Fear and Aggression

by Dane Bagley

Aspiria arose early, as she was accustomed to do. After picking some fresh vegetables and putting them in a basket, she got herself ready for a visit with Mrs. Lodophin. Roloff and Caryell would be gone until late in the evening. The young men turning of age and their fathers were enjoying a day together. Aspiria thought that she may go into town, and perhaps make a few other visits this day, as she had no other pressures on her time. She was a natural beauty, and did not require any special adornments to look radiant. But, with a visit to Mrs. Lodophin, and whatever else her day might bring, she thought she would make herself up particularly nicely. She wore a loose yellow flower-patterned skirt, a white top, and a yellow flower in her hair. She looked and felt like she could take on the world. Sometimes, a visit with Mrs. Lodophin required that demeanor.

  The morning was only slightly brisk, but it was sunny. Aspiria felt very relaxed as she walked to the Lodophin’s. Hers was a happy life. She was content in nearly everything. In younger years she had hoped for three or four children, but with several years of not getting pregnant, and then a few miscarriages mixed in, she had been over joyed with the birth of Caryell. She was the mother of a healthy boy, and the wife of a loving father and husband. From the time Caryell was born she had never yearned for another child.

  Aspiria enjoyed her family, home, and garden. She also enjoyed peaceful relations with the members of her town. Roloff, as the town mayor, had to put out fires from time to time, and sometimes was caught in the middle, though never for long. But even when the town had issues, Aspiria was never a part of any bad feelings. She was filled with goodness, kindness, and contentment. All of these characteristics, blended with her pleasant and natural demeanor, kept her always in good graces.

  As she approached the Lodophins’, the sound of boys playing could be heard. She knocked at the door, and Mrs. Lodophin answered. She was not alone. Prianna Olefften was seated in the living room. Prianna had on a long reddish-maroon dress. She looked up and smiled awkwardly at Aspiria. Mrs. Lodophin smiled warmly, rolled her eyes when Aspiria noticed Prianna, and invited Aspiria in. Aspiria was not too surprised to see Prianna. Prianna was well aware of the Lodophins’ crisis yesterday. She had a great heart, and always went were she thought that she would be needed. The three ladies sat down together.

  Aspiria could tell that Mrs. Lodophin was very pleased to see her. She knew that she was getting wearied of Prianna. Prianna had a way of asking questions in such an annoying way. Aspiria could almost see the conversation that preceded her visit. Mrs. Lodophin would start to talk, and Prianna would interrupt by asking about some detail just mentioned. Then, Mrs. Lodophin would begin to answer that question, only to be interrupted again. Prianna was concerned and interested, but so unable to actually be helpful. Everyone would get tired of conversations with Prianna fairly quickly, but no one as much so as Bellerie Lodophin. Bellerie loved to talk of herself, and generally was impossible to interrupt. But Prianna had interrupting down to an art, so that even Bellerie was bested. On the other hand, Aspiria was a perfect listener. Mrs. Lodophin enjoyed visits with Aspiria more than with anyone else. Mrs. Lodophin could express, explain, and indulge herself, as much as she desired, and Aspiria would listen—truly listen, for the entirety. Aspiria would join in the conversation when Bellerie was ready, and would allow Bellerie to get all of her words out, and not feel as though she had wearied and overwhelmed her listener. No one but her late husband had been able to allow her this. Aspiria knew that this was something that Mrs. Lodophin would appreciate today, after the accident yesterday. But, she may appreciate more, me helping to take away Prianna, she thought. Prianna had already brought on such stress and fatigue for Bellerie.

  Knowing that Alleff was doing fine, and that Prianna had likely ruined that topic of conversation, Aspiria chose to begin the visit’s conversation in a new direction. “Bellerie, you gave such a beautiful lesson at church this week. I’ve had it on my mind throughout this week. It is both exhilarating and heart-wrenching to think of our Savior’s life and atonement. I struggle to imagine a people like His people; a people that could witness His example, His miracles, and of whom His Apostles were, yet, at the same time, a people that could take the life of our God.”

  “Horrific, horrific how they killed Him, nailing him up on a cross, and letting him hang there,” interjected Prianna while shaking her head.

  “Yes, but that is not to be dwelt upon. We must consider his resurrection, and his paying the full price of sin and our infirmities,” added Bellerie, wanting to both cut off Prianna, and begin talking herself. “I don’t know how one could witness it, but we must consider it, and sometimes even think on the unpleasant portions.” With a degree of emotion beginning to be apparent, she continued, “I know that I will see my Laytoin again, and that he will live again. I feel so appreciative that I will be able to be with him and my boys forever. That incomprehensible event had to occur, and I am so thankful for it.”

  “How long has it been since Laytoin died? Do you think of him and miss him every day?” Prianna’s interviewing began again.

  Bellerie had some soft tears falling, and did not begin an immediate answer. Aspiria began again to move the conversation away. “I brought some fresh vegetables from my garden. I didn’t think that you had a chance to go to the market yesterday. “

  Prianna was a bit irritated in being ignored, but not for long. She too was pleased to have Aspiria present, and enjoyed her conversation. She considered Aspiria one of her dearest friends. Bellerie and Aspiria began looking at the vegetables, and Prianna took a few deep breaths and relaxed. She was listening to the children playing outside, and felt a little pang in her heart. She loved children, and struggled deeply inside that she did not have any of her own. Listening to the Lodophin children play did indeed cause a pang in her heart, but it also brought joy. She enjoyed those hearty and rambunctious children. Sometimes pleasure and pain are simultaneous, like listening to a beautiful yet haunting song in a minor key. Prianna’s life had been lived in a minor key, but she had learned to be happy and appreciate the subtle discord. Still, she longed for children, to rear and to love. Her husband also longed for children, and she sensed this with a lingering uneasiness. They loved each other, but both felt an emptiness and piece of life that was missing.

  Aspiria and Bellerie were laughing and enjoying a light conversation. Aspiria began to sense that Prianna was alienated, and knew that she would be hurt. She glanced over, and saw a melancholy look in Prianna’s eyes. “Prianna, I’ll be going to market in a bit. I’d love your company, if you can come.” Prianna was disengaged, but not actually alienated from the conversation. It took her a moment to take in the invitation.

  “That sounds nice,” she said with a smile. Aspiria knew that she was alright, and decided to linger a bit longer with Bellerie. For Prianna’s part, she did not want to leave directly. The sound of the children’s voices was temporarily satiating a hunger inside of her. About a quarter of an hour later, Aspiria and Prianna were hugging and saying their goodbyes to Bellerie. Bellerie was fine, and so were Aspiria and Prianna. “I was worried sick that anything may have happened to Alleff,” began Prianna. “He is so adorable.”

  “Those boys are tough,” laughed Aspiria. Prianna was not in the laughing mood. She continued to chatter about the boys. Aspiria just listened. She could tell that Prianna loved those boys. She knew of Prianna’s desire for children, and knew how that longing felt. The two ladies walked, and Prianna talked. For Prianna, it seemed a short walk to the market. For Aspiria, it felt a bit longer, but she knew that she was doing what her friends needed her to do that day.

  Chapter 14