Love on the Ledge

by Zoraida Cordova

  I let myself slide to the floor. “I’ve been pretty crazy, haven’t I?”

  Leti nods. “You’re kind of like bridezilla, except you’re not even the bride.”

  “You’re right.” I take a deep breath. “Know any DJs?”

  “Actually, a few. They’re all in Sweden though. I’m going to email my contacts because we all know that out of everyone in this house, I have the best taste in music. We’ll fix everything. Have a little hope.”

  “Okay,” I say, because in reality, there’s not much else for me to do. I’ve always been the kind of person who needed to be able to fix things, and when I can’t I get really down on myself. But now, I’ve got River and I’ve got Leti.

  Leti’s furiously typing messages into her phone. When she sees me staring, she snaps. “Come on, now. You get us a ride to the beach so that even if we don’t have a catered dinner or music, at least we’ll have the Hampton’s most beautiful and cost-effective seashell centerpieces.”

  Chapter 20

  Hayden: I’m outside whenever you’re ready.

  Me: I’m coming!

  Hayden: You have no idea what that just did to me…

  Leti gets a good look at the smirk on my face and gasps. “You bitch. You’ve been holding out on me.”

  “I don’t kiss and tell.”

  She shakes her head. “Lies.”

  “I’m going to get some water bottles to go,” I tell her.

  “I’ll go ogle your man in the car.”

  When I shove three bottles in my basket and shut the refrigerator door, my mom steps forward from the hallway. I put a hand on my chest. “Jesus.”

  “Where are you going?”

  “Seashells. Beach. Centerpieces.”

  “With that boy, Sky?”

  “Ma, his name is Hayden.”

  “I don’t like it,” she says, crossing her arms over her chest like she means business. “Boys like that only want to get in your bed.”

  I’m counting on it. Yes, I’ve decided. Probably.

  “You always think the worst of people,” I tell her. “And you’re wrong. Just because a guy is shiny on the outside doesn’t mean he’s a good person.”

  “But,” she grabs my hand to pull me back from the front door. She’s not listening to a single word I’m saying. “Xandro is coming to visit today. You should give him a chance, Sky. You could still be a doctor’s wife if you play your cards right.”

  I pull out of her grip so fast, I bump against a side table. One of the photos falls off and the glass cracks. It’s my high school graduation picture. God, look at that hair. I set it right and keep heading for the front door. She calls and calls my name. My own mother doesn’t care if a guy cheats on me or is controlling, as long as he’s got MD plastered over his forehead.

  “Fuck my life,” I say.

  I deflate when I see Xandro’s shiny convertible parked in front. I love cars, but not when they’re shaped like penis rockets. Xandro is already halfway up to the house wearing a thin blue t-shirt that hugs his slender muscles.

  Behind him Leti and Hayden are waiting for me at his truck. If only I could get to them while avoiding the plastic surgeon in the white linen pants.

  “Sky! Just the girl I was coming to see.” He pulls me by my shoulders and scoops me into a bone-crushing hug.

  “Ouch. Can’t breathe.”

  He lets me go and smiles down at me. “You missed an amazing party last night.”

  “Yeah, I was beat.” I shouldn’t feel badly for missing his party. I loved being with Hayden. But even from out here I can feel my mother’s pressure on me. Actually, that would be her eyes peeking through the curtains.

  “Don’t worry, babe. I’ll be throwing my own shindig soon enough. I’ve already told my friends about you and your situation. I know Dr. Claremont, the head of trauma at Beth Israel.”

  “I’m in pediatrics.”

  He shrugs, throwing away something I specifically chose for myself. Bradley was the same way. He didn’t understand why I cared about taking care of children. He wanted me to switch to the ER once he was done with medical school. To him, it didn’t matter as long as he was going to get paid.

  “I really have to go.” I wave and duck to the right.

  He grabs my hand and pulls me back so I’m facing him. For such a slender guy, he really is strong. I hear a car door open and boots hit the ground. Xandro looks over my shoulder, like he’s daring Hayden to come over.

  “Where you going?” he asks.

  “Wedding errands.”

  “I can take you if you’d like. You won’t ruin your dress in that dirty old truck.”

  It’s not old. The only dirty part of Hayden’s truck is along the bottom where it treads over mud and sand. But Xandro doesn’t need an explanation.

  He’s the second person today to not listen to my words. To just keep talking as if I’m not even here.

  “We’re fine. Besides, you might get sand on your slippers,” I tell him, motioning to the white leather boat shoes. I make a move to go again, but this time he stands in front of me as a barricade. Something in my belly twists in a warning sign. I do not like Xandro.

  His smile is smug and his teeth are so straight and white. It’s like an illusion and I don’t want to see what’s beneath that. “Come on, Sky. I’m sure your mother doesn’t care for your choice of company lately.”

  I take several steps back. Who does he think he is? I smile and pat him on the shoulder. “Don’t be so hard on yourself, Xan. I’m sure my mother cares for you a whole lot.”

  With that, I get in the passenger seat of the truck, and when we leave, Xandro is still at the front door, scratching his head.

  Chapter 21

  “This place is fantastic,” Leti says, digging her feet into the sand. “How have we never been here?”

  Hayden shoves his hands in his pockets. “There are lots of little beach strips like this. Most people don’t bother because they’re just out of the way.”

  I hold my arms out and let the sea breeze spin around me. After we walk up a sandy hill covered in tall grass and polished stones, we arrive at Hart Beach. No matter where I look, it’s like we’re the only people around. The exception is a tiny shack that looks too small for anyone to live in.

  “Is that a house?” I ask.

  “That’s a bungalow,” Hayden says. “I worked on it last summer. The Sanders had it built when they got married two years ago, but they divorced this summer. She took the house in South Beach and he bought a bachelor pad in Hell’s Kitchen.”

  “Wow,” I say. “A romance for the ages.”

  Leti is sprawled on the sand with her phone in the air, texting. “Gary’s on his way. There’s no way I’m going to third wheel with you two making mooney eyes at each other.”

  I kick sand in her direction. When I turn to Hayden, my breath hitches a little. He takes his shirt off. It’s like the cut of his muscles are directional arrows pointing at his crotch. Watching Hayden get undressed is my new favorite pastime. He folds it haphazardly and sets it on a patch of grass. When he walks towards me, it feels like the space between us is getting longer. Like he’s on one of those moving tarmacs and he’s walking in the wrong direction, but I don’t mind because I get to look at him a little longer.

  “Are you okay?” he asks.

  Me? I’m just drooling a little. No big deal.

  He takes my basket. It’s the most ridiculous and endearing thing, seeing Hayden hold a wicker basket.

  “Ready?”

  I nod, and we leave Leti’s unhelpful ass lying on the beach waiting for Gary.

  For a few minutes, we walk in silence. I pick the most obvious shells. The big ones that don’t have many chips in them. Hayden gets closer to the water. He rolls up his pants to the ankles. Digs his hands in and pulls out a brilliant set of seashells. My favorite is a tiny blue one that twists on both ends. It’s the color of his eyes.

  “This guy doesn’t belong here,” Hayden says. He t
akes the shell and places it in my hand. “He came from a magical land, far, far away. Here.”

  I don’t have any pockets so I slide it into one of his. It’s a flimsy excuse to touch him, but no one seems to mind. “Hold it for me.”

  “Sky,” Hayden says.

  I drop a handful of white shells in the basket, and try to match the severity in his voice. “Hayden.”

  He sighs. “I need to ask you something without coming off like a dick.”

  My stomach fills with nervous knots. “Okay?”

  “What’s with Enrique Iglesias back there?”

  I laugh so hard that it feels like I’ve expelled a demon. “Oh my God, he does look like Enrique Iglesias.”

  “It’s glaring.”

  “He’s an old family friend. My mom’s got it in her head that we should date.” I should say, my mom’s got it in her head that we should get married in a huge church ceremony and have lots of babies that I can stay at home to raise.

  “But you don’t?”

  I look at his face to make sure he’s seriously asking me that. “Of course not!”

  “I’m sorry,” he says. “You can do whatever you want. I obviously don’t own you. I just…don’t like the way he looks at you. Like you’re this prize instead of a person.”

  “Aw, you’re jealous.”

  “Fifty percent jealous, fifty percent indignant for you.”

  I take Hayden’s hand and cross my fingers with his. When our palms touch, it’s like they were always meant to be touching, and even when I bend down to grab a shell he doesn’t let go.

  “I appreciate it. But I don’t need another person worrying about what I’m doing.”

  “It’s not that, sweet Sky.” He kisses my knuckles. “It’s that—oh, fuck it. I’m jealous. I am sixty-five percent jealous. I didn’t expect to be. I want to be Mr. Cool Guy, but when he kept grabbing you, all I wanted to do was rip off his slick head and toss it in the back of my truck.”

  I laugh. “That’d be too messy. Besides, I’ve had eighteen years of taking care of myself.”

  “You’d been getting hit on since you were five?”

  “Oh yeah. Little Elijah Stintson. He used to stand at the bottom of the steps and look up girls’ skirts. After the parents complained, they made the girls wear slacks.”

  “That’s one way to solve a problem. I don’t doubt that you can take care of yourself, Sky. But if he does become a problem, just know that you can come to me.”

  I realize we’ve stopped walking. The basket is full of seashells in all colors and sizes. Down where we left Leti she’s joined by the boy who will always be known to me as Football Scholarship.

  I’ve spent a lot of the summer walking around the beach, and it’s always felt lonely. Granted, I was more often than not literally alone. It was like the sound of the waves and the cry of the seagulls mimicked the sadness in my own heart.

  Now, the waves crash and the birds flutter at a different rhythm, like my heart is changing.

  “I really like you, Sky.”

  “You don’t even know me.” I don’t let go of his hand.

  “I know stuff,” he says indignantly. “I may not know what you were like in high school or the whole story about the guy who broke your heart. But I know that you love your family. That you’ve been working hard on this wedding when everyone else is treating it like a vacation. You pick up the slack because you know that no one else will. You don’t fall for cheap tricks and flashy smiles. Which I guess is good for me.”

  I did fall for cheap tricks and a flashy smile. That was a very succinct way to sum up Bradley. But it wasn’t his car or his clothes or the restaurants he took me to. It was that he looked at me like I was the only one in the world.

  And then it stopped.

  “Where did you go?” Hayden traces his finger along my cheek.

  “I’m here,” I assure him.

  “Do you want to see the breakup bungalow?”

  “Can you get in?”

  “When he left, Mr. S. gave me the keys. He wants me to buy it from him, but it’s worth more than my own house.”

  “You have a house?”

  Hayden smiles. “It was the only thing my Nana ever had, and she left it to me. My dad was pretty pissed. I was eighteen and I didn’t have to work for it. Doesn’t mean I don’t work hard.”

  “I know you do.” Then my face turns scarlet from admitting that I watch him work. Stop blushing, Sky. You’ve already kissed and felt each other up a little.

  Still, Hayden is more than blush inducing. If I’m not careful, I might set myself on fire from how hot my body turns at his touch.

  “Yeah.”

  He takes me through an overgrown patch of grass. I can imagine what this would look like if it was taken care off. The bungalow is a rectangle box. The front is a huge window that faces the ocean. The door is out back. Hayden pulls out his key ring. There are a dozen silver and gold keys. I wonder how he keeps track of what opens what. Or maybe he doesn’t and tries each one at a time.

  He grabs one from the middle and opens the door.

  The house is cool, even though it bakes in the sun all day long. There’s a tiny kitchen. The counter holds a coffee machine and a bag of chips. How can a guy, with a body like that, survive on coffee and chips?

  A small bed faces the window. Other than that and a side table with an old-fashioned green lamp, the house is bare. There are hooks and nails on the wall where pictures might have hung. It’s like they took everything that mattered and fled.

  That’s what my apartment looked like after I tossed my things in the back of River’s car and hightailed it back to New York.

  “It’s like a little hobbit house,” I say, running my hand on the counter.

  “Isn’t it? Part of the appeal I think is to make you feel like a giant.”

  I walk around the bed and stand in front of the glass window.

  My brain is screaming: bedbedbed.

  My heart is screaming: HaydenHaydenHayden.

  “I don’t know,” I say. “This view is attraction enough. Do you stay here a lot?”

  He nods. He’s on the other side of the bed. Too far, I think.

  “My mom’s been living with me since the divorce.”

  “Ah,” I say.

  “I just want to give her space. Besides, I don’t think I help. I offered her this place, but the window scares her.”

  “Staring at the ocean when you’re depressed is a huge no.”

  “Any suggestions on how to help a divorced woman smile?”

  I shake my head. “It happened to my mom, and I don’t think she’s smiled since. Not really.”

  “I never want to be that way.”

  “You can’t be.” I sit on the bed.

  He sits down beside me. The sea breeze clings to his skin. His hair waves more at the top.

  “Why are you smiling?” I ask him.

  “I was just thinking that you look beautiful surrounded by the sea.”

  I wish someone had told me a long time ago that boys like Hayden exist. Maybe I always knew. Maybe somewhere between Disney princes and broken hearts I forgot about this boy. This boy with his golden hair and brilliant blue eyes whose single touch makes me want to jump out of my skin and run for cover because I’m afraid of what it would mean if I stayed.

  I’m tired of being sad. I’m tired of being lonely. Most of all, I’m tired of being afraid. I excommunicated myself to the beach. It was the timeout I needed. But right now what I need more than that is to kiss Hayden Robertson again.

  But he beats me to it.

  His lips, salty and full, cover mine. He holds my face and pulls me to him. I close the distance by throwing myself on him and knocking us both to the bed. I don’t care if it’s desperate. I don’t care if it’s a dead giveaway of how much I’m attracted to him. I’ve decided that the best way to deal with my feelings for Hayden is to act on them.

  He laughs softly against my lips. I can feel the vibration
of his laugh across my body.

  “I’m glad your reaction wasn’t to run away.”

  I silence him with a kiss. No thinking. Just kissing. That should be everyone’s life motto. If it were, there would be fewer problems in the world. Or maybe more, who knows.

  I straddle him. The bed is plush and molds to my knees. His hands pull at the hem of my dress, raking his nails along my thighs. He stops to cup my ass and squeeze.

  His penis throbs against his jeans.

  “Oh, God,” he says.

  Thank you, Pilates.

  I press quick kisses on his mouth. I have a desperate urge to touch all of him at once. So I do. I kiss his neck. I trail kisses down his chest, licking my way down to his abs. Oh, dear, God. His abs. They should be a monument. They should be hologrammed against the sky. They should never ever be hidden by clothes ever again.

  I undo his button.

  I hold the tip of his zipper.

  Hayden grunts, and it is so sexy that my panties are soaked right through.

  He takes my hands and stops me. He sits up and flips me on my back so quickly I bounce a couple of times.

  “Sky,” he says. “Sweet Sky.”

  He presses his hands against my knees and pushes my legs apart. It’s the most demanding he’s ever been with me. My heart races. I sit up on my elbows to watch him.

  He kisses each knee, then presses a wet kiss on the inside of my thigh. He licks a circle and sucks the skin. A thrill runs up and down my body, concentrating in my center. I’m sure I’m going to have a hickey there and I really don’t care if I do.

  I can’t remember if I shaved this morning. But suddenly Hayden does something so delicious, it makes me forget everything else.

  He scoops his arms under my legs. I secure them over his shoulders. He looks up at me with those gorgeous blue eyes. And then he kisses me. He presses his lips between my legs, against the wet fabric of my thong.

  One, two, three kisses that send sparks on my skin.

  I moan and grab hold of his hair. He smiles in response, pleased with himself. He knows that it’s driving me crazy. He knows that I want more.

  Hayden pushes my thong to the side. His breath is cool against my heat. He teases a lick on my clit. When he presses his mouth against me, my body goes up in delicious flames.