Clayton (The Wildflower Series Book 1)

by Rachelle Mills

  “I need to be accountable for my actions. What I did was not right. I should have called. I never realized by not calling you that this could be our defining moment. I can’t have this be what makes you turn away from me. With my mate, I just knew how she felt. With you, I’m blind. It’s not an accusation. It was a dick move on my part. I apologize for that.”

  The touch of his hand on my hip travels up my spine.

  “You made me feel really bad about myself, about what I did to you.” I try pulling my hands away from his grip, but he won’t let me.

  “Don’t feel bad. You forced me to live again. I had to grieve. I needed some time. When you felt my anger, my disgust, did you also feel my pleasure, my hope, my desire? It was there in the background, but I need to go through the bad stuff first, get over it so I can really just focus on the now, what’s important now.” He brings my hands to his mouth, and he’s kissing them, putting them against his cheek, rubbing his scent into them.

  “I’m not sure, Dallas, if—”

  “You’re not sure? It’s too late. Your wolf marked me as hers. I can tell now when you’re looking at me. I can feel your eyes on me. Do you know how long it’s been since I felt that? Do you know when I’m touching you like this I feel as if you’re mine?” I notice the way the hair on his arms are gravitating to my body, just like mine gravitates to Clayton’s. He’s feeling the pull now, my wolf’s mark binding him to me.

  “My wolf’s going to claim you soon, Rya. I need you to be prepared for that. I won’t stop him. Your wolf has claimed him, and he needs to do the same.” I can actually almost see the emotions playing behind his eyelids. It’s the wolf in him that’s making it very clear what he wants and needs. My wolf tries to ascend slightly to meet the wolf’s eyes. She wants us to be taken; she wants to be chased.

  “Please, Rya, just give me a chance, just a chance.” He’s looking at me the way I was looking at Clayton, a desperate pleading in his voice.

  “That’s all I’m asking, for now. I know what I did was crap, and I’m so sorry, because I can see in your eyes that you couldn’t care less what I’m saying to you now. That I really don’t matter anymore. I can see that you’re ready to just walk away and not look back.”

  “I just don’t know.”

  “You marked me, Rya.”

  “I know.”

  “I can’t let you go, I can’t just let you walk away, and I won’t recover from you.” He’s dead serious. “You’re the first female that I have kissed since her, that I want to rub my scent into, that I want to protect even before you marked me. I wanted you without the mark. We’ve both been through trauma, both of our situations so different, but trauma nonetheless. We have both faced it alone. Maybe it’s time just to take a chance on something that can be so good.” My mind is back and forth on that pendulum swing riding up and down.

  “I wish I was in your head so I know what you’re thinking right now,” he whispers in my ear.

  “I’m just not sure how to feel.”

  “Well, I’m sure. I’m going to do my best to wait till you’re sure. The wolf won’t wait, he’s not going to wait, but I will try my best.” He’s getting off his knees now. They’re stained with muddy dirt that will be easily cleaned off in the wash. No lingering stains for wolves to see he’s been on his knees.

  Lips press against mine, slow and soft, before he pulls gently away.

  “I’m going to close the door now. I’m going to let you drive away now, but tomorrow I’m going to be at your door asking to come in. I hope you’ll let me in, but if you don’t, I’ll come the next day and every day after that.”

  He closes the door, the interior light turns off, and I drive away from him.

  Passing the clinic, I see Kimberly outside of the clinic doors.

  Parking my car, I get out, looking at her. “Kimberly, are you okay?” She keeps her head down, not looking at me, just walking away without a word.

  “Wait, Kimberly.” I try to touch her shoulder to stop her. She spins on her heels; her eyes are so red and puffy, they look almost bruised and swollen.

  “They won’t even let me see him! I can’t even see my own brother!” she screams.

  “What do you mean, they won’t let you?” My voice goes up a notch.

  “They said I can’t see him.” She holds her little belly, and I know for a fact she’s gotten thinner, and she has a duskiness to her skin.

  “Come with me.” I pull her by her hand into the clinic. The lights have been dimmed for the night. I have never been here at night; it feels different, quiet.

  I’m met in the hall that leads to his room by Aurora, her arms crossed over her chest, an angry expression on her face.

  “I told Kimberly that she can’t see her brother yet.”

  “Why? It’s her brother.” I take a step toward Aurora, gripping Kimberly’s hand as I try to push my way past her. Aurora doesn’t budge.

  “He doesn’t want her to see him like this…not yet.” Aurora voice holds a softness yet a firmness that his wishes will be maintained.

  Kimberly is crying again. “He’s my brother. He’s all I have left. Please, just let me see him. I promise I won’t do anything bad. I just want to see him…please.” Aurora still stands firm, arms crossed over her chest.

  “No. I’m sorry, Kimberly. He’s my patient, and I will respect his wishes. When he says you can see him, I’ll call you.”

  “Kimberly, stay here.” I slide past Aurora as she turns to me.

  “Did he say that I couldn’t visit?” I tilt my head to Aurora.

  “No.”

  “Well, maybe if I just went in and asked, maybe he’ll let her see him.”

  “You can try. I’m not sure if he’s awake. I just gave him something to settle him down. He’s not doing well at the moment, Rya.”

  “I’ll be quick. If he says no, then I’ll leave.”

  Opening the door to his room, I don’t want to smell him, but I do. I smell his pain. It’s sinking into my skin. The hair on my arms start to tingle, and my neck tickles with how he affects me.

  It’s hard to look at my poison, how he’s lying in the bed, belly down. His arms at his sides, but still in thick leather restraints.

  He looks innocent, without sin. Closing the door behind me, I take a step closer until I’m at the edge of his bed. I can see how he shifts slightly in his sleep to get closer to me. A moan escapes his mouth, and his body quivers slightly.

  His back is still bleeding; those white bandages are stained with fresh blood soaking through to the surface. He’s pale, his lips tinged blue. After all this time, I still feel as if I could lean down and kiss him. Just one time, kiss his lips and feel what that would feel like. If it would feel different than kissing Dallas.

  My hand goes on his head. I just can’t help myself.

  Deep-seated compulsions slither into me like a snake hissing urges into my ear. I let my fingers touch his hair—just once, I tell myself. I just want to feel what his hair is like.

  As soon as I touch his head, his eyes open. I pull my hand away quickly. I let it hang limply at my side.

  “Am I dreaming?” He doesn’t take his eyes off me.

  “No.” I can feel those pine green eyes on my skin, looking everywhere until they fall on my face. This is how Dallas feels now when my eyes touch his skin.

  “I have Kimberly outside. She needs to see you.” He shakes his head no. Grimacing with the movement, his jaw tightens, his teeth clench. A little small groan escapes the base of his throat. He looks like he’s in misery with the pain.

  I could soothe his pain, I could run my fingers through his hair, and I could just sit next to him, and I’m sure it would ease his suffering somewhat. That’s what mates do; they’re supposed to ease your suffering. Only my mate has made me suffer for years, and never once has he tried to ease any of my suffering.

  “She just wants to see you. She’s young and needs to know her brother’s okay. I think it would help her.”

/>   “I don’t want her to see me like this. Rya.” It’s my turn to shiver slightly.

  “I can put some covers over you, hide all this from her so she can only see your face. That’s all she wants to see.” He takes a few breaths, his eyes closing as if he could fall back asleep.

  “Please, Clayton.” His eyes open to find mine. With a nod of his head, he gives his consent.

  Pulling up the covers, I hide all the damage that has been done to him. As I pull the covers over his restraints, his fingers find mine, gripping my hand. He’s still strong. Energy shifts from him to me, me to him. He doesn’t let my hand go, holding onto it with just the tips of his fingers.

  “I can smell him all over you.” His teeth try to descend but can’t in his weakened state.

  “Now I know what you went through smelling her on me. I can’t even imagine how strong you are. I’m only beginning to understand what I’ve put you through.” I break his grip and cover his hands up.

  “Rya, just release one of my restraints. I just need one off.” He has a pleading voice now.

  “No, Clayton, you know why I won’t do it, because I don’t forgive you.” Turning my back, I leave the room.

  “Aurora, he said it was okay.”

  Waiting outside of the room for her, I give them privacy they need. She comes out after fifteen minutes, looking better.

  “He fell asleep. I’m going to go. Thank you, Rya.” She doesn’t look at me when she says this, just tries to slip by me. I grab onto her arm, pulling her into my office.

  “I just want to examine you real quick. You missed your appointment, and I understand why.” Leading her to the table, I encourage her to lean back. Lifting up her shirt, I spread the cool jelly on her lower abdomen and turn on the ultrasound.

  She turns her head from the screen. Taking measurements, I record them down to compare to her last visit. He’s very tiny—active, moving around everywhere—but very tiny. This is not normal at all, and Dallas will have to get involved in her case because she is so high risk for a c-section.

  “Don’t you want to see your pup?”

  “No.”

  “Why Kimberly?”

  “Because I just don’t.” She gets up without even wiping away the jelly, just pulling her shirt down and her pants up.

  “What’s going on? You can talk to me.”

  “No, I can’t. I want to talk with Kennedy, but he won’t let me get near her.”

  “Who, Cash?”

  “Yes, Beta Cash. He’s insane.” She means what she says. The look in her eyes tells me she must have had a run in with that wolf.

  “How about I talk to him, see what I can do? If that doesn’t work, I’ll talk to the Alpha, see if he could talk to his brother.” She just stares at me, open mouthed.

  “Why would you want to help me?”

  “Why wouldn’t I?” She has no response to me. Instead, she turns around, walking out of the clinic.

  “Do you need a ride home?” I call after her.

  “No,” she yells out.

  “Are you at your house?” I call after her so I know where to look for her if she misses another appointment.

  “No, I’m staying with my mate’s mother.” She doesn’t look happy about it.

  “Is your mate here now?”

  “Yes, he’s back. No sense him staying, he can’t afford the tuition for next semester anyway. My father was paying for him to go to school. Now he’s back looking for a job.” She just starts to walk away from me, head down, looking so lost and sad.

  “Let me drive you home.”

  “No, Rya. I just need to be by myself.”

  Getting back into the car, I drive the rest of the way back to find my yard a mess. Trees that Clayton knocked down still remain toppled over on my beautiful garden; my door is still gouged with claw marks. Walking inside, there are holes in my wall. Everything is just a mess.

  Nothing to do but start cleaning up everything in the morning. It’s a hard night of tossing and turning, insomnia at its best.

  The knock has me jumping out of the shower, putting my hair in a towel, and wrapping a robe around me. I find Dallas standing on the other side of the door, a little smile on his face. I stand at the entrance, blocking the path inside.

  “I wanted to ask if it was okay if I came in, just to talk. Have some morning tea.” He’s holding up a bag of loose leaf tea. I can smell blueberry leaves and mint.

  “Brothers,” he says loudly as his three brothers round the corner. They look as if they’ve been in a very bad fight.

  “You have something to say to Rya.”

  Caleb takes a step in front of the other two brothers, as if he’s the spokesperson for the three stooges.

  “Rya, we’re sorry for laughing at your wolf last night. We just never saw a wolf try to sing before, and we thought it was funny. We were wrong for laughing.” All three boys’ heads are bowed slightly to me.

  Looking back at it, I think it probably was funny to see a full-grown wolf sing a song.

  “She doesn’t like to be laughed at.”

  “We’re very sorry. We never meant to offend her or you.” Caleb sounds very truthful, no wobble in his voice.

  “They’re here to help clean up your yard. I thought maybe you could use a hand.” Handing the tea to me because I haven’t moved to let him in, he grips my hand, pulling me into him, so I’m outside my home with him.

  “I’m going to clean up all this mess, Rya.” He places his mouth along my neck, sucking in my flesh, marking me with one of his hickeys he loves to do. It will fade by tomorrow, but today, if anyone sees, they will see I have someone interested in me.

  “Once I’m done out here, my wolf wants to play with yours. I won’t hold him back any longer. If she wants, he could chase her down. You could get a head start and we’ll track you, but when we find you, we get to claim the prize.” Without a second thought, my wolf ascends. It’s not as bad this time. It’s faster with just a hint of pain along my hip bones as they shift and pop into place.

  She sits there just staring at him, head tilted.

  “Go, I’ll find you.” With those words, she takes off into the early morning hours, excited to be chased down by her male.

  Chapter 19

  Conflict

  Leaves that have seen better days crackle and break underneath my wolf paws. They look like candy, brightly colored, scented so sweet she tries nibbling at them. Giant pines look like guardians of the forest, standing up straight, protective, virtuous. Pine-scented earth swirls around us as the brittle needles are disturbed.

  The land still holds the soft spice of autumn and its harvest that is almost over.

  Dallas finds my Wild playing in the undergrowth, trying to hunt up a mouse. I sit back inside of my wolf while she discovers her nose. One trail a dead end, the next trail holds a better promise of finding something to eat that tastes better than leaves. Her nose sticks to the ground, paws now drenched in mud. She has forgotten about the chase she was promised. Instead, she’s focused on her own hunt.

  Glancing his way, while her nose is pushing away the dead leaves for that trail she’s still on, we never even heard him approach. How long has he been watching?

  She greets him with a softly wagging tail, playfully jumping on his back, only to scamper away and do it again. His tail swishes back and forth, and my wolf is mesmerized by it as she tries pouncing on it. Back and forth, his tail plays with my wolf. She’s stalking the tail as if it’s prey. Jumping high in the air before trying to pin it down, she tries to take a bite out of it, but she just isn’t fast enough to catch it.

  She’s makes loud, rasping growls from the back of her throat when that tail escapes her mouth. She went for his ear with her next leap, biting down with a tight, clenching jaw. He whimpers, backing away slightly. Lightning fast, he strikes her ear hard. She whimpers until he lets go. His growl was intimidating to her as she slightly crouches in on herself.

  He licks her jaw, pressing his cheek
against hers.

  His nose to the ground, he starts to rummage around, scattering the debris of the forest floor until he finds what he’s looking for. Clamped in his jaw tightly, but not dead, he holds a squirming mouse. He clamps down slightly harder, injuring it, but not killing it.

  Dropping it on the ground, the little mouse drags its body, willing itself to get away. My wolf sniffs it, picking it up in her mouth, dropping it back down on the ground. He’s watching us, not moving, just looking on with a tilt of his head.

  The struggling mouse tickles my wolf’s tongue. When she crunches down and that first trickle of blood saturates her taste buds, it’s magical tasting meat for the first time. Crunching bones in her jaws, she swallows it down, looking at him, the provider of her food.

  My Wild starts to nuzzle him, lick him, brush her fur against him. She is in awe of this wolf who can provide food for her.

  Setting off on the trail of meat, he hunts up several more mice, letting my wolf make the kill. She’s getting gluttonous, drunk on the blood of living creatures. His wolf takes off fast and hard on a trail of something, nose to the ground. His fur is iridescent black, blending into the shadows of the forest where the light doesn’t penetrate. He disappears in the undergrowth for moments at a time.

  My Wild waits, sitting on her haunches for him to come out with another mouse. Instead, he comes out with a rabbit, placing the dead animal at his feet. He takes a stance over it, watching my wolf as if waiting for something to happen.

  She’s in a greedy mood, wanting that rabbit between his legs for herself. As she approaches him, he bristles his fur, a malignant growl tumbling out of his throat. She gives him her own menacing growl from deep in her throat. Nose wrinkling, she shows her teeth to him, and he does the same back to her.

  One paw takes another step toward his kill, her shoulders crouching down, tail straight. She postures her intent to take what he wants to keep. Another snarl for her not to approach, but she doesn’t listen to his warning. Her teeth almost sink into the flesh of the rabbit that is still twitching slightly in death.