Just One More

by Heather D'Agostino

  I’d thought he’d go home after breakfast, but the fact that he wanted to stay warmed my heart. “Ok.” I smiled. “Let me go grab a quick shower, and then we can head to your place. I know you’ll want to grab some clean clothes too.”

  ooooooooo

  Max

  It’s been a week since I spent the night at Hailey’s and today is the first day that I haven’t seen her. We usually eat lunch together, but she didn’t come in to work today. She was fine when I talked to her last night, but that didn’t mean that Nora didn’t get sick or something. I went about my day completing my usual tasks. When I still hadn’t heard from, or seen her by the time I was leaving for the day, I sent her a text.

  Max: Everything ok? I missed you today.

  I waited, but the three little dots signaling that she was writing back never appeared. It was strange, Hailey never blew me off. I grunted in frustration as I shoved my phone back in my pocket and made my way into the barn to find Micha. He was her boss, after all. He should know what was going on.

  “Hey!” I shouted up to the loft where he was stacking hay. When his head popped out over the edge, he looked surprised.

  “Thought you were heading home.” He wiped sweat off his brow as he heaved another bale towards his stack.

  “What’d Hailey say when she called you this morning?”

  “That she really needed to be somewhere today, and wasn’t going to make it in.” His brow crinkled, causing me to become even more aggravated. “Why does it matter to you?”

  “Because it does,” I grumbled as I ran a hand through my hair.

  “Just give her today, bro. She needs it. If she wanted you in her business, she would have asked you to be there.” He shook his head at me.

  “I am her business.” I tossed my hands in the air.

  Micha wadded through the loft, swung his leg over the ladder, and began climbing down. When he got about three rungs from the bottom, he jumped and dusted his hands on his pants. After removing his gloves, he stalked over to me. “Leave her alone today. I’m telling you, if she wanted you with her, you’d be there.”

  “You need to stay out of my business, little brother.” I shoved him, causing him to stumble back. I don’t know why I was so mad at him. He hadn’t done anything to me, but the fact that he knew something about my girlfriend and I didn’t was rubbing my last nerve raw.

  “Watch it, bro. You wanna be mad at me? Be mad, but I’m not letting you take whatever this is out on her. She needs time. Give it to her.” He pushed back, causing me to stumble slightly.

  I didn’t care that I was acting like a child at the moment. It didn’t register what Micha was trying to tell me. If I’d actually taken time to think about what he was saying, I probably wouldn’t have decked him. Without thinking, I pulled my right fist back and sent it flying forward, right into his nose.

  “Fuck you!” he bellowed as he cupped his bloody nose and glared at me. It took him a few seconds, but the bull that I’d waved a red flag at finally came charging back. He tackled me to the ground, pinned me down as he straddled my chest, and nailed me right below the eye. I felt it swelling almost immediately as I rolled and threw him off. “You’re an asshole!” He staggered to his feet as he dug for a rag. Blood was trickling between his fingers from his nose. “Do you even know what today fucking is?” He flung his arms wide, and I saw what I’d truly done to his face.

  I furrowed my brow as my lip twisted. “It’s Thursday.” I shrugged. It wasn’t a holiday; nothing special happened today.

  “It’s July twentieth.” He stared at me like that date was supposed to mean something.

  “Ok.” I shrugged again.

  “You are such an asshole. Jared fucking died on July twenty third last year. You know? Her husband?” He shook his head in disgust. “She wanted to be away from all of this and spend time with Nora and Jared. I figured it was a legitimate reason to call in, but you seem to think otherwise.” He slapped his arm in the air before turning to walk away, muttering something under his breath in the process.

  I stood there for I don’t know how long letting it all sink in. I don’t know why I didn’t put all of this together. Why didn’t she say something to me? Why wouldn’t she want me there today? She should be leaning on me, not pushing me away.

  Without cleaning up, or even taking care of the black eye that was forming, I jumped into my truck and started driving to her apartment. I needed to see her. I needed to make sure she was all right, and I needed to show her that I was there for her… she could lean on me.

  Chapter 26

  Max

  When I pulled up to Hailey’s apartment, her car was gone. I don’t know why I thought she’d be there. Micha had said that she wanted to spend time with Nora and Jared. Why I thought she’d stay home was beyond me. I’ve found over the last few days that common sense evades me when Hailey is involved. My mom teases me and says it’s because I love her, but right now hurt is the only emotion I’m feeling. Why wouldn’t she want me there for support?

  I quickly backed out of my parking space, and headed toward the cemetery, the only other place I could think of that she would be. When I pulled in, I saw her. Standing about a hundred yards away were Hailey and Nora. She was crouched in front of the granite headstone, and Nora was sitting in the grass beside her. I sat there, staring out the windshield of my truck trying to rationalize what I was seeing, but nothing was working.

  Why wouldn’t she want me here, and why did she think she needed to do this alone? I couldn’t make myself move to go talk to her, but I also couldn’t leave. I was glued to my seat just watching as the knife in my heart twisted. My stomach knotted as I thought about what this meant. She’d always love him, and I would never be enough to have her whole heart. I was always going to be second.

  I watched for a few more seconds before I growled, shoved open my door, and hopped out. I was a mess as I stormed in her direction, but I didn’t care. I needed to know if I was ever going to be enough, and whether I have been kidding myself these last few weeks.

  ooooooooo

  Hailey

  Today is one of those days that you just wish would go away. It’s been a year since I hugged him the last time, and watched him drive away. I’d had plans to tell him that night that he was going to be a father, but I never got the chance. One year ago today was the day I answered the door to find the police standing there telling me that he was never coming home again. It’s been a whirlwind year. I’ve had a baby, started a full-time job, and finally got Max to see me the way I always saw him. I’ve started a life for myself, and my daughter.

  When I woke up this morning, I knew it was going to be hard. I didn’t want to have to deal with people today, so I asked Micha if I could have the day off. He was fine with it, and said he’d find someone to cover for me. After spending the morning in the park with Nora, we came here.

  I’ve been so wrapped up in Jared that I failed to hear the footsteps behind me. “What are you doing?” Max’s angry voice cut through the air.

  I jolted back into the present. “What are you talking about?” I continued to stare at the letters and numbers carved into Jared’s headstone. It was a good distraction for the moment.

  “I’ve been trying to talk to you all day. Why am I not the one here today, Hails?” He moved closer, and I could feel him right behind me.

  “Because I didn’t want you to be.” I sucked in a deep breath, and blew it out through my nose. I already felt guilt about moving on after only a year, and having Max here today only made it worse.

  “I see. So, I’m good enough to be with when it’s just us, but when you’re out here dealing with real things, I’m not allowed to be with you?” I glanced up just in time to see him nodding with his lips pressed together.

  “I’m not doing this here.” I lifted Nora onto my hip, rubbed the top of Jared’s headstone in a silent goodbye, and then started walking toward my car. It was almost bedtime for her, and I really didn’t have th
e energy to fight with Max at the moment.

  “Why? My feelings don’t seem to matter right now anyway.” He followed in my wake, and I turned a fiery glare on him.

  “Today has been one of the hardest days of my life. I’m not defending myself to you while standing at my husband’s grave.” I’d reached my car at this point, and was leaning in to buckle Nora’s car seat. After fastening the clips, I shut her door, and climbed behind the wheel.

  “I’m not finished talking to you,” Max grabbed my door, attempting to stop me.

  “What the hell is wrong with you?” I yanked the door closed, cranked the engine, and headed home. I glanced in my mirror a few times, to see Max just standing there staring at me with a look I couldn’t quite understand marring his face.

  ooooooooo

  When I reached my apartment, Nora was sound asleep in her car seat. I sighed as I pushed open my door, and attempted to lift her out of her seat without waking her. After slinging the diaper bag over my shoulder, I grabbed my purse, and began the trek to my door.

  It was quiet inside, and dark, very different than it had been in the last several days. Max had been almost a constant here, but after the way he acted at the cemetery, I didn’t want him around at the moment. I tossed my purse and the diaper bag on a nearby chair before carrying Nora back to bed. She didn’t even flinch as I laid her in her crib. I kissed her forehead before slipping out of her room, and pulling the door to a crack. Just as I was starting to sit down on the couch, there was a knock at the door.

  I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and went to open it. I had a feeling I already knew who was on the other side, but when I opened it to see him standing there it was confirmed.

  “I wasn’t finished talking to you back there.” His eyes lifted to from where he’d been staring at the ground to stare at me instead.

  “Well, I was done talking to you.” I leaned against the doorway, blocking his path.

  “Can I come in?” He motioned with his hand like he was attempting to get me to move out of his way.

  “No.” I shook my head. His shoulders sagged as he nodded, and he turned to walk away. “That’s it?”

  “What’s it?” He spun, the anger from earlier back in full force.

  “You’re not even going to apologize?” I flung my arms up. Before he pushed his way inside, I grabbed the baby monitor and stepped out the door, closing it behind me.

  “What do I need to apologize for?” His head snapped back. “You’re the one who pushed me away today. You’re the one who was at the cemetery alone dealing with something that I could help with. You’re supposed to lean on me, Hails, but apparently, I’m not good enough for that. I have every right to feel the way I do.”

  I took a few deep breaths, willing myself not to cry. I’d cried so much already today, and I just couldn’t do it anymore. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to be me today?” I pointed at my chest. “Today isn’t about you, you know.” I stepped closer, causing him to step back. We were standing in front of his truck, and he had nowhere else to go. “I’m still grieving, despite what you might think. I still think about him. A part of me still loves him. He’s her father.” I pointed back at the door to my apartment.

  “You still love him.” Max nodded his head in some sort of acceptance.

  “All that, and that’s what you chose to pick out.” I flung my arms in the air. “I just can’t with you right now,” I growled as I turned to stomp back inside.

  “I’m not finished.” He grabbed my arm, but I spun and yanked myself out of his grip. “Sorry.” He held his hands up defensively. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

  “You’re right. You shouldn’t have.” I crossed my arms over my chest and tapped my foot.

  “I’m sorry. I just…” He ran his fingers through his hair and yanked at the ends. “You’ve messed up my head, Hails. I’ve always had you in this little place in my life, and now you’re not.”

  “What?” I tipped my head to the side. “You’re not making any sense.”

  He began pacing, and then stopped to face me again. “Will I ever be first? Will you ever love me the way you loved him?”

  “Seriously? You think I don’t love you? After everything we’ve said to each other? All the times I laid my soul bare to you, cried in your arms; after all that you think you’re not first?” The tears that’s I’d been holding back began to spill down my cheeks. The anger was subsiding, and now it was hurt that I was feeling. “I can’t believe you think that way about me.”

  “What am I supposed to think, Hails? You don’t call me on one of the biggest days of your life, and then when I find you, you’re pushing me away. Tell me what I’m supposed to think?” He moved closer, but I stepped back.

  “You’re supposed to try and put yourself in my shoes.” I sobbed. “You’re supposed to know that this is hard, that I would never do anything to ruin us, and that I have a good reason for wanting to be alone. You’re supposed to love me, Max. I thought you did.” I turned to go back inside, and this time instead of stopping me, he let me go.

  Once inside, I leaned against the door listening to him. His truck door slammed, the engine roared, and then he peeled out of the parking lot leaving me there. The tears continued to run as I sobbed quietly, drowning once again in my own grief. When I woke this morning, I thought this day couldn’t possibly get any worse; I was so wrong. Finding out that my view of Max was all a fantasy was so much worse.

  Chapter 27

  Max

  It’s been two days since I saw Hailey. She’s avoided me at all cost. I think she told Micha that she didn’t want to be around me because he’s had me doing every job possible as far away from the stand as he can get me. I’m honestly ok with that. Seeing her right now just hurts. I’m more hurt that she won’t talk to me than anything.

  It’s been an unusually hot day today, and Micha’s had me stacking hay. I’ve got straw stuck in places that it shouldn’t be, and every muscle in my neck and back hurts. If you know anything about stacking hay, you know you have to wear gloves and long sleeves. If you don’t, you’ll be covered in scratches and blisters.

  “You can head out when you’re finished with that trailer,” Micha called from somewhere down in the barn.

  “Why? Is she gone now?” I called sarcastically as I peered over the edge of the loft.

  “She left a while ago.” He shrugged. “What’s going on with you two? I thought you finally grew a pair and told her how you felt.” I attempted to rein in my temper as Micha grinned up at me like he was the funniest person in the world. “Guess I was right. She should have fallen for me.” He crossed his arms over his chest.

  I released the hay bale I was attempting to move, and swung my leg over the ladder. When I reached the bottom, I stopped in front of him. “I’m done for the day.” Micha glanced at the trailer that was still half full, the one he’d just asked me to finish. “You can handle that, right?” I glared at him in warning.

  “Sure bro, I’ll handle it.” He rolled his eyes as he pulled his gloves out of his back pocket. Micha may be the boss around here, but there’s only so much I’m willing to take from him.

  When I stepped out of the barn and into the afternoon sun, I felt like I was baking. It was hot as hell today, and the dirt and grime on me was like a thick coat of insulation. I started for my truck, but then my head swung in the direction of the path that led to the pond. No one would be back there, and a cool dip would feel heavenly on my sore muscles. Before I could talk myself out of it, I turned and began quickly walking toward the tree line.

  ooooooooo

  It didn’t take long to get to the clearing where the pond was located, and I was right, the area was deserted. That was a good thing seeing that I didn’t have a suit. I took one last scan of my surroundings before ripping my shirt over my head. There was a tree nearby that I’d always hung my clothes on when I was a kid. It had branches that were the perfect height and size. I draped my shirt over one befor
e kicking off my boots, shoving my jeans down, and finally stepping out of my boxers.

  The water glistened in front of me, and I took off in a sprint towards it. As I raced through the shallows, the cool spray dampened my skin. At about waist deep, I lunged forward into a shallow dive, and slipped under the surface. The coolness enveloped me, soothing the soreness, and almost reducing me to putty. I hadn’t been this tired in a long time, and the heat had been unbearable today. I ran my fingers through my hair under the water, and almost moaned in pleasure. I remembered my days as a child doing this exact same thing, only then I was with my best friend. No matter what I did, I couldn’t seem to escape her lately. She was everywhere, and nowhere at the same time, and it was killing me in the worst way.

  ooooooooo

  Hailey

  “Coast is clear if you wanna head home.” Micha stood in the doorway of the stand.

  “He left?” My face fell as the hopefulness I’d been hanging on to drifted away with those words. It’s true, I’d been avoiding him, but Max was never one to stay away for too long. I thought for sure he would have come in here, and made me talk to him by now.

  “Does that bother you?” Micha rubbed a rag over his sweaty neck.

  “No.” I sighed.

  “You’re a terrible liar, Hailey.” He laughed as he moved closer.

  “You’re not the first person to tell me that.” I rolled my eyes as I smiled at him. It was the first time I’d smiled in days. I missed Max, but he owed me an apology.

  “We think alike in some ways. I’m the better looking one though.” He wagged his brows.

  “You’re definitely cocky, that’s for sure.” I reached under the counter to grab the cash box. “Receipts are done for the day already. It’s been a slow afternoon.”

  “It’s this heat. It’s almost suffocating.” He took the box from my hand. “He’s swimming if you wanna go catch him,” Micha called as he reached the door.

  Yeah, maybe,” I mumbled.

  “Listen, Hails. I don’t know what exactly was said between you two. I know Thursday was rough. I can’t even imagine what that was like for you, but I do know that he loves you. He’s loved you since you were kids; I just think he was too dumb back then to see it. Whatever he said, it was probably out of fear of losing you. Talk to him. He’s miserable too.” He stepped outside, leaving me there to lock up.