A Mother's Trust

by Dilly Court

  An impatient rapping on the window made her jump. Cosima was glaring at her and Phoebe set to work sweeping the cobblestones. Life here might appear idyllic in comparison to the harsh world of the East End, but there were different kinds of hardship to conquer. There was little else she could do other than try to keep Cosima happy until such time as they could move into a place of their own. Lalia was breaking off bits of bread and dipping them into the bowl before feeding them to Teddy who consumed them greedily, opening his mouth for more like a baby bird.

  ‘He will grow big and strong,’ Lalia said, smiling. ‘He’s a fine boy but he takes more after your side of the family, Phoebe. Those eyes are the colour of the lake in spring. He is more of an Englishman than an Italian, I think.’

  Phoebe swept the dust and dead leaves into the water. ‘My mother was fair-haired and she had blue eyes.’

  ‘I remember her well.’ Lalia set her empty bowl down on the bench. ‘The boy is very like his grandmother. A pity she didn’t live to see him.’

  Phoebe dropped the broom and ran to snatch Teddy back from the water’s edge. ‘No,’ she scolded. ‘Naughty boy. Stay with Nonna.’ She gave him a shake, but more from fear than anger, and she cuddled him against her when he started to cry. ‘It’s not safe here,’ she said angrily. ‘We can’t remain in this place.’

  She repeated the same words to Gino as they lay in bed that night. All day she had been on edge, unable to relax until Teddy was safely asleep in his cot. Cosima stubbornly insisted on propping the cottage door open, saying that it was too hot to keep it closed. Teddy had reached the crawling stage and could move with surprising speed, which made it impossible for Phoebe to take her eyes off him for a moment, hampering her in her efforts to carry out the tasks set for her by Cosima. Lalia promised to watch him that afternoon, but she had a habit of dozing off in the warm autumn sunshine and Phoebe had only just prevented Teddy from falling into the water on several occasions.

  ‘He’ll learn, cara,’ Gino said, drawing her to him. ‘You mustn’t worry so much. I’m sure that Mamma and Aunt Cosima will help to look after him.’

  She moved away as far as she could in the narrow wooden bed. ‘You don’t understand, Gino. I love your mother, but she’s an old lady, and your aunt doesn’t like me. We must find somewhere else to live. I can’t bear it here.’

  He stroked her hair back from her forehead with gentle fingers. ‘Cara mia, I understand that it’s difficult for you. You must miss your family, and Ivy too.’

  ‘Teddy misses her most. You must find us somewhere to live in Stresa, as far away from the water’s edge as possible.’

  ‘We can’t leave here until Uncle Marco thinks I’m competent to go out on my own to fish the lake. It’s his boat, after all.’

  ‘That’s another thing, Gino. I keep getting terrible visions of a storm, and the lake looking more like the sea with giant waves. Teddy is in mortal danger; I feel it in my bones.’

  He took her in his arms, holding her so that she could not escape from his embrace without a fight. She could feel his body hard against hers and she realised that their first real disagreement had inflamed his desire. ‘Please, Gino. Not now. I’m tired. I’ve been working hard all day.’ She broke off as his mouth sought hers and his hands caressed her body.

  ‘My darling,’ he whispered into her hair. ‘I love you. All I want to do is to make you happy.’ He seemed to sense her lack of response and he pulled away just far enough to study her face. ‘You do love me, don’t you, Phoebe?’

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  PHOEBE COULD SEE frustration and disappointment in his eyes. She knew she was being unreasonable and that he was doing his best to provide for his ready-made family, and she wished with all her heart that she could return his love threefold. She slid her arms around his neck. ‘I’m sorry, Gino. Of course I love you.’

  He kissed her with mounting passion and took her with a degree of urgency that came as a shock after his usual gentle, almost respectful love-making. ‘I adore you, cara,’ he whispered. ‘I promise you that I’ll find us a home on the mainland before Christmas, if it’s the last thing I do.’

  But things did not go quite as planned and Uncle Marco proved reluctant to allow Gino to take the boat out on his own. The bad weather was coming, he said, and Gino was still inexperienced in the ways of the lake. He needed more knowledge of the conditions and areas where he would catch the most fish before he could be allowed to sail the craft single-handed. Perhaps another year, and then Gino might be competent to take over the vessel.

  Phoebe had accepted the news with a sinking heart. Each day was a battle of wills between her and Aunt Cosima, who grumbled, bullied and took spiteful digs at Phoebe, but never when the men were within earshot. When her husband or Gino was present, Cosima was all smiles and could not praise Phoebe highly enough. Cleverly she turned the tables and made it appear that it was Phoebe who was at fault. She was the transgressor, the ungrateful foreign woman who had little respect for their home or their customs. Phoebe could have screamed with frustration, but she knew that if she challenged Cosima openly her accusations would be met with denial, followed by tears and then hysterics. Cosima would be the centre of attention and Phoebe would find herself accused of everything from ingratitude to malice. She learned very early that she could not win. Cosima was a past mistress at getting her own way, and she had Uncle Marco wrapped around her little finger.

  Phoebe had to tread lightly and keep her thoughts to herself. She adopted a passive attitude, doing her best to keep out of Cosima’s way and taking Teddy to the mainland at every possible opportunity. She lived for the visits to her grandparents’ home, where she was assured of a warm welcome. She could unburden herself to Ivy, who although newly married to Lorenzo was always ready to lend a sympathetic ear to Phoebe’s troubles.

  ‘I’d strangle the old cow,’ Ivy said, pouring wine into a glass and handing it to Phoebe. ‘Drink up and forget her for a while.’

  Phoebe stretched her bare feet out in front of her, feeling the warm dust trickle between her toes as they sat outside the Giamattis’ cottage one sunny afternoon at the end of October. The days were getting shorter and the mornings and evenings were cool to the point of being chilly, but there were still leaves on the trees and a gentle heat at midday. Ivy and Lorenzo were living with Phoebe’s grandparents, but Nonna was quite different from Cosima and had welcomed Ivy into the home. ‘You’re so lucky,’ Phoebe said, sighing. ‘If only we could find a place to rent nearby. It would be such a relief to be away from Cosima, and I worry constantly about Teddy.’ She smiled as she watched him attempting to walk by holding on to the wooden fence which enclosed the tiny garden. ‘I hate living so close to the water.’

  Ivy sipped her wine. ‘It won’t be for long. I’m sure Gino’s doing his best.’

  ‘He is,’ Phoebe said quickly. ‘He’s working so hard to convince Uncle Marco that he can manage the boat and sell the catch successfully. I feel guilty, but sometimes I can’t help nagging him and begging him to stand up to his uncle. I’ve tried to convince him that he can cope very well on his own, but he’s still unsure of himself.’

  Ivy reached for the wine bottle and topped up Phoebe’s glass. ‘Never mind, ducks. Drink that and it’ll make things look a bit rosier.’ She glanced over her shoulder. ‘It sounds like Mamma is starting to prepare the evening meal.’ She refilled her own glass and hid the empty bottle behind a pile of empty plant pots. ‘She doesn’t approve of me having a drink in the day. I suppose it’s because of your ma, God rest her soul, but all due respect to Annie’s memory, I ain’t going to go down the same path. It’s just nice to sit here in the sun and listen to the birds singing in the trees and sip this lovely red wine. I love it here and I never want to go back to gloomy old England.’

  ‘I wish I was like you,’ Phoebe said enviously. ‘I know it’s beautiful here, and the sun shines a lot more than at home, but I miss London.’

  ‘And what about Rogue Paxm
an?’ Slightly tipsy, Ivy eyed her with a knowing grin. ‘Oh, come on, Phoebe love. I ain’t stupid. I know there was something going on between the two of you, and it weren’t just on his side.’

  Phoebe downed her wine in one gulp. Suddenly the truth had to come out. She could keep it to herself not a moment longer. ‘I love him, Ivy. I don’t know how it happened or when it first started, but I can’t get him out of my mind. I try to forget him but I can’t, and then I feel terrible. Gino is a good man and I want to love him in the same way, but it just doesn’t happen.’

  Ivy reached out to pat her on the shoulder, and her eyes were brimming with sympathy. ‘I guessed as much, and I feel for you, I really do.’

  Phoebe wiped her eyes on the back of her hand. ‘Sorry, I shouldn’t have burdened you with my guilt. Forget what I said.’

  ‘It will get easier,’ Ivy said softly. ‘Gino adores you, that’s obvious for all to see. You’ll settle down if you give yourself time, and when you have a baby of your own it will bring you closer together.’ She patted her belly, smiling. ‘I get the feeling that I might be in the family way. It’s too early to tell for sure, but I hope I’m right.’

  Phoebe set down her empty glass and leaned over to give Ivy a hug. ‘I’m really happy for you.’

  ‘What about you?’ Ivy cocked her head on one side like an inquisitive robin. ‘I know it’s early days, and you waited until you were legally wed, unlike Nenzo and me.’ She winked and nudged Phoebe in the ribs. ‘Once we’d realised that we wanted each other there was no stopping us.’

  A bank of clouds blotted out the sun and a cool breeze from the mountains rippled the glassy surface of the lake. Phoebe rose to her feet. ‘It’s getting late. I’d better get back to the island or Cosima will tell Gino I’ve been out all day and left her to do all the work.’

  ‘Tell the old bitch to go to hell.’ Ivy stood up, smoothing down her skirts. ‘I’ll give her what for, if you like. I ain’t afraid of Cosima Argento.’

  From their elevated position Phoebe could see a small craft preparing to leave the jetty with supplies for the island. ‘I must go or I’ll miss the ferry.’ She picked Teddy up in her arms, ignoring his protests. The sky seemed to darken suddenly and she could hear waves crashing on the shore. The sails of the small boat disappeared in the darkness and above the howling of the wind she could hear cries for help.

  ‘What’s the matter, Phoebe? You’re white as a sheet.’

  The sound of Ivy’s voice brought Phoebe out of the living nightmare that had suddenly blotted out everything but fear itself. The sun was still shining and the deep blue waters of the lake mirrored the sky. The white sails of the boat were flapping idly in a gentle breeze and she could see the ferryman hefting boxes on board. Teddy wound his small fingers in her hair, giving her a smacking and very moist kiss on the cheek, and everything was normal again.

  ‘Are you all right?’ Ivy asked anxiously. ‘You had a funny turn, ducks.’

  ‘I’m fine,’ Phoebe said, struggling to hold Teddy, who was now wriggling in an attempt to get down on the ground and continue his exploration of the insect life in the garden. ‘It was just an odd fancy.’

  Ivy grinned. ‘That happens sometimes when you’re in what they call a delicate condition. Maybe we’ll both have babies next year. Wouldn’t that be lovely?’

  Glancing over Ivy’s shoulder, Phoebe saw her grandmother coming towards them. She frowned. ‘Don’t say anything to Nonna. It was nothing.’

  ‘I won’t say a word.’ Ivy smiled, tapping the side of her nose. She kissed Teddy, laughing as he wound his arms around her neck. ‘No, little man. You can’t stay here, much as I’d love to keep you for myself. Go with Phoebe like a good boy.’

  Maria thrust a bag of apples into Phoebe’s hand. ‘You look pale, cara. Are you feeling poorly?’

  Phoebe kissed her wrinkled cheek. ‘No, I’m quite well, but I have to go now. I really hate living so far from you.’

  Maria frowned. ‘You’re a married woman now, Phoebe. You have to go wherever your husband takes you. I didn’t want to live in London, but I made the best of it, and that’s what you must do.’

  ‘I try, but Cosima is a difficult woman.’

  ‘I know that well enough, and to be honest I’ve never liked her, but on the other hand it was good of her to take you all in.’

  Phoebe could see that this conversation was going nowhere. She could not expect her grandparents to save her from the situation that she had created for herself. ‘Yes, you’re right, of course, Nonna.’

  ‘Maybe you should rest a bit more,’ Maria suggested, exchanging knowing glances with Ivy.

  Phoebe knew exactly what they were thinking. She smiled vaguely, and nodded her head. ‘I’ll try, but now I must take Teddy and catch the ferry before it sails.’ She kissed them both again and tucking a protesting Teddy under her arm she left the garden and set off for the jetty.

  During the next few weeks Phoebe made an effort to keep Cosima happy. She held her tongue when she might otherwise have retaliated, and she forced herself to smile when she felt that she could scream with frustration. She lay in her husband’s arms each night and prayed silently that she would not conceive a child, at least not until they had a home of their own.

  Each day was more or less the same as the last. The weeks passed and autumn gave way to winter. The comparatively mild climate allowed Gino to continue fishing, but Phoebe found herself trapped in the tiny house or bound by the confines of a small island. Despite her attempts to keep the peace, the tension between her and Cosima reached danger level. Sometimes, when Cosima pushed her to the limit of her patience, Phoebe could do little other than take Teddy to the tiny bedchamber beneath the eaves, which was unheated and bitterly cold. They would huddle together in the bed while she attempted to keep him amused by telling him stories. She would have given anything for a picture book or some toys to keep him amused, but apart from some wooden bricks that Julio had made, he had nothing to play with. Sometimes she took him for walks around the island, but the lake with its ever changing temperament still terrified her and she kept tight hold of his hand, scolding him if he ventured too near the water’s edge. Her nerves were in a constant state of agitation and late one afternoon, when she returned from such a walk, she found Cosima waiting for her with a look on her face that meant trouble.

  The row that ensued was based on the fact that Phoebe had not scrubbed the stone step outside the house; a chore that she was forced to undertake every day whether or not it was strictly necessary. It had rained in the night, washing away the dust and fallen leaves, but that was not good enough for house-proud Cosima, or at least that was the objection she raised now. Phoebe had gone off gallivanting without a thought for the woman who had taken her in, despite the fact that it put her to great inconvenience. Looking into Cosima’s narrowed eyes, glinting with malice, something inside Phoebe snapped and she lost her temper. She told Gino’s aunt exactly what she thought of her, collected her few belongings and stormed out of the cottage with Teddy in her arms. She stood on the jetty in the sleet-spiked rain and waited for an hour until the ferryboat arrived. Lalia had seen her through the window where she sat daily, watching the changing colours of the lake, and she came hobbling towards her in an obvious state of distress. When Phoebe told her that she would never put a foot in Cosima’s house again as long as she lived, Lalia begged her to reconsider.

  ‘Please, Phoebe. Think about Gino. What will he do if his uncle refuses to allow him to use his boat?’

  ‘He won’t,’ Phoebe said shortly. ‘Gino invested all his money in that vessel. Uncle Marco can’t continue working alone. It’s too hard for an old man.’

  Lalia wrung her hands. ‘Don’t leave like this.’ She glanced over her shoulder at the cottage. ‘Cosima is watching us now. Make your peace with her, please. I’m begging you to swallow your pride. Think of the boy.’

  ‘I am thinking about Teddy and he deserves a better start in life.’ She turned round, s
quinting into the storm as she heard the plashing of the water on a wooden hull and the flapping of the sail. ‘I’m sorry, Mamma,’ she said firmly. ‘But I’m going to my grandparents’ house. Gino knows where to find me.’ She kissed Lalia on the cheek but Teddy turned his head away when Lalia tried to embrace him.

  ‘He’s forgotten me already,’ she said tearfully. ‘How will I live on this island without my family?’

  Phoebe picked up the bundle containing her possessions. ‘Goodbye, Mamma. We’ll visit you often, but you must see that I can’t stay with that woman.’

  ‘I have to put up with her,’ Lalia muttered beneath her breath as she turned and limped away.

  With the aid of the ferryman, Phoebe climbed aboard the small craft and settled down with Teddy on her knee. When they set sail she closed her eyes, hugging Teddy to her so tightly that he could scarcely move. She was not a good sailor and she hated boats, but she managed to keep calm even when they hit squally patches of water.

  She received a mixed reception when she reached the Giamattis’ cottage. It was her grandfather who welcomed her with open arms, but Maria was angry with both her and Cosima, and she did not dissemble. ‘You were at fault,’ she said, folding her arms across her bosom. ‘You should have shown more respect for someone who has put a roof over your head.’

  ‘Come now, Maria,’ Fabio said mildly. ‘The girl put up with a lot from Cosima. You know what she’s like.’

  Maria turned on him, her dark eyes flashing angrily. ‘Of course I know what she’s like, but she was good enough to take them in and she deserves to be respected. Phoebe must go back immediately and tell her she’s sorry.’

  ‘No,’ Phoebe said, shaking her head. ‘I won’t do it. I’ve been an unpaid servant to that woman right from the start. I’ve done everything she asked of me and more. I’ve kept my mouth shut when she said hurtful things to me, and I’ve done my best to fit in, but I’d rather sleep in the vegetable patch than go back to the island.’