“What does your family do on Christmas eve?”
Holly sighed dramatically.
“Unless they’re sacrificing goats, it can’t be all that bad.” Not that there was anything wrong with that. He’d been to sacrifices. Goat tasted delicious.
“No. It’s much more dramatic. Everyone gathers for a fancy dinner, wearing designer dresses. Looking their best, they try to roast me over an open fire. The fire being their cruel words.”
“Damn, that was poetic. Savage, but poetic.”
Holly went on to tell him about her attempts to write poetry and how she’d thrown them all away. As he told her she shouldn’t give it up, Claus made a plan. He would cause the biggest stir during the Christmas Eve dinner that no one would even notice her. All eyes would be on Claus and Robbie.
Eventually, she fell asleep. Claus looked down at her, marveling at the lines of her profile. Distantly, he could hear his phone vibrating against a table in the other room. His stomach dropped, knowing he had to answer the call. If he didn’t, his boss would send someone to look for him.
This job shouldn’t have taken this long. Claus knew it. His boss knew it. He only hoped his boss would understand.
A rumbling male voice accosted him as soon as he held the phone to his ear.
“Claus. Do you care to tell me why you haven’t delivered yet?”
“It’s a bit of a long story, Boss. If you have the time…”
“No. I don’t have time. Risa could be anywhere, and you aren’t helping me find her.” His boss pulled no punches. Each word was a sharp blow delivered through the phone.
“Risa isn’t in any danger,” Claus tried to reason.
“So long as she is not under my protection, Risa is in danger. What part of that do you not understand?”
Claus pinched the bridge of his nose. “She left with a girlfriend. A mate, probably. It’s no reason…”
His boss cut him off again. There was no version of this story that his boss would accept. The girlfriend was a spy, a decoy, a lure. She was anything other than true love, in the man’s eyes. He wanted his daughter back, at the expense of her freedom.
He wanted to argue, but it wasn’t his place. There was one thing he could do. He’d considered it a few times while with Holly. Perhaps this arrangement had not been just a way to get close to the Carter family. It had been a sign that he didn’t want to do this kind of work anymore.
“I’ll bring you Robbie. Consider it a Christmas present. After that, I’m done. I don’t want to do this anymore.”
His boss laughed. “What makes you think you could survive without me? What do you have to offer the world that isn’t coated in blood and screaming?”
Heat flared in Claus’s chest. It was true. The only skills he had were brutal, but he could learn something new. He could find new pleasures in life and leave behind the things that no longer served him.
He could be with his mate.
“I’m guessing you think you found yourself a woman. Is that why you’ve been taking your time?” His boss’s voice became smooth, almost patient. “We all think a woman will fix our every problem, but they seldom do more than make us vulnerable. If they don’t kick us in the balls themselves, then they become a weak point in our armor. Do you understand what I’m saying, Claus?”
He couldn’t push back his growl. He heard the threat in his boss’s voice.
“I think you’re making a mistake.” If Claus was forced to stay, he would do everything in his power to ruin the man. Whatever kinship they might have had before vanished. The ruse became all too clear.
Claus was nothing more than a tool.
“I don’t make mistakes. You’re too valuable to throw your life away for a woman.” He heard the groan of a chair as the man sat down. “Bring me Robert Carter so we can find my daughter.”
The line went dead in his hands. Claus wanted to crumple his phone and grind it to dust beneath his foot. The man he’d trusted for the last decade had threatened to hurt Holly. Claus knew the things they did were illegal, but he’d thought there was some affection that bound them together. He’d thought of his boss and the others as family.
Yet, when he was in the presence of Holly, they were easily forgotten. Because it had been a sham all along. There were no familial ties between him and the pack he worked for. There was only power and greed.
“What is it?” Holly asked behind him.
He fought to pull his face back into something friendly. He didn’t want to scare her with the ferocity that he was doing his best to tamp down in the moment. His beast scratched in every direction. It wanted out again. It wanted to protect Holly.
“Claus?” She touched his shoulder.
“Why are you awake?” Gently, he grabbed her elbow. Touching her steadied him.
She looked up at him with concern-filled eyes. They silently pleaded with him to come back to bed. He wanted to run, to put her behind him immediately, as if his boss would break down the door and tear her out of his arms right then and there.
While he knew it wouldn’t happen that way, he couldn’t suppress the fear. All this time, he’d worried about what she would think of him if he revealed his life, when he should have feared what his life would do to her.
“Go back to bed,” he whispered. “I’ll…be right there.”
Sleepy, her scowl was slow. “That’s a lie. I can tell.”
This woman. She could see through him already. Could she see the fear that tore him apart? Could she see the awful things he’d done in the name of a fake family?
Claus wasn’t sure how to move forward from this. He did not want to go back to his boss, but he couldn’t risk Holly. Inevitably, he would return to work just to keep her safe. Part of him wanted to ask her to move, to find a new life and assume a new name. He wanted to beg her to do everything in her power to disappear.
But, he couldn’t ask her to abandon the life she’d made for herself. He’d heard the warmth and happiness in her voice when she spoke of the people she loved in Raleigh, of her job there. He couldn’t do it.
Holly’s hand slid down his arm and her fingers twined with his. She tugged him back toward the bed. He let his phone fall from his hand. He didn’t care where it landed. There were only a few, precious nights left with her. He would take advantage of the time they were given before he had to leave.
Chapter Eleven
“What are they all milling around for? They’re clogging the sidewalk,” Claus grumbled.
Holly laughed at him and hugged his arm. His heart clenched. Her touch felt too damn good. He didn’t know how he would leave her behind.
“They’re waiting for a reindeer sighting,” she informed him. “Every year, around this time, the town’s wild reindeer run down Main Street. It’s something like a Christmas miracle around here.”
Claus snorted. The Carters didn’t mess around when it came to their holiday. They had built an empire around their beasts, using it to their advantage. As they walked, Claus noticed the different license plates on each car. People came from all over the country to catch a glimpse of the reindeer in this magical place.
He could see it for what it was, though. The farce only went so far for those who could see behind the scenes. What should have been a family filled with love and joy was actually nothing more than a pack of rabid dogs wearing velvet and gold. He wanted to shout to those wasting their money that it was a lie, but that would accomplish nothing.
He glanced at the woman on his arm. For the first time in his life, he wanted to give someone a gift. Holly deserved more than he could afford. If he had the money, he would have bought her a book store of her own. He would have bought her a library. All he could afford was another coffee at the Sleigh Bell.
She caught him staring at her. “What is it?”
“Nothing. Just…thinking.”
“Are you telling me you actually use that brain to think?” Despite her teasing words, there was a seed of doubt in her eyes. He didn’t
think it was because she didn’t believe him capable of thought, but perhaps because she could tell he was conflicted.
“If you were to get anything in the world for Christmas,” he began, “what would you want?”
“I already got what I wanted. This is the first holiday where I haven’t been the butt of every joke or ended up in the hospital with mysteriously broken bones.”
Her words didn’t give him what he wanted. He wanted to give her more. This arrangement had been beneficial to both of them. She escaped some of the bullying and he got closer to Robbie. It wasn’t a Christmas present.
“How about that ring your mom wears that you’re always staring at? Would you like that for Christmas?”
Holly laughed at him. “That’s the family engagement ring. Unless you’re planning on proposing during our fake relationship, then I wouldn’t worry about it.”
A wish bloomed inside him. He imagined himself on one knee, holding up the ring her mother flashed so carelessly. It was the beginning of the kind of future Claus had never once imagined. Not in his wildest dreams.
Something darkened her face. He nudged her, trying to get the truth from his mate.
She licked her lips, pausing for a long moment. “Mom has made it clear that I’ll never inherit the ring. Because I’m not…” she glanced at the people around them. “Because I’m not like the others, my children won’t be part of the family. That means anything given to me will eventually leave the family, and no one wants that.”
Hatred boiled inside him, aimed at the people who should have cared for Holly. Her blood relatives were abusers, tormentors she’d been trapped with for most of her life. It shouldn’t have mattered that Holly was not a shifter, and yet they saw her weakness and took advantage of it.
He was going to get her that ring, if it was the last thing he did. Her mother probably wouldn’t listen to him when he approached her, but there was more than one way to get what he wanted.
***
Holly could tell something was off. It wasn’t the sex. If anything, that had brought them closer. It almost felt as though they were a real couple. Then, she’d woken to an empty bed and found him standing in the living room. His shoulders had been tense. Whatever happened while she’d slept had been worse than the fight with her family.
She was no fool. She’d noticed the phone in his hand. Whoever had called him had delivered news he hadn’t wanted to hear. She got the creeping feeling that it involved her. It could have been the way he looked at her, so tender and filled with regret. It could have been the way he held her after he’d gone back to bed, as though she might slip away at any moment.
This…what they had…it felt real.
Holly wasn’t sure how to bring it up. She figured he would brush it off. Not because he didn’t want her, but because of whatever happened last night. So, she held his arm and tried to remind him she was there as they meandered through town.
The distant sound of hooves clapping against pavement became louder and louder. People shouted, kids got excited as their parents hauled the little ones onto their shoulders for a better look.
Holly wanted to duck inside the nearest shop, but Claus stood still. The reindeer proudly walked down Main Street. Their heads were high. Holly could recognize each beast. Her parents at the front, Balthazar behind them. Elise and Robbie walked together. The gray deer beside Elise must have been her fiancé. Behind them was a parade of distant cousins.
“They don’t try hiding much. Do they?” Claus grunted and shook his head. “Bunch of show offs.”
Someone threw a look at Claus, filled with a mixture of confusion and loathing. She tugged him along before he could start a fight just by breathing. People in town took the reindeer far too seriously for her comfort. She would rather spend her time shopping.
Especially now that she wanted to give Claus a gift. Helping him get close to Robbie wasn’t enough. What Claus had done for her was worth so much more than a small favor. Hell, she would have handed Robbie over with no promise of anything in return.
The problem was, she didn’t know what a six-foot-three bear of a man would want for Christmas. She considered buying something skimpy and seducing him again, but it would give him nothing to remember her by. She wanted him to look at what she bought and think of her.
It was not so wrong to want to remain on his mind. Was it?
“I need more caffeine,” she groaned.
“Haven’t you had enough?” Claus stopped and turned in another direction. “There’s a fancy-dress store over there. We could get you a gown for that dumb dinner.”
No, she thought. She wanted to shop for him.
“Mom brings in a stylist,” she told him. “The person usually brings a collection of dresses with her. We should go to…” She scanned the shops. “Ah, I don’t think there are any stores you would want to visit here.”
The streets were lined with cafes serving coffee and Christmas cookies, shops filled with dainty glass ornaments, and formal wear shops for the Christmas parties. Not a single garment looked as though it might fit Claus anyway.
She shrank, defeated. How was she going to give Claus anything to remember her by? Maybe she wasn’t meant to be remembered. When he eventually found his own mate, she would take front and center in his mind. Holly would be forgotten.
It was how things were supposed to be.
But it didn’t stop the hurt that squeezed her heart.
“Are you alright?” Claus’s voice was tinged with panic, rising an octave.
Meaning to nod, Holly shook her head. Claus stopped. He stepped back to give her room to breathe. It did nothing to calm the panic that had suddenly slapped her. She was replaceable. Holly would never mean anything more than this to him.
It became hard to swallow. Hard to breathe.
Her eyes burned with tears that threatened to fall. Claus shifted from foot to foot, eyes flicking over each shop front. While Holly fought back the pain and tears that were trying to escape, he pulled her into a café.
“Coffee. With chocolate. That should help. Right?”
She could have stopped him right then and there. She could have asked him if he wanted to be with her. Then, she would know for sure how this would end. Instead, she nodded and let him buy her a coffee. It warmed her hands but couldn’t chase away the feeling that still pinched her heart.
“Do you know what it’s like?” She shook herself. “To have a mate, I mean. Do you know what it’s like to have a mate?”
Claus startled, casting a wide-eyed look in her direction. “Why are you asking?”
She asked because her heart was filled with longing for a man she barely knew, the kind that could be long suffering or filled with boundless joy if only she knew which direction it would go. Of course, Holly said none of that. She only stated that she was curious, sipping her coffee to hide any expressions that might have reached her face.
“Well, ah,” Claus mumbled as he scratched the back of his head.
Holly noticed the way his eyes never left her face. She could feel his gaze upon her skin, as if he might find the answer there. The feeling around her heart loosened, if only for a moment.
“Having a mate is kind of like…” He paused, tongue pressing against the inside of his cheek. “It’s like an extension of your soul. It’s always there, in the back of your mind, tugging you back when your batteries are dead. A mate can recharge them for you, just by smiling. Or, the other way around.
“It’s difficult to explain because there’s a lot. A mate isn’t just one thing.”
Holly licked her lips. The question was there, on the tip of her tongue. Could she be his mate? Could that be what she felt when she was around him? It explained so much. Especially the attraction that pulled her toward him. There was a gravitational pull around Claus that she could not ignore. She hadn’t been able to avoid it that first night at the bar, seeking out what she knew could have been dangerous.
Then, Claus shrugged. “I wouldn’t
know a whole lot, anyway. It’s not like I’ve ever had a mate.”
A hand closed around her heart. She nodded and quickly looked away to hide the hurt that had just slapped her. Holly knew better. She was not meant to be the mate of a shifter. Born to a shifter family as a human, anything she thought could have been hers was stripped away. All she had was what she made for herself.
“How about that dress shop?” Claus nudged her with his elbow. “You could try on every dress in the store. I bet they have some hideous ones we can laugh at.”
Holly nodded and followed, though she felt no real urge to try anything on. She knew that inside the dress shop would be bridal mannequins, mocking her with the thing she would never have. They would look down on her with their frilly dresses and tight-laced corsets.
She blew out a breath. Since when did she want to get married? Being near Claus had fogged her brain. She found herself wanting things that had never crossed her mind before. The idea of being a shifter’s mate was never a thing she’d wanted. She’d always assumed most of them were like her family, and there was no way she would be pulled into a situation like that.
“Oh man,” Claus moaned. “These dresses are… Before I insult your taste, please tell me you would never wear any of them.”
The mannequins were decked in outrageous Christmas gowns. The voluminous skirts were studded with ornaments, bells, or stitched with gaudy garland. She cackled, relieved and amused all at once.
“No. I would not be caught dead in something like that.”
A woman approached them. Svelte and confident, she sashayed across the floor. Holly found herself stepping closer to Claus. She gripped his arm possessively before reining herself in. What was she thinking? He didn’t belong to her.
Besides, it was only the stylist. Natasha worked with the Carter family for the past five years, outfitting them with high end fashions to show off their money to the distant cousins.
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