“Holly! What a surprise.” Natasha clapped her hands together. “Are you here to pick out a dress for the exclusive Carter Christmas Eve dinner? I could always save you the time and bring one to the manor.”
“I think she’d like to try on a couple,” Claus said. “Right?”
Why not, she thought. It was more time she got to spend with him. It was time when his eyes would be on her. The thought warmed her cheeks and sent a molten thread to her core. Natasha nodded and left them alone, disappearing into the shop to find dresses.
“I, ah, didn’t mean to force you into this. I thought it would be fun.”
“Don’t lie. You just want a chance to see me naked again.”
His laughter was deep and rich. Holly realized she’d never heard so much laughter in her life. Sure, she had fun with her friends in Raleigh, but nothing compared to the smooth sound of Claus’s laughter. She could have drunk it for breakfast every day of her life. It was a light that brightened every day.
She would miss it, when he left.
Unable to find words, she wandered through the rows of dresses. Claus watched her. She caught glimpses of him over the tops of the racks. There had to be a way to keep him, she realized. If she picked out the right dress, perhaps she could stun him into falling for her the ways she had fallen for him.
Holly didn’t think herself ugly by any means. She was plain compared to some of her cousins, but fit and healthy from her martial arts practices. She would look svelte in the right dress.
As she scanned the room, her eyes fell on a mannequin near the window. The plastic figure’s shape was cloaked in shimmering gold. Intricate black and gold beading trailed down the pleats of the skirt, like the Christmas star. Her heart flipped inside her chest.
When Natasha returned with dresses in her arms, Holly pointed to the gold swathed mannequin. “I’d like to try that one on.”
Natasha hesitated. Which likely meant her mother or Elise had called dibs on the dress.
Claus stepped in. “You heard the woman. That dress. Now.”
Natasha looked conflicted. Holly wanted to apologize. She hadn’t meant to bully the stylist into disobeying the other Carters, but Holly was a Carter, too. It shouldn’t have been difficult to get the dress brought to her dressing room.
Eventually, Natasha’s shoulders sank, and she nodded before darting to strip the dress from the mannequin. It left Holly and Claus alone with the other dresses. They made their way toward the dressing room, the stack of dresses jingling as they walked. Holly sighed, but Claus found it hilarious.
In the dressing room, she searched for the upsettingly loud dress and set it aside, a kind of dress jail for the gowns that would not get optioned. Along with it, she cast aside a dress with puffy sleeves and a massive bow over the ass as if she were some sort of gift.
“How’s it going in there? Do you need any humping? I mean, help. Definitely meant help.”
She shook her head. “I’ll let you know when I’m ready for more humping.”
She swung the dressing room door open to reveal the first dress. It was long and slinky, a slit running up her thigh to reveal her milky skin. Claus nodded approvingly. His eyes were hungry, but there was none of the stunned obsession she wanted to see.
The perfect dress would knock his socks off. Not because it would turn her into something else, but because maybe then he would see all she had to offer. It was a silly idea, she knew, but it was all she had.
Chapter Twelve
Claus lounged in the too small armchair, Holly’s coffee in one hand, and allowed himself to imagine a life like this. It was a blessed moment where he imagined she would open that flimsy door and beckon him toward her with a crooked finger and a hunger. He would follow, of course. He would do whatever she asked of him.
He sucked his teeth and banished the notion. He couldn’t allow himself to be tricked into believing they could have any more than what they already had. For her safety, it would have to end. Holly might have thought herself durable, a survivor even, but she would not be able to protect herself from the monsters that would hunt her if he abandoned his boss.
The door swung open. Holly struck a pose with a smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth. The dress was hilarious, a snow-white monstrosity with deer antlers rising along the hem. He could see the laughter she was fighting to smother.
“What is wrong with you?” he teased. “Take that thing off right now.”
He caught the glimmer in her eyes and the way her lips parted, as if she might challenge him to take it off her. Just as quickly as it rose, it disappeared. He gripped the arm of the chair, wanting to prowl toward her just to pull the playfulness back out of her. Instead, he stayed where he was.
She disappeared back into the dressing room. Claus glanced around the shop. Atop a dais behind the counter was a collection of mannequins dressed in all white. Their gowns glimmered like ice in the morning light, ethereal when the HVAC air rustled the gossamer fabrics. Claus didn’t know much about women’s clothing, but even he could see they were wedding dresses.
Like the fool he was, he allowed himself to imagine Holly wearing one. The sleeveless one that would reveal her toned arms and highlight her brilliant tattoos. The only problem was that he couldn’t see himself standing at an altar. It was too far away, a place he was no longer allowed after the things he did. There were too many souls barring him from the church.
The shop employee scurried toward the dressing room with a bundle of glimmering fabric in her arms. She eased the door open, casting a glance back at Claus as if to remind him that he shouldn’t peek. Inside the dressing room, Holly let out a sound that tightened his stomach. His nails dug into the arm of the chair.
Joy and pleasure and awe was wrapped into a single sound. He would have paid with his own life to hear that sound again.
“You best show me this one if you’re that excited about it,” he grumbled.
“This is it!” she said from inside the dressing room. “This is the one I want to wear for the dinner.”
He waited for the door to open, for Holly to twirl toward him. When the door finally creaked open, his heart lurched and then fell. The employee darted away without letting Holly out.
“I took you here, so I could watch you try these dresses on. I can’t even get a glimpse?” He stalked forward and gripped the top of the dressing room door.
Holly lightly smacked his fingers while laughing. “This one is going to be a surprise. You’re just going to have to wait and see.”
“That is mighty rude of you. Are you going to tell me I sat in that dinky chair for no reason?”
The door swung open. He glimpsed dusky skin and lacy underwear before she grabbed him and yanked him inside. The momentum allowed him to gather her into his arms and press her into the wall. Her smile was as bright as the sun. He couldn’t quite look directly at her or else the pain would be too great.
Instead, he focused on the curve of her neck and the way her skin felt beneath his lips. She moaned before slapping a hand over her mouth.
“Shh,” he whispered in her ear.
A shudder rippled through her. Claus knew he shouldn’t, but he would indulge himself once more. He couldn’t get enough of the feeling of her skin against his. The sound of her breath in his ear and the small sounds she made while he touched her. His hunger was infinite. It was greedy.
Miraculously, they managed to keep somewhat quiet while they made love in the dressing room, though the shop employee was not fooled in the least. The look she gave them said it all. Claus made sure to return it, not caring who she told.
At the very least, there was no way anyone could doubt their ruse any longer. Hell, it was barely a ruse at this point. The agreement was just a false label on something that had become very real.
He handed Holly back her coffee once she adjusted her hair. The flush on her cheeks filled him with a sense of pride. The beast inside him growled possessively. The creature would have to come to terms
with the fact that they couldn’t keep her, eventually. For the time being, he allowed himself to pretend.
He wanted to make the most of the time he had left with his mate, while the clock was ticking ever louder in his ears.
Chapter Thirteen
Claus kicked the floor with his heel. It left a black scuff and brought a smile to his face. Once he remembered the Carters wouldn’t actually clean it themselves, he felt a pang of shame. To his left, the tree had been replaced. The enchanted ornaments were gone, but someone had taken the time to spray the tree with fake snow.
The minutes ticked by. He didn’t know how much longer he could take waiting. The Carters had stolen his mate from him. His beast paced inside him, driving him to mirror the gesture. He couldn’t’ sit still. Worry filled him, even though he didn’t hear any screams or shouts.
He heard the clicking of heels before he caught Holly’s scent. It had been enhanced by a perfume, bright with hints of orange. When he looked to the top of the staircase, his breath was stolen. Her hair had been braided into a wreath upon her crown. Someone had taken the time to stud it with holly berries and leaves. It left her neck bare, the glorious curve of it drawing Claus’s attention lower.
Her body was wrapped in gold. Each step down the stairs made it ripple and cast lights across her tattoos. She was the spirit of Christmas, come to visit him and remind him what it meant to live. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. The beast inside him urged him to climb the stairs two at a time so he could sweep her into his arms.
“I know,” she bemoaned. “It’s too much. I tried telling the stylist, but Mom told me to be quiet.”
Claus struggled to breathe when she stopped in front of him. He fought to keep his hands where they were. His heart swelled just for her. He wished he had something to give her, but his hands were empty.
Only once Claus found his breath again could he speak. “No. It’s perfect. You’re perfect.”
Holly raised both brows. “Me? I’m perfect?”
She was, in every way. He didn’t know how to tell her in a way that she’d believe so he pretended it was only a slip of the tongue. Still, Holly beamed at him. He lived for the light in that smile. He wished he could see it every day, but tonight was the last night he would ever see her.
His beast refused. It tried to tell Claus there was another option. The beast owed nothing to anyone save for their mate. She was all that mattered to it now. But Claus the man had allegiances. He had debts to pay, a job to finish. His boss waited for him to deliver Robbie.
He would do it and then…what? What would Claus do then? He no longer wanted anything to do with the life he’d led. It no longer seemed right. He was tired of the blood that soiled his hands. It tainted his life. If Holly found out, especially about the night they met, she might never love him.
Claus would have been tempted to reveal his past to her, but one thing stood in the way. His boss had a firm grip on Claus’s life. If Claus set one foot out of line, the man could reach out and take Holly. It was the chink in Claus’s once impervious armor. If he tried to leave with her, his boss would hunt them both down and it would be Holly that paid the price. No amount of freedom was worth causing her more pain.
So, he kept his face carefully trained. He was sure Holly could see it as the farce it was. She was his mate. Still, he didn’t tell her this would be their last night. He wanted to make the best of what they had left, what little there was.
“Don’t you look…near presentable.” Elise sneered at Holly.
He wanted to punch the look off the shifter’s face. His growling response reminded her that he’d cracked her ribs. He could do it again. If she tried to take one step near Holly, he wouldn’t hesitate.
“I wanted that dress when I saw it in the shop,” Elise grumbled. She fought to roll her shoulders back and jutted her chin in the air. “Now that I see it on you, I realize it never would have worked on me.”
Claus was one second away from knocking Elise on her ass, but Holly spoke before he could move.
“It’s refreshing to hear you say the truth.” Holly put her hand on Claus’s arm. “This dress definitely deserved a lot more than you had to offer.”
He couldn’t hide his grin. Pride swelled inside him. Holly was sharp, and it was a pleasure to watch. When Elise stepped toward them, he let out a warning growl. Elise’s eyes flicked between the two of them.
“Well, I didn’t think it was possible, but you went and did it. Congrats on the mate, Holly.”
Claus quickly looked to Holly. Confusion flickered over her face before she turned to him, lips parted with an unasked question. Before Claus could badger Elise to change the subject, the reindeer shifter spun on her heel and left them alone.
“What is she talking about?” Holly pestered him, voice nothing more than a whisper as she pushed him into an alcove.
Her grip on his shirt was tight and firm, nearly as strong as a shifter while she stared him down. He squirmed. Tonight, he was leaving. He’d hoped he would never have to bring this up, that she could move on with a happier life than the one he had to offer her. If she never knew about the bond, she would never mourn the loss of it.
But that was dumb. She had to feel it. That night, on the kitchen counter, they caved to what they’d both been feeling.
“Elise is full of shit,” he mumbled, holding firm to his first instinct. If he lied, if he left without her ever knowing what they were, she could be happier.
That was all he knew. It was all he could do for her.
“No. She never would have said anything like that to me. She was almost…nice. That makes me think it’s you hiding something from me.” Holly’s anger broke. It turned into something like hope, nearly breaking his heart. “Is it true? Are we…?”
“There’s no way to tell for sure.” He couldn’t bring himself to say it. How could he admit that he had nothing to offer? A life with him was dangerous. It was evil. He’d done such awful things and he did not want her to find out. “We should head to the table. Dinner will probably start without us.”
He snaked an arm around her lower back and quickly led her out of the alcove.
“We need to talk later,” she hissed.
He didn’t tell her there would be no later. This was the night he left. Robbie would be sitting at that table, ripe for the picking. He’d drag the useless man away from the table, shove him in the trunk of the Challenger, and speed away.
The family was elegantly dressed for the Christmas Eve dinner. A long table was spread with all sorts of food that none of them had a hand in making. He was convinced none of them even knew how to properly roast a turkey or mash potatoes. All eyes turned upon them as they entered the room, as if they could read Claus’s mind.
He just grinned, flashing his sharp teeth at them. A few of them fidgeted uncomfortably in their chairs. They must have been in the woods the night of the fight, when they tried to beat him up. It would have been nice to say he didn’t hold it against them, but he very much did hold it against them. They were rabid.
Tonight, they would get a taste of their own medicine.
He glanced at Holly to his side. She made a point of not looking at him. He could see the way the muscle around her jaw pinched. Perhaps she wanted to berate him in front of everyone but held back. Maybe, she wanted to punch him in the nuts. He wouldn’t have blamed her.
There was no time to tell her it was safer this way. Their lives couldn’t intersect any longer. The life he’d led before he met her had ruined anything they might have had together. Claus was out of options.
He pulled out the chair for her, which she took without acknowledging him. The distance that was opening between them physically hurt, but he knew that was the way it should be. When he grabbed Robbie and left, the cold walls he’d erected would save her a bit of pain. Perhaps there would come a day when that wall melted, and she was left with the wound beneath it, but that would take a long time.
“It’s a shame you’r
e not a shifter, darling,” Holly’s mother purred. “You would have made a beautiful reindeer.”
Claus gripped his silverware. He didn’t know how long he would be able to sit while her family lobbed underhanded comments at her. When her mother’s eyes fell on him, he felt it like two stabbing needles.
“Perhaps you’ll be of some use and grace the family with some cubs someday. Everyone in the house already knows you’ve tried.”
Claus was a moment away from flipping his stack of useless decorative plates when Holly laughed. He turned to her, surprised.
“Even if I wanted children, I would never let them see you or this family. The day I have children is the day I stop coming here.” Her voice was cold, but steady. “I’m not going to let you treat the people I love the way you’ve treated me. Not once in my life have you shown me any affection. It’s a miracle that I’m a functioning human at all.”
“Emphasis on human,” Robbie commented.
Claus glared daggers at him, and the man choked on his wine. Elise reached and patted her brother’s back. Strangely enough, she looked at Holly with what could have been pride. Claus wasn’t sure.
Had it taken a kick and the ribs and a mate bond for Elise to find some sort of respect for her cousin? Claus didn’t buy it for a minute. He caught the way Elise looked to her brother, eyes narrowed and a sly smile on her lips and he realized that she knew. Elise knew he was going to nab Robbie.
He raised a questioning brow in her direction. Her response was silent, but he read the movement of her lips.
More for me.
That explained a lot. Claus grinned and pointedly looked to Holly’s mother, more importantly, to her hand. Elise followed, a frown stealing her sly smile. Holly’s mother was no longer wearing the heirloom engagement ring.
There was at least one thing Elise would not inherit. Claus had seen to it.
While the table grew distracted with other issues, leaving Holly to catch her breath, he reached beneath the table for her hand. At first, she jerked away from his touch. He silently pleaded with her. It wasn’t an apology. There was no way he could apologize for what he’d done. He’d made choices long before he’d met her, choices that had destroyed what they could have been. He could do nothing to change that.
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