Trade It All

by Ruth Cardello

  Emily tipped her head to one side and studied Willa before speaking. “I know exactly how you feel, Willa. I’ve spent most of my life trying not to get lost in the shadow of my mother’s talent. I will probably never feel that I am as good as she was, but my sculptures are an extension of who I am, and I’ve learned to value that. Every piece in this museum is different and wonderful in its own way. Some way or another, they are also all a piece of my journey. Comparison is a death blow to creativity. Don’t let it stop you from doing what you love.” Her eyes misted over. “I dare you to give me something to display at my museum. If you still have that sketch, I’ll take it. Or you can create something else.”

  “Oh, I can’t imagine—”

  “Is that how you handle a dare? You’ve got more fire in you than that.” Lance’s hand on her lower back felt possessive, daring.

  Warming beneath the touch of his hand and his encouragement, Willa felt like she just might. She smiled cautiously at Emily. “Does it have to be three dimensional?”

  “It’s better if it is, but it doesn’t have to be. My favorite works are emotional ones. Come on, let me show you the pieces I made with my mother,” Emily said as she started walking again. The room she led them into was filled with prints of famous paintings and small sculptures of a part or all of what was in the painting. “These were some of my earliest ones. There was a purpose to them. As you know, my mother was born blind so she had no way of experiencing these works outside of having them described to her. In trying to find a solution for her, I found my passion. I’d love something that represents your own journey. You could do something about being a twin . . .”

  Willa tensed and would have stepped back if Lance’s hand wasn’t still on her lower back. Without thinking about how it would sound, she spilled out what she was thinking. “Being a twin doesn’t define me.”

  Emily’s mouth dropped open in surprise, and she instantly looked apologetic. “I didn’t mean to imply that it did, but it’s part of who you are.”

  Wishing she’d held her reaction in, Willa backpedaled. “Sorry, it’s just that—”

  “You want to be your own person,” Lance said near her ear.

  He understands. Willa nodded gratefully. She thought about what Emily had said about comparison killing creativity and couldn’t help but see how it had also shaped her relationship with her sister. I’ve always compared myself to her. Is that what’s killing our relationship? Willa remembered the last few conversations she’d had with Lexi and realized she’d judged Lexi just as harshly. She pressed her lips together then said, “Yes, but it’s more complicated than that.” There was also the wonder of having someone who was so close to you, you could feel their pain or joy as your own. Or, at least, that’s how it used to be when they were children. They’d lost that magic somewhere along the way, except in those rare instances when they were both excited about the same thing and they could finish each other’s sentences. Even though Willa wanted to find herself, she missed that connection. Complicated.

  Looking on sympathetically, Emily said, “If you represent what you’re feeling right now in some concrete fashion, you’ll have your masterpiece.”

  “I don’t know if it would be a masterpiece, but I’ll do it, Emily. I’d be honored to make something for your museum. You’ve inspired me.” Willa meant it. Emily had laid down a challenge, and Willa admired Emily more, if that were even possible. She smiled at Lance, grateful he’d brought her. He’d said he liked the man he was when he was with her. Well, she liked the woman she was when she was with him. Even though she fluctuated between being deliriously happy and scared shitless, it was better than the bland existence she’d convinced herself she preferred. I closed so much of myself off, telling myself it was the only way to survive. I didn’t realize how much I’d lost along the way.

  Lance leaned down and whispered, “If you need a nude model . . .”

  And just like that, Willa was smiling and laughing again. “You are so bad.” She lost herself for a moment in his dark eyes.

  Unrepentant, Lance shot her a lusty smile. “Or I could draw you.”

  “And that’s the end of today’s tour,” Emily chirped in with a chuckle. “I’ll be right back, then if you want we can drive over to your parents’ place together.”

  Lance agreed while Willa fought back a mild panic. I’m going to the Barrington home as Lance’s . . . date? As his what? Girlfriend? Soon to be lover? Hi, Sophie and Dale. What’s up? We thought we’d come over and see you before we run away and fuck like bunnies for a few days. In fact, could you pass the potatoes faster? Lance’s words from the night before came back and echoed through Willa. “I want to take my time. I want to fall asleep inside you because we came so many times we couldn’t move. Then I’ll wake up and start my day by tasting that sweet pussy of yours again.” Willa shivered and got wet just thinking about the feel of his tongue delving into her sex.

  Oh my God, I’m losing it.

  “What are you thinking?” Lance asked.

  Willa chewed her bottom lip. Nothing I should say here. Willa glanced at her watch, more to refocus herself than to actually check the time. How long until we’re alone? “What time is dinner?”

  “Early. Right after this?” Lance asked, looking like he was trying to decipher a message sent in code, then he smiled and slid his hand along the curve of her neck and pulled her face closer to his. “When you look at me like that I don’t care about anything but this.” His mouth came down and plundered hers. Willa arched forward against him, loving how hard and ready he was. Their tongues met and danced hungrily. She ran her hands greedily over his chest. He half lifted her and walked forward until her back was to the wall. With one hand kneading her jean-clad ass, he ground against her, moving his bulging erection back and forth against her crotch in a way that had them both moaning.

  Willa pulled the back of his T-shirt out of his jeans. His rippling muscles were heaven beneath her hands. He pulled her shirt free also. Beneath her shirt, his thumb traced the outline of her bra before slipping beneath to cup her breast.

  “They should still be in here,” Emily said from the hallway.

  Willa froze.

  Lance lowered Willa back to the floor, adjusting her clothing as he did. “Shit.”

  “Oh,” Emily said in surprise.

  “Really, Lance? At Emily’s museum?” Asher asked curtly.

  Lance tucked Willa into his side. Willa buried her face for a moment in his shoulder as she tried to compose herself. He growled, “Don’t be an ass, Asher.”

  Willa raised her head. She’d never heard Lance use that tone before, especially not with his brothers.

  Asher’s eyebrows shot up revealing his own surprise. “I’m an ass? I’m not the one giving the security cameras a show.”

  Emily’s lips pressed together in a straight line. She looked as if she had something she wanted to say but was holding it in. “It doesn’t matter.”

  Asher looked from Lance to Willa and back. “He knows it does.”

  Emily went up onto her tiptoes and gave her husband a quick kiss on the cheek. His attention shifted from Lance and Willa to his wife and the secret smile on her face. “You have a short memory, Mr. Barrington.”

  Asher pulled her into his arms gently, allowing for the space her rounded stomach required and kissed her briefly on the lips. “Maybe, but I know trouble when I see it.”

  Emily smiled up at her husband, her love for him shining in her eyes. “So do I, but I married him anyway.” She caressed one side of his face.

  With a grunt of concession, Asher looked back at Lance and Willa. “Mom doesn’t know you’re a couple yet, does she?” The way he asked didn’t sit right with Willa. He sounded as if he were suggesting there was still time to fix things—not be with her. His rejection stung. What have I ever done to him? Does Sophie not like me? Think of me as good enough as a friend of the family, but not for one of her sons?

  Lance’s arm tightened around Willa�
��s waist. “I didn’t tell her who I was bringing with me, no.”

  Asher frowned. “Find a reason to cancel.”

  His words stabbed through Willa.

  Lance stepped away from Willa aggressively. Asher did the same with Emily. Youngest brother faced eldest, but time had leveled the playing field. They were the same height, had similar powerful builds, and both had a stubborn look on their face that implied the conversation was headed nowhere good. Between gritted teeth, Lance said, “What is your problem? Didn’t you learn anything from when Kenzi brought Dax home?”

  Asher’s face tightened with remorse. “That was an accident.”

  Willa stepped forward to intervene. She hated that they were arguing over her. “It was.” She laid a hand on Lance’s arm.

  Shaking his head angrily, Asher said, “Date her if you want, but do you have to announce it?”

  Emily went to stand beside Asher. “Asher, I know you like Willa. Why are you doing this?”

  “That’s the problem. We all like her. When they break up—” Asher stopped himself then said, “If they break up, it won’t only be Lance who will be affected.”

  Willa said hastily, “Lance, maybe he’s right. I don’t want to cause any issues.”

  Lance put his arm back around Willa as he continued to glare at Asher. He took a deep breath, then forced a smile. “Emily, thank you for the tour.”

  Emily looked back and forth between the brothers. “Don’t let him leave like this, Asher.”

  “He’s only angry because he knows I’m right,” Asher said.

  With an audible angry sound, Emily turned to Willa. “Block the door.”

  Willa hesitated, but something told her that when a very pregnant woman barks orders it’s best to follow them. She went to stand in front of the door that led out of the room to the main hallway.

  Emily paced before the two men, with one hand supporting her back. “This is ridiculous. Neither of you is leaving until you figure this out. Our baby will not come into the world with the two of you fighting like five-year-olds. Work it out.”

  “It’s not good for the baby if you get upset, Emily,” Asher said, looking white and worried.

  “Too late for that,” she answered with a wave of her hand. “Willa, sometimes you have to stand your ground, and this is one of those times.”

  Willa wasn’t sure of that, but her admiration for Emily soared again. She was a lioness, taking two self-proclaimed kings of the jungle down a notch.

  Lance glared at his brother. “You think you know what’s best for the family? You don’t. By your logic I should only date people no one cares about? How does that even fucking make sense?”

  Willa wrapped her arms around herself protectively. This was a side of the Barringtons she’d never seen before. They didn’t argue. They never raised their voices. At least, they never had in front of her.

  Asher rubbed a hand over his forehead. “You’re right.”

  The room fell suddenly absolutely silent.

  Lance looked stunned. Emily nodded in encouragement.

  Asher turned to Willa. “This isn’t about you, Willa. My concern is—”

  “I know,” Willa said softly. “It’s okay, Asher. I don’t want anyone upset, either.”

  Asher nodded once.

  Emily turned toward Lance. “Asher loves you. He really does. He’s so proud of you. I know you feel the same about him. I never had brothers or sisters, but I’d like to think that if I did we would talk out our problems. You are so blessed to have each other. I can’t sit back and say nothing while you tear into each other.” She rubbed her stomach.

  The tension seemed to ebb from Lance. He ran a hand through his hair. “And you shouldn’t have to.” When he looked at Asher, it wasn’t with anger. “Going with Willa is probably a bad idea, but I want things to be different this time.”

  Asher’s eyebrows shot up and Willa wanted to sink into the floor. She didn’t want to look at the expressions on their faces, especially not Lance’s. How could I feel comfortable going to the Barrington’s tonight now? She looked around for the nearest exit—anywhere to hide her discomfort—but Lance was suddenly at her side, putting his arm around her waist. She was keeping her panic contained, but just barely. She hated that he could feel her shaking.

  Asher crossed to his wife. He put his arms around her again and kissed her temple. “I can’t imagine my life without you.” He gave Willa a funny look then nodded at Lance. “Come to dinner, both of you. I want to hear about this city contract you won. I’m sure everyone else would like to hear about it, too. Everything else will figure itself out.”

  Lance looked down at Willa. “It’s up to you.”

  “Me?” Willa let out a long, shaky breath. Oh, no, if it’s up to me the answer is hell no.

  “I want things to be different this time.” Lance had said it more than once, and he seemed to mean it.

  I want this time to be different too. I want to walk into a room on your arm, knowing that it’s important to both of us that I’m there.

  I want to believe in you again.

  “I’d like to see your parents. I can thank them in person for the care package.”

  Lance smiled and hugged her to his side.

  Willa glanced over at Asher and Emily who were watching them closely. Are you thinking I should have come up with an excuse not to go? That we’re making a mistake?

  I probably should run before I get in too deep. Before my heart is broken a second time.

  Willa rested her cheek briefly on Lance’s strong shoulder.

  But I don’t want to.

  God help me, I still love him.

  A short time later Lance paused at the bottom of the steps at his parents’ house. Yes, they’d only been on a couple dates, but theirs didn’t feel like a new relationship. Walking in with her felt right.

  He remembered the day Kenzi had brought Dax home. She’d taken the family aside and warned them all to be nice to him. Lance suddenly understood why. He didn’t care what his family thought of his decision to see her, but he wanted them to accept her because he knew their feelings would be important to Willa.

  Although they’d taken separate cars, Asher and Emily had arrived just after them and were walking up the driveway. Asher put a hand on his shoulder. “Come on.”

  As far as pep talks went, it wasn’t the best, but it was more encouragement than Asher usually gave. The door of the house opened and his father smiled in greeting. “Right on time. Dinner is ready.” When he noticed Willa he said, “Oh, you brought . . . Willa, right?”

  Lance blanched at the question. A quick look at Willa’s face revealed that his father’s uncertainty had hurt her even though she quickly hid her feeling behind a bright smile. “That’s me. It’s wonderful to see you, Mr. Barrington.”

  Dale moved forward to welcome her with a kiss on the cheek, then stopped when he noticed that Lance was holding her hand. He gave her a peck but looked concerned when he straightened. “I had no idea you knew each other so well.”

  “It’s all good, Dad,” Lance said in a firm voice. If his father gave the slightest hint of sounding anything like Asher had earlier, he was removing Willa from the situation. She deserved better.

  Willa tried to smooth the situation over. “We just had the most marvelous tour of Emily’s museum.”

  Dale’s smile returned. “That’s fantastic. We’re very proud of our newest daughter.”

  “Then you should probably let her in, Dad. It’s hot as hell out here,” Asher said, with one arm around his wife’s waist.

  Emily laughed. “I’m planning my next pregnancy for the winter months. This is horrid.”

  “Next?” Asher asked in a fake shocked voice that had everyone chuckling.

  “Come in. Come in,” Dale said, opening the door wide. “Asher, why don’t you take Emily and Willa to the living room? Everyone else is already here.”

  Lance expected Asher to do just that. Despite how assertive each of the B
arrington sons were in the business world, they bowed to Dale’s authority. It might have been different if he used brute force to try to control them, but he never had. He lived his life with dignity and expected his children to do the same. There was no worse feeling than being the reason Dad’s head shook with disappointment. He spoke softly, argued rationally, and when all else failed, he implemented his dark weapon—guilt.

  None of his children wanted to be the reason their mother had a second nervous breakdown and although he’d never outright said they could be, the implication was always there. Lance and his siblings came home when asked to and whenever their mother was around they acted like the happy family she needed them to be.

  Kenzi was the only one to challenge that unspoken doctrine. She’d put her pent-up anger and her pain right out there for all to see. She’d demanded a more honest relationship with Sophie and was doing her best to cultivate one. There was a beauty in her courage that rocked the Barringtons like an earthquake. Kenzi challenged the relationships her brothers had both with their parents and with each other. Could they be themselves and still be a family?

  The people we allow into our lives change us. Asher was no longer self-absorbed and distant. Emily had brought out a softer side of him Lance had never imagined existed in his brother.

  Asher surprised Lance by saying, “Em, you and Willa head in. We’ll be just a minute.”

  Had they been alone, Lance would have assured Willa that everything would be fine. He wasn’t entirely sure, though, that it would be. He released her hand and nodded for her to go with Emily. She didn’t look like she wanted to leave him, but she did.

  Once the women were out of earshot, Lance raised an open hand in request. “Dad, before you say anything . . .”

  Standing shoulder to shoulder with Lance, Asher cut in, “Lance has always had a good head on his shoulders. He wouldn’t bring Willa home if he wasn’t serious about her.”

  Lance continued, “Today is important to me. It’s important to Willa. I don’t want to hide that I’m with her.”

  “He shouldn’t have to,” Asher said in steely voice Lance had never heard him use with his father. “He’s a grown man, and Willa is a wonderful woman.”