Opening my agenda, I read through the list of things I have yet to do today. Yeva’s party is in a week. Most things have been taken care of, including the caterer. The invites have been sent out to her family and friends and the last thing I need to do is to contact the baker and have her make a delicious cake for the party.
Picking up my cell phone, I dial the baker’s phone number and make my order. Yeva doesn’t have a lot of friends, so she decided to make it an engagement party instead and invite Mikhail and his friends as well.
I wasn’t opposed to her idea, especially knowing that she indeed doesn’t have a lot of friends. I’m basically her only friend here besides Alyona. Mikhail, on the other hand, knows a lot of people. I decided to take care of organizing the whole party that’s going to take place here in Maksim’s mansion.
I was against the idea at first simply because I haven’t spoken to him or seen him in weeks. I wanted to host the party somewhere else, but Aleksandr insisted that we do it here. I asked Yeva if she was fine with the idea and she seemed very happy about it. So I let it go because it’s her happiness that matters and not mine.
A soft knock comes at the door, followed by Yeva in a white elegant dress.
“What do you think?” she asks, placing her hands on her hips and staring at her reflection in the mirror.
“You look beautiful. I love the dress.”
“You think so?”
I nod my agreement.
“Why? You don’t like it?”
She sighs and winces.
“I just think it’s too much. Too revealing, don’t you think?”
I walk toward her.
“No, it’s not revealing. There’s nothing wrong with showing a little bit of cleavage on your engagement party.”
She chuckles.
“Are you going to wear something sexy and elegant too?”
I frown and snort.
“It’s not my party, Yeva. Elegant, yes, but not sexy.”
She rolls her eyes.
“Well, then, I’m not wearing this. I don’t want to be the only one dressed in a tight dress with my boobs showing. Mikhail will divorce me before even marrying me.”
Loud laughter erupts from both our throats.
“Fine. Fine.” I say, “I’ll dress sexy too.”
She grins and claps her hands excitedly.
“Yay!”
She exits the room, and my smile dissipates immediately. Nobody knows what I did. Everybody still thinks I’m an innocent victim. If they knew who’s innocent blood I painted my hands with that night, they would loathe me for eternity.
The nightmares still haunt me on a daily basis. Lydia visits me every single night. Sometimes she tells me that she forgives me for taking her life away, and sometimes she curses me to hell and orders me to end my life.
Killing myself would be such an easy way out of this torment. But if I take my life away, I wouldn’t be paying for my crime the way I’m supposed to. Others might think I’m crazy for punishing myself for something I had no control over. I don’t think anybody would understand the shattering agony that lives inside of me unless they have taken an innocent life away like I did.
I’m the one who beat Lydia to death. I could have stopped before she laid in a pool of her own blood. But I didn’t. I kept hitting her mercilessly until the darkness turned my vision gloomy and I passed out.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I walk over to the washroom and pour frigid water on my face. Every time the events of my crime haunt me back, I wish the floor could open up and swallow me whole. Every single time I’m reminded of the monster I am, I recoil. I ended up being just like my biological father – callous, cold and wicked.
Hot tears fill my eyes, but I don’t release them. I keep them inside stubbornly and allow the emotional distress to destroy me.
There was a time when killing my uncle meant my ultimate happiness and freedom. Until I became exactly like him.
There’s no going back anymore.
* * *
I walk over to the minibar and pour myself a glass of wine. I shouldn’t be drinking alcohol while taking my medication. But tonight is one of those nights where even reading is not helping me escape the train of thoughts consuming my brain.
Turning the TV on, I browse through the channels while chugging the rest of the wine all in one gulp.
Nobody’s at home tonight, including Yeva who went out with Mikhail on a date. Maybe that’s why today has been a long day. At least when Yeva is around, she distracts me from overthinking.
My eyelids begin to feel heavy, and my body relaxes as exhaustion takes over me. It could be the wine or the fact that I’m emotionally and physically drained.
I don’t fight the tiredness. Only a matter of seconds until I fall into a deep slumber.
“You did this to me!” a voice screams from across the long, empty dinner table.
Sitting at the head of it, I squint as my eyes struggle to look past the clouds filling the other end of the table.
“Who are you?” I yell at the top of my lungs.
The clouds suddenly disappear, and my eyes widen at the sight of Lydia sitting at the other end of the table with blood covering her palms. I shoot from my seat and stare at her. My fear escalates with every sob that lodges from her throat.
She lifts her chin up and scowls at me.
“You took my life away. You fucking killed me!” she shouts, making me recoil.
I sink back into my chair as the hairs at my nape stand up. It’s getting harder to breathe as the seconds go by.
She shoots up from her seat and begins walking fast toward me. Baring her teeth, she snarls, “You deserve to die, you whore!”
“I didn’t want to kill you. They made me do it. Please don’t hurt me. I didn’t want to. . .”
“Wow, hey! It’s okay you’re safe.” A familiar voice rings out in my head as I open my eyes widely and begin gasping for air.
I look to my right and find Aleksandr looking at me with genuine concern and confusion on his face.
I assess my surroundings and find myself back in the living room with the TV still on. Panting for air, I try to calm down by reminding myself that it was just another nightmare.
“Another nightmare, right?” he asks, taking a seat by my side and handing me a glass of cold water.
I chug the liquid audibly while nodding my head.
“You were talking in your sleep.”
My heart skips a beat.
“What was I saying?”
He shakes his head.
“I’m not sure you were mainly mumbling.”
I blow out a sigh.
“Come on. Let me take you to your room.”
Rising to my feet, I smile politely.
“It’s okay. I can go by myself. Thanks, Aleksandr.”
He doesn’t avert his gaze and continues studying me as I make my way to the door. I stop in my tracks and turn to face him.
“Have you heard from him?” the words escape my lips without my consent.
Shit. I didn’t mean to ask him.
He smirks.
“He’s alright.”
I nod my head once and storm out of the room before embarrassing myself even more by asking him to elaborate.
When I get to my room, I immediately hide underneath the covers and shut my eyes, hoping Lydia doesn’t visit me in my next dream.
Maksim
Tik Tok.
I watch the clock like a man in a daze, listening to the hypnotizing sound of it and killing time this way. An untouched burger sits on my right side of the table. My hand clutches the whiskey glass tightly as I stare at the pile of documents and papers spread all over my desk.
Nothing leads me to what happened to Elena in that tunnel. And every time I contact her doctor, he tells me that he can’t put more pressure on her to speak when clearly she’s not ready to discuss whatever they did to her while they kept her hostage.
But how much longer am I gonna
have to wait? It’s been weeks that I’ve been holding myself from going to the house and forcing her to tell me what happened. How much more time will she need? I’m losing my damn brain trying to be patient while she’s over there busy planning a fucking engagement party.
Every time Aleksandr pays me a visit, he informs me that Elena is still distant but she’s keeping herself busy by being around Yeva. It seems to me like I’m the only one she doesn’t want to be around.
Chugging the liquid in one gulp, I rise from my seat and walk over to the fridge and grab a cold beer bottle from it. I open it and bring it to my lips. Taking a sip, I feel the cold liquid travel down my throat and into my stomach. It feels good considering the fact that my body’s boiling with the amount of anger that’s stirring inside of it. It desperately needs to cool down.
I thought there was a point where the pain is supposed to start feeling good. Alone in the middle of nowhere with nobody to fucking talk to but myself is worse than a death sentence. Especially when my mind is not my best friend. If her behavior had changed before she was kidnapped, I would have punished her for disobeying me. I would have penalized her for even thinking she could get away with the way she’s been treating me. I would have done it the way she likes – by proving how much her body aches for my touch every time I come near her.
I can’t do that now because I truly have no fucking clue how do deal with this situation. Nothing in her seems to recognize me anymore, no matter how I talk to her. I could speak softly and her face would remain expressionless. I could yell and push her against a fucking wall and her eyes would still give me that same frosty look she’s been giving me ever since I saved her.
Walking back to the living room, I run my fingers through my hair and sink into the sofa as I begin to feel a little lethargic. Pulling my phone from my left pocket, I immediately dial her number and bring the phone to my ear.
She picks up on the second ring.
“Hello?” she says in the most soothing, angelic voice my ears have ever witnessed. My mind goes blank, remembering the many times in the past when she melted beneath my body.
“When?” the question escapes my lips in a rush of expelled air.
She remains silent. Her breathing gets labored and her silence turns the air around me in the room frigid and unbearable. Just her breathing is enough to turn my knees to water, and my muscles loose.
I close my eyes and inhale deeply. Hearing the loud thrumming of my heart in my ears, I wonder if hers is racing just like mine.
“You don’t even need to talk in order to make me want you so much. My fucking bones ache painfully for you.” I whisper, shivering at the image of her beautiful, innocent face that has crept into my mind.
“Maksim. . .” she says in a tremulous voice.
“Do you wanna know what’s fucked up about this whole thing?” I ask and take another sip off my beer bottle.
“I’d do this all over again, even though you would end up hating me and asking me to get out of your life.”
I laugh bitterly.
“I’m fucking stupid, am I not? Is that what you’re thinking of me right now?”
She sniffles slightly but remains silent.
“So tell me,” I continue. “Tell me how much more time do you need? I want to know because I can’t take being far away from you anymore. When you were taken away from me, I wanted nothing but to find you and help you get through it all.”
“Just stop.” She whispers. “I’m sorry, Maksim. I just can’t anymore!” She says right before ending the call and leaving me feeling utterly lost, and broken.
I place the phone gently on the table in front of me. Throbbing pain creeps up my chest like I have just been punched hard in the gut. It hunches over my body, making me feel giddy and weak. A sob lodges up my throat as tears turn my vision blurry.
Balling my hands into fists, I can barely feel my fingernails digging into my flesh with the mixture of hurt and fury all jumbled up inside of me.
I just can’t anymore!
Her final words resound in my head. I shoot up from my seat and punch the surface of the table so hard that I form a deep hole in it. Moving across the room, I knock down everything that my hand comes in contact with. I rip pillows in half and crush empty wine glasses with my own fucking hands.
I don’t realize the amount of blood dripping off my palms until I begin to lose consciousness. Only a matter of seconds until I hit the ground. The last thing I see before darkness takes over is a black pair of shoes running toward me.
Elena
“Elena? Are you okay? Look at you, you’re pale.” Says Yeva as she runs toward me and places her hand on my forehead to check my temperature.
I throw the phone on the counter and smile weakly.
“I’m fine.” I blurt out, but she doesn’t buy my lies. Her gaze drifts over to the phone on the counter.
“Bad call?” she asks softly.
I nod my head once as the aftermath of my befuddled emotions wrecks me violently and remorselessly. Feeling suffocated by my own confusion, I turn around and face the empty wall behind me. I thought I’d trained myself to not feel anything for him. I thought I became a professional at shutting down my feelings toward him by drowning in my own guilt and the idea of deserving nothing but hardship. Yet, here I am, shaking with need just from hearing his voice.
It’s been too long since his voice made my flesh tingle with lust and desire. My breathing picks up as shame corrodes my insides. My panties are fucking drenched, and I can’t help but want to burst in tears, hide in a hole and never come out of it for allowing my body to still react to his voice the way it just did.
I don’t realize I’m bawling my eyes out until Yeva’s hand lands on my shoulder and starts patting it gently.
“What is it, Elena? Do you want to talk about it?”
I shake my head frantically. I don’t want to talk about the reason behind my hysterical crying. She will think I have officially lost my damn mind. Who cries because they miss and crave the touch of the man they love the most yet keeps rejecting him repeatedly? Nobody will understand me no matter how hard I try to explain to them that I sinned, and there’s no going back.
Grief ripples through me, but I manage to straighten my trance and wipe the tears away from my face. I turn around and face Yeva. It takes me a moment to formulate my next words. “Do you have any plans tonight?”
Yeva shakes her head slowly as confusion crosses her face.
“Good. Because you and I are going out tonight.”
Elena
“What is this place?” asks Yeva as we both get out of the cab and walk over to where people are lining up.
“It’s a club,” I say flatly.
She stops in her tracks.
“A club? Mikhail will kill me.” She murmurs underneath her breath.
“Not if he doesn’t know.”
I wink, and she rolls her eyes dramatically. We stand at the end of the line and I take a quick look at my watch. It’s 11:30pm and from what I know about this place, this is the perfect time to have a talk with the manager.
Five minutes later, a tall, strong man with tattoos all over his arms and a smirk displayed on his face stands before us. His eyes travel up and down my length – devouring me in a way that makes bile rise up my throat. But I ignore it and grin widely him.
“You ladies can go first.” He says hoarsely.
Pulling Yeva’s arm, I smile seductively at the man after thanking him and walk into the club.
“Who the fuck was that guy?”
“The bouncer, Yeva,” I explain as I drift my eyes from the bar to the several security guards standing still in every corner of the room. Their eyes are glued to the dancefloor in which plenty of people are grinding on each other and dancing to the loud music filling the atmosphere.
Walking over to the bar, I order both me and Yeva margaritas. When we finish our drinks, I order another one for Yeva and prepare myself to come up with a perfect lie w
hen she asks me why we came here.
I clear my throat.
“Yeva, I’m gonna be back; I’m just gonna go make a quick phone call.”
“I can come with you.”
“No,” I blurt out. “I won’t be late. Plus you can’t bring the drink with you outside. Are you telling me you’re going to waste your margarita?”
She bites her lower lip, and I smile genuinely at her.
“I’ll be back. Just stay here and enjoy your drink.”
She flashes me a grin and takes another sip of her drink. As soon as she averts her gaze in the opposite direction, I head toward the back door quickly before she sees me.
When I get to the office door, I look over my shoulder one last time, making sure Yeva didn’t follow me here. When I don’t see her, I inhale and exhale deeply before knocking on the door.
“Yes.” A man with a deep-toned voice answers.
I open the door and walk into the room. As soon as our eyes meet, he rises from his chair immediately as his eyes grow a size bigger.
“Ms. Romano?” he says breathlessly. His skin pales with every single step I take toward him.
“Sit down, Gary,” I order and he obeys immediately.
For a long moment, we don’t say anything to each other. I stare at him, unblinking. My heart drumming loudly in my chest but the sound has been suffocated by the sense of power and dominance that I unleashed right before walking into his office.
“Mr. Romano is missing.” He says in a shaky voice.
“He’s dead. And I’m not here to talk about my uncle.” I reply coolly.
His To Keep: Beasts In The Dark (Book 2) Page 11
