Something More

by Leigh Beckford

  “You can be so rational at times. As much as I admire your strength I sometimes worry that you can be so much like a robot. Do you really feel? I don't remember the last time you complained to me of anything emotional. Valde, if I prick you, would you bleed?”

  “I am glad to see that humor of yours returning and to answer your question, yes I do bleed and I certainly do feel, however I just don't trouble you with all that. Now who would be there for you if we both broke down at the same time?” He smiles.

  “I love you being here for me. That's just it though, I feel as if you are always there for me and I never get the opportunity to do the same for you.”

  “Look sweetheart, you are there for me more than you know. Don't worry too much about me, right now the important thing is that you get through this time as unscathed as possible.”

  “I love you Valde,” she hugs and squeezes him tightly as he returns her embrace. He leans in closer and brushing her hair away from her left ear he whispers mildly, “I love you too.”

  Not wanting her to lift a finger he places himself at her bedside and at her beck and call. Shifting gears and at times being all three at once when the moment demands it, he settles into the roles of butler, counselor, and close companion. Their day together is spent with them having long conversations on a variety of topics ranging from what's currently taking place in the political arena to truly opening up about their personal life. Her remissions into remorse are few and with lessening intensity.

  Later that evening Valde falls asleep at her side.

  Chapter 26

  Life can be such a wonderful thing; this is what Valde feels as he leaves Brittany’s flat. As his cab heads downtown to his place in Tribeca he can’t help smiling. He has no reason to; maybe it’s the glorious morning, maybe it’s the sun in a cloudless sky, he has always been a fan of a clear sky. His mirth was certainly not a result of recent events taking place around him. Now he has to pack for a trip which up until twenty-four hours ago was not on his agenda. He hasn’t heard from Brea in a couple of days and to his surprise he is a bit concerned. To successfully break away from the world and totally devote himself to Brittany he had turned and kept his cell phone off. Now catching up on his messages, the very first one explains Brea’s scarcity. Valde returns her call with the alacrity the situation deserves.

  “Hello;” she answers.

  “Hey Bridget,” he says eagerly, “Are you OK? Is he out of danger? Sorry to hear this.”

  “Yes he is fine,” She answers a bit startled, “Well, he isn’t fine but you know what I mean.”

  “What are the doctors saying?”

  “So far they are saying that he seems to have had a stroke. He is undergoing another test right now.”

  “Have you or your mom been able to speak with him?”

  “My mom did, I arrived here not too long ago.”

  “I am truly sorry to hear that this happened.”

  “It’s OK. Look, can I call you later.”

  “Of course you can and do let me know if you need anything.”

  He amends his thought from before, “Life can be filled with awful surprises.”

  Later after packing he makes his way a few blocks uptown to his office. He meets briefly with members of the staff then jumps back into another cab. On this cab ride he decides to give Brittany one last check-up call before he leaves for overseas.

  “Hey baby.”

  “Good morning Valde.”

  “How are you feeling this morning?”

  “Much better,” she answers, “I want to thank you again for taking such incredibly great care of me. I know I might be being redundant but I don’t think that I can ever thank you enough for always being there for me.”

  “Come on, you know you don’t ever have to thank me,” he earnestly states, “These are the things we do for the ones we love.”

  “You love me?” she asks gleefully.

  “What a silly question, you already know that I do.”

  “Well I am happy to know that there is at least one man in this world who really does.”

  “I am quite sure that your father and your brothers love you as well.”

  “I don’t mean them silly.”

  “I know. I am just being difficult.” He then asks, “So how are you doing emotionally, better than yesterday I hope.”

  “Look at you being caring and cute by once again assuming the role of my shrink. No I am quite fine, honest. However there is one thing I need your opinion on. I don’t know if you noticed but I didn’t sleep well last night.”

  “Nope I didn’t noticed, I was too busy being fast asleep.”

  “Yeah I noticed. Well I was thinking that maybe I should tell Phillip about the abortion.”

  “The guilt continues?”

  “Yes and no. Well I don’t know if it’s guilt. I am just thinking that maybe he deserves to know. Well, he really doesn’t, but I think I want him to know.”

  “Ok what do you expect to achieve by telling him or is there some urge, namely guilt, that you are seeking to satisfy slash erode by telling him.”

  “Honestly I don’t know. I just feel like telling him.”

  “Ok you asked for my opinion so I am going to give it.” Suddenly his cab makes a swerve to the right violently causing him to sway to the left in the backseat dropping his cell phone on the cab’s floor. After fumbling for it just beneath his seat he resumes his conversation, “Sorry about that, I dropped my phone, you know how action packed a Manhattan cab ride can be at times.”

  She giggles, “Yes, I know.”

  “Go ahead tell him. He deserves to know what his being a bastard has led you to do.” Still a bit exasperated from being flung by his driver’s mad maneuvering his voice thunders, “Hopefully, there’s a bit of humanity in him and he will feel even an ounce of remorse from what you reveal to him.”

  “You sound so upset about this, I didn’t know you felt so passionately about this.”

  “Actually I am not upset. Well maybe I am. I know that when the male council convenes they might ask me to return my man card, but if a man can’t be a stand up guy about his responsibilities he is nothing to me but a fucking loser, I don’t care how accomplished he appears to society. Of course you aren’t totally blameless in this mess. Next time please act more sensible and less hormonal in your decision to mate. “

  “I will. Please don’t be mad at me.”

  “I am not. Have I ever been mad at you for anything?”

  “No I can't say that you have.”

  “So I leave for the airport in a couple of hours. I am going with your brother Australia.”

  “Valde thank you for being there for us.”

  He pretends to not hear her. This trip down under isn’t totally altruistic, this is Joanna, and he has to see her. He has to see that she is OK despite the tragedy, and he also has to gain closure. He needs this trip as much as Alex does.

  Chapter 27

  Valde and Alex shares a cab to JFK, and as the vehicle alights from the Queens Midtown Tunnel onto the Long Island Expressway a flurry of thoughts pervades Valde’s mind.

  “What’s the matter with you?” asks Alex.

  “Oh, nothing,” answers Valde, “Just thinking about a friend.”

  “Hey I know I have been a bit self-centered lately.”

  Valde interjects, “Understandably so.”

  Alex continues, “Is everything OK with you?”

  “Yes everything is fine. I feel like everyone I know is asking me that question these days. I wonder why.”

  “Maybe that’s because you aren’t acting much like yourself these days.”

  “What do you mean, how have I been acting lately?”

  “I don’t know. Recently I haven’t been around you much.”

  With a slightly uncomfortable pause between them both men stare out their respective windows at the traffic which is moving smoothly at this time of the day.

  “Did you know it took thirty-two yea
rs to complete this entire highway?” asks Alex.

  “No I didn’t know that interesting little trivia about the L.I.E.” is Valde’s sarcastic response, “Thank you for once again enlightening my life with useless information.”

  Both men start laughing uncontrollably.

  “Hey you never know when someone might need your expertise on the L.I.E., now you will be a bit prepared for that. Actually I am really just trying to break the ice, besides its my puny attempt to take your mind off whatever it is that has you looking so gloom.”

  “Sorry don’t mean to be a sourpuss on this trip just a lot of things has been on my mind lately. I will try my best not to bring you down.”

  “I won’t let you. Your main purpose for being here my good friend is to cheer me up and not the other way around. I am the one who is supposed to be looking the way you do right now.”

  “And just how do I look?”

  “You’re looking as if you are leaving someone very dear to you behind and you won’t ever see her again.”

  “Hah! You, as usual my good friend, is full of crap,” retorts Valde, “However if I was missing anything it would be Manhattan.”

  “It’s pretty easy to miss Manhattan, she is like this wonderful mistress with whom you have this long standing affair, and at times things can get so intense that you must leave her, but within a day or two you wish for nothing else but to be enwrapped in her comforts again.”

  “This is why we can at times get along so well, despite your backstabbing,” Valde notes, “You understand fully what is going on with me.”

  “OK Valde,” cynicism permeates Alex’s tone, “you dare accuse me of being full of crap. You just left Manhattan less than five minutes ago. There is no way you are missing it as much as you look. Come on who is the girl, or to be more accurate where you are concerned, who are these girls?”

  “OK you caught me. It’s these two scorching hot blondes. Individually they are incredible, but both at once, it’s amazing the stuff they do in bed. There is this little trick they do, a bit like synchronized swimmers or rather divers, simply amazing! That’s all I can say, just thinking about it makes my toes curl and well you get the point.”

  “Are you serious?” blurts out Alex as he perches in his seat with interest soaring.

  “Yeah, I am seriously kidding. Truthfully, it is Brea who has been on my mind since lately. Still, telling you that little story was well worth the look on your face.”

  Alex explodes in laughter startling the poor cab driver. “Dude I thought you didn’t like that girl. I didn’t even know that you were still seeing her.”

  “Neither did I but apparently I am,” jokes Valde, “By the way the story of the blondes and their knack for team work is true, just so you know, I had my fill of them about a season ago. I had to let them go.”

  The discourse between the two for the duration of the journey to JFK involves filling Alex in. The two haven’t spoken like this in months. As the cab exits the Van Wyck Expressway into JFK in the spirit of the conversation Alex decides to fill Valde in on a secret that he has been carrying for a while now. “Did you know that Brittany had an abortion?”

  Surprised by the question and more so by the fact that Alex knows Valde asks, “She told you?”

  “No she didn’t. I was at our parents’ house and I overheard her and my mom talking.”

  Valde pauses then asks, “Did you ask her about it?”

  “No I figured if she wanted me to know she would have told me. I was however a bit upset at you about it.”

  “I didn’t get her pregnant, why were you upset with me.”

  “You actually don’t know do you.”

  “Yes I know that she had an abortion a few days ago, but I was only there for her as a friend, I am not the father.” Valde then looks at Alex in shock and exclaims, “Hold up, wait a minute! Neither you nor Brittany has been at your parents place in while, I am confused, what abortion are you talking about?”

  “Did I hear you correctly just now?” asks an equally stunned Alex, “Did you just say that my sister had an abortion a few days ago?

  “Yes I did, I thought that was the abortion you were talking about. I am lost like a dog here who keeps going in circles trying to lick his tail. I honestly don’t know what abortion you were talking about.”

  “I am realizing this now. Valde I just thought that you of all persons would have known about it.”

  “Look, your sister and I might be incredibly close friends but she doesn’t tell me everything.”

  “I understand that however I just thought that since the child was yours you knew.”

  Valde freezes like a deer caught in headlights while feeling like a thief caught in the act.

  “Brittany was pregnant with my child?”

  “Yes.”

  Valde searches Alex’ face for any sign of jest, but there wasn’t any, “You are actually serious aren’t you?”

  “Yes I am on.”

  “So all this while you knew about us?”

  “Yes I have known about you two for quite some time now, even before Brittany revealed to mom that she was pregnant. I don’t believe she ever told mom who the father was but I knew that it was you.”

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “It’s cool although I must admit that I didn’t like the idea of you two together at first but after a while it grew on me.”

  “You never did confront us about it. Why didn’t you?”

  “After some serious thought on the matter I decided that it was none of my business. I decided that she could have done worse. Besides now that I think about it, during that period you passed up on so many girls. I remember I started wondering if you had lost your touch, maybe you had been scouted by the other team, I kid, but seriously I now understand that you were only being fateful to my sister. That was very admirable. “

  “Lose my touch? The utter thought of that is shear blasphemy. I have never lost my touch, at times the desire, but never the touch.”

  The cab arrives at their departing terminal. Both men rush off to check in.

  Chapter 28

  “Hi Phillip,” even as she says the words Brittany questions herself as to whether or not this call is being made with sound judgment.

  “Wow! Brittany, it‘s you, I am speechless. A pleasant surprise you are.”

  “Am I really?”

  “Yes of course you are. I have tried reaching you several times but you neither took nor returned any of my calls.”

  “I didn’t care for speaking with you. I am sure that was no surprise to you.”

  “And now?”

  “And now Phillip if you aren’t busy I would like to see you. I won’t take up too much of your time, I promise.”

  As the pendulum on a bureau adjacent to his desk swings he spins around in his chair teeming with curiosity, “When would you like to see me?”

  “When are you available?”

  They make plans to meet in a couple hours at 72nd and 5th Avenue. She figures the park is a suitable location for her to tell him what she has done. It’s public yet more private than a restaurant where they could possibly be overheard. It’s potentially romantic but less seductive than her place or any laid back lounge. Yes the park is perfect, so she is happy with this decision. As for the big decision, the one about meeting Phillip, she is beginning to have second thoughts. Well not exactly second, but more like third, fourth, and fifth. A cornucopia of emotions spring forth from the anticipation of meeting him later and in her anxiety she frets over what to wear, what to say, and worries about how will she appear to him. Though excited to see him, she is mortified at what possible effect he might have on her. She has spent the past few weeks hating him and has garnered strength from this emotion. Very well aware that that could possibly change, her hatred could give way to love, and her disdain to forgiveness she decides she has to enamel her heart.

  The hours go by quickly and with the evening being pleasant she decides to w
alk the ten or so blocks to where they agreed to meet. While waiting for the traffic light to change, she watches intensely from across the street as a well dressed Phillip emerges from his chauffeured car. She nervously crosses the street to greet him with a shaky, “Hello”.

  “Hey you,” he smiles.

  “Hi, shall we go for a walk.”

  “As you wish my dear,” he says ever so charmingly.

  They walk together in near silence until they happen upon an unoccupied park bench. “Do you mind if we sit here?” she asks him.

  “Whatever you desire my dear.”

  Slightly irritated she responds, “Please don’t do that.”

  “Don’t do what?” he asks with a puzzled look on his face.

  “Don’t speak to me like that.”

  “Like what? I wasn’t aware that I was being anything other than polite.”

  “Don’t speak to me in that tone, as if we are still together and everything is fine.”

  “I am not aware that I am doing so.”

  “I had an abortion.” She searches his face for a reaction, however she finds none, “Yesterday, I had an abortion.”

  He says nothing, this infuriates her. Attempting to remain calm and not become emotional she asks, “Why aren’t you saying anything. Have you nothing to say. Phillip, yesterday as you wished, I aborted your baby the least I can get from you is a thank you.”

  “Thank you,” he replies a bit icily.

  “That’s it? You cold hearted prick, that’s it?”

  “What do you want from me?”

  “How about an apology,” her formerly simmered emotions start to steam, “How about an apology for leading me on, getting me pregnant and then telling me that you are married.”

  “I have nothing to say but if my saying that I am sorry makes you feel better then I guess I am sorry.”