Fashionably Dead in Diapers: Hot Damned Series Book 4

by Robyn Peterman

  I looked at my feet and wanted to die. Why did I just do that? Had I truly lost my entire mind? Yes, I had. However, I felt free. I could now kill a shit load of Fairies and if I died I would have no reason to come back as a ghost and bare my soul to him. Wait. Did ghosts even exist? Slowly I glanced up, expecting to be laughed at or dismissed. What I saw shocked me to the core.

  Ethan closed the gap between us and pressed his lips to my forehead. "You love me even though you don't know who I am to you," he marveled as he took my face in his. "You are my miracle and I don't care if your memory never comes back. We will make new ones together. You are mine, Astrid. You always have been and you always will be."

  I was as confused as Martha and Jane at this point. Did he love me too? How was that possible? "What about your wife? You have a wife," I stuttered as I pressed my cheek to his hand. It felt so perfect—so right.

  "She will understand." He lowered his lips to mine and kissed me with such reverence that tears filled my eyes. I breathed him in and felt like I was home. I wasn't sure his wife would understand, not to mention my husband, but I pushed those thoughts away. I couldn't believe this man loved me. How did I get so lucky?

  "Enough," The Corrine yelled from her frozen position. Damn it, I'd forgotten to weld her mouth shut. "He's mine. He will always be mine. I can make him stay."

  She was fucking insane.

  "Unfreeze me or I will send the word to maim the baby. He's a horrible child and I hate him," she hissed. "He has ruined my palace and turned hundreds of Fairies all colors of the spectrum, but Ethan loves him," she spat with disgust. "That is how I will bind him to me, you stupid whore. I will destroy the child unless Ethan mates with me. Tonight," she screamed at a volume that echoed through the ballroom with its vitriol. The Fairies began to wail and moan.

  I was many unflattering things, but whore was not amongst them. I'd had enough of her. She wanted to be unfrozen? Fine. She'd get her wish and then regret it.

  "You're supposed to trade the child for the life of the false Queen. It is her baby," a dangling Fairy yelled angrily. "Not to use as bait to get a worthless Vampyre."

  I was now quite pleased I'd forgotten to mute all my prisoners. The angry rumblings from the crowd were going to work in my favor.

  "You know," I said as I walked to the end of the stage and faced the floating Hell that hung before me. "It's not Gemma's baby. The false Queen is The Corricukee and she stole the wrong child. Your True Queen has no child. You have nothing to barter with, you assholes."

  "She lies," The Corrine shouted. "And my name is The Corrine, you heathen."

  "That's what I said." I smiled sweetly. "And I wouldn't use the word heathen around me. My Uncle God won't like it."

  The crowd gasped. They were wondering who in the Hell I was. I only wish I knew…

  "Oh shit," Susu screeched.

  Oh shit and then some…I had not taken into account the power of The Corrine. She broke the spell and ran to the side of the stage. She raised her arms and all of the Fairies dropped to the ground with sickening thuds. This was bad. They rushed the stage and all Hell broke loose. The Corrine took off through a side door. Damn it, I have to deal with her later. There were entirely too many Fairies coming at us.

  "Motherfucker," Martha yelled as she decapitated two fairies that had jumped onto the stage. "There's a shitload of these homosexual bastards."

  "Now, now, Martha," Lulu admonished her as she tore into and began to eat a Fairy. "That's rude and untrue. You mustn't speak like that."

  "Sorry," Martha grunted as she maimed three more Fairies that were gunning for her.

  How in the Hell did Lulu do that? I'd been admonishing them for their un-PC comments for years.

  The sheer amount of Fairies coming at us was overwhelming. Our odds were bad. I contemplated blowing them all up, but I was certain not all of them were pure evil. They lived in abject fear of an evil ruler—they were pawns in her game. I couldn't kill innocent people. It was wrong. Shitfuckshitfuckshit. Ethan was tearing through Fairies like they were paper and I had destroyed my share too, but how much more could we take? There were seven of us and hundreds of them.

  "I have the child," The Corrine bellowed as she took the stage. "Back off, my people. I can handle this. I am your Queen, I will keep you safe."

  I rolled my eyes as the Fairies retreated. I checked my posse. We were all battered but we were still alive. Still no sign of The Kev. Crap. I hoped he was okay. Ethan's body tensed and I could feel his fury. He was looking at The Corrine and she had his child. This was going to get tricky. I steeled myself to see the boy that was Ethan's. I hoped his wife would give him visitation rights. He clearly loved his son. I turned and looked.

  And then time stopped.

  I did not have twenty-two children. I did not have a husband. I had one child and one mate and they were both here in this room with me. Ethan was my mate. Samuel was my child. They were the loves of my life. Somewhere deep inside I had known that they belonged to me all along. They were mine and I was theirs. My precious little family. The sound that left my body made every Fairy in the room cower in fear. Even Martha and Jane backed away. Sparkling flames engulfed my body as wails of rage flew my lips. The Mini Elves darted around my head and chanted in their ancient language. I was centered and I was ready.

  The Corrine, with wide frightened eyes put a knife to my baby's throat. The jeweled handle glistened and the sharp silver blade looked macabre against my baby's skin. A single drop of blood slid down the side of his neck where she pricked him and something inside of me died. Samuel cried out and extended his little arms to me. Even though I knew she couldn't kill him, pain tore through me like I'd never known. Ethan's roar shook the building and The Corrine didn't look as sure of herself as she did seconds ago. My baby was in the hands of someone who should be burning in the Basement of Hell. She was so fucking dead.

  With a vicious swipe of my hand, I froze all the Fairies in the room again, but this time I added pain. They screeched in agony and writhed in the air. It wouldn't kill them. I'd figure out who had to go later. Now I wanted my baby. I could freeze her, but the knife at Samuel's throat stopped me. I would just get him back another way.

  "Give him to me," I said in a voice I didn't recognize. "If you touch him again, I will kill your entire Kingdom and blow Xanthia off the fucking map."

  "Give her the child," many Fairies wailed as they convulsed above our heads.

  "Stop this madness," one screamed. "She will kill us all."

  The chant started softly but rose to deafening proportions quickly. "Give her the baby. Give her the baby. Give her the baby."

  "Never," The Corrine screamed. She was losing it. Her eyes were wild and unfocused and the knife was entirely too close to my child's neck. "Ethan, the choice is yours. Mate with me and I will let this horrid child live."

  There was a decision to make and it had to be fast.

  "He'll do it," I yelled to the shock of everyone, but mostly myself. "But I will take the child." I had no clue that would come from my mouth but I was desperate.

  I felt Ethan's glare on my back, but he said nothing. I hoped to Hell that he trusted me because I was lying like a rug.

  "Why should I believe you?" she demanded. She was shaking with so much rage, she almost dropped Samuel. "I want to hear it from my lover Ethan."

  My stomach roiled as I thought of them together. The Mini Elves flew frantically around my head, muttering and cursing. Martha and Jane stood in defensive stances next to me and didn't take their eyes off of The Corrine. Ethan stepped forward and brushed my body with his as he approached her.

  Her smile was insane. She truly thought she had won. As Samuel fell from her clutches, Martha dove like an Olympic swimmer and grabbed him safely in her arms before he hit the ground. Blindly, The Corrine flew into Ethan's arms. Her ego and stupidity knew no bounds. Could unrequited obsession do this to a person? Or was she simply bat-shit crazy?

  Everything seemed to happe
n in slow motion as my mate walked toward the nightmare. Martha and Jane backed away with Samuel, immediately offering up their wrists. Samuel latched on and drank like a starving person. If it was possible I hated the abomination even more. She had cut and starved my child. The wailing and shrieks of the Fairies suspended in the air sounded like a macabre soundtrack to a frighteningly real horror movie.

  I wanted to hold my baby, but what was unfolding before my eyes was too horrid to be real. I was glued to my spot watching what I said would happen come true. Had Ethan thought I was serious? Was he going to mate with The Corrine to save me and his child?

  WTF?

  The Corrine's maniacal laugh filled my brain and I fell to the floor, but my eyes were still on the performance in front of me—the most tragic play I would ever see in my life. Each step he took toward The Corrine killed pieces of my soul. The sound of his feet walking away from me on the golden stage slowly ripped at me and created a wound that would never heal. My body was useless and my magic meant nothing anymore. I'd been the author of this play. I didn't want to watch the end. The curtain call was going to destroy me, but our son was safe. I knew I would live as a hollow shell for eternity, but I would have done the same to save Samuel. I wasn't even angry at Ethan. I loved him even more.

  He wove his strong, beautiful hands into The Corrine's long golden locks and lowered his lips to hers. Her panting moans of need were horrific. I tried to look away, but I couldn't. It was impossible. Seized with panic, I realized I had sentenced my mate to Hell on earth.

  As I listened for the sound of his fangs piercing her skin, I stopped and jerked to a sitting position. What was he doing? Why wasn't he biting her? Had the end of the play changed? Had the actors disregarded the script and improvised? Just as Ethan's lips touched hers, his arms jerked to the left. He swiftly and emotionlessly tore her head clean off of her body. The gasps and shrieks of horror from the Fairies were deafening. My smile split my face—Ethan had just Anne Boleyned her in a big bad Vampyre way. He was my hero. He winked and kicked the head of the monster to me.

  "A little gift, my love," he said casually.

  “Much appreciated," I replied and examined the offending appendage.

  It was the most beautiful bloody sight I'd ever seen. The severed head of The Corrine lay before me and the lifeless body of the bitch lay at Ethan's feet. The wailing had stopped. Not a sound could be heard in the ballroom, except for Samuel’s slurping from Jane's wrist. Martha had blocked his sightline and he had witnessed none of it. I would forever be in their debt. The silence was eerie but fitting. Ding dong the witch was dead…

  My gaze met my mate's and his intensity went all through me. He was my hero, my love and my everything. If I could breathe, I would have heaved the biggest sigh of relief known to man. I wanted to hold Ethan and Samuel and get lost in them forever, but I had a few more things to accomplish before that was possible.

  I stood up, gripping the head of evil in my hands. Her eyes were open and they stared at me vacantly. It made me ill. I turned to Susu, Lulu and Huhu. They were chomping at the bit and their eyes were wild.

  "Are you hungry?" I asked as I tossed The Corrine's head at their feet.

  They squealed with vicious delight and nodded their heads frantically.

  "Eat her," I commanded.

  And they did.

  Chapter 21

  After a trauma, like stitches or a skinned knee, a parent should hold their child close and let them know that they are on their side. Let your little one know that he is loved and understood. If the ordeal was far more serious, the parent should listen to the child's needs. Let the child lash out in a safe place where he is comfortable. In other words, let them fight their demons. If the Demons are real, make sure that your child has adequate weapons…swords and magic are always a good choice. No, we are not kidding.

  Holding Samuel in my arms, knowing he was safe sent me into a meltdown that was long overdue. I sniffed his blond curls, kissed him all over and wept like a baby. My lips gently brushed his cheeks, his forehead, his eyelids, and his perfect little nose. Ethan held both of us as I blubbered and shook. My world was finally right. Samuel's wound had already healed and there were no marks to be found on his skin. However, the internal scars would stay with him. I knew this from experience and I despised that for him.

  We had brought him into a world that was dangerous and deadly. I had hoped his real life lessons would begin after a happy and secure childhood. Thanks to The Corrine that was not going to be the case. If I could kill her over and over again I would. However, I would have made her suffer like my son had suffered. A quick death had been far too good for her, but dwelling on that was futile. She was gone and Samuel was in my arms.

  "You got bigger, buddy," I cooed into his hair and blew a raspberry on his cheek. His glorious shout of little boy laughter was the most beautiful sound in the world and I couldn't help but join him. I would cry the rest of my tears in private. My son needed me to be strong and happy. He made the task so very easy.

  "Mommy, you so silly. You make the bad boys and girls fly!" He pointed at the dangling Fairies and giggled. "Me want to fly too."

  "Nope," Ethan said as he took Sammy into his arms and held him close. "No flying until we get home. Got it?"

  "Yeth, Daddy! Me got it!" He snuggled close to his favorite man, stuck his thumb in his mouth and sucked contentedly. "Me love my mommy and daddy," he whispered and my chest constricted. I knew I didn't technically have a heart, but something was there because it grew three sizes like the Grinch's did.

  "He's adorable," Susu squealed as she flipped in the air for a delighted Samuel. "I could just bite those little cheeks."

  "Um…no," I said as I swatted her rotating body away from my son.

  "I was speaking figuratively," she huffed and flew back to my baby.

  Until she spoke I had forgotten there was anyone but myself, Ethan and my precious son in the room. Her voice brought me back into the stark reality of where we were and what still had to be done. I glanced up at the Fairies and my stomach churned. They were staring. Many eyes spit hatred and others were full of fear and shame. There were at least four hundred of them hanging in the air awaiting their sentence. How in the fuck was I going to do this?

  "Are you going to kill them all?" Lulu whispered in my ear, startling me. "I think you should wipe out every last one of the motherfuckers."

  "That's not how I roll," I told her as she shrugged and darted over to Ethan and Samuel. She joined Susu's flipping act as my son clapped wildly for the nutbag Mini Elves.

  "Hey, Boobie McHootermunch," Jane grunted as she yanked a terrified The Simon, a trembling The Randy and a still unconscious The Paula out from under their thrones. "What should I do with them?"

  I eyed the reality show hosts and realized they had very little to do with what had gone on in Xanthia for the last several hundred years. I vaguely remembered being told that they had been living in the human realm for at least a thousand years. Motherhumper, it felt so good to recall facts without landing in an agonized heap on the floor.

  "Let them go. They're innocent and someone please tell The Paula to lay off the Fairy Juice," I said.

  "Will do," The Simon yelled as he hightailed it out of the ballroom, leaving his cohorts in the dust. The Randy heaved a big put upon sigh and threw The Paula over his shoulder.

  "If she throws up down my back, I'm bringing her back here to be destroyed," he said as he bowed to us. "Martha and Jane, congrats again. Your performance has been burned into my brain and it will take centuries to remove it." He quietly made his way out of the ballroom with The Paula flopping all the way.

  "Was that a compliment?" Martha asked Jane in confusion.

  "Yep, he fucking loved us. I'm gonna call him and The Simon when we get home and have them put in a good word for us with the producers of the US version of American Idol."

  "You got their home phone numbers?" Jane inquired dubiously.

  "You betcha. I
also got their cell phone numbers, emails, Twitter handles, Facebook passwords and their home fucking addresses."

  "You da man," Jane said as she treated us all to a vulgar gyration.

  I grinned at the old biddies and realized that everything did happen for a reason. As many times as I'd regretted saving their lives, I was wrong—dead wrong. While I was never going to hang out with them on a daily or monthly…or even yearly basis, I would take care of them always. They had earned my loyalty because they had fought for my child. No amount of riches could ever repay that.

  "What will you do with us?" an angry voice demanded from above. I glanced up and rolled my eyes.

  That dangling fucker was messing with my chi. I was still in the Land of Happy and I wasn't ready to leave…but that was too bad. I eyed the irate Fairy with detached curiosity. The one who had spoken was definitely going on the naughty list. His pinched face was filled with hatred and he hissed with fury.