Divided

by Kimberly Montague

  It seemed like he'd been kissing me forever and yet not for long enough when he leaned up and away from me. His smile nearly made my heart burst. It was so incredibly warm and sexy as he trailed his hand from my hair, down my neck to the buttons on my shirt. Slowly, deliberately, he undid each button, keeping his eyes connected to mine the whole time with the arrogant smirk on his lips. By the time he finished unbuttoning my shirt, my whole body felt like it was on fire. I leaned up and pulled my shirt off, undoing my bra and pulling it off, afraid that he would torture me for another hour taking it off as well. Lying back, I was a little nervous and afraid of what he would think of my body. As his smile vanished completely, his chest rose and fell rapidly, and I swear I could actually feel his eyes roam over every inch of my chest.

  I clutched at his arms, pulling his lips back to mine. He nearly crushed me with the intense way his mouth moved all over my skin. The feverish pace he set kissing my stomach, my chest, my lips, my breasts, and back to my lips overwhelmed me. I felt lost and intensely focused all at the same time. It was impossible to calm down. When I noticed myself trembling, I tried to control my heartbeat, but couldn't.

  He broke contact with me and pushed himself away from me. Confused, I looked over at him, lying on his back next to me, taking long, deep breaths.

  "Dev?" My voice was hoarse and slightly strangled, and my hands were still shaking as I touched his shoulder.

  "We just need to calm down a minute, Evie." His voice was a little angry, making me pull my hand away from him.

  Did I do something wrong? I was completely inexperienced. Maybe I reacted wrong or—didn't do something I was supposed to? Tears gathered in my eyes.

  Immediately though, he turned on his side and wrapped his arm around my waist. "I thought I had a little more will power than this. Just when I think I can handle taking it slow, you make me completely crazy."

  I rolled over in his arms and faced him, lying on my side. "I know I'm not, you know, experienced. You've probably been with lots of girls, and you probably know all about, well—" I let out a huge sigh, not wanting to think about him with other girls. I bit my bottom lip trying to get the image out of my head.

  "Evie," his arrogant smirk was back. "I've been with two girls, not lots, but it wasn't love, baby. This is different—you and me—we'll always be different, and what's between us is so much more than—it's just more. I want to protect you and be gentle, and I want this to be special not rushed, but you're just—" He closed his eyes and took a couple deep breaths. When he opened his eyes, he put his hand on my cheek and rubbed my bottom lip with his thumb. "I want you so bad."

  The fire that spread through me over his words and his body pressed so closely to mine, hard and hot, made my head swim. When I pressed my lips to his, I was frantic. I grasped his shoulders, trying to pull him into me. Despite his words about not rushing, his hands cupped my breasts as frantically as I was kissing him. His fingers fumbled with the button on my jeans, and he cursed when he couldn't get it undone. It was my turn to chuckle as I unbuttoned my jeans and slid them off for him. In one swift movement, he jerked his pants off, and the feeling of so much of my skin meeting so much of his made us both groan on contact.

  I'd like to say that it was like in the movies—that it was perfect in every way, but we were so frantic and clumsy that it made us both smile and made us both even crazier for each other. I don't remember what songs played on the little radio, although I really wish I did. I don't remember when it started raining, although the ground was wet when we came back outside. And I never want to forget the feel of his skin against mine or that deep, trembling tone his voice held when the words, "I love you," tore from his mouth and into my soul.

  They say your first time isn't so great. I can certainly imagine that several years from now, when we've had more time to practice, I might say that. In that moment, however, I seriously couldn't imagine anything feeling more intense, more powerful, or more soul-grasping than making love with him. It was one bright shining moment of the fairy-tale stuff Gary had seen between us so long ago.

  Never Enough Time

  Lying in his arms as he ran his fingers across my skin, I wished and prayed for more nights like this.

  "What are you thinking about, baby?"

  "Nothing, everything, anything, I don't even know. My brain's a little fuzzy."

  He chuckled. "Hmm, I can't imagine why."

  Leaning up on my elbows, I stared down at him. "You knew where this was headed when you brought me up here, didn't you?"

  "Oh, baby," he sighed, and I rose and fell with the movement of his chest. "I couldn't have imagined anything even close to this even in my dreams, and trust me, I've dreamt about it."

  "Oh you have, have you?" I smiled at that thought.

  "Mmm-hmmm. Many times."

  "So I guess now it's true, huh?" He squinted at me, and I smiled. "You really are using me for sex."

  He laughed the booming laughter that made me feel even more warm and fuzzy inside. "Evie," he said dramatically, "after what we just did, there isn't a man on this whole freaking planet that would blame me if I used you for sex."

  I smacked his shoulder, and he laughed again before pulling my shoulders toward him so that he could kiss me. The chiming of my cell phone made me jump and made both our faces fall.

  "That's the half hour alarm," I said sadly.

  "Let's not think about it. Tell me what you've been doing the past six months. What about school?"

  I turned onto my stomach, resting my elbows on the ground so we could talk. "I'm done with school, really. I mean, graduation is in less than a month, and my grades are high enough right now that I can fail everything from here to graduation and still pass. In fact, I might do just that."

  "But doesn't that affect getting into college?"

  "Not that it matters anymore." Really, it didn't matter at all. There was no point to going to college if a third of the world was going to be dead or murdering everyone. "But the state schools are accepting seniors from quarantine areas on probationary status as long as we maintain a 2.5 GPA and complete their degree requirements. Fresno has this pre-college program they're running next month for incoming freshmen to help us get ready for the college courses. You have to apply into it, but Sonya, Gary, and I got in without even an interview. Gabriel knows someone. Again, not that it matters."

  "What do you mean, it doesn't matter? I want you to go. Harm would make you go."

  "But it would just put us in more danger. It hasn't swept through Fresno yet; it's not worth the risk."

  He brushed my hair back over my shoulder. "So you leave at the first signs. I don't want you to give up a chance at an education. You may have to—never mind."

  I nudged my hip into his to get his attention back to me. "Tell me what you were gonna say."

  He shook his head, but continued anyway. "Someday, not soon or anything, but someday when we have kids, you may be the only one that can teach them things. I don't know what our world will look like, baby, but I have a feeling there won't be much left of what we're used to now. Maybe our kids won't get to have a real education. You're so smart—I just think that it's something you shouldn't take for granted."

  I was quiet for a moment as I considered what he was saying. He really thought our world would be that bad. Flashing back to the conversation I'd had earlier with Gary and Sonya about apocalyptic movies, I told myself I had to start thinking about this realistically. No cure. No way to stop it. Maybe Dev was right. Maybe I should take the chance I had to learn more while it was still available.

  He hugged me tighter to him. "Just promise me you'll think about it."

  I nodded and turned back on my side, cuddling closer to his warmth. His fingers trailed a path from my neck, across my back, all the way down to my upper thighs.

  "So tell me about you and Harm. What have you been up to when you're not out hunting infected psycho brigades? Harm said you talk about me."

  His voice was so wa
rm and soft. "I saw that as I was reading over your shoulder. I almost laughed when he mentioned my eyes light up when I talk about you."

  "Why?"

  He kissed my shoulder. "I've been using that against—uh—" His hands stopped moving against my skin. "We play cards a lot. I lose a lot because I can't keep a straight face. Sometimes I win though, because either way, I start laughing. I have no poker face when it comes to actual poker."

  "Hmm," I agreed softly, luring him in. "I don't have a poker face either, which is why if you looked at me right now, you'd see that I am so not in the mood for you to be evasive about what you were really going to say—before you tried to change the topic, that is."

  He chuckled deeply and squeezed me tighter. "God, I missed you."

  I squeezed him back and kissed his chest. "I missed you too, but that's not going to get you out of explaining it either."

  "What if I made love to you again? Would that work?"

  I smiled at his tactics. "Only temporarily."

  "Fine. There are a couple girls on my team. They're Infecteds and they're resistant. They—well they, uh, have a bit of a crush on me. I don't know if crush is the right word. Kim says they have a bet going about who can hook up with me first. There's not much to do in our down time."

  "Whoa there, they're trying to hook up with you?" The venom dripping from my voice was really unstoppable, so I didn't bother to try.

  "Now you know why I tried to change topics. They have absolutely no chance with me, baby. I love you, and I'm engaged to you, not them."

  "I trust you, Dev. And I know they don't stand a chance, but it doesn't make me want to kill them any less."

  "Kim always says, 'If Piper were here, she'd shoot them.' She hates them more than I think you can even manage."

  I leaned back and glared at him teasingly for underestimating me. "Hey now, let's not be hasty. I'm pretty good at hating overbearing sluts."

  He chuckled again. "Mmm, I like this feisty side of you. Not that you have the least little need to worry. Your name is enough to shut them down. I can't imagine what it'll be like now."

  I leaned up again to look him in the eye. "What do you mean?"

  "When they hit on me or bat their freaking eyelashes at me or lower their tank—uh—"

  I widened my eyes at him and clenched my jaw. Lowered their tank tops? Perhaps "hate" wasn't a strong enough word.

  Dev smiled a little guiltily before continuing. "But I only have to say one word to shut 'em down. 'Evie.' It annoys the hell out of them. It started just by me saying it under my breath, but then it seemed to repel them, so I kept doing it. Now it's sort of a challenge, I think. They try to distract me from thinking about you. I don't know what kind of guys they've met in the past, but obviously they were only looking for a quick—anyway. I guess what Harm said is true, my eyes light up when I think about you. I'm not sure they'll 'light up' as much anymore, but either way, they'll be repelled even more."

  "Why won't they light up anymore?" I pouted.

  "I'm usually talking about how much I love you and miss you and thinking about your smile or the way you love me. I'll be thinking of tonight now. I think my eyes might darken instead of light up."

  "Oh." I giggled. "I like that—both that your eyes light up and that they darken."

  He kissed me thoroughly again before pulling me back into his arms. "I have a feeling Harm isn't going to like this change. I hope he doesn't try to kick my ass again."

  "Again? When did he try to kick your ass before?"

  "Well," he paused, obviously choosing his words carefully. "I think you were a little too detailed in your letter to him—the one telling him how we met and how you felt, and that night in the sleeping bag."

  "Oh, crap! I didn't even think about that." I gave him my most apologetic smile. "I swear I was gonna go back and edit out some things. I'm sorry, did he really fight you?"

  "It was close—really close. Kim stepped in and broke it up, reminding him how much I love you and how much you love me. She's really reasonable. When Sierra got in on it, Harm had no choice but to back down." He laughed a little evilly, telling me there was more there than I was catching on to.

  "Tell Kim I owe her another one and that I miss her and hope she's okay—I mean as okay as she can be. But Sierra? Who's Sierra, and why would Harm back down because of her—oh." It didn't take much more to figure out than my brain connecting the fact that "Sierra" was a female name and she had some power over Harm. "Let me guess, she's beautiful and intelligent, and attracted to my brother."

  "You know your brother so well. She's one of the sympathizers. She's an epidemiologist."

  "Look at you breaking out the big words," I teased, and he tickled my stomach in response.

  When he let me breathe again, I was on my back with his arms wrapped around me as he stared passionately into my eyes. "I missed your laugh, baby."

  I stared at his lips. "A lot of people have."

  He dropped his forehead to my shoulder in a defeated way. "Gary said you've been like a different person. I don't want that, Evie." His blue eyes practically grabbed at me as he lifted his head again. "When I think about you, I imagine what you're doing and I think about you smiling and laughing with Gary and Sonya. I don't wanna think about you sad and depressed."

  "It's hard to be happy when I don't know where you are or if you're alive or if Harm's okay. I can't just pretend the world is a happy place and go skipping along." Did he really think I could live a happy, carefree life without him?

  "Okay, so I'll text you. Every chance I get, I'll send you something on your prepaid phone. I don't know how often I can, but I'll do my best."

  I was afraid to get my hopes up, but if Dev said he could do it, I believed him. "Should I text you back?"

  He kissed me again, slow and savoring-like. "To hear from you would be—" He brushed his lips against my neck. "Just don't mention names." He came back to my lips. "I love kissing you."

  "So wait," I whispered against his persistent lips. "You were telling me about this chick my brother's into."

  He lifted his eyes to mine again. "Right. She studies my blood a lot. She says I'm the strongest with the most infected cells hanging out right alongside the most resistant cells. Something about how they bonded together makes me different."

  I put my hand on his cheek. "You're special in every other way, so I can't imagine you not being special when it comes to the infection too."

  "The most special thing about me is you, baby." He brushed his fingers through my hair several times before resuming our previous discussion. "I owe Kim too and not just for jumping between Harm and me. She's pulled me through some tough moments—her and Harm. I read what he put in the letter about being locked up, but that was just in the beginning. It's been so damn tough every single day. It's why I understand how you wound up in the hospital."

  I winced at the mention of my lowest moment, but he didn't seem to be judging me. I loved that he wanted me to know he understood.

  "Kim's had to give me a few 'get your act together and fight' speeches. Harm just says, 'If you think I'm gonna let your whiny, baby ass marry my sister, you've got another thing coming. You gotta prove yourself, kid.' And I get up and keep fighting."

  I smiled at his imitation of Harm—it was pretty close to how he sounded. "You must have won him over by now if he gave his permission."

  "Yeah, I was really surprised. I asked him about a hundred times, maybe more. Finally, when I got the call about my mom, I told him I'd find a way to see you even if it meant killing these idiots who are following me. I told him I was serious and would marry you with or without his permission if you'd have me, but that I didn't think you'd say yes without it. He got up and walked away from me." His eyes turned so sad and he stared at my chin. "I thought I lost, and between that and my mom, I was a mess. But before I left, he handed me the letter and told me not to open it. He said to give it to you before I proposed. I asked him if he was giving me permission. He almos
t looked in pain, but nodded and patted me on the back before walking away. I don't know if he'll be happy or pissed when I get back. "

  I stroked his hair, enjoying the feel of his thin, black strands as they glided through my fingers. "I've always been his baby sister, even as I got older. He's always been my protector. I think he took that whole 'alien child' thing too seriously. He thinks he has to protect me from the nasty human world."

  "I know. I understand how he feels. I think Butcher feels the same, which is why I got his permission, too. None of us are willing to give you up, but I love you more than they do."

  I laughed a little at that. "Is that what you were whispering to Butcher?" He nodded, and I felt even warmer inside over the way he included my boy. "Well, I wouldn't tell Harm you love me more than him unless you're trying to get him to fight you. Besides, you don't have to fight for me. I have more than enough love for all of you."

  "Mmm, I don't know. I'm pretty needy." He devoured my collarbone. "We're not married yet, and I'm not trying to rush you into it, but I just want to say it a few times. I love you, Evie Vaughn." I smiled wide at the sound of his voice saying that name. His expression was something like a little boy who'd just gotten a toy he'd always wanted only magnified about a thousand times. "You're mine, my love, my fiancé, my wife. Mine forever."

  "I wouldn't want to be anybody else's." Just as the electricity built up in our kiss, the alarm on my cell phone beeped at us. "Damn it." I wanted to smash the thing.

  He ran his hand down the length of my body. "The next time I make love to you, I'm not letting you go."

  "I like the sound of that." I pulled his lips to mine briefly before he stood up and forced me to my feet.

  I picked up his shirt and inhaled deeply.

  He laughed at me. "What are you doing?"

  I wasn't the least bit embarrassed, but I didn't know how to explain it to him. "I just—want to remember how you smell for as long as I can."

  He looked at me for a few moments before lifting my arms up and pulling his shirt down over my head.