How to Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk
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guilt trips, 6, 121
hitching rides, 26, 27
homework, 122
anxieties about, 119
failure to do, 7, 69–70, 77–79
help with, 119
irritation about, 149–50
homosexuality, 177–78
humor, replacing criticism with, 54, 59–62
information, giving, 46, 65, 89
about binge drinking, 181
about body piercing, 60–61
about drugs, 182
about sex, 169–70, 174–75
insecurities, 28, 119
insults, responding to, 145–46
Internet
chat rooms, xiv, 88–89
information available on, 61, 182, 183
see also e-mail
irritation, expressing, 141–51, 163
judgment
better, going against, 18
criticizing, 9–10
lashing out, 43
lectures, 38
tuning out, 49
limits, acceptance of, 19, 21
listening, 10–11
logic, 16
loss, feelings of, xvi
love, expressing, 121
lying, 85
“making sure,” 34–37
martyrdom, 38–39
messy room, problem-solving about, 95–102
moralizing, 38
music, loud, 93–95
engaging cooperation on, 65
problem-solving about, 93–95
nagging, 54
name-calling, 37, 43, 120
by friends, 126–27
nastiness, 8
needs, parents’ and teenagers’, 6
substituting choices to meet both, 48
negativity, overcoming, 29
notes, communicating through, 56, 62–63, 65
apologies, 74
oral sex, 166–69
orders, 38
resentment of, 41
sullen compliance with, 47
overprotectiveness, 6
path of least resistance, 18
peer pressure, xvii, 5
to have sex, 175
to use drugs, 85, 119, 180, 185
permissiveness, xvii, 6
physical abuse, 120
piercings, 60–61
playfulness, encouraging, 54
points of view, stating
in problem-solving, 94, 97, 98, 103–4
by teenagers, 117–22
praise, 153–61, 164
problem-solving, 81, 92–114, 119, 152–53
five-step method of, 96–102, 113
need for professional help with, 110–12
role-playing, 102–4
using communication skills, 104–11
problems, describing, 42, 65
professional help, 110
prophecy, 39
punishment, xvi-xvii, 68–90
alternatives to, 72–81, 90, 191
fallout from, 71
using communication skills, 81–89
put-downs, 40, 130
reality, accepting, 17
rebelliousness, 7
rejection, fear of, xvii, 119, 128
reminders
constant, 34–37
short, focusing attention with, 50
slow responses to, 55
written, 56
reprimands, 53
requests, arguing over, 36–37
resentment
of chores, 9, 21
of orders, 41
of punishments, 71, 80
respectful attitude and language, 40
in alternatives to punishment, 76
giving information with, 46
in problem-solving, 104–5, 153
in stating values and expectations, 52
responsibility, assuming, 25, 46
alternatives to punishment and, 70, 76, 80
about sex, 176
ridicule, 9–10
role-playing, 9–10, 148–53
by teenagers, 129, 136, 137
of problem-solving, 103–4
sarcasm, 39
scare tactics, 9, 21, 85
school
drug use and, 84–85
negative attitude toward, 29
pressures of, 119, 122
self-correcting, 80, 81
sex, 87, 121, 166–79
information about, 174–75
Internet and concerns about, xiv, 88–89
opportunities for talking about, 170–74, 188
oral, teenagers engaging in, 166–69
siblings
comparisons with, 39
conflicts between, problem-solving about, 108–10
silent treatment, 59–60
single parents, xiv, 58–59
smoking, 26, 70, 120, 121
marijuana, see drug use
opportunities for talking about, 184
problem-solving about, 102–6
stepparents
dismissing friends’ feelings about, 132
resentment of, 8, 29–30
stress, teenage, 119, 122
suicide, xiv
sullenness, 47
support systems, 187
supportiveness, 5–6
taking action, 75, 79, 80, 90
about drug use, 186
threats, 37, 47
defiance in response to, 47
time
disregard for, 68–69, 72–75
with parents, teenagers’ need for, 120
for problem-solving, 92
trust, earning, 75
tuning out
criticism, 51
lectures, 49
unacceptable behavior, redirecting, 19, 31
unexpected, doing, 54, 59–62, 65
unhappiness
dismissing, 12
identifying causes of, 13–14
values, stating, 52, 65
vandalism, 82–83
verbal abuse, 120–21
warning, 38
wishes, dismissing, 134
working mothers, 5
single, 58–59
writing it down, 56, 62–63, 65
apologies, 74
appreciation, 160
negative feelings, 148
in problem-solving, 94, 100, 101, 104, 113–14
About the Author
Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish are internationally acclaimed, award-winning experts on adult-child communication. Both lecture nationwide, and their group workshop programs are used by thousands of groups throughout the world to improve communication between children and adults.
Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins author.
Other Books by this Author
ALSO BY ADELE FABER AND ELAINE MAZLISH
How to Talk So Kids Can Learn—
At Home and in School
Between Brothers and Sisters:
A Celebration of Life’s Most Enduring Relationship
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen
& Listen So Kids Will Talk
Liberated Parents/Liberated Children:
Your Guide to a Happier Family
Siblings Without Rivalry:
How to Help Your Children Live Together So You
Can Live Too
BOOKS FOR CHILDREN
Bobby and the Brockles
Bobby and the Brockles Go to School
Visit Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish at
www.fabermazlish.com
Copyright
HOW TO TALK SO TEENS WILL LISTEN & LISTEN SO TEENS WILL TALK. Copyright © 2005 by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.
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