Shade

by Jamie Begley

  Each time he had tried to find out about the cause of her panic attacks, he had been thwarted. Neither had she confided in Razer, Penni, or her therapist, who was shitty for a therapist, something else Shade intended to change. The only thing the woman had done was put that fucking rubber band on Lily’s wrist, teaching her to give herself pain as a way to relieve her anxieties. Shade had every intention of teaching Lily the same thing, except in a more enjoyable way.

  He sat by the bed, watching Lily sleep as the day slipped into night. When the nurses checked on Lily and tried to get him to leave the room, his cold gaze intimidated them into silence, sending them scurrying.

  When the outside had been completely swallowed by night, Shade got up from the chair, going to the door and closing it after the nurse. Determined to find out Lily’s secrets, he only had one option left.

  Lily was beginning to wake; he had noticed she had begun to move about beneath the covers. He prayed the drugs would keep her disoriented enough that, when he was finished, she wouldn’t remember what he was about to do.

  Shade’s fingers flipped the light switch, plunging the room into darkness. He knew from Razer that Lily always slept with a nightlight. Otherwise, her terrified screams could be heard throughout the house. Maybe those screams would give him the answers he was looking for.

  At first, all he heard was her breathing.

  “Beth!” Lily began shaking the rail of her hospital bed.

  Shade immediately went to her, pressing her down onto the bed. He wasn’t about to let her damage herself. She began crying and whimpering. Then she began screaming.

  “Sh…” He had meant to be reassuring; instead, her screams stopped immediately.

  “Please don’t hurt me. Please … Please. I’ll do what you want, just don’t hurt me anymore.”

  She was disoriented, not understanding why she was in so much pain; therefore, she had connected it to a time in her past when she had experienced the same helplessness.

  Shade remained silent as Lily began talking between whimpers.

  “Please don’t hurt me anymore, Mama. I’ll do what you want. Please, don’t make me drink it. It makes me sick, and I won’t be able to play with Sawyer and Vida. They promised to let me take a turn playing with Vida’s new doll.”

  As Lily began making gagging noises, Shade hastily raised her up, wanting to give her a drink of water, but he was afraid it would become too much for her if she felt something pressed against her lips.

  Shade listened as she went back and forth between adult and child. The child described the atrocities she had lived with while the adult was ashamed she was still frightened of her past. She was literally being torn apart by the two.

  Her mother had given Lily alcohol to make her more complacent to do what she wanted until Lily must have quit fighting her to keep herself from being drugged. Lily, for all her appearance of virtue, had never known innocence.

  “Don’t want to remember. Don’t want to remember … Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep…”

  Shade couldn’t bear any more. He gently lifted her, carrying her to sit on the chair where he gently rocked her until she quit crying, the drugs in her system making her drowsy again.

  “Are you my daddy?”

  Shade stiffened.

  “No, I’m not your daddy,” he answered gruffly.

  “I’ve always wanted one. Do you have a daddy?”

  “Yes.”

  “Is he nice?”

  “Yeah, he’s nice.”

  “I’m glad.” Lily laid her head on his shoulder. “Are you a cowboy?”

  “No, I’m not a cowboy.”

  “Then who are you?” she asked in a whisper, as if she was afraid to hear the answer.

  “I’m nobody; you’re dreaming.”

  “You feel real. Besides, this can’t be a dream.” She yawned.

  “Why not?”

  “Because I don’t have good dreams.”

  Shade rose with her carefully in his arms, carrying her back to her bed where he laid her down, covering her up. She had already slipped back to sleep.

  “You will, Lily. I promise, I’m going to make all your dreams come true, even if you don’t want me to be a part of them.”

  Shade waited until her breathing deepened before turning the light on by the doorway. It would reassure her if she woke up again, yet it was not bright enough to wake her.

  He sat back down in the chair to wait for her to be more alert. That time, he didn’t mind waiting; he needed the time to think and plan how he was going to insert himself in her life.

  It was time to begin his pursuit of Lily.

  Chapter 39

  “Lily.” Shade stood in the doorway of the factory office, watching Lily stiffen as soon as she saw him. He almost smiled as he watched Lily’s reaction to having to share lunch with him every day.

  As she drew closer, Evie came out, giving her a friendly smile. She had brought their lunch.

  “How’s it going today?” Evie asked.

  “Fine,” Lily replied, smiling back.

  “Cool. You two enjoy your lunch.”

  “Why don’t you stay and have lunch with Shade today? I’m not very hungry.”

  Shade didn’t say anything as he stared down Evie. She knew the answer: no one was to interfere. If they did, he would take it as a direct challenge, and he would respond in kind.

  “I’ve already eaten. I’d better get back; I left Rider doing lunch by himself,” Evie said, leaving before Lily could make up another reason for her to stay, not that it would work.

  It never did, although she had been very inventive at trying to keep out of his way.

  Lily slipped by Shade, who made no effort to move away from the door, forcing her to brush her body against his. She then took a seat on the chair, sitting next to his desk. He had moved the chair there purposely so she could become used to him being in her space, and he could smell the delicate hint of her perfume.

  Shade closed the door then took a seat at his desk. Handing her one of the plates with baked chicken and vegetables, he began eating his own food.

  As long as he didn’t try to stray from the boss/employee relationship, Lily felt overwhelmed by him but not afraid. When she was forced to eat lunch with him, she didn’t like being near him. For that brief period of each day, she wasn’t able to hide from the fact that he was an attractive male, and that was enough in itself to terrify her.

  Seeing the thoughts swirling behind her eyes as she tried to devise yet another way out of their lunches, Shade tried to distract her to calm her nerves.

  “How’s your arm doing since the cast came off?”

  “Fine. The doctor said it was healed.”

  “When does school start back?”

  “In a month.”

  “How many classes are you taking?”

  “Four. They’re pretty simple ones. I already completed the coursework in my major area. The only courses I have left are just to give me enough credits to graduate.”

  Shade continued eating his food silently. He almost grinned, relieved her college days were almost over.

  Clearing her throat, she played with the food on her plate. “I know you and Razer are friends, and I appreciate the club giving me a job for the summer, but I—you don’t have to eat lunch with me every day, Shade. I can eat outside with the rest of the workers.” She released a deep breath, as if she was proud of herself for getting through the obviously rehearsed speech.

  “Don’t you want to eat lunch with me?” Shade questioned, his gaze steady on her. He wanted her to learn to be honest with him about her emotions.

  “No. Yes. I don’t want you to feel like you have to keep me company because of Razer and Beth being your friends.”

  “Do I seem to be the type to do anything I don’t want to?”

  “No.”

  “Good, then that’s settled.” Let’s see her get out of this one.

  Unless she came out and said s
he didn’t want to eat lunch with him, she was stuck, and Lily hated hurting anyone’s feelings. The beautiful woman didn’t understand he didn’t have any feelings to hurt.

  After asking about job applications, Shade took a step further and insulted Lily’s lack of taking care of herself and getting into situations that could have gotten her seriously hurt, or even killed. He was setting her up and she was falling right into his trap.

  “I can take care of myself just fine,” Lily snapped.

  “You could if I taught you how,” Shade said, leaning back in his chair.

  “What? How?”

  “I could teach you self-defense. That is, unless you change your mind about being a social worker.”

  “I’ll make a good social worker. I—”

  “Good, that’s settled. Monday, when you come to work, bring some workout clothes. I’ll work with you an hour every day at the end of your shift.”

  “But—”

  “If you’re finished, could you ask Train to come here?” He wasn’t going to give her an attempt to get out of his trap.

  Lily stood up, going out the door and closing it behind her. Train came in his office minutes later.

  “What’s up?”

  “I want to know why the orders to Darrel Finley were late.” Shade hated managing the factory, but Viper had asked repeatedly for him to take on the position full-time, and if he took the job on, he was going to do it right.

  Train pointed to the spreadsheet, explaining the difficulty in getting some of the products on time for the shipment due to the high volume of orders. For the next hour, they talked over which items to increase production of.

  When they finished, Rider came in, leaving his door open as Train left. Rider gave him the spreadsheet of the orders which had been filled for the day, then talked about the new bike he was thinking of buying as they waited for Lily to finish her last order.

  As they saw Lily struggling to place the large order in the mail cart, Rider stood and said, “I’ll go help her.”

  “Let her do it. She needs to regain her strength in that arm.”

  Rider nodded before going outside to wait while Lily cleaned down her workstation.

  Meticulously cleaning his desk, he saw the time. Closing the desk drawer, he stood and stretched, loosening his taut muscles.

  Going to the door, he saw Lily reaching down to pick up a pair of scissors. Her perfect bottom pointing in his direction had him wanting to stride across the room to bend her over the table and fuck her from behind.

  When she turned at feeling his gaze on her, her fingertips grazed over the red rubber band on her wrist; however, she was smart enough not to snap it with him watching. Anytime she felt sexual interest, she would go for the fucking rubber band. In a sense, it was a tell, showing when she was feeling desire she didn’t want to feel, because it frightened her.

  Her trembling hands smoothed down her knee-length dress instead, and Shade almost praised her, though he didn’t think she would appreciate it. Yet.

  “I’m done for the day, Shade.” Her eyes avoided his, going to Rider who was sitting on one of the tables nearby.

  The other factory workers had left over a half hour before, yet her speed hadn’t increased by much since her cast had been removed earlier in the week. Beth had told him it would take time for her to regain the dexterity and strength she’d had before.

  As she quietly stood there, Shade wondered what had caused the brief flash of pain he saw cross her face.

  Rider was looking pointedly at the clock, anxious for their Friday party to start. He wanted Lily gone so they wouldn’t have to monitor their raucous behavior. With the factory empty, if Lily wasn’t here, Rider would already have a beer in his hand while he waited for him, but because alcohol terrified Lily, Shade had made it a rule that they weren’t allowed to have it out until she was gone.

  “Hot damn. Let the good times roll,” Rider said, jumping off the table.

  Shade threw Rider a warning look for wanting to get rid of her.

  Lily picked up the scraps of paper lying on her table, throwing them in the trashcan before going back to the table and picking up her purse.

  “See you guys Monday.” Lily headed out the door.

  Shade frowned as Bliss passed her in the doorway.

  “Finished for the day?” Bliss smiled warmly.

  “Yes. Have a good weekend, Bliss.”

  Bliss’s smile disappeared when she saw Shade wasn’t happy. The woman knew she and the other women weren’t allowed to flaunt their bodies when Lily was there. Not only was Shade not ready for her to discover the sexual relationship the men shared with the women, but Beth and Razer wanted her kept in the dark for the time being.

  He smoothed out his expression when Lily turned her head.

  Lily waved goodbye, closing the door behind her.

  “I’m sorry. I thought she was gone,” Bliss apologized as she moved toward them.

  “No, you didn’t. Her car is still outside.”

  Shade didn’t care about her hurt expression. He hadn’t touched Bliss for the last three months since Lily had been hurt and nearly died. He wouldn’t have touched her the last time if he hadn’t wanted the brother’s markers to use to make Lily a member. He was a manipulative bastard, but Bliss had known the rules when she became a Last Rider. The sex they enjoyed didn’t equal a relationship, and the sexual relationship they had shared was over. The only thing she aroused in him anymore was anger when she pushed at his limits. Bliss was not going to be allowed to hurt Lily the way Winter had been hurt when she had seen Viper’s unguarded reaction to her overt sexuality.

  “I think you’re missing being punished.” Shade ran his fingertips across the tattoo she was so proud of. It had the day she had become a member of The Last Riders with a daisy chain circling it. His finger tapped one of the daisies. “Don’t make me regret giving you my vote.”

  “I’m sor—”

  “I told you I don’t want to fuck you anymore, and do you really think, after all the time you’ve known me, I’ll change my mind?”

  “No, but—”

  Again, Shade ruthlessly cut her off. “You thought you would tempt me?” Shade shook his head at her. “I have no desire to punish you, but I think Rider does.” He lifted a brow at Rider as he took a step behind Bliss, his hand going to her belly.

  Rider lowered his head, teasing the side of her neck. “Shade may not want to paddle that ass of yours anymore, but I have one which will make you just as wet,” Rider promised.

  Shade enjoyed watching Rider when he let his dominant side out. The brother didn’t show it often, and when he did, he wouldn’t usually allow observers. Bliss, on the other hand, enjoyed being the focus of the men. The more she had, the more excited she became.

  He was enjoying the show when the light from the doorway caught his attention. Lily had come in the door, abruptly halting as she watched them.

  Shade froze at her expression, having no doubt she had seen the sexual excitement on their faces. He wanted to throw something. He hadn’t been going to participate; he had been about to leave and go to his room to take a shower.

  “Uh … um.” It took her a second to speak again. “Rider, Beth’s car is broken down at Mrs. Langley’s house. She needs you to bring the trailer. Excuse me.” With that, she turned and ran, her hand hitting the metal door rail on her way out. The door flew open, and Lily ran to her car.

  “Mother fucker!” Shade strode to the door with Bliss and Rider following.

  Lily was already reversing out of the parking lot by the time he was outside. She waved at them, trying to appear normal, but there was nothing normal about Lily’s expression when she had seen them.

  “Shade…” Both Rider and Bliss spoke at the same time.

  “Stay away from me, Bliss.”

  Shade went to his room, ignoring the members as he passed through the clubhouse. Once in his room, he took out his cell phone to call Razer.

  “We’re o
n our way to the clubhouse, can it wait? Beth’s car isn’t—”

  “I fucking know her car isn’t working,” Shade snapped. “Lily went back in the factory after I thought she had left. Rider and Bliss were there.”

  “What did she see?” Razer asked furiously.

  “Rider was holding Bliss, and I was watching,” Shade answered truthfully.

  “If you can’t keep your dick in your pants, then stay the fuck away from Lily,” Razer told him.

  Shade spoke between clenched teeth. “Don’t talk to me that way! You know damn well I haven’t touched anyone since she was hurt.”

  “Where is she now?”

  “I assume, from the way she took off, she was heading home.”

  “As soon as Rider picks the car up, we’ll go check on her.”

  “Call me and let me know how she is.”

  Razer sighed. “I will, but Shade, you have to be more careful. I won’t let her be hurt.”

  “Rider was going to punish Bliss.” Shade lowered his guard enough to explain.

  “Fuck.” Razer paused. “He was going to let you watch?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Damn! You think he’ll do it tonight since he was interrupted?” Shade heard the humor return to Razer’s voice.

  “I don’t know. Why don’t you ask him when he gets there?”

  “I will. Beth hasn’t seen him in action yet.”

  “Later.” He really didn’t want to hear about how much Beth would enjoy the performance. She and Razer would fuck all night if they were allowed to watch. Shade had plans of his own, though.

  Chapter 40

  Shade stood in the doorway of the factory as Lily walked across the parking lot. He heard her greet Train and Kaley, who had become a regular hanger-on. From Lily’s concentration on the two, she knew her.

  He held the door open for her as she approached.

  “Good morning, Shade.” Lily smiled.

  “Lily.” His eyes went to Lily before moving over her shoulder to Kaley and Train.

  Lily brushed by him without stopping while Shade motioned for Train to get Kaley out of sight before closing the door. He didn’t want a repeat of Friday; therefore, he was going to have a talk with the brothers. The bitches needed to stay in the clubhouse unless they were working or going into town while Lily was at work.