Blue Ink

by Tess Thompson

  “You as well,” Mrs. Lanigan said. “And Isabel, of course. Charlotte, what does she look like?”

  “She has white blond hair and big blue eyes.”

  “What color blue?” she asked.

  “Cornflower.”

  “Like her mother,” Mrs. Lanigan said.

  “Yes. She looks like me,” Felicity said. “She has my fair skin too. And, Mrs. Lanigan, she adores Ardan already. Just like I knew she would.”

  Fairly manipulative. Good to know.

  “Ardan told me about your sight,” Felicity said. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t you spend any time feeling sorry for an old lady. I’m fine.”

  Effie appeared, all hustle and efficiency, and performed a slight curtsy for Felicity. “I’m the housekeeper, ma’am. Please let me know if you need anything at all. I have a room ready for you and the little miss.” She smiled at Isabel and was rewarded with a slobbery grin. I spotted four adorable teeth.

  Ardan helped Felicity into a chair. I sighed with relief as I sat myself. I’d wanted her to sit. Her legs were as thin as a child’s. She reminded me of a glass ornament that could shatter from the slightest movement.

  Felicity winced as Ardan arranged a pillow behind her back. “I need a pain pill and a glass of wine.”

  “Should you?” Ardan placed the baby on Felicity’s lap. “I mean, are you up for it?”

  “Darling, I’m dying. There’s not much it can do to me now.”

  “I thought you might like to rest before dinner,” he said.

  “I slept on the plane. I’d rather get to know Charlotte.” Felicity kissed her baby as Isabel snuggled into her chest.

  Ardan asked Effie to open a bottle of white wine and bring enough glasses for all. He sat next to me and spoke quietly into my ear. “Are you all right?”

  “A little shaky,” I whispered back.

  “I am too.” He looked into my eyes and we didn’t have to say anything further. All was well.

  “What a long day it’s been already,” Felicity said as she adjusted the scarf on her head. “Isabel did better than I thought she would. She’d never been on an airplane before, and without Nanny Dee. She has a family of her own in the city, which made it impossible for her to come with us. Quite the teary scene this morning when we had to say goodbye.” She spoke lightly but the husky undertones told me how excruciating it must have been for all of them.

  “Anyway, I don’t have much time for small talk,” Felicity said. “There are a few things I need to settle, like what happens to Isabel.” She glanced at me. “I understand you and Ardan are going to make the decision together?”

  “That’s right,” I said.

  Effie came out with the wine and a platter of cheese and crackers. “Would you like me to take the baby for a while?” she asked Felicity.

  “She’s sticky,” Felicity said.

  “I’ll give her a bath,” Effie said.

  “Are you sure?” Felicity asked.

  “I practically raised my baby brothers, miss. It’s no trouble at all.”

  “Let her take Isabel,” Ardan said to Felicity. “It’ll give us a better chance to talk.”

  Felicity agreed. Effie took the baby from Felicity’s arms. “Hello, moppet. Aren’t you a pretty one?” Isabel squealed and tugged the ends of Effie’s hair as they set off for the house.

  Ardan poured us all wine.

  “Charlotte, Ardan tells me you’re a writer,” Felicity said.

  “She has an amazing talent,” Mrs. Lanigan said. “Unrecognized by the world as of yet, but another few books and everything will fall into place for her.”

  “Mother’s going to become Charlotte’s agent,” Ardan said.

  “Are you interested in having children someday?” Felicity asked. “Given your ambitions, I suspect the answer is no.”

  “To tell you the truth, I haven’t thought about it much,” I said. “Ardan and I have been wrapped up in each other. We have plans to travel and write. Children might come, but later. I’m still young, so I have a few years to decide.”

  “I, on the other hand, don’t have any time to waste,” Felicity said.

  I winced. I’m an insensitive heel.

  “When I decided on Ardan, I assumed he would say yes,” she said. “I didn’t realize there was a woman in his life.”

  “Does that change things for you?” I asked.

  “I suppose it does.” Felicity smiled. “It’s just that I imagined her growing up with Ardan as a single dad. It never occurred to me to think otherwise. That probably sounds short-sighted. It does to me now, as I say it out loud.”

  “There are plenty of people out there who want a baby,” Mrs. Lanigan said. “Perhaps you should put her up for adoption and help pick the parents you want for her.”

  “I want her here. In Idaho. With your family,” Felicity said

  “Why?” Mrs. Lanigan asked. God bless Mrs. Lanigan for being here, asking the hard questions.

  “Because Ardan’s the finest person I know. And I’ve always loved your family—wished I could be part of it. This way Isabel can.”

  “It’s a lot to ask,” Mrs. Lanigan said. “And these two are just getting started. They will want to have their own family.”

  “I understand that,” Felicity said. “I’m at their mercy.” She turned to Ardan and me. “I can only hope you two will fall in love with her before I die.”

  I wanted to cry. How could we not take Isabel? The wish of a dying woman? An innocent baby? What kind of people would we be if we sent her away?

  “That’s the plan?” Mrs. Lanigan asked. “Just hope these two to decide to take her?”

  “That’s the plan.” Felicity’s hands shook as she sipped from her wine.

  I glanced over at Ardan. He stared at the ground, his wine untouched.

  “It seems manipulative and misguided,” Mrs. Lanigan said.

  “You haven’t changed,” Felicity said. “Always upfront with your opinion.”

  “Honestly, I don’t mean to be unkind,” Mrs. Lanigan said. “But what an absurd thing you’ve done. Coming here? Expecting Isabel to be taken in by our family?”

  “Mother, let’s give Felicity a chance to relax.” Ardan picked up his glass and took a swig of wine.

  “No, it’s all right,” Isabel said. “Mrs. Lanigan, I’m dying. As a mother, surely you can understand that I want to leave this earth knowing my daughter is with the right family. If it can’t be me, I want it to be Ardan, with his brothers as Isabel’s uncles.”

  “I’m sorry you’re sick,” Mrs. Lanigan said. “However, that doesn’t give you the right to guilt my son into taking your child.”

  “Guilt? I’ve no intention of guilting him,” Felicity said. “I simply want to give him the opportunity to see what a special child Isabel is. If he chooses to keep her, then I can die in peace. If not, she’ll have to go to strangers.”

  “Strangers who would be wonderful parents,” Mrs. Lanigan said.

  “We don’t know that,” Felicity said.

  Mrs. Lanigan looked in my direction. “Charlotte, would you help me to my room? I’m suddenly tired.”

  “Yes, of course.” I stood and offered my hand. “I’ll get her settled and come down later.”

  Ardan grabbed my hand and brought it to his mouth. “See you soon.”

  I took Mrs. Lanigan upstairs and helped her get ready for the night. When she was safely in bed, I told her to sit tight while I fetched her dinner.

  “Charlotte?” she said, when I reached the doorway.

  “Yes?” I returned to the bed and sat beside her.

  “I’m sorry I made everyone uncomfortable, but this is ludicrous. You and Ardan have no business taking that baby, and she has a lot of nerve to put you two in this position.”

  “What if it’s meant to be? Like Ardan and me?”

  “You and Ardan are not supposed to save the world.”

  “What if we’re just supposed to save one baby?” I asked.
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  “Dear, you’re a good person with a big heart, but I swear, sometimes you’re as dumb as a sack of rocks.”

  I laughed. “Mrs. Lanigan, you’re a mean old thing.”

  “Well established.”

  “Felicity’s thin as paper,” I said. “I feel terrible for her.”

  “She’s always been a bit of a wounded bird. When they were young it was always her with the bee sting, or almost drowning in the creek or falling off the horse. But it’s not your job or Ardan’s job to take care of her or that baby.”

  “What would you do?” I asked.

  “If I was young like you and just starting out with Edward?”

  “Yes. Would you take the baby?”

  “We had enough children of our own. All he had to do was look at me and I was pregnant again. But I had several friends who couldn’t have a child. They would’ve given a lot to be able to adopt.”

  “Ardan and I wanted to travel next year. He thinks it would be good for my writing.”

  “It would.”

  “I’ll be back with your dinner.”

  She grabbed my hand. “Thank you for putting up with me.”

  “I love you, mean old thing,” I said.

  “You silly girl. Loving an old bat like me.”

  I slipped from the room as she turned the television on.

  As I passed through the living room, I glanced outside. Ardan and Felicity appeared to be in a heated argument, given the way their hands were flying. I decided it would be best to head to the kitchen.

  Effie was there with Isabel. Felicity must have brought a portable high chair with her because Effie had secured it to a chair and was now feeding the baby mashed avocado.

  “Hello, miss. Mrs. Lanigan’s supper’s there on the counter.” A plate of spaghetti and a side salad, plus a glass of milk, were on a tray.

  I drew closer to inspect Isabel more closely. She was adorable. Her cheeks were pink from her bath. Damp curls stuck to her neck. She wore a bib over a pink onesie, which seemed an exercise in futility, as avocado was smeared over her face and clothes.

  “Maybe you should’ve given the baby a bath after dinner?” I asked.

  “I’ll just wipe her down. The important parts are clean.”

  “I don’t know anything about babies. I didn’t even babysit as a kid.” I’d worked in the local bookstore instead where everything was clean and smelled of new books. What were the important parts of a baby?

  I picked up the tray and headed toward the doorway.

  “Miss, don’t forget this is your life. You don’t let anyone push you into anything.”

  I bit my bottom lip. Sweet Effie didn’t miss much. “She’s kind of manipulative. I can see why Ardan had trouble disentangling himself from her. When she wants something, she’s used to getting it.”

  “We can’t blame her for wanting the best for Isabel,” Effie said. “But there are better ways, in my opinion, than this.”

  I moved my gaze once more to Isabel. She had her fingers in her mouth, sucking off the last remnants of avocado.

  “You’ll see, miss, everything will work out as it should.”

  How could she say that when Isabel’s mother was dying? Surely that wasn’t how it was supposed to be?

  I thanked her before heading back through the living room with Mrs. Lanigan’s dinner. I stole a glance outside. Ardan’s neck was bent in concentration as she talked, gesturing with her hands to emphasize some point I couldn’t hear.

  I jerked away from the window and strode down the hallway, spilling milk onto the tray. Should I cry over spilled milk? I wanted to cry over something.

  Mrs. Lanigan was sitting up in bed, listening to the television.

  “Good job finding the remote,” I said.

  Mrs. Lanigan smiled. “Remote at noon. And you were right. These shows with the description narration are quite good. It’s almost like reading a book.”

  She paused her show using a voice command. I put the tray around her lap. “It smells good,” she said. “Spaghetti?”

  “Yes. It’s covering the entire plate. A bowl of salad is on your right. A glass of milk is on the left.”

  She already had her fork in hand. “Is it hot?”

  “No steam, so I don’t think so. Effie had it dished up when I went down there.”

  She took a tentative bite. “Good. I’m hungry after you made me walk around the pool fifty times.”

  “It was only twelve. Which is a new record. Yesterday we only did ten.”

  “I need to start counting. I don’t know if I trust you,” she said.

  “It won’t do any good. I’m ruthless.”

  Her phone buzzed with a text. “You have a new message,” I said. “It’s from Teagan.”

  Her fork froze in midair. “What does it say?”

  I read it to her.

  * * *

  Thanks for your email. I was glad to hear from you. I’m finishing up a job in a few weeks and would like to come home for a visit. Ardan called me about Charlotte. I’ll be there for the wedding.

  * * *

  “She never was one for many words,” Mrs. Lanigan said.

  “Short and to the point,” I said. “She’s coming home. That’s all you need to know.”

  “It’s a start,” she said.

  I put the phone back in its holder.

  “Do you think Nicholas ever regretted walking away from all that money?” I asked Mrs. Lanigan.

  “What makes you ask that?”

  “I don’t know. I’m curious, that’s all.”

  “I don’t believe he ever was.”

  “How can you be sure?” I asked.

  Her features softened, like she was watching a cherished movie. “One night when I was about ten, I got up to go to the bathroom. We lived in this old house and everything creaked. I heard music coming from the living room, so I walked down the hall to see what was going on. They had the record player on and were dancing. Her cheek was against his chest and his chin rested on the top of her head. They barely swayed to the music. For the rest of my life, I thought of that moment as the first time I understood what it meant to experience total joy and peace with another person. What it meant to be truly in love forever. You know how you said souls can be felt not seen? That’s how you and Ardan feel to me when you’re together. Like my parents. Would you do whatever it takes to be with him?”

  “Yes.”

  “Same was true for them.”

  I realized tears had dampened my cheeks. I sniffed and grabbed a tissue, unable to speak.

  “All right go on now. I have my show to finish.”

  I was almost to the door when she called out to me.

  “I love you, nice old thing.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Charlotte

  * * *

  The afternoon after Felicity arrived, while most of the house napped, I wrote, stretched out on a chaise under the shade of an umbrella. Other than Effie, who was making pizza dough for later, and Ardan who had gone into town for supplies for the baby, the house was quiet. Today was in the low seventies with clear skies. A glass of iced tea sweated on the table next to my chaise. I had my sunglasses off, so I could see the computer screen. When I occasionally glanced up from my work, I squinted into the afternoon sun.

  I was about to finish writing the sixth chapter when Felicity appeared. Dressed in jeans and a black cardigan sweater, she greeted me with a weak smile. She tightened her sweater around her waist. “May I sit with you?”

  “Yes, I was just finishing up.” This was a lie. I could have spent the rest of the afternoon writing. Interruptions in this house were numerous. For a second, I thought longingly of my quiet apartment with nothing but my elderly neighbor next door to worry about.

  She gingerly lowered herself into the chaise next to mine.

  “How are you feeling today?” I asked.

  “Not great. I told Ardan it’s time for the nurse to come. I don’t think there’s much time left.
” She closed her eyes and seemed to sag from fatigue.

  “Should you be resting in your bed?” I asked.

  “I’d like to stay outside.” She winced. “But I need another pain pill.”

  “I’ll get you one. Where are they?”

  She told me where they were in the house and I ran to get them, along with a glass of water. By the time I came back outside, she was shaking. “I’m so cold,” she said before swallowing the pill.

  I moved the umbrella to allow the sun to warm her before heading inside to grab a throw blanket from the couch. After I had it tucked around her legs, she asked for sunglasses. I gave her mine.

  “Sit with me?” she asked.

  I sat back in my spot, careful to close my laptop.

  She turned toward me with a slight smile. “You’re a sponge. An observer. People love to talk about themselves to you, don’t they?”

  “I guess so.” Unsure where she was going with this, I waited.

  “Tell me about Bliss Heywood,” she said. “You must know her well.”

  Not what I expected. “I do. Or, did. It’s been several years since we worked together. A lot has happened to her since then.”

  “From what I’ve gathered, she’s like Superwoman or something,” Felicity said.

  “She used to work too much. But that was before she met Ciaran.”

  “Right. Falling in love changes a person,” she said. “Or so I’ve been told.”

  I picked at a hang nail on my thumb, causing it to bleed.

  “Ardan told me they had a baby.”

  “That’s right.”

  “Isabel will grow up with Ciaran’s child.” She said this like a delirious child with a fever. I wondered if the pain pill had kicked in.

  “Is that important to you?” I asked.

  “No. Just a statement.”

  “Would you like some more water?” I asked.

  “No, I need a favor.”

  I prepared to get to my feet. “What can I get for you?”

  “I want to see Ciaran one last time. I have things I have to say to him. The doctors said months, but I can feel my body shutting down. It’s weeks away, not months.”