Punishing The Players (Spiritual Discipline Book 1)

by Ivy Barrett

  “I don’t blame her. I was an asshole back then.”

  “You were an adolescent trying to find acceptance.”

  He shrugged and glanced into her eyes. “No, I was a rebellious pain in the ass who did everything in my power to make her miserable.”

  She smiled, but inside she was a twisted knot of uncertainty. Only something incredibly painful was this hard to talk about. “The baby was a girl?”

  Again he nodded. “I expected to hate her, but she looked up at me with these huge dark eyes in this perfect little face. I was mesmerized.”

  Dread rose up around Katie as her mind raced on ahead. If he’d loved his baby sister, why did talking about her bring out something dark and dangerous? A chill dropped down her spine. It was obvious that this story didn’t have a happy ending.

  “Melissa tried to keep us apart, but Lana loved me as much as I loved her. As soon as she could walk she followed me around like a shadow. My friends all thought it was hilarious, said I should knock up someone if I really wanted a kid that badly.”

  Tears were gathering behind Katie’s lashes, so she furiously blinked them back. He still wouldn’t look at her, but his features foreshadowed immeasurable pain.

  “They always hired a sitter, even when I was home. It was Melissa’s way of proving she didn’t trust me.” His expression grew darker, his gaze more distant. “It started as a robbery. There were three of them. The sitter heard a noise and thought my parents had returned. Lana was already in bed.”

  Katie blinked and tears trailed down her cheeks. He seemed so alone. She moved closer and he wrapped his arm around her. “They shot the sitter and the sound woke up Lana. I’d been listening to the stereo through headphones, but the crack cut through the music.”

  She wrapped her arm around his chest and pressed in tight against his side. Tears were flowing freely now, but she fought back her sobs, not wanting to add to his pain.

  “I heard Lana crying, and then another shot.” He shuddered and fell silent. They held each other for a long time, but he wasn’t quite finished. His voice trembled with grief as he went on. “All I saw was their backs as they ran out the front door. Lana was sprawled facedown in the hall.” He trembled and his voice grew hoarse as he forced out the next few words. “Those cowardly fuckers shot a three-year-old in the back.” He sobbed, too torn up to vocalize his pain.

  She wrapped both arms around him and held him close as they cried it out together.

  A long time later he spoke into her hair, unable to release her. “I thought she was dead, but she whimpered when I touched her so I ran and called 9-1-1. The dispatcher talked me through CPR, but Lana bled out long before the ambulance got there.”

  “I am so sorry, Josiah.” She eased back enough to look into his eyes. “I can’t even imagine something so horrible.”

  “Which is why I don’t talk about it. Our security cameras provided the cops with what they needed to catch them. Life in prison wasn’t enough if you ask me, but at least they’re off the streets.”

  “Do you have a picture of her?”

  After drying his eyes with his hand, he dug his phone out of his pocket. “This is Lana.”

  He turned the phone toward her and Katie’s heart broke all over again. The little girl was enchanting, dark curly hair, large dark eyes and a smile that lit up her entire face. “She’s beautiful. I hope you remember her just like this, happy and full of life.”

  “I try to, but I watched her die. That image is hard to replace.” He put the phone away and pushed to his feet, wiping his eyes on the back of his hand.

  “Thank you.” She stood as well.

  “For what?”

  “Trusting me.”

  They were close enough to touch, but he didn’t reach for her. “I promised I’d tell you and now I have.” He started to leave but paused halfway to the door. “We miss you like crazy, Katie-cat. Please, let us try again.” He didn’t wait for her answer as he turned and left the house.

  KATIE SPENT THE NEXT two hours pretending to watch TV, but the events Josiah had described haunted her. He’d opened his heart to love and the door hadn’t been slammed in his face, it had been ripped off the hinges and forced through a chipper/shredder. No wonder he pushed people away. He felt the need to be in control at all times because he refused to be vulnerable or helpless as he’d been when his sister was murdered.

  The doorbell rang and she looked at the mantel clock. It was almost midnight. There were only two people she knew who would risk a visit at such an inappropriate hour. All she wore was a tank top and shorts, but her bathrobe was upstairs. Unless it was Chase or Josiah, she wouldn’t open the door.

  She looked through the peephole and found Chase fidgeting on the front porch. Easing open the door, she fought back a smile. He didn’t need to know how happy she was to see him. “It’s a little late for a visit.”

  “Sorry. I still don’t have your phone number and you’re not on social media.”

  Eased by his hesitant smile, she opened the door for him. “What’s up?”

  He stepped just inside the door, but no farther. Rather like Josiah had done. “What did you and Josiah talk about? He locked himself in his office and drank himself into oblivion. I had to use the security camera to make sure he was still breathing.”

  She wanted to run across the street and pull him back into her arms. As upset as she was by the story, she should have realized Josiah would be in need of comfort. “He told me about Lana.”

  Chase nodded. “I thought that might be it. There are only two things I could think of that would have upset him this badly.”

  “If Lana’s death is one, what’s the other?”

  “If you’d rejected him.”

  “I tried that. It didn’t work.” She crossed her arms over her chest. This awkwardness was unbearable. She wanted to touch him, to touch them. “Are you sure he’s all right? Should we go check on him?”

  “He’s passed out on the couch. He’ll be fine in the morning.”

  “He’ll be hung-over in the morning.” This was obviously an excuse. Why didn’t he just tell her he missed her like Josiah had done?

  “Can we sit down for a bit? I’d like to talk to you.”

  She swept her hand toward the couch and they ended up in exactly the same place she and Josiah had sat earlier. “So talk,” she prompted when he just stared at her.

  “I’m sorry we hurt you. That was never our intention.”

  It was the wrong thing to say. She didn’t want to fight, but she needed complete honesty from both of them. “Then what was your intention?”

  “We’d both been curious about you, but you didn’t seem like the type to enjoy our hedonistic games. We thought we’d flirt a little, give you some attention and see if you responded to either of us.”

  “But I responded to both and proposed a game of my own?”

  “I tried to call off the bet right after the party. Josiah agreed to end it after his date with you. All it took was one date and we each realized you didn’t deserve to be manipulated like that.”

  It would have been easier to hold on to her grudge if she hadn’t manipulated them too. Unfortunately, that was the one aspect of this tangle destined to remain unspoken. She couldn’t tell them about Fyn. They’d never believe her. “Then the bet was over before my ‘lessons’ began?”

  “Yes. None of that had anything to do with the bet.”

  “I appreciate your honesty.” She slanted him a smile. “Even if it’s almost too late.”

  “Almost?” He latched onto the word like a lifeline. “Does that mean you’ll let us start over, pretend none of this happened?”

  “I don’t want to pretend none of it happened. Most of it was way too much fun.”

  He pounced on her without warning. Suddenly she was on her back and he was on top of her. “God how I missed you.” He swooped down and claimed her mouth, but the kiss gentled as soon as flesh met flesh.

  She rearranged her legs, mak
ing room for him between her thighs. His tongue teased her lips until she opened, welcoming his aggressive tenderness. She wasn’t struggling, but he held her down as if he were afraid she’d slip away.

  After only a few deep kisses, he locked his elbows and pulled his chest off her. “We can’t do this without Josiah. It wouldn’t be fair.”

  She nodded, reluctantly agreeing. “Then you better go.”

  He crawled off her with a groan and helped her sit. “Will you have dinner with us tomorrow night?”

  “Let’s see how Josiah feels. I want you both strong and healthy and ready to please.”

  His eyes narrowed as lust surged within his gaze. “Maybe just a—”

  She planted her foot in the middle of his chest. “Go home. I want our first time together to be together.”

  “You’re right.” He turned toward the door. “That doesn’t make it any easier to walk.”

  “Wait.” She scrambled up off the couch. “Give me your phone.”

  He looked slightly muddled but didn’t argue. He pulled the phone from his pocket and handed it to her.

  After adding her information to his contact list, she tossed the phone back to him. “Now you have my phone number.”

  “Finally.” He chuckled, then ambled out the door.

  She waited until he was gone before she closed and locked the door, not trusting herself anywhere near him. Tomorrow night had never seemed so far away.

  “Are you going to forgive me too?”

  She turned from the door and found Fyn sitting on the couch. “I haven’t decided yet. I know you’ve been spying on me. Gran told me you never left.”

  “I set this in motion. I needed to see how things turned out. Make sure you—”

  “You lied to me! If they called off the bet before my lessons started, you had to have known about it.”

  He had the decency to look ashamed. “If I’d told you the bet was over, you wouldn’t have had the strength to walk away. Which means they wouldn’t have learned their lesson and the rest would have been in vain. We had too much invested for me to stand back and watch it all fell apart.”

  “Instead you just watched me fall apart.”

  “I’m sorry about lying to you. I won’t make excuses for my choice. I’m truly sorry.”

  She wanted to be angry, hated lying more than anything. But Fyn had a valid point. Believing the bet was still active had given her the strength to confront them. At least Fyn hadn’t denied it. He’d made a choice and she’d suffered because of it. Now she needed to decide if her pain had been worth the result. Josiah and Chase would never play their hateful game again. That was what this entire mission was about. Wasn’t it?

  After a long, tense pause, she asked, “Is this what you had planned all along? Were we supposed to end up together?”

  “That isn’t the way this works. Yes, I stir up trouble and occasionally give people a push in one direction or another. Still, I don’t directly influence the decisions that are made. It’s much more fun to watch things play out on their own. Humans are more unpredictable than I could ever be.”

  “Your name should be Chaos. You devour conflict like candy and don’t care who you hurt.”

  A wry smile tugged at one corner of his mouth. Clearly, he was not offended by the observation. “You’re not alone in the assessment. Many cultures have labeled my kind chaos beings.”

  She blew out a ragged breath and returned to the conflict at hand. “Do you think I’m being foolish, giving them another chance?”

  “Not at all. They’ve obviously learned their lesson. I think you three will have many happy years together.”

  There was an odd catch in his tone. “And a few not so happy years?”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “Can you see into the future? Are these predictions or revelations?”

  He just grinned. “Love requires energy. It doesn’t just happen. If you want this to work, then work at it.”

  “I intend to.” She laughed. “As soon as Josiah sobers up.”

  “Can I give you a hug, or will you punch me in the stomach?”

  “If I were still pissed, I’d knee you in the balls. Luckily, I’m not angry anymore.” Fyn stood and hugged her. “If you’re finished toying with me, where are you headed now?”

  “I thought I’d check on Vanessa, see if she’s ready for one of my chastisements.”

  Katie laughed merrily. “I can’t think of anyone who deserves your brand of discipline more. She shocked the hell out of me when she apologized earlier. I had no idea she even had a heart.”

  “There’s a lot more to Vanessa than her pretty face. I expect to have some serious fun.”

  “Let me know if there is anything I can do to help. If not, at least let me know how it turns out.”

  “I will.” Fyn raised both her hands and kissed her knuckles, then winked just before he flashed out of sight.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Sunlight stabbed through Josiah’s eyelids, setting off a chain reaction in his body. His skull seemed to pulse, growing tighter with each throb. His stomach heaved and his eyes stung so badly he could barely keep them open. He rolled off the couch and stumbled across his office, each motion amplifying his nausea. With his lips sealed tight, he frantically unlocked the door and dashed down the hallway. After emptying his stomach into the toilet, he rinsed out his mouth and washed his face. Then he opened the medicine cabinet and searched for a pain reliever.

  An arm extended below the medicine cabinet’s door, proffering a steaming cup of coffee.

  Josiah smiled and took the coffee. “You’re a lifesaver.” He took the pills and closed the cabinet’s door, avoiding his reflection.

  “You look like shit, but that’s to be expected.” Chase stepped back and let him pass.

  “I told Katie about Lana.” He paused for a sip of coffee, then continued toward the kitchen.

  “I know. I went over there to find out what the hell she’d said to you.”

  He looked at Chase, protective instincts surging. “You better not have screwed things up. My overindulgence had nothing to do with Katie.”

  “I didn’t start a fight, but you need to stop lying to yourself. The memories kicked your ass because you were sharing them with someone you love.”

  He pulled out a chair and collapsed onto it, keeping his back to the sun-drenched windows. “We barely know Katie. That’s something I want to change, but it’s way too soon to toss around the L word.” Wrapping both hands around the warm mug, he closed his eyes and savored the coffee.

  “That’s bullshit and you know it.” After a long pause, he went on. “I know you feel it, just like I do. She’s special, different than anyone else we’ve been with.”

  Forcing his eyes open, Josiah looked at Chase. “I’m too hung-over for this conversation.”

  “Coward.”

  He groaned and raised the mug, postponing his answer.

  Chase said nothing. He just continued to stare at Josiah expectantly.

  “Fine,” Josiah grumbled. “She’s special. I want this to work as much as you do, but we can’t force it. We fucked up and now we have to earn back her trust. That’s not easy to do.”

  “She wants honesty. That’s not complicated. Oh and, she’s coming over for dinner tonight.”

  “Tonight?” He set down his mug and shook his head. “I don’t think I’ll be recovered by then.”

  “Take a shower and get some sleep. If you’re still woozy when I get back, we’ll postpone.”

  “When you get back from where?” Chase had already been over to Katie’s once without Josiah. He didn’t want to fall any farther behind.

  “I’m going shopping for what we’ll need to wine and dine her. Any objections?”

  “No. What are we feeding her?”

  Chase shrugged. “We know she likes pasta.”

  Josiah shook his head. “We can’t serve her the same thing twice. Keep it simple. Flesh over flame. That’s what we do
best.”

  “Chicken?”

  Again Josiah shook his head. “Nice thick steaks, from the butcher shop not the grocery store.”

  “All right. Baked potatoes or something more modern?”

  “Potatoes are fine. We can do them on the grill so we don’t heat up the kitchen.”

  Focusing in on the timeless menu, Chase said, “I’ll make a fruit salad, and grab some ice cream for dessert. Let’s keep it casual and fun. I don’t want this to feel like an awkward first date.”

  “Sounds perfect.” He leaned back against his chair and rubbed his eyes.

  “Get some sleep.”

  Happy to oblige, Josiah went to his bedroom and collapsed across the bed. When he woke several hours later, the pain in his head had diminished significantly. He took another dose of ibuprofen for good measure, then stepped into the shower.

  He cranked the heat until steam made the air feel heavy and hot. Drinking himself into oblivion wasn’t his style. Any form of intoxicant compromised his control and that was unacceptable. But Chase was right. Seeing his pain reflected in Katie’s eyes had magnified the impact of the memories. Still, the exchange had been important and he didn’t regret the impulse. Katie needed to know he was willing to be vulnerable with her and Chase, even if he remained guarded with everyone else.

  Chase was busy cutting a variety of melons into neat cubes when Josiah joined him in the kitchen several hours later. They’d both dressed casually. Chase had chosen cargo shorts and a blue tank top. Josiah wore jeans and a pull-over shirt. “What can I do?”

  “The steaks are seasoned and ready for the grill, but I haven’t touched the potatoes.” Chase motioned toward the waiting vegetables with his knife. “I thought maybe we could roast them in foil with fresh herbs and butter.”

  “Sounds delicious.”

  They worked together to prepare the meal, carefully organizing the dishes so everything would be ready at the same time. Rather than a candlelight dinner in the formal dining room, they opted for the casual comfort of their deck. The evening was warm, the sky vivid blue with a few fluffy clouds. Leafy trees surrounded their house, providing plenty of shade and the illusion of privacy. There were plenty of second-story windows that overlooked their backyard, but Josiah didn’t care if the neighbors gossiped or not. They’d been speculating about what went on inside this house for years.