An Affair to Remember

by Karen Hawkins

  Anna lightly ran down the steps to the foyer, her mind already busily engaged in all the home truths she could deliver to Charlotte in the space of an hour.

  They rarely had more than that, for Charlotte’s mama was not at all thrilled to see her daughter becoming friends with a mere governess. But the Thraxton name, along with Anna’s intimate knowledge of Greyley House, had kept Lady Melton from preventing the visits. Had the woman any idea what things Anna was teaching Charlotte, Anna was certain the older woman would have done so immediately.

  It had taken some doing, but Anna had been able to make Charlotte see the wisdom of keeping dear Mama in the dark about the exciting books and treatises Anna gave her to read.

  Anna turned the last corner of the stairs and came to an abrupt halt, her skirts swinging forward to brush her ankles. Anthony stood at the bottom of the steps, leaning against the railing. The intensity of his expression made her heart leap. It was as if only a thin, thin web of civility prevented him from swooping her up and carrying her to his bedchamber to have his way with her.

  “I’ve been waiting for you,” he said, his deep voice so warm Anna felt she could touch it. “Where are you going?”

  “Riding.”

  His gaze flickered over her habit. “With whom?”

  “I don’t answer to you for what I do in my spare time.”

  “No, you don’t,” he agreed pleasantly enough. He moved around the banister and climbed the steps toward her.

  She was struck by the lethal grace that accompanied his every move. Anna took a nervous step back, halting when she realized the landing was right behind her. Somehow it seemed more prudent to stay on the steps. “What do you want?”

  He stopped on the step just below her, his face at a level with hers. “You seem to be riding a lot lately.”

  “Have you been spying on me?”

  A smile lifted the corner of his mouth, his eyes traveling across her face, lingering on her lips. “I wasn’t spying. I was admiring.”

  A pleasant trill danced along Anna’s spine. She found herself wishing that his eyes weren’t at a level with her own, but she couldn’t look away without finding herself staring at some other, more dangerous part of him.

  “I spoke to Desford last night,” Anthony said unexpectedly. “He and I are going fishing.”

  Anna’s heart warmed. He was so capable of giving. “That’s quite a step forward.”

  “You can congratulate me if I manage to return without being pushed into the pond. He didn’t look too thrilled with the idea.”

  “I’m sure he was overjoyed. He’s just not one to show his excitement.”

  “He wouldn’t have gone at all except that Elizabeth jumped up and said she’d go if Desford didn’t want to. He wasn’t about to give up his place to a mere girl.”

  “It’s still a beginning.” A huge one, considering the fact that Greyley had sought out the child himself. It was gratifying to know that she had managed to help him at least a little. Anna would write Sara a letter this very afternoon and explain how Greyley was improving before her very eyes. Sara would also want all of the details about her brother’s betrothed.

  The thought of Charlotte made Anna aware of the time. The girl would be waiting and they had important work to do. “I really must go.”

  He leaned his hand on the banister beside Anna, the movement bringing his shoulder within inches of her chest. “You look very fetching in blue. The color enhances the whiteness of your skin.”

  She tried to inch away, but couldn’t. “Mr. Elliot will be waiting on me.”

  Anthony’s mouth thinned. “Rupert is going with you?”

  “I invited him to accompany me and he—” Anna gasped as Anthony hauled her against him. Her hat tumbled down the stairs and rolled into the center of the foyer, where it came to rest at the feet of one of Greyley’s suits of armor. “I paid a lot of money for that hat.”

  “I’ve never liked it,” Anthony growled, aware of a malevolent heat burning in his throat. “I don’t like you riding with Rupert. He is a bounder and worse.”

  Her eyes blazed with disdain. “Oh, you fear he might show me some sort of disrespect? Like asking me to become his mistress, perhaps? The way you did?”

  “Damn it, Anna! You don’t know him as I do.”

  “I know that he is more of a gentleman than you. He has never offered me any insult, while you—” She snapped her mouth closed, her contempt clear for him to see.

  “Anna, don’t,” he said, his chest aflame with the agony of thinking of her with another man. He splayed his hands over her back, molding her closer. “You are so beautiful.”

  A flush of color touched her cheekbones. “No, I’m not. I’m too tall, my nose is huge, and I have large feet.”

  He leaned his forehead against hers. “You are the perfect height for me, your nose is adorable, and your feet are lovely. I promise to kiss every one of your toes the second I get you into my bed.”

  To his surprise, she didn’t move away. “I’m not going to bed with you.”

  Was there just the tiniest hint of regret in her voice? “I want to kiss you.”

  She looked down, her lashes resting on the crest of her cheeks.

  Anthony cupped her face and kissed a trail along her cheek, to her neck. She tasted like spring and cinnamon and forbidden heat. His body reacted immediately.

  “Greyley…” She pushed him away, her breath loud in the silence. “My hat is on the floor.”

  He nuzzled the heat of her skin. “I hate that hat. It hides your eyes.”

  “I don’t care if you like it or not. I don’t want it ruined.”

  “It will be fine,” he murmured, kissing her neck to the delicate line of her ear. “And if it isn’t, I’ll buy you a new one.”

  She shivered and he increased his efforts, breathing across her smooth, white skin. “Greyley,” she said, her hands flat against his chest, though she made no move to push him away. “You must stop this at once. Someone might come…”

  “We can go to the library if you’d like—”

  “No,” she said quickly, her breath ragged in his ear. “I cannot be alone with you.”

  He trailed a kiss from her ear to the corner of her mouth. “I must have you.”

  A deep, shuddering sigh wracked her before she pushed her hands lightly against his chest. He stopped immediately and smiled down at her. “We cannot ignore what is between us, Anna.”

  “There can never be anything between us. I’ve already told you that.”

  “You are wrong. I will have you—”

  “As what? Your mistress?” She laughed and the bitterness of it wrung his heart. “I will not be made a laughingstock and that is what would happen. I’ve been mocked enough, thank you.”

  He tilted her face toward his, admiring the proud way she met his gaze. “No one would dare mock you if you were under my protection. I will take care of you and your grandfather if you’d only let me.”

  Her hands clasped his wrists and he saw tears glistening in her eyes. “You know better than that,” she whispered.

  God, but it was bittersweet to see the longing in her eyes. “Since when do you or I care what other people think?”

  Anna didn’t answer for the longest time, her hands warm on his wrists. Finally, she said, “You don’t know what it is like being a governess. I’ve lost everything; my friends, my position in society, my future. But I still have Grandpapa, and I still have my pride. I will not give up either.”

  “I didn’t ask you to. I just offered—”

  “You offered an exchange—security and a home for my virtue and honor.” A slow, wracking sigh shook her. “Anthony, I cannot. Please do not ask me again.”

  “I will ask you again,” he said fiercely, holding her once more, feeling her slender body firm against his. “And again and again, until you agree. Anna, I want you with me.”

  “But not as your wife.”

  He closed his eyes, his jaw aching with the
hollowness that seemed to grow by the moment. “I can’t. I gave my word and I cannot renege. Anna, please. If you would just listen to what I have to offer—”

  “I don’t want what you offer. I’ve taken care of myself and Grandpapa for over a year now, without any help, too.” Her chin firmed and he marveled at the strength that shone in her eyes. “I don’t need you, Greyley. Go and marry Charlotte.”

  “Damn it, Anna! I’ve already explained the nature of my relationship with Charlotte and it has nothing to do with us.” He reached out and captured a tendril of hair that had escaped her pins. “We will be together, Anna.”

  “No, we won’t. I can’t allow it to happen.”

  “We can’t stop it. It was meant to be.” He wrapped the strand of her hair about his fingers and pulled her face to his. He placed a soft, light kiss at the corner of her mouth.

  The touch was so tender, so soft that if Anna closed her eyes, she would have wondered if it had been real or just the remnants of a heated wish.

  His eyes glinted darkly. “We were ordained by the stars. Foretold in days of old.” He kissed her, his lips brushing softly across hers, this time sending tremors through her.

  Anna had to clench her hands into fists to keep from leaning into him. Waves of heat seemed to rise about her, obscuring her vision, making her shift restlessly. She already knew the delight that was held in his hands.

  It was sad to realize that once she left Greyley House, she would never again have the opportunity to know those pleasures. For there was only one man she’d ever allow this close to her—and he belonged to another woman.

  “Anna, please,” he whispered against her cheek. “I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. I need you with me.” He nipped at her ear, his breath sending delighted shivers through her.

  She forced herself to remain still. “If you have trouble sleeping, then try a glass of warm milk.”

  He lifted his head and looked into her eyes, a sardonic quirk on his lips. “Is that what you do each night? Drink glasses and glasses of warm milk?”

  “Heavens, no. I never dream of anything more disturbing than falling out of my window. But then, my conscience is fairly clear.” Except for the fact that she lusted after her host and employer.

  “I suppose I deserve that,” he said. “I should never have allowed our passion to go as far as it did in the library.”

  In his own way, Anna realized that Anthony was apologizing. It wasn’t what she wanted, but it was something. “Especially since you are engaged.”

  “I’ve told you that Charlotte would not care. In fact, I daresay she’d be relieved to know that I had made arrangements to take my pleasure somewhere else.”

  Now that she knew Charlotte, Anna had to agree. The girl’s visions of love did not include hot, passionate kisses that left one feeling as if all her bones had been seared to ashes. Young and less earthy than Anna, Charlotte believed in courtly love, in poetry and flowers, in soft words and meaningful glances—none of which had to do with base passions.

  Anna closed her eyes. It was a pity she was not to wed Greyley; she would have been able to deal with his passions and his ill-tempered moods, both of which were sure to put the innocent Miss Melton into a tizzy of fear. If only—She stopped. No. She would not think of the “what ifs.” She couldn’t afford to. Blinking away a sudden tear, Anna tried to free herself from Greyley’s grasp.

  “I have to go.” Quickly, before she made a fool of herself.

  “Anna, don’t. Perhaps I can—”

  Her tenuous control broke, and suddenly the unfairness of it all poured across her until she stood drenched in outrage. “You can do what? Explain the reasons why you cannot marry a lowly governess?”

  His hands fell free of her arms. “Lowly? I have never considered you thus. I spent the last eighteen years of my life trying to convince everyone, including myself, that the Elliot name is worth honoring. I have given everything I possess to make it so, and I cannot walk away from that. I gave my word to marry Charlotte. A man is only worth as much as his word, Anna. You wouldn’t want it any other way.”

  Anna took a shuddering breath. He was right—she wouldn’t have him be any less honorable, any less true to his St. John heritage than he was. “Do what you must, Anthony. And so will I.”

  She stepped around him, then walked slowly down the stairs. Her heart lurched with each step but she didn’t falter. She stopped to pick up her hat, and then she walked out of the house, too numb to feel anything other than the roar of emptiness.

  Chapter 23

  It is not enough to simply remove temptation. We must beat it away, burn it, suppress it, combat it with as much ruthless intent as we can muster.

  Lady Burton in a letter to the Countess of Bridgeton, asking for sponsorship of a new effort to remove the sad effects of gin from the slums of London

  The next week was an agony for Anna. Though Greyley did as she asked and stayed away, she was aware of his dark gaze on her. And she yearned for him, longed for him, even as she knew it was impossible. Lady Putney seemed aware that something was amiss and she made no secret of her disapproval.

  Once Anna came upon Anthony in the morning room and they had stood transfixed, not speaking, but neither of them making an effort to leave. It was as if a secret thread tied them together. Thin, but as strong as steel, it bound them even as it separated them one from the other.

  To protect herself from the yearnings in her heart, Anna’d taken to keeping the children near and, when they were not, she found someone else to serve as impromptu chaperone.

  Fortunately for her, Greyley’s cousin, Rupert, seemed more than willing to be her constant companion. Anna found him an unexpectedly merry cohort, willing to assist her with all manner of projects. She even took him to visit Charlotte, though she made him wait in a copse of trees a small distance from the house. As much as she enjoyed Rupert Elliot’s company, he was not the type of young man she would introduce to an impressionable girl like Charlotte.

  Anna also did what she could to stay busy, though all the while she lusted for Greyley, dreamed of his hands on her, imagined his body against hers until she knew that she could not remain at Greyley House much longer. As soon as the children were more established with Lily, and Charlotte was more confident, then Anna would leave.

  The thought made her teary-eyed. Why did this tension have to exist between her and Greyley? “I have the self-control of a pat of butter,” she muttered to herself as she sat in the nursery, working with the children on their Latin.

  “What’s that, miss?” Mrs. Stibbons asked. She was sitting in one corner of the room, assisting Lily in hemming a cape for Richard’s part in the play.

  “Nothing,” Anna said, returning to her work, her face red.

  Selena leaned toward Mrs. Stibbons. “She said she had the butt of a sheep herd.”

  “I did not,” Anna said, casting a harried glance at the housekeeper.

  “Did, too. I heard you.” Selena peered at Anna’s behind, her brow crinkled in thought. “It’s not that big.”

  Anna narrowed her gaze. “That’s enough from you.”

  Selena grinned and returned to her work while Mrs. Stibbons chuckled. “That child is a merriment unto herself.”

  “Indeed she is.” Anna caught sight of Rupert in the doorway. “Ah! Have you come to visit?”

  The children immediately clamored out of their chairs and swarmed the young man.

  He laughed, holding out his hands to fend them off. “Back, you little fiends!”

  “Uncle Rupert!” Elizabeth cried, her cheeks red with pleasure. “Did you bring us anything?”

  “You said you’d bring us candy,” Marian said eagerly.

  “I want some candy, too,” Elizabeth interrupted.

  Rupert laughed and held out his hand. Five sparkling candies lay in his palm. “Selena first. She’s the youngest.”

  “Ohhh,” Selena said, staring at the candies with great concentration. “I like red candies.”
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  She started to take it, but then hesitated. “I like yellow ones, too.”

  “Oh for heaven’s sake,” Marian said, hopping up and down. “Just pick one.”

  Selena acted as if she hadn’t heard her sister. She touched the orange candy with a grubby finger. “I’ve never had an orange candy before.”

  “Then take the orange one,” Desford said, frowning.

  “But I might not like it.” Selena’s brow cleared. “I know. I’ll take the yellow one. It’s a sunny day and this candy looks like the sun.”

  “Good,” Elizabeth said, elbowing Richard aside so she could see the candies better. “Now it’s Marian’s turn to—”

  “But perhaps,” Selena said thoughtfully, sucking on one of her fingers, “perhaps I should get the red one because I do have a red dress and it is my favorite.”

  The children groaned while Rupert laughed. “I’ll tell you what, princess. You take the red one and I’ll bring you an orange one tomorrow.”

  Sighing reluctantly, Selena took the red candy. The rest was distributed without mishap and Anna soon had everyone settled back into their seats and doing their work, the candy making them all pleasantly quiet.

  She turned to Rupert. “That was very nice of you.”

  He shrugged. “They are my family. Some of the few I can stand.” His gaze flickered to Anna and he smiled. “You certainly have a way with them. I don’t think I’ve ever seen them this orderly.”

  “They are good children.” Better than good children—they were wonderful. Her throat grew tight and she had to clear it before she could speak. “They are creative, too. You should see the play they have planned.”

  “I’m sure it’s delightful.” He leaned forward and took her hand in his. “As are you.”

  When Greyley took her hand, her whole body tingled as if afire. When Rupert took her hand, it was all she could do to keep from snapping at him. She freed her fingers. “That’s enough of that, Rupert.”

  “Not for me, it isn’t,” he said, his voice low. “Anna, I feel—”

  “Indigestion, most likely,” she answered easily. “The roast was not well cooked last night and it has made even me uneasy.” Why was it so simple to turn aside this perfectly charming and handsome man, yet she could not make herself walk away from an arrogant, domineering ass like Greyley?