Shameful Scars: (Scars Book Three)

by A L Williams

  Raphael scoffed. “You are not even an archangel. I can’t blame Father for not making you one. You’re so confused you don’t even know what gender you are.”

  My chest tightened. “I am not confused, and I am just as important as you are to Father.”

  Raphael rolled his eyes. “Then why did he not bestow this great honor?”

  I tensed. “I—” I closed my mouth with a furrowed brow, unable to answer. Why did Father not give me the position?

  Lucifer stepped forward. “That is enough.” I watched as Raphael stared back, his eyes challenging Morning Star. Seconds ticked by, and then his eyes widened, and he lowered his head.

  Lucifer came over and offered his hand to me. I scowled and did not take it, stumbling to my feet. “I was fine. You did not have to interfere.”

  “It’s my duty.”

  I clenched my jaw and stormed off. Why did he have to be so... so high and mighty? Because he is, I thought.

  When I was far enough away, I leaned against a massive pillar, staring at the clouds drifting at my feet. I felt movement at my side and looked up to find Lucifer studying me. I frowned. “What do you want?”

  “You need to stop allowing Raphael to affect you. It is a waste of time. We exist to serve. Nothing more.”

  My stomach twisted. Why was this my fault? What about Raphael? “Why is it my job?”

  “You can’t control what others do,” he replied.

  I squeezed my eyes shut, pushing back the rage that threatened to resurface. Lucifer was my better. It would not end well if I lashed out at him. “It’s not fair.”

  “I know.” He reached out, and I jerked away.

  Was that all he was going to say? I know? Knowing did not fix it. It did not make this any easier. “You will never understand.” I turned and walked away, releasing my wings and fading into nothing.

  A while later, Father created the Garden, which I was grateful for. The garden gave me a much needed reprieve from Raphael’s harassment.

  It was quiet and, besides the humans Father had created, it was peaceful. I had not actually interacted with them yet, but it was that moment I met the woman for the first time.

  She released her genitals and stood, walking over and examining me. I followed her movements.

  “I am called Lilith.” She studied me. “You are beautiful.”

  My chest and face warmed, and she smiled. “Has no one told you of your beauty?” She inched closer as I shook my head. Leaning in, she reached for my face and stroked my cheek. When she pulled me down, I could feel her genitals rubbing my leg. I tensed as she whispered. “Well, you are. You make me hard.”

  “Beloved?” Lilith said, bringing me back to the present. I watched as she moved closer.

  All those years, I was sure I loved her, even when she left an uneasy feeling in me. Even when her actions and words left me unsettled. I glanced back at Hayley who had regained some of herself, but still had a glimmer of discomfort in her gaze. I clenched my jaw at the sudden rush of anger. I turned back to Lilith and realized the anger was for her. I had cared about her, but now... now she disgusted me.

  “Get out. I never want to see you again.” Her eyes widened, and she stared at me in bewilderment.

  “You... you…” she stuttered. “How can you do this to the woman you love?”

  “I do not love you. Now go!” The words seem to echo through the room.

  I heard movement from behind me and turned, finding Corbin kneeling at Hayley’s side. He looked up and smiled.

  “It is that girl. She has corrupted your mind. Do not fall for her trickery. She is but a whore.”

  I gritted my teeth again, but did not respond, instead crossing my arms. Her face twisted, and she lunged at Hayley and Corbin.

  I stopped her before she met her target, throwing her back against the wall. She balled her hands into fists at her side.

  When I opened my mouth to respond, a gust of wind hit me and I turned, finding large white wings uncurling to reveal Lucifer, James, and Andrew. Ben ran in through the door with an orb of emerald light in his hand, matching the glimmer of his forest green eyes.

  James ran to Hayley and Corbin. Andrew stepped forward, drawing his gun. I turned back to Lilith, and she straightened. She looked at me. “You will regret this, beloved. I am the only one who will ever love you. I will wait for you to see this.” With that, billowing plumes of black clouds surrounded her, and she vanished from the room.

  “What the fuck is going on?” James yelled. I tensed. James was not one to raise his voice often. “Why didn’t you call us?”

  Hayley slumped and stared at the floor, her gaze unfocused. She had held up until Lilith was gone but was falling before me. I knew James was just worried. So much so, he could not see the distress in her. I stepped forward, kneeling and hauling Hayley up into my arms. She did not resist, instead relaxing against me. “What—” James started.

  “Not now, James.”

  James went to protest, but Corbin stopped him with a shake of his head. James furrowed his brow but stepped back.

  The room was silent as I carried Hayley out of the living room and down the hall, pushing her bedroom door open and carrying her to the bed. I laid her down, and she curled into herself, still not making a sound. I returned to the door, closing it behind me and returned to her. I pulled her shoes off and the rest of her clothes, leaving her in her underwear and bra.

  I then pulled back the covers and tucked her in. The urge to stay held me for a second, but I stood. She grabbed my arm, and I turned back, eyeing her in confusion. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears, which I knew she was struggling to keep at bay. “Please,” she said, her voice barely audible.

  “You want me to stay?” I asked, knowing she was struggling with words. She nodded and tugged at my sleeve. I glanced at the door, unsure if I should stay in her state of mind, but decided she needed this. I pulled off my slacks and shirt, leaving my boxers on, and climbed in bed.

  The minute I was under the covers, she wrapped her entire body around me, tucking her head against my neck. Warmth spread through my chest, and I wrapped my arms around her. Her body was warm, and, even though she was shaking, I was content.

  My shoulder grew wet, and I knew she was crying. I reached for her hand and stroked her head, whispering words of comfort. “I am here. I’m not going anywhere. I will never leave you.”

  She tensed against me for a moment and then went limp, her body relaxing until her breathing was steady. I held her as she slept. Not wanting to think about what I just said. I closed my eyes and just laid there. Living in that moment. In her embrace.

  I will never leave you.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Hayley

  I felt so light. So safe and warm.

  What was this?

  Where was I?

  In the distance, I could feel a warm body pressed against me, murmuring words of comfort. I tried to push away the haze to make out who it was, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to. I’d never felt anything like it. I considered going back to sleep, and then last night rushed back into my clouded mind. Lilith had come into the house. She had hurt Cory. She had tried to…

  My stomach twisted with nausea, and my eyes shot open. My heart hammering in my chest, I looked up at Gabriel who was holding me. Their eyes shimmered with concern. “Are you well?” they asked.

  I swallowed, pressing my hand against my chest. I gulped down air, trying to calm the panic that had started to surface. Gabriel’s arms tightened around me, and I realized I was shaking. “You are safe.” Their words shouldn’t have been so comforting. The honesty and empathy were almost too much. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I broke down into a sob.

  I cried and cried, unable to silence the pain I had held for so long. She had touched me. She had taken away my choice. If Gabriel hadn’t shown up, she would have…

  I continued to cry, pushing my body as close to Gabriel as I could. A part of me was yelling at myself to stop. It wa
sn’t their problem, and they didn’t care. Their arms tightened around me, and I felt like they were anchoring me to this world, keeping me from drifting away.

  I inhaled their scent as it wrapped around me with my face pressed into their hard chest. They smelled of roses, the same roses that my mother used to sit on the dining table, filling the house with their sweet aroma as the wind drifted through the window.

  I relaxed against them, calm washing away the chaotic emotions spinning inside me. My heart slowed, and I was able to breathe again.

  When I was fully calm, I looked up at them, and they met my gaze. For the first time, I realized how beautiful their eyes were. They were no different than Jamie’s or Lucy’s, but there was something that was purely them. Gabriel licked their lips, and my eyes dropped to them. I eyed the moisture left behind by their tongue. I swallowed, trying to pull my eyes away. I shouldn’t have been there. I shouldn’t be staring at their lips. I should have been downstairs making sure Cory was alright.

  Jamie was back and…

  Gabriel leaned down, and I closed my eyes, feeling the gentle touch of their breath on my skin. My brain screamed at me to stop. To push them away. My body had other plans. I sucked in a breath as their full lips brushed mine.

  A loud knock came, and I jumped back, putting as much distance between us as possible. I cleared my throat. “Yes?” I asked, hoping my voice didn’t sound as shaky as I felt.

  “Is everything alright?” Jamie asked.

  “Yeah. Everything is fine. I’ll be down in a second.”

  “Okay.” Jamie walked away, his footsteps fading away.

  I turned back to Gabriel who was still settled on the bed. It was that moment I realized we were both in our underwear. My face warmed, and I furrowed my brow. What was wrong with me? It’s not like I hadn’t been down to my underwear with another person before. Hell, I had been naked around quite a few people. What was I, twelve?

  Cricket purred, grabbing my attention. I looked down, finding her rubbing herself along my bare leg. I smiled and kneeled, running my hand along her fur. She purred louder.

  I pulled my hand away, wanting nothing more than to crawl back into bed with Cricket and sleep pressed against the angel still on it. I shook my head and walked over to my dresser, pulling out a pair of short pj bottoms and a tank.

  Once dressed, I turned and found Gabriel fully dressed. I looked at the floor, bothered by the sting of disappointment.

  What the hell?

  That beautiful skin should never be hidden.

  I shook my head. “Uh—” I chewed my lip. I didn’t know what I was supposed to say. I had cried myself to sleep in their arms like a child. What were you supposed to say after that?

  Gabriel turned and walked to the door. “They are waiting,” they said. I blinked as they stepped out into the hallway. They glanced back at me with a smirk. “Are you going to just stand there?” They walked away.

  I laughed nervously. This is getting weird.

  The sun cascaded through the living room, and I looked around as I entered. Everything was in its original condition as if last night never happened. If it wasn’t for the bruises on Cory, who sat on the couch, I would have thought I had dreamt it all. Lucy must have used his angel mojo. I walked over and dropped next to Cory, eyeing Gabriel who stood with Lucy off in the corner. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m just a bit sore. Are you okay?” He studied me with a knowing gaze, and I looked away. “I’m fine.”

  “You didn’t look fine,” Jamie said, walking over with Andy and Ben trailing behind. “How long has she been here? Who is she?”

  “She is Lilith,” Lucy said, approaching. I zoned out as he explained and looked at Gabriel who was staring at me. We remained locked in a silent gaze. I wondered what they were thinking.

  “Hayley,” Jamie said, pulling me away from Gabriel. “Are you sure you’re alright?” he asked, glancing Gabriel’s way.

  He walked over and knelt at my feet. I smiled at him, laying my hand on top of his. I didn’t realize until that moment how much I had missed him. “Yeah. I’m fine.” He offered a small smile. I knew he wasn’t convinced, but I was grateful he didn’t push.

  “So, why didn’t you call us?” Andy said, glaring at Ben who stood by his side.

  Ben rubbed his head. “You needed this. I didn’t want to mess up your honeymoon.”

  Andy sighed and pinched his nose. “This is one of those situations where you should have.”

  Ben shrugged. “We had it covered.”

  “It didn’t look like you had it covered.” He gestured towards Cory. Ben clenched his jaw, eyeing Cory.

  Cory held up his hands. “I’m alright, guys. I swear. They’re just scratches.”

  “We were fine. Gabriel—” I paused and looked their way. They met my gaze. “Gabriel saved us.”

  Jamie blinked and tilted his head. “Is that so?”

  “Yeah,” I replied, a bit annoyed that he was so astonished.

  Lucy turned to Gabriel, smiling. Gabriel looked to the side, and I almost giggled. They looked like a little kid, being praised by their big brother. I guess that was exactly what it was. My chest warmed, and I turned back to Jamie who was watching me. The urge to tell him everything washed over me. I gripped his hand. “It’s been so long since we’ve talked.”

  He rolled his eyes playfully. “It’s been three weeks.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “Listen, Linda, not all of us were fucking like jackrabbits. I was fending off crazy bitches.”

  Jamie chuckled. “Obviously.” He stood as Andy came up behind him, placing his hand on Jamie’s hip. I grinned. Jamie had come so far. Before he would have freaked out at my blunt words about his sex life. Now, he embraced it. I knew now, more than ever, that he and Andy belonged together. I watched with joy as Andy kissed the side of Jamie’s head.

  For some reason, I looked back at Gabriel and Lucy who were watching them as well. Gabriel turned their gaze on me, and I froze, held captive by their meaningful eyes. Before there was nothing... now there was something. Something warm and open. I shifted and looked away.

  Andy released Jamie and turned to Ben. “Fill me in on everything you’ve been doing.” He looked to Gabriel. “You, too.”

  Gabriel, Lucy, Andy, and Ben walked into the kitchen. Jamie and Cory stayed behind.

  “I’m going to lay down. I’m still exhausted. Last night took a lot out of me.” Cory smiled weakly and left the room. I knew it wasn’t just about last night, but I decided to leave him be.

  “So, what’s going on with you and Gabriel?” Jamie asked.

  I tensed and then turned back to him. “What do you mean?” I stared down, entwining my fingers in my lap.

  “You were looking at them like—like…” Jamie trailed off.

  I looked back at him. “Like?”

  “Like the way Andrew looks at me in bed.” My face warmed, and Jamie’s brows furrowed. “Are you alright?”

  “I’m not sure,” I said.

  Jamie smiled. “What did I miss?”

  I told him everything. He listened without a word, his face shifting through different expressions.

  When I finished, he didn’t respond, processing everything I said. “Shit, I missed a lot.”

  I chuckled. “Yeah.”

  “What are you going to do about this new development with Gabriel?”

  “That’s a good question.” I chuckled again, this time nervously.

  Jamie narrowed his eyes. “After everything you have said to me, you better not try and run from this.”

  I smiled. He either knew me too well, or my face was betraying me. Whichever it was it didn’t matter. The urge to run was strong. I was not used to this. I was always the one to run in headfirst and deal with the consequences later. At that moment, I understood why Jamie kept running from Andrew. Whatever I was feeling for Gabriel scared me.

  Jamie leaned in with an empathetic smile. “Talk to them.” I nodded. He was right. The only
way this was going to be resolved was if I confronted Gabriel.

  “Are you going to be okay? Before Gabriel carried you away last night you looked... you looked lost.”

  “She—she touched me.”

  Jamie’s eyes widened. I had explained the constant abuse from my step-dad after my mother died, to help him see that I understood his pain. He stood and sat down next to me on the couch. I steeled myself for the barrage of words I expected to come. Words I had heard over and over again.

  My stomach twisted tight, and I closed my eyes. Waiting. No words came, and Jamie’s hand wrapped around mine. I opened my eyes and stared down at our joined fingers and then back at him. He was looking at the floor as if he was somewhere far away, but I knew he was still with me by the squeeze of his hand. My heart swelled at the silence he gave me. His reassuring presence instead of words I didn’t need or want.

  Jamie looked up after a few minutes. “I will always be here if you need to talk.”

  I leaned into him, laying my head on his shoulder. “I know.”

  Chapter Twenty

  Gabriel

  Andrew leaned against the island, and Lucifer stood at my side as Ben filled them in on recent events. I tried my best to remain present, but my mind continued to drift to the woman in the living room. We kissed. It all happened so fast I do not remember when I had made the decision to do it. Perhaps I did not. Perhaps it was pure instinct.

  I frowned, and Lucifer turned to me. “Are you well?” I bobbed my head, still absentmindedly looking down at the tile.

  “So, she still has the two children?” Andrew asked. I frowned. I had been so angry and wrapped up in protecting Corbin and Hayley, I had forgotten the children. Not that I could force her to return them, but guilt still churned in my stomach. From the corner of my eye I could see Lucifer watching me with curiosity. I shifted, uncomfortable under his gaze.

  “Let’s go back to the station,” Andrew said to Ben, and then turned to Lucifer and I. “Keep an eye on things. We’ll let you know if anything comes up. Call if she shows up?” Andrew stared at me. I could not blame him. We had been dishonest. I nodded.