Fear and Aggression

by Dane Bagley

  ***

  “You do not seem to be yourself. Are you alright?” Aspiria put her hand on Tammy’s shoulder. Tammy, who never sat down, was sitting on a chair in the lab and leaning forward with her elbows on the counter. She was lost in thought, and hadn’t seen any reason to hide her feelings from Aspiria, as she would have done if any of the men were currently in the lab.

  Tammy looked up and over to her, and gave Aspiria a half smile. She put her hand up and onto Aspiria’s hand still resting on her shoulder. “I’m fine. Thank you.”

  Aspiria looked at her knowingly for a few moments and then sat beside her. “Tell me about your child,” Tammy asked.

  “Caryell,” she said with a smile that faded quickly into worn concern. She forced her smile back again. “He is thirteen now. He is a very good young man. He is a good student, and he is very helpful to his father and me. I struggled for many years, with no success, in having a child. Roloff and I prayed many times that we could have children. I thought that we might have a large family, but then I worried that we may have no children. Finally, after several years, Caryell came. I had hoped that I would have more children, but I was not ever blessed with another child. Now, I cannot imagine my circumstances being any different. I am so happy with my Caryell. He loves the outdoors. His father and he are great at fishing, and they love to go camping. Caryell is good at sports, and he loves to play ball sports with his friends.”

  Tammy was listening intently at first, but then her mind began to wander. Aspiria could see that her interest was waning, and so she left off. The silence brought Tammy back, and she asked, “Do many of the woman struggle to have children on your world?”

  “Some do; I have a close friend, Prianna, who greatly desires children; but her, and her husband, have not been blessed with them. Others, though, have many children without any difficulty. Is it different on your world—on earth?”

  “No, it is the same; some really do struggle, but others get pregnant by just a glance,” she said with a tone of irritation and sarcasm; she breathed out quickly as she looked up. Aspiria could see a subtle watering of her eyes. She looked at her, somewhat confused. “It’s just a figure of speech; we reproduce in the same way as you do.” Aspiria looked down uncomfortably and nodded.

  “I want to see Caryell. I hope that I may return to my home soon. I am learning so much here, and I enjoy all of you very much, but I miss my family; I worry about what they think has happened to me. If they knew where I was, and that I am well, it would be easier.”

  Tammy looked at her, gave a partial smile, and nodded slowly. “I don’t know when that will be. In our reports, we have told those in charge how good and helpful that you are. Perhaps we will be told what to do soon.”

  Aspiria smiled kindly. She was careful to not enquire too often in regards to her future. Still, she did not want to give the impression that she was satisfied with her circumstances. This was the first time that she had mentioned it to Tammy directly. Tammy was often difficult to get through to emotionally; but today they were connecting on that level, and she thought her request might be received better. Tammy’s response, though clearly not honest, was still better than she had hoped.

  Tammy was once again in her own world. She was staring off, and was no longer interested in conversation. “Do you need anything from me, Tammy?”

  Tammy shook her head.

  “It must be hard, being surrounded by all men. If you ever need to just talk, I’m here. Sometimes the girls just have to stick together.” Aspiria smiled and walked toward her open cell. She was feeling lonely herself, and would have liked a little longer conversation. Tammy was struggling, but there was no more that she could do at this time for her. She would have preferred more privacy, but that was not to be hers at this time. She knelt beside her bed and began to pray. That was the one sure way that she would not feel lonely. She prayed for herself, but also for her family. Then she prayed for Tammy, too.

  “Is she okay?” Bob had just entered the lab, and had brought in the meals.

  “I think she’s praying,” Tammy replied dully.

  “Oh. They say prayers?”

  Tammy rolled her eyes and shrugged.

  “Hello, Bob,” Aspiria greeted.

  “Oh, hey; sorry, did I interrupt you?”

  “No. Thank you for the meal.”

  “So, you say prayers?”

  “Of course; don’t you?”

  “Sometimes; it’s just that, um…we pray to our creator…so, who do you pray to?”

  “I pray to your creator, too; He’s my creator, also.”

  “How do you know that? But…huh, wow, that’s cool. So, who does the cooking for you on the planet? I mean, do you know how to cook?”

  “Yes, I am told that I am good at preparing meals. I hope that my husband is getting help with meals—with me being gone…”

  Bob looked down, and felt ashamed. “So, do you want to cook with me some time? I would love to learn how you prepare food.”

  “I would be happy to. I’m learning to like your food, but I do miss my food. I don’t know if the food and the spices that you have will allow me to make food the way I do on my world, but I can try.”

  “Hey, Tammy; can she cook with me later?”

  “I thought that that was Danny’s job.”

  “It is, but I’m helping him today. I’ve got the next meal.”

  Tammy walked over toward Aspiria’s cell. “Do you want to do that, Aspiria?”

  “Yes, it sounds like an interesting challenge.”

  “Fine by me; so long as Steve and Danny don’t mind.”

  “Cool; I’ll be by in a couple of hours.”