while Liam was in the water splashing her. Ethan yelled a greeting over to them but continued to the lap pool to set down our towels.
He pulled off his shirt and hopped in the water before I even spread out my towel.
I stripped off my shorts and t-shirt and then slowly lowered myself into the water, bracing against the cold.
“Just go under already,” Ethan lectured, like usual, as he swam towards me.
“Give me a minute. I will.” I squealed as he got close and raised my arms to keep him back, afraid he would try to throw me under.
His smile disappeared, and he grabbed my elbow, lifting my arm. “What happened here?” he asked as he traced the grayish blue skin on my left shoulder with his finger tip. He tried to meet my gaze, but I looked to the water. “Did this happen last night?”
I glanced up, and my stomach turned inside out. I wanted to take the angry look off his face. “No. I mean, yes, but it wasn’t a big deal. I bruise easily.”
I’d been thinking about the night before all day, my regret was like shards of glass, painful to handle. I’d been so stupid, and I wanted to forget all about it.
Working out with Ethan had been the one time today I wasn’t thinking about last night.
He shook his head and moved to inspect my other shoulder. It was bruise free.
My eyes followed his fingers as they traced the grayish purple marks on my left shoulder. The bruises were only beginning to form. One on the front of my shoulder and two under my arm from where his fingers had gripped me.
“Was it Tristan?” His voice was low but firm.
My head shot up in surprise. “How did you know?”
Oh, crap. I could tell by the way his eyes lit up he hadn’t known for sure.
“Fuck,” he growled as he splashed the water and then took off to the side of the pool, pulling himself out. Dropping to the nearest chase lounge, he cradled his head in his hands for only a moment before standing again. Returning to the pool edge, he pointed at me. “You should have told me last night. You should have shown me that.”
He was furious, and I could only stand there stunned.
I’d made so many mistakes last night and continued to make mistakes. I didn’t know how to fix any of this mess. I sunk into the water, shielding myself from his anger and the look of disappointment on his face that matched the way I felt about myself.
“What’s going on?” Liam asked, walking over with a towel around his hips and two beers in hand.
Ethan set the beer Liam gave him on the table and continued to pace.
Crap, things kept getting worse. I got out of the pool, my heart beating erratically in my chest as I wrapped a towel around myself. It was like I swam for miles the way I struggled to catch my breath.
“It’s that bastard, Tristan Rush. He put his hands on her, look at her shoulder,” Ethan said.
I put my clothes on over my wet bathing suit, covering up, wanting to disappear as Liam looked my way. “It’s not a big deal. I bruise easily.”
“I knew it was him. After you left, he came outside high as fuck and asked Chase where Lexi and her friend went.” He rubbed his hands through his hair in frustration. “Christ, he didn’t even know your name, but it was you he was looking for. I knew then he was the one you were talking about, but I never imagined he did that.” He gestured to me and paused, his hand suspended in air. “What else did he do?” His voice was softer now, with a bit of a tremble. He stepped towards me, fingers barely grazing my arm as they slid to my hand. “Don’t cover up for him; tell me.”
I looked through the plexiglass wall to the skyline of the city and shook my head. “He pushed me against a wall. That was it.”
“Why?” Liam asked over Ethan’s shoulder.
My stomach and eyes squeezed at the question. I didn’t want to think about why he did it, what he had wanted.
“Son of a bitch. You stopped him though?” Ethan asked.
I nodded, and relief eased some of the lines in his face.
“Still. I’m going to fucking find him.”
I squeezed his hand to keep him near me. “No don’t.”
Liam’s eyes flashed to me, and he laughed.
Ethan jerked his direction, eyebrows raised in question.
“She hasn’t told us that Tristan
did anything wrong and you’re ready to go hunt him down. Brother, maybe you don’t know Kate all that well, but let me fill you in. She’s a fucking tease. I know Tristan likes it rough from the stories he’s told. He probably took it too far, and it scared her, so she stopped him.”
Ethan looked towards me, questions in his eyes, and my heart plummeted into my stomach. Pulling my hand out of his hold, I picked up my towel and cut straight to the exit.
Ethan caught up with me as I reached the elevator. “Wait, Kate. Don’t go. Talk to me.”
I spun around to face him, fighting the tears that threatened to fall. “What is it you want me to say? I am a tease. I knew he was flirting with me, but I didn’t stop him. It felt wrong, and I tried to avoid his touches when we played beer pong, but I didn’t clearly say stop. I was so stupid. And then later, when he trapped me in the bathroom, I didn’t yell. Who doesn’t yell?” My voice was rising with my panic. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself.
Ethan’s arms were around me. “You’re not stupid—”
I stepped back and cut off his words. “It just happened so fast. One moment I’m trying to get by him and the next he has me pinned against the wall. He only let me go because his friend showed up. But I never even told him stop. I didn’t do anything. I. Was. Stupid.”
He wrapped me in his arms, and my body relaxed in his embrace, as it always did. Even in this intense moment, I found comfort from being near him.
I rested my head on his bare chest, the warmth of the sun still held in his skin.
He spoke into my hair. “It doesn’t matter what you said or not, he shouldn’t have touched you. He trapped you. That’s not your fault. He’s just a fucking bastard and deserves to get his ass kicked.”
I shook my head. “Don’t do anything. I don’t want to make a big deal of this. Nothing really happened. I was just stupid. I want to forget about it.”
Ethan leaned back so he could meet my eyes, but he kept his hands around me. “This is a big deal. I won’t give him the beating he deserves, but you need to go to report him.”
“No. There’s nothing to tell. Just drop it, please,” I pleaded.
He hugged me close again, wrapping me in the warmth of his arms, but it was his words that drove away the cold fear in me. “For now, I will.”
Taylor walked in from the pool deck and frowned at the sight of us. “You haven’t even pressed the button for the elevator.”
Liam followed her through the door and pressed the call button as he slipped an arm around her waist.
Ethan kept me in his arms as the elevator doors slid open. I stepped towards the car, but Ethan tightened his embrace as Liam and Taylor stepped into it.
“You two can go down,” Ethan told them.
Taylor folded her arms. “Are you still coming out with us tonight?”
“I’ll text you later,” he said as he led me out onto the pool deck. Both Taylor and Liam were frowning as the elevator doors closed.
We walked to the corner of the deck where the lounge beds with canopies were. Pulling me onto the wide lounger with him, every movement was slow and gentle, asking permission instead of taking until we were laid back on the chair, my head resting on his chest. His fingers trailed up and down my arm.
I didn’t want to break the peace I felt wrapped in his embrace, and I stayed quiet as I curled into his side and listened to his heartbeat. I brought one hand up and laid it flat on his chest to feel the steady rhythm. His chest was hard, smooth, and warm, and it felt like I belonged there.
Whoa.
I had to get a grip on my thoughts. The emotion of the last twenty-four hours or perhaps week or even life had clouded my judgment. It wasn’t that we were moving too fast, but my emotions certainly were. This was new terrain for me and it seemed dangerously unstable.
“Stop thinking,” Ethan ordered in a low rasp.
I popped up to see him. “What?”
“You went from feeling perfect and relaxed in my arms to stiff. You were thinking and changing the moment. So, stop.” He pulled me back down to him, trying to return me to my former position.
I resisted and instead stared at him with what was probably a goofy grin. He’d just said I felt perfect in his arms, an echo of my thoughts. My heart was about to fly out of my chest.
Then my phone beeped from my pocket, and I reluctantly picked it up to check my message. It was my mother reminding me I had to give my father an answer tonight, and she would like to talk to me first.
I chewed my lip as I stared at my phone screen; I hadn’t given much thought to my father’s proposition. Change my last name? I needed more time to think this over. If only life would just please slow down.
Ethan trailed his fingers down my back, “What’s it say?”
I looked up from my phone. “It’s my mother. She needs to meet with me tonight.” I squeezed the bridge of my nose. “They want me to change my last name to Baycroft. You know, make it official that Connor is my father.”
Not for the first time, I was amazed at how much I was telling Ethan. The only other person I was so open with was Lexi, and that took years.
I couldn’t put my finger on it, but there was something about Ethan that made me trust him, despite all the warnings. He made me feel comfortable.
“What do you want to do?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Run away and leave it all. Not make any decisions for the rest of my life.”
His lips slowly formed a sad smile. “That’s a decision. Any choice is your decision. Even doing nothing is a decision. It’s unavoidable.”
I nodded, letting his words sink in. “I’m not sure I want to give up my dad’s name, or the man I thought was my dad. But what does it matter? Everyone else would be happy if I did. So…” I shrugged again.
He sat up next to me. “Do whatever you can live with. It’s just a name, but in this town, the last name Baycroft can get you farther than Green.”
I chewed on my lip, considering it all. A drip of doubt crept into my thoughts as I was reminded of my father’s accusations. Was he trying to latch onto my family?
“But it doesn’t matter. One day it’ll change again, when you get married.” He dropped his eyes while he spoke.
I nodded. “Yeah, and it’s not like it changes anything about my past.”
My phone beeped once more. Another text from my mother saying it was urgent we talked. My head was starting to ache. “I’ve got to go, Thanks.” I wasn’t sure what I was thanking him for. Probably the calm he’d given me in the swirl of chaos that was my life.
“Are you doing anything tomorrow?” he asked.
I shook my head as I picked up my towel.
“I’ll call after work. We can do something.”
I agreed and walked to the elevator. As I walked out of the sphere of Ethan’s presence, my calm receded. I recalled Taylor asking him if he was still going out with them tonight, he hadn’t answered, but he didn’t ask me to join them. Instead, we had plans for tomorrow. Doubt and jealousy danced inside of me.
But I pushed those thoughts aside, focusing on the conversation my mother and I were about to have.
~Carly~
She got up from the couch to pour herself some water. Kate would walk through the door any moment, and Carly was restless and unsure of how to act. Should she apologize first or wait for Kate to apologize first? She brushed away the question.
The main topic that needed to be discussed was the name change. She wouldn’t have thought this conversation necessary, but given Kate’s erratic behavior lately, she thought it prudent to make sure Kate made the right choice. That girl couldn’t be trusted to do what was best for herself.
Carly knew that was her own fault. She’d protected her too much and didn’t let her see the gritty, seedy, heartbreaking reality that had been their life. Or at least Carly’s life. She’d done her job as a mother and protected her daughter from the harshest moments, but perhaps the complete shield had been a mistake. Perhaps
Kate wouldn’t be so damn delusional and optimistic if she had been exposed to the struggle.
The door opened and Kate slowly, cautiously, walked through. Her dark hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and her workout clothes looked rumpled. Carly’s face pinched at her daughter’s sloppy attire.
The corner of Kate’s mouth tugged in a smile that never truly materialized as she walked to the stool by the kitchen counter and sat.
“Have you given your father your decision yet?” Carly asked.
“No,” Kate said.
Carly couldn’t read her attitude. “You’re going to change your name, right?”
Chapter Sixteen
The more I see the less I know
John Lennon
“I’m not sure,” I said. I was fairly certain I would, but I still had some reservations.
My mother leaned on the counter across from me. “What’s stopping you? What possible benefit could you gain from keeping your name?”
I sat back and crossed my arms. “I had a dad who was there for me. He would still be here for me if he hadn’t died. What’s even greater is that I wasn’t even his, but he was there. That name means something to me.”
She groaned and rolled her eyes. “Kate, wake up. If you keep the name Green, Connor will owe you nothing. He may or may not stick around. You’re not guaranteed anything, but if you take his name he will be obligated to you. Think long term. Even your future kids will benefit, and you’ll have more control. Isn’t that what your little fit was about this week?”
I picked at the skin on my nail while I considered how to respond.
She snapped her finger in front of my face to pull my gaze back. “You think you’d be betraying your dad,” she air quoted the word with her fingers, “He didn’t stick around for you; he stuck around for the money I had because of you. He’s the one who blew it all, the reason we had nothing left. His murder wasn’t in the line of duty; he’d gotten in deep with gambling and owed too much. Like I said, wake up. Make the smart choice.”
I sat up straight. The blood in my body froze, painful icicles spreading from my spine to my limbs. This was the second time in as many months that my world had been rocked upside down. My identity pulled from under my feet and left me in free fall.
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