White Deception

by Susan Edwards

  “Did she love you?” Mattie rested her arms along the tops of his.

  “No. I was in the way. I was ‘boy.’ She couldn’t even bother with a name.” He paused. “She left one night. I was six. Never saw her again.” Reed’s voice held no emotion.

  Leaning her head back, Mattie wished she could see into his eyes. “What did you do? Who raised you?”

  Reed turned his hands palms up so he could thread his fingers through Mattie’s. “The streets.”

  Mattie closed her eyes and reached for the man behind her. She felt it: the hurt, the despair, the raw need to survive. “How did you do it? Survive?”

  “Had no choice. Hell, it was all I knew.” Though he tried to hold the emotion from his voice, the bit that escaped told her everything. She’d seen and heard the stories of street children in St. Louis, had been shocked that there were children with no one to care for them.

  “Our people do not abandon children. If a child loses a parent, there are others who will take that child and make him theirs. Children are revered. Not thrown away,” she said.

  “You are fortunate.” His chest rose and fell as he sighed heavily. “Do not pity me, Mattie. I survived. Even found a family when I was ten.” He chuckled. “Was caught stealing by a man who took me in. Used to see him going to the bank every day. Had a pretty little girl. Always looked so nice. So I followed him home one day.”

  His voice grew soft as he admitted, “Snuck around back and saw a pie sitting in the window. Apple.” Another chuckle. “I stole it.”

  Mattie smiled. “Was it good?”

  “Heaven,” Reed said, stroking her hands.

  “You went back again,” Mattie guessed.

  “Yep. Many times. Made friends with the girl. Anne.”

  Hearing the love in his voice made Mattie’s heart ache. She wanted love that ran so deep. Renny was right: marrying Gil just to please his father was wrong. For her, for him… In fact, looking back, she wasn’t even sure Collin had loved her—certainly not with the same devotion she heard in Reed’s voice.

  They’d been in love. But maybe they’d been more in love with the idea of becoming independent: her for her family, him because that was what was expected of him by his father. But not his mother. His mother had fought the union and lost.

  “Tell me more.” The warmth she felt came from the man holding her. In front of her the fire was dying.

  “Anne used to sneak me food. She’d come out and talk to me. She was younger by a couple of years. At first, she just amused me. She was so innocent. I used to tell her she wouldn’t last a day living on the streets.” Mattie felt his smile against the back of her head. “She’d get so mad and stomp her tiny little foot at me. Then she’d stop bringing me food until I apologized. Used to be worth it, though, to see her so mad. As long as she didn’t cry. Couldn’t handle that. Not as a boy—”

  “Or as a man,” Mattie finished.

  “No. She had me there. She was my best friend. My only friend.” Reed told Mattie how her father had found out what she was doing, how Anne had begged him to give her a brother. A brother named Reed.

  “When he asked me to move in with them, told me he needed a son to leave his business to one day, it was the best day of my life. I wasn’t just Reed with no last name. I could be Reed Robertson.”

  “When we first met, you didn’t give us your full name. You said it was just Reed. Why?”

  Reed was silent so long, Mattie feared he wouldn’t answer. Then he said, “I don’t deserve the name.”

  His tone told Mattie that it hurt to talk about it. “Who gave you the name Reed? You said your mother didn’t name you.”

  She felt him shrug. “People used to call me ‘’breed.’ So I took the name Reed.”

  Mattie found that part of his story the saddest. “I like the name—Reed,” she said. “It’s a strong name. Like the reeds in a pond. Straight, tall. With many uses. A hollow reed offers a swimmer air to breathe while beneath the surface.”

  “There you go, seeing things that aren’t there.” Reed hugged her tight and buried his face in the crook of her neck.

  Reaching up, Mattie ran her fingers through his hair. It was soft, silky. She rubbed a strand between her thumb and forefinger. “I see what I see,” she murmured. “And in you I see strength and courage. A man who survived where most would not have. You could have turned out so different.”

  “Anne saved me,” he murmured.

  “No, Reed. Even as a boy you had the strength to save yourself.”

  “Who will save the man, Mattie?”

  “The boy deep inside you, Reed.” At her words she felt him jerk, heard him moan. She turned in his arms, gently ran her fingers over his face and felt the wetness of tears.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Mattie.”

  “Shush. I need to touch you, Reed.”

  Reed closed his eyes and let her fingers feather over his face. He lifted his hands and, like before, used just his senses to touch her. He needed her in a way he’d never needed anyone else.

  Her fingers wiped the tears from his face. At first he’d been horrified to find himself crying. But not now. What she’d said had been incredible, made him feel things about himself he’d never before felt.

  Drawing her around, one of his hands slid from her face to cup her head. When her fingers slid into his hair, he lowered his head and touched his lips to her brow. Her head shifted, fell back as she offered up her mouth.

  With a groan, he gave her a kiss that lacked the gentleness of their first. This time he needed passion, and she gave it to him, meeting his demands with those of her own.

  Their mouths parted then came together, opening, inviting each other in. Each gave. Took. Drank and sighed. Reed’s hands roamed over Mattie’s back, down her sides. Her hands ran down his chest, splaying across that hard wall of muscle, trailing up to grip his shoulders and sliding back down the bulge of his arms.

  She turned, twisting to her side. He pulled her close until they were chest to breast, her arms wrapped tight around his neck, him stroking her back, one hand trailing down over the curve of her buttocks, along the line of her thigh until cloth gave way to flesh.

  Slowly, his fingers retraced their path, sliding along flesh. He felt the patches of her scarred flesh, felt her tremble when he ran the pads of his fingers gently over those places of injury, all the while keeping to his upward journey.

  She sighed. He swallowed that sweet sound, then claimed her mouth. “Mattie. I want you,” he said.

  “You have me, Reed,” she breathed back at him.

  He left her mouth. His rougher cheek slid against her soft flesh as he used his mouth to follow the line of her jaw. Her head fell back, leaving her open and exposed. He couldn’t resist tasting her, nuzzling her. His tongue found her pulse. He licked. She shuddered as his mouth trailed down to the neckline of her dress.

  She was soft. Smooth. Sweet. His hand found the curve of her bottom, then the slope of her spine, before the confines of her clothing stopped him. Reed groaned. He wanted no barriers. He needed all of her, as much as she’d give. “I want to see you, Mattie. All of you.”

  Mattie sat, swiveling around so she faced him, then rose to her knees. She untied the sash of her simple cotton dress and drew it over head.

  Reed sucked in his breath. Firelight washed over her, giving her skin a rich, warm glow. She showed no shyness as she bared herself to him. He reached out but didn’t touch her. He was afraid to touch her, for fear that he’d never be able to live without her.

  “Beautiful,” he murmured, staring at the proud tilt to her breasts, the dark nipples that begged to be kissed and suckled.

  Mattie reached out, found his hands and took them into her own. “Now see me again.” She turned his hands and placed them on her waist.<
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  Reed closed his eyes and closed his hands over her tiny waist. Then he let himself go. Slowly his hands traveled up. “Soft, like the feather of the owl.” The tips of his fingers trailed over her navel. “Incredible,” he said, feeling her breathing turn rapid. “Heaven.” He felt each rib, each breath of air, each shudder. “A true gift,” he said, cupping her breasts, using his hands and fingers only to “see” her.

  She moaned with each gentle tug, each tender squeeze, then protested when his hands went around to her back. Keeping his eyes closed, he whispered, “Feel what I can give you.” He closed his mouth over one pert nipple.

  Mattie cried out, her hands gripping his shoulders.

  “Let go, Mattie. Let go.”

  Trusting him, she let his shoulders go, let herself go limp. He opened his eyes, needing to see her with all that he was. She lay curved over his arm, her breasts begging for him to touch and taste, her head back, hair trailing on the ground.

  His mouth went dry as it followed the firm line of her belly down over the dark patch of her womanhood. “Mattie!” he cried. Then once more his mouth closed over her—tasting, suckling, exploring. His fingers skimmed over her flesh, down the hard wall of her abdomen and into those tempting curls.

  “Reed…” Her voice trembled as he laved her moist center.

  Gently, he laid her down. Sliding his hands over hers, he gripped her fingers between his and slid up over her. “Mattie, I have no right.”

  She opened her eyes and stared at him with complete trust. “You are the only one. What’s mine is yours. I give myself to you.”

  Reed had never felt so humbled. Or so loved.

  He sat up and took off his shirt. “Then take me as well. I am yours, Mattie. God knows I don’t deserve you, but I’m too weak to say no.” He took her hands and placed them on his chest, his own breath hitching as she ran her fingers over his male nipples and rubbed.

  “Reed. It is the strength in you that allows you to say yes.” Her fingers slid below his waist, over the material and down until she found the aching bulge that cried out for her touch.

  “Then touch me, Mattie. All of me,” he begged as he released his sex.

  Mattie gasped slightly when she felt him spring out and into her hands. With both hands, she cupped him, felt his soft sac and hard length. Slowly she traced her fingers up to his tip.

  “Soft,” she said, rubbing her thumb over him. “Moist.” One hand closed around him.

  Reed jerked and fell on top of her. He found her mouth with his, and she opened her legs to him, cradling him against her moist heat. He moved against her. She ground her hips upward.

  “Feels so good,” she breathed into his mouth. Her hands strummed the nerves down his back, making him shiver with incredible need. He reached down between them, shifting so he could feel her. His fingers pressed lightly over her mound.

  She lifted her hips, pressing herself against him. His finger slid down her moist folds and found her entrance, hot, wet and wanting. “Damn good,” he agreed, lifting himself onto his elbows.

  “Take me inside you, Mattie. Join with me. Share what I feel, need what I need.”

  Mattie stroked the lines around his mouth. “Come to me, Reed. Join with me, let me feel you, all of you. Share with me all I have to give.” She let her legs fall open.

  Reed positioned himself at her entrance. “Don’t close your eyes, Mattie. I know you cannot see me, but I see so much in you.”

  She trembled beneath him. Her fingers fluttered over his mouth. “What do you see, Reed?”

  Reed took her lips in a gentle kiss. “I see into your heart. I see my own heart reflected back. You are the light shining on my path, Mattie.” Staring into her tearful gaze, he pushed slowly into her. He waited for the pain of breaking through her maidenhead to cloud her eyes but he saw only love—hers, which reflected his.

  His heart swelled, his eyes misting. He felt her love as she gave herself to him, as she accepted him deeply inside her. His own love for her throbbed deep inside him. Merged with her, Reed rested his forehead on hers.

  “Mattie, I think I love you. I know it’s not the time for it or even this—”

  Mattie lifted her legs and wrapped them instinctively around Reed’s hips, causing him to groan as she pulled him even deeper. Her heat sheathed him, pulsed in time to his own throbs. He shifted, trying not to start a rhythm that once begun would shatter what control he retained.

  She smiled. “I know you love me, as I love you. There is always time for love, for it is part of the circle of life. As is this.”

  She pulled away then eased back until he moved with her, slowly at first, each of them holding their breath as though afraid of shattering the other. His mouth mated with hers, his strokes grew longer, came faster and harder. Her breath became shallow gasps; his, hoarse groans. Her hands touched him, caressed him, learned the feel and shape of his tightly corded arms, the dance of muscles along his back, and even the tautness of his buttocks. Her fingers lingered there, squeezing the rounded flesh. Each time he thrust into her, she felt him tighten beneath her fingers.

  She moaned when his hand slid back down between them, finding her center. He touched her, over and over, circling, his fingers matching the rhythm of his organ sliding in and out of her throbbing sheath.

  Her hands fell to her side, her fingers digging into the grass as he drove her up toward some distant peak she had never known existed. Mattie watched the light grow brighter, felt her heart pounding, the ache in her swelling, building.

  She called out, arched her body upward as tremors began rocketing through her body. They started deep inside her and pushed relentlessly outward, zeroing in on the spot where she and Reed were joined, where his fingers stroked her.

  Sure that she’d burst if he didn’t stop, die if he did, her body suddenly convulsed.

  “Yes, Mattie! Now. Let go. Let go, now,” Reed begged, his voice low, hoarse.

  Mattie did, and she found herself flying through heavens the color of Reed’s eyes.

  * * *

  Later, Mattie lay curled next to Reed. They faced the fire. She felt the ebbing warmth but with him lying at her back, she was warm. She smiled. Her journey into womanhood had been all she’d believed, all she had hoped it would be.

  Even the breaking of her maidenhead hadn’t been as bad as she’d feared. The love in his touch, his voice, had numbed any pain with pleasure greater than anything she’d experienced.

  Mating, she thought, was indeed as wondrous as her mother promised. Cocooned in warmth, she smiled with contentment. The time would come soon enough to pick up the threads of worry and fear. This time right now, she took and made hers. And Reed’s. The past didn’t belong here.

  Nor did the future, for she couldn’t bear to think of what tomorrow might bring. She hugged herself tightly. She’d either have her family or not, and she found that she just couldn’t think what that might mean to her. At that moment, Mattie only knew she had Reed to help her through the darkness.

  “What are you thinking?”

  She started. “I thought you were asleep.” She rolled over, forcing him back. In a smooth movement, Reed adjusted the blanket over them, drawing her head down onto his chest as though he couldn’t bear to let her go.

  “Was. For a brief while. Then I had this incredible dream and had to wake up to be sure it was real.”

  Smiling, Mattie stroked her fingers over his chest. “Was it? Real?”

  She felt Reed’s answering grin as he ran his hand down the back of her head. “Oh, yeah. Very real. Incredibly real.” His voice dropped. “Still don’t believe that you’re here, in my arms.”

  “I too feel this way.” She sighed. She wanted it to last forever. She wanted what they shared, what they had between them to hold and keep all the bad at bay. But she knew that as soon
as the night passed into day, this would fade, become a shared dream. Reed wouldn’t stay. Somehow, she knew in her heart he couldn’t.

  “I wish…” She broke off.

  “Wish what, Mattie?” Reed’s voice sounded as wistful as the cry in her heart for him to never leave.

  “You know what I wish. Our hearts are joined. You see into mine.”

  This time he sighed, long and heavy. “I can’t stay. I have to return.”

  “She’s gone,” Mattie whispered. Though she had no wish to hold him to her with guilt.

  “She lives in my son and daughter. For them I have to go back.”

  “You have children?” Mattie sat up. Reed reached over and fingered a long strand of her hair.

  “Two. A boy and girl. Daniel is nearly four. He’s about the same age as Caitie. He has Anne’s blond hair and her blue eyes.” His voice drifted off. “And her laughter.”

  “And the other?” Reed had gone silent.

  “Elizabeth. My Lizzie girl. She was only a year when her mother died. She won’t know who I am anymore.”

  Mattie had a vision of dark curls and bright blue eyes. A solemn child. Stretching back out beside Reed, needing to touch him, to be with him, she drew the blanket back over them. “She takes after her father.”

  Reed tugged her back against him. “Yeah. She does.” Pride rang in his voice before it turned sad. “She won’t remember me.”

  Mattie splayed her hand over his heart. “She’ll know you here.”

  “God, Mattie, I can’t live without them.”

  “You won’t. You’ll go back to them.”

  “But how can I leave you?”

  Tears fell from Mattie’s eyes. She understood now. “You’ll leave because you must.”

  “Mattie, I don’t know if I can return. I can’t leave my children without a father, but neither can I take them away from their grandparents. Danny and Lizzie are all that is left of Anne. I don’t have the right to take them.”

  Mattie didn’t know what the future held. For now, they had each other. “Then hold me for as long as you can and think of tonight.”