A Kingpin Love Affair (A Kingpin Love Affair #1-5)

by J. L. Beck

  “Don’t worry, Teg. I got you…” I whispered in her ear, the smell of cherries hitting me right in the face. She even smelled the same. In that moment, all I could think about was running my lips along her throat, her collar bone, inhaling her scent until she became a permanent fixture inside my body. Until she was mine.

  As my car came into view, I balanced her weight so I could get my keys out of my pocket. As I moved her around in my arms, I silently hoped the jostling wouldn’t wake her. With a push of the key fob, the door unlocked and I gently placed her in the backseat, even taking the time to buckle her in. Why? I didn’t fucking know. Maybe it was so I could touch her for an extra moment. Revel in the way her skin felt against my hands even if it was just for a second more, because I knew when she awoke it wouldn’t happen again. She would never want the man who had hurt her more than anything to touch her again.

  Running to the other side of the car, I jumped in only to stop for a second to think about what I should do.

  I could call my boss and risk getting my ass chewed out or worse, being removed from the FBI for not listening to him. I wanted to call Zerro, but that would result in dragging him into this shit storm. That was the last thing I wanted to do because, when shit hit the fan, I didn’t want to drag him down with me, and shit always hit the fan.

  And just like that, I had no other options. I had to take her back to the cabin. I had to take her into my own protection. Silently cursing myself, and even Tegan for getting herself into this predicament, I started the Tahoe, throwing it into drive and heading out toward Farmer Johnson’s cabins.

  The whole way, I contemplated what I would say to her. How I would calm her down and what I would do to stop myself from undressing her. The very thought caused me to grip the steering wheel harder. One thing hadn’t changed between us and that was the pull. The air around her was electrically charged, and it pulled me in every chance it got. It always had.

  As we pulled onto the dirt road, I allowed myself to feel everything for what it was. I had spent so much time turning the other cheek. Running from her and the past. All I had managed to do was put off the inevitable, and there was one thing that scared me more than anything else ever had—what if I had done all of this with the right intentions only for her to turn around and hate me. Even more so, what if I had done this to us with no real need because the entire reason I left was to protect her and somehow, she had ended up here anyway. Then again, she wouldn’t have to hate me… I was already starting to hate myself enough for the two of us.

  I pulled up to the cabin and put the vehicle in park. Then I grabbed my handcuffs and gazed at her from the rearview mirror. Had I made the biggest mistake of my life leaving her?

  There was no question about it. I was so stupid. Getting out of the car, the cold air bit against my skin, and I relished in the pain. The hate. The anger I had for myself. All the emotions I had in that one moment of time was more than I could handle.

  Gently, I removed Tegan from the car and then opened the front door of the cabin. Where was I going to put her? Bed? Could I handle her in my bed?

  The handcuffs sat in my hand heavily. Bed it was. Moving her, I positioned her over my shoulder as I climbed the ladder to the bunk. Her ass was right next to my face and the urge to grip it was rushing through me.

  With a soft thud, I dropped her to the mattress, handcuffing one of her hands to the pillar. Now she wouldn’t be able to go anywhere. I removed her shoes and pulled a blanket up to her chest wanting to make sure she was comfortable. Then I did something completely strange. I sat on the other side of the bed and stared at her. My eyes roamed over every inch of her.

  I smiled as a memory of us surfaced in my mind.

  “My mom says I can’t watch the Sex in the City movie.” Tegan pouted, her top teeth digging into her bottom lip. Was she really sad over something so small?

  “What’s the big deal? Just sneak behind her back. You sneak all kinds of other stuff behind her back….” I teased.

  “That’s not the same,” she said socking me in the arm. I rubbed at it pretending to let her think it had hurt.

  “Don’t abuse me, unless you want me to abuse you back…” I winked.

  “Oh, shut up!” A ruby-red blush marred her cheeks.

  “What is so bad about this movie anyway?”

  “I don’t know really… It has sex in it, and ummm… while that’s probably all… She says it’s too adult like for me.” She giggled and stumbled over her words. We were only seventeen. We hadn’t talked about having sex, though I knew she knew I wanted it. God, it was all I could think about. That and her tits.

  “Dev?” she called to me, bringing me out of sex-induced thoughts.

  “So what? Sex is a part of life. Watch it and take from it what you want. Then apply whatever you learn to your own sex life,” I exclaimed wiggling my eyebrows back and forth.

  “Very funny, Devon. Like I’m ready for sex yet.” Her cheeks grew redder with every word she said. This conversation was foreign to her, but I loved it and the innocence she exuded.

  Leaning in real close to her, I nipped at her ear. Her breath caught, and I knew I had some type of effect on her. I could hear her heart beating loudly, and all I wanted to do was lay a path of kisses across her chest. Instead, I whispered the words I wanted to say. “Someday you will be ready and when that time comes, I’ll be right here to give you what you need.” I let the words I had said sink in, and when I pulled away from her, her cheeks were flushed and her lips were ready to be devoured.

  Chapter Eight

  Tegan

  My body swayed to the beat of the music, my hips finding their own rhythm.

  “I don’t like the way everyone looks at you…” His voice caused goose bumps to spread across my skin. His hands had landed on my hips, just barely touching, though they felt as if they weighed twenty pounds each.

  “Why?” I whispered back to him over the music. My senses were heightened, and desperately, I wanted to turn around and lay my lips against his, run my fingers through his hair, and never forget the way his eyes held mine.

  “Because they look at you like I do…”

  The words bounced around my mind as I came to… Devon! Oh, shit, Devon was here. He had a gun and he was here. Here. Bolting up from the laying position I was in, I opened my eyes. My right hand snagged on something and suddenly, I was turning to see what the problem was.

  Handcuffs? Really? Where was I? I filtered through my memories, piecing the events together. I was with Devon… But now—

  “Welcome back, sunshine.” Gone was the wondering about the handcuffs because now I understood completely.

  “Get these off me. I want to go home.” There was no niceness in my voice, and though I tried not to let my eyes linger, they did.

  He smirked and it killed me. It killed every single shred of pain he had brought down on me over the years. It was like my own personal cure for heartache.

  “Nope. You have a shit ton of explaining to do. And believe me when I tell you I knew you wouldn’t stay put once you awoke, so I took it upon myself to hinder you from running.”

  Fucker. A sheen of sweat was already forming on my body, and my stomach was tossing and turning as if I were riding the world’s worst roller coaster.

  “By the look in your eyes, I take it you don’t like that idea.” Damn, was he Captain obvious?

  “Not particularly. Not that I mean to bring up the past or anything, but after everything I have been through, I would rather forget this ever happened and move on with my life.” My tone was impassive as I took in the cabin. I was doing anything I could to stop myself from staring at him. He walked up the ladder the rest of the way, and then ducked, crawling across the mattress. The distance between us grew smaller and smaller.

  Never in my life had I thought I would be this close to the man who had broken my heart again or that I would even allow it.

  “There’s a bit of a problem with your whole plan here, Tegan.�
�� He flexed his fingers as his eyes ran up my body.

  “Problem? You’re right. The problem is you, these handcuffs, and the idea that you think I will tell you something when there is nothing to talk about. That’s the problem.” My voice was rising and my cheeks were turning red, but I didn’t care. It didn’t bother me to embarrass myself. Falling in love with him and allowing him to break my heart had been the worst kind of embarrassment. This was a piece of cake.

  He leaned his face into mine, his lips mere millimeters away. The same lips I had touched with my own…. Memories were threatening to swarm me, but I pushed them away.

  “I can see that distance doesn’t make the heart grow fonder,” he pondered as he raised his eyebrows at me. I stared at his face, his unique scent invading my breathing space. With every breath, I got the scent of rain water and fresh cut grass. How could he still smell like that? How could he still be the same, but different?

  “Distance has done nothing for me. Now, I don’t feel like rehashing this shit years after it has—” One of his thick fingers landed against my lips, signaling me to shut up. His eyes glittered with amusement as I forced myself to refrain from biting him.

  “Less talking on your part and more staring at me.”

  I rolled my eyes. Well, his ego hadn’t change, that’s for sure.

  “I have my reason for leaving. I have a reason for every single thing I ever did wrong. It might not ever be right, and it more than likely won’t fix the pain I have caused you, but it might give you closure. So hear me out….”

  Great. I was going to have to listen to a sob story, and then he would beg me back. I had read about and seen this in every book and movie out there.

  Tilting my chin up so I had nowhere to look but straight into his emerald eyes, he said, “I need you to look at me. I need you to see me, please see me because I see you. From the moment I laid eyes on you, all I ever saw was you. I just... I just couldn’t be the one to give you everything you deserved. Do you see me? I could have never been your husband, the person to give you every fucking thing! I left because there’s shit about my family you didn’t know back then, and I never wanted you to know. The only fucking way for me to get away from them was to leave you. So I did.” He struggled over his words, and the tears found their way onto my eyes.

  “I left the one fucking person my heart beat for. I went into the service. I thought serving my country would make me a better person. When I got out, I went into the FBI. I was living my dream one would think, except I wasn’t. It was my nightmare. I saw so much fucked up shit. Shit I will never un-see... shit I have had to do. SO don’t think I had it easy because I’m haunted every fucking time I close my eyes.”

  I closed my eyes allowing the feelings to take me over, hoping the answer I had longed for would soothe my aching heart.

  “You, you are my biggest demon! You haunt my thoughts. I never got rid of you. Every memory implanted itself into my brain as if being in my heart wasn’t good enough. Leaving you was the right thing to do, even though it’s been my biggest regret. I couldn’t keep you around, waiting for me to come back from some unknown location. What if I never came back? Huh? What if I died…? I couldn’t break you in that way… People get over heartbreak, but they don’t get over death, Teg.”

  No. Don’t go weak, Tegan… Don’t go weak.

  Deep breaths, deep breaths. All I had to do was keep telling myself that. His large hands landed on my shoulders gripping my skin. His flesh against my own…

  “I know you want to think I did this because I wanted to hurt you… but I didn’t.”

  “You did…” I lashed out, opening my eyes with a new fiery rage behind them. “You may have been hurting, you may have been haunted by your own choices, but I…” A sob escaped from deep within my throat. “I had to carry on. I had to learn to deal with my emotions alone. I didn’t even have a reason. One fucking reason, Devon!” I raised my voice, clenching my fist as I pounded softly against the sheet. “I didn’t even get a reason.”

  His eyes softened, and his jaw went slack.

  “I never meant to hurt you. I never—”

  “You never what? Expected me to fall for you? To want you?” The sting his words left on my skin hurt far worse than anything else ever would… He had never meant to hurt me? What a lie.

  A hand rubbed down his face, and when he looked back up at me, he looked different. It was as if he understood something.

  Taking my hand, he placed it against his heart. I could feel every breath he took, every beat and push of blood.

  “You hear that? The beat, the throbbing, the pumping, and pushing of blood? It’s yours, Tegan. Every single fiber of me belongs to you. It always has and always will. I know I hurt you… I know I caused us unneeded grief, but never again do I want to hear that it was because I didn’t love you. We both know that’s a lie.”

  There was no joy, happiness, no relief from finding out what I had longed for all these years. There was no feeling to describe what I was feeling.

  Instead of saying something, I allowed my hand to slide down his chest, removing the beating and breathing I could feel from my touch. I was pushing him away, disappearing inside of myself. I couldn’t fight this anymore.

  “Don’t do it, Tegan,” he said. I could see tears in his eyes. I knew it should’ve touched me, affected me somehow, but it didn’t. I pulled away from him, pushing myself against the headboard of the bed. Silence settled into the room…

  “Do you remember when you asked me if we would be together forever?”

  The memory resurfaced again…

  “Do you think we’ll be together forever?” Tegan asked. Her smile was bright and full of love.

  “I don’t know, Teg, but one can only hope,” I whispered placing a feather soft kiss on her forehead.

  “I wasn’t lying to you when I said I could only hope. Just because we have been apart these last few years doesn’t mean you haven’t been in my heart and mind. Every thought I ever had drifted back to you…”

  You… It was only ever you…

  Minutes passed as I refused to answer him. I had nothing to say, nothing to feel. I was a shell of myself… Exposed.

  “Try and believe me…”

  We’re over…

  We really were.

  Chapter Nine

  Devon

  “FUCK!” I bellowed out into the midnight air. My heart was aching, my chest was constricting with pain. I could feel her sadness from inside the cabin. The sadness I had caused. I leaned against the cabin wall, unable to hold myself up. I had never felt such misery like this. Nor had I ever felt like someone had ripped a part of my soul out and threw it away.

  This is how she felt… Those words rung in my ears like a heavy reminder.

  “I’m so sorry, Tegan…” I whispered into the air as I fell to the ground, my knees giving out on me. How all of this had gone to hell in a hand basket, I didn’t know… How had I gotten so far, yet so far behind?

  Could I handle losing her again, right when she was within reach? When I could make everything all right?

  Wetness seeped from my eyes faster than I could brush the tears away. I hadn’t cried in years, not since my parents. My parents.

  Yet another reminder of why I left… Why Tegan was hurting. The mere thought of them brought me back to the present. Yes, I was hurting, and I knew Tegan was too, but deep down in the pits of what had made me the person I was, I knew I did the right thing. Sometimes, doing what you needed to... hurt. Being strong was just a part of the pain.

  All I could do was to say I was sorry and to tell her I still loved her. Then hope somehow, somewhere deep inside of her, she still felt the same way.

  Settling onto the ground, I leaned my back against the wood of the cabin and stared up at the night sky. My eyes drifted closed taking me back to a time when she was mine… when I didn’t have a care in the world… just her…

  “Do you think there are aliens out there?” she had asked, gig
gling like a child. She always had the strangest questions. The sun had just set and the stars were blanketing the sky above us in an array of sparkling gems.

  “What kind of question is that?” I asked. Her hair was sprawled out as we lay on a blanket on the ground. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. It didn’t matter that I had been looking at the night sky. In my eyes, she was the most beautiful of all.

  She shot me a look that caused me to smile.

  “I just sometimes wonder if there are others out there and if they do stuff like we are right now?” I couldn’t contain my laughter. These are the kinds of comments that had drawn me to her. She was the strangest, yet unique and endearing girl I had ever met in my life.

  “You think there are aliens out there? Those who stay out past their curfew, staring up at the sky, wondering if there are ‘humans’ out there?”

  “Yes, I do!” Her answer was defensive as if she had expected me to ask her that.

  “I just wonder if they love, too… If they could love someone like we do? Like, maybe they aren’t all that bad. Maybe they have feelings… Maybe they…” she continued, pausing for a moment. I took that second and held it in my hands.

  “Shhh…” I said covering her lips with my own. She was too adorable in that one second to pass up not kissing. Her hands wove around my neck as I cradled her in my arms. I bit her bottom lip, waiting for her to open up more for me just so I could get one last taste…

  “Mmm…” She moaned in pleasure. I smirked against her lips, knowing it was my love, my lips, my feelings that made her so inspired with love. With others, she was caring, loving, and that was because she had felt love. She had me…

  She had me. I repeated the words back to myself. I could do this. I had dealt with worse things in my life.

  I stood, wiping the dirt off my pants. It was time to stop sulking and hating myself. I had a duty to achieve. I needed a plan, and I had to figure out what those men wanted with her. Hell, I needed to find out whatever it was they were doing to this town.

  I had to protect Tegan and I would at all costs. At the end of all of this, she was the most precious thing of all. If I couldn’t do this one thing, then there was no point in trying anymore.