by Jaye Cox
"Baby? She is pregnant?" I look at Ty and Tommy for confirmation.
"He is," Ty says pointing to me.
"We are sending Isabella for an ultrasound, if you want to go back and watch."
I'm still shocked; she is pregnant, and I’m going to be a dad. My head is spinning and I’m finding myself just nodding at the doctor.
"I will take you in, they should be all set up," he says. I can't think straight, my brain is going into overdrive and I’m going to be a dad. I'm only twenty-five, and she is only nineteen. We walk into a room with dimmed lights, and my Tiny Dancer is lying on the ultrasound table with a sheet over her bottom half. The lady pulls out this huge dildo-looking thing and a condom. Holy shit. What have I walked into? Some kind of freaking fucking orgy?
"Would you like to take a seat? We’re about to start; don't be alarmed we only put the end of this inside so we can get a good look at the baby." I sit beside my Tiny Dancer and she has yet to look at me, maybe out of fear of what I will say or maybe she really doesn't want me here.
As the lady fiddles with the machine and is explaining something, I just stare at her. She is not only the love of my life, my reason for living - now she is the mother of my child. I look up at the screen and can't see anything; it looks like a big blob of white.
"We should be able to hear a heartbeat, and I will print you both out a picture now, so we don’t forget," the technician tells us. She prints out the pictures and gives us one each. It still just looks like a blob, but everything must be fine.
"Now the heartbeat, don't be alarmed if we don’t see one you are still very early," she says. She does something and I swear I hold my breath, who would have thought after just finding out I’m having a baby, it already means so much I put all my might into wishing for that heartbeat like it’s the most important sound in the world and my life depends on hearing it. I see the little waves on the screen and the sound is like music to my ears. I look over at Tiny Dancer and she looks over at me. I see tears in her eyes; happy tears. It’s suddenly all too much for me and I can't breathe, I need air. I get up and run out of the room and out past Ty and Tommy, straight outside and of course it’s started fucking raining. I get out my wallet and put the picture of my blob inside, my child, our child. Oh God... I can't ruin this child like I did its mother, what I was thinking coming here. I should’ve stayed away, seeing her and the love in her eyes for our child. I take deep breaths and walk out into the rain towards my bike. I always thought one day I would have a child and now the time is here. Why can't I just enjoy the moment and not let my past and the stupid shit I’ve done get in the way.
"Are you just going to run away again like a fucking coward?" Ty yells out behind me.
"Just leave it, Ty," I call back.
"Why? Because it’s easier for you to run away, and play poor old me - I had a fucked up life? Well guess what? Your life wasn't that bad; yes, our father was not an upstanding guy, but he loved you, he admitted you were his son, and your mum is still here and loves you. So maybe you should go and have a good look at yourself in the mirror and admit it’s not your past that’s the problem. It’s you! It’s all in your head and inside you have a woman who fucking loves you god knows why, and what? You leave her again when she needs you?"
He is right, I never looked at it that way before. I am lucky and I do use it as an excuse for all my problems. I’m about to say he is right when I see my Tiny Dancer walk out into the rain, touch Ty on the arm, and say something to him. He nods and walks back to the hospital entrance where Tommy is standing. I sit down and put my head down, I can't look at her and let her see how fucked I am. Why she doesn't just give up on me is beyond me, she kneels down and sits between my legs the way she always does to comfort me. She always knows how to make me feel better and as the selfish bastard I am I let her, never once thinking about her. I stand up, help her up and take a few steps back.
"Why did you leave me at the hospital? My father slipped and told me you were there," she asks.
"When I saw you lying there, it killed me to know it was my fault, I caused you to be there. You are better off without me," I say.
"You should’ve told me. I once told you I would love you until my heart stopped beating. I tried to make it stop so I didn’t have to love you Rayne, but for whatever reason it kept beating. It kept loving you and it won't stop. It hurts so much every day, wanting you, but you’re my kryptonite, Rayne. I feel weak around you, like I lose control."
"I'm so fucking sorry Tiny Dancer, I was so wrapped up in trying to rid myself of my childhood. I thought if I put them away, I was doing a good thing and would finally be able to move on. Then when I met you and when he wanted you it made me want to kill him and I needed to put him away. When you turned up at the party I was desperate to get you to leave, and I took it too far," I admit.
"Do you know what it was like to see you with her and the look in your eyes? I thought you didn’t love me and then I wake up and it was like I knew you were there, singing to me, but you were gone. It felt as if I didn’t only lose you that day, but my family as well. Then I find out not only that you were lying to me, but everyone was - even my best fucking friend. It hurts, it’s hard. I want to forgive everyone, but how do I do that, Rayne? Tell me how I do it, because I love you all so fucking much," she says. We must look like the biggest idiots, both sitting in the middle of the hospital parking lot in the pouring rain. She goes to walk off but I grab her hand and make her turn around. Putting both my hands on either side of her face, I make her look at me.
"Tiny Dancer... I’m so fucking sorry, I love you and I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you and our baby. I will show you I can be the best man and father you could possibly ask for."
"Right now can we take it day by day? I still need time," she says.
"I’ll do whatever it takes to make us right - to make you trust me again."
"Then go home and sleep on it and if you still feel the same tomorrow, come and see me like we had planned and then we can talk. Right now I just want to go home and cry; all these pregnancy hormones are making me cry over everything."
"I promised you I would love you until the end of time, and even then I would find a way to love you more, to keep on loving you - that will never change,” I say and kiss her cheek before walking her back over to where Ty and Tommy are both still standing. I know I have had my insecurities over Tommy, but right now I’m glad she has him and Ty in her life, they both love her as much as I do.
"I will see you tomorrow, Tiny Dancer," I say over my shoulder as I walk away. I put my helmet on and look over at her one last time and realize maybe I do deserve my happy ever after. It won't be like the ones you read about in fairy tales, but it will be as fucking close as it gets, and I will do whatever it takes to have my Tiny Dancer and my blob as part of that.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
RAYNE
I don't sleep at-fucking-all. I stare at the picture of my little blob - our little blob. A life I helped create, it blows my mind thinking about being a father, that I will have a son or a daughter in a few months’ time. The sun comes up and all I want to do is race over and tell her I will never change my mind and she is all I will ever want. Once I’m up I can't stop pacing, and if I keep going I will wear a track in the carpet. Grabbing my keys I go to see my parents to tell them I will be a father; I need to release some of this excitement and fear. I pull up and the house really is ridiculous and huge. Why people need to live in something so big is insane, but James works hard for his money and it helps that his parents and grandparents were loaded, and he was left a shit load of money when the grandparents passed away. Enough he never even had to work a day in his life. I know they will all be awake since mum and James believe in getting an early start to the day, and are awfully cheery. It’s kinda creepy, even Boston is a morning person but not Abigail; she hates it, but doesn't fight it. There is no point mum will always get her way. I make my way into the kitchen, James is r
eading the paper, and my mother is in her workout gear making a smoothie. Boston is shit stirring Abigail as usual.
"Hey what’s up bro," Boston says when he spots me walking in.
"Honey? What are you doing here so early?" my mum says.
"I couldn't sleep and I needed to talk to everyone," I start, sitting at the breakfast bar. James folds his paper and places it on the table.
"We’re all ears, Son," he says.
"Well I know you all know Isabella and I are not together," I say.
"Because you’re a douche and let her get away. She is hot," Boston says.
"Shut up, Boston. You're the douche," Abigail pipes up.
"Enough you two," comes from mum.
"Anyway, she was in hospital yesterday, and Ty called me. I thought she was hurt again, but she wasn’t. She is pregnant," I announce, looking at them. Abigail doesn't look up from her phone and the other three just look at me as if they’re waiting for me to tell them I’m joking.
"How do you feel about that?" James asks.
"I’m happy, excited, scared shitless, confused," I admit.
"Are you sure it’s even yours?" Abigail snarls, taking a second to look up from her phone. I know she didn't really like Tiny Dancer. I think it’s only because one of her little friends has a huge crush on me, and I overheard them planning to be sisters.
"There is no doubt in my mind the baby is mine and if you as much as question it again, I will not include you in any of it. I'm going to try win her back and don't need your stupid childish fantasy of me marrying your friend to get in my way," I warn.
"I'm sorry Rayne. I didn’t mean to upset you - I'm going upstairs," she says and runs off. Bloody hell, now I feel like shit for snapping at her and I start to go chase after her, but James stops me.
"Just leave her, she needed to have someone put her in her place, she can be a bitch at times," he says under his breath in hopes mum doesn't hear him. It's kinda cute how he doesn't like to upset her.
“Good on ya bro. I’m going to be the wickedest uncle," Boston says, slapping me on the back before he heads out for a swim. James goes back to reading his paper and I show mum the ultrasound picture of the blob.
"Awe, how cute is that?" she says.
"How cute is what? It looks like a bloody blob, or am I missing something?" I ask.
"Oh Son - that’s my grandbaby there; and it will be cute so leave me alone. Invite Isabella to Sunday lunches again, please, even if you two are not together she’s family now,” she says. My phone starts ringing and it’s Sam. It must be important because she hates mornings nearly as much as Dex does.
“Hey Sam -" I start, but she cuts me off. She can't find him this morning. We have been monitoring Razor since he got out on bail and is waiting on a court date, just in case he came after Isabella or me
"Where was he last?" She says he went home and had no idea if he has left or not, and what if he goes after Isabella? Maybe he knows I’ve made contact with her again.
"Fuck Sam, I’m on my way to her house now, you check with Morris, Dex and Romeo and make sure they’re aware," I say. I try Tiny Dancer and her phone goes straight to voicemail. Ty and Tommy’s phones ring out. Fuck, not one of them could be awake? I call and get an officer to do a drive past her house.
"Is everything okay, Honey?” Mum asks.
"No. Razor has disappeared. Can you get James to see what he can find out and keep Boston and Abigail home today? He may just be somewhere we can't track him, or he might have figured out I'm watching him. I have to go and will see you next Sunday." I race out the door. I won’t let anything happen to her or my child and break every road rule all the way to her. At first when I found out she was sharing a house with my brother, I thought he must have had ulterior motives; maybe he was still working with Razor and it was all some game to get back at me. But the more I watch him and talk to him; I know it’s not the case. She is the first person that has wanted to help him without wanting anything in return and to him he has a family he has always wanted and I truly believe that. I ride up, shut my bike off and drop it to the ground.
"TINY DANCER, TY!" I yell knocking on the door, Ty opens the door wiping his eyes and scratching his head.
"Where is she?" I say pushing past him into the house.
"How should I know? Check her bed. Fuck man, what’s your problem?" I don’t answer him I have to check her room and there she is curled up in a ball under her covers. I close the door and walk back out to the lounge room where Ty is still standing, just as confused as he was a few seconds ago.
"Would you like to fill me in on what that freak out was about?" he asks.
"We’ve been keeping tabs on Razor and they couldn't find him this morning. I thought he might have come here to hurt her to get back at me," I say.
"Fuck man, what do you plan to do?" he wants to know.
"Right now I have no fucking idea - don’t tell her anything until I’ve figured it out."
"Know what to do about what?" Tommy walks out into the lounge room.
"What is this? Like some big fucking sleepover?" I ask.
"Get over yourself. I stayed the night after we got back here last night; sue me for being worried about my best friend. Now what’s going on?" I know he is still pissed at me and I know we need to sort it out, and soon but for now this is more important then what is going on between us.
"We can't locate Razor today and I freaked out thinking he might try to hurt her," I fill him in.
"Shit, the other day she thought someone was watching her," he lets me know.
"Fuck, I will make some calls and could either of you check if her phone has the iPhone tracking on?" I ask.
"It does, and I know her passwords. She has used the same password for everything since we were kids. Its tommyandbellsbffs4eva - not very original but she thinks it’s cute," Tommy says, rolling his eyes.
"Thanks. I will call Sam and get her to keep tabs on her as well until we find him" I say. When I call Sam, she says she will set it all up.
"I could probably hack into Razor’s phone as well, I had to show the dumbass how to set his phone up once," Ty offers.
"Do I want to know how you know how to hack into phones?"
"Are you asking as Rayne my brother or Rayne, the cop?" he wanted to know.
"Actually, I don't want to know, just get on it and let me know how it goes. We need to find him and keep track of him. He has a court date soon and with all the evidence they have he will go away for a long time, but I’m hoping he hasn't found out I’m a cop," I say.
"What is going on out here?" Tiny Dancer walks in the room.
"Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you," I say.
"You didn't, what are you doing here?" she asks.
"He had to stop in and see me, I didn’t think you would wake up," Ty covers for me.
"Ty - you can have your brother over, you don't need to justify yourself to me. This is your home too, and Rayne and I need to be around each other without it being weird," she assures him.
She is so beautiful, even with bed head and raccoon eyes from not taking off her make up. I internally smile when I see she still wears the shirt I gave her.
"I'm going to take a hot shower and when I’m done, you can take me to breakfast,” she says.
"Not too hot, it’s not good for the baby," Ty says.
"I swear I will cut you if you say one more thing,” she warns pointing at Ty. I have no idea what that’s about but I like it, a feisty Tiny Dancer. She walks off down the hall and I turn to Ty.
"She said she would cut you, dude? What’s that about?"
"We may, or may not have gone a little overboard on the things not to eat or do when pregnant," he admits. Tommy gets a phone call and whoever is on the other end doesn’t sound happy at all. He walks out side.
"Whilst I take Tiny Dancer to breakfast, can you get onto Razors phone?" I ask Ty just as Tommy walks back in.
"Everything okay in paradise?" Ty wants to know.
"Tell her I said - over my dead body," I can’t hold back and they both laugh at me. I give them the finger and go to see if she is ready yet. I sneak in the bathroom and watch her. She is singing, very badly I must add, Pumped Up Kicks by Foster The People and dancing away.
"You know Tiny Dancer - this is how you got your nickname," I interrupt.
"Shit Rayne, are you trying to give me a heart attack?"
"No but I'm starved." She turns off the water and I hand her a towel.
"So what do you want for breakfast?" I ask.
"McDonald's," she decides.
"Really? I'm going to shout ya breakfast and all you want is Maccas?"
"Fine. Just take me somewhere that has pancakes and I will be happy."
"Okay, I will let you get dressed and then we will go get pancakes." She smiles at me and when her hair falls across her face, I reach over towards her and tuck it behind her ear. She looks up at me with her big blue eyes and I know I will make her mine again and we will be a family. If she wants Prince fucking Charming on a white horse, then that’s what she’ll get. I go find Tommy and ask him to write down his mum’s pancake recipe, even though I know he is still pissed at me. He says it’s just a basic pancake recipe and the only reason she likes them so much is because the only home cooked food that was made in her house was barbeque food - everything else was bought. I laugh, at least she is easy to please; the way to Tiny Dancers heart is going to be through her stomach. Tommy takes off and Ty says he will go to his room and start on getting into Razor’s account. I find everything I need and whip up some pancakes. At least one thing I can count on is it still takes her a million years to get ready, even if it’s just for breakfast.
"What are you doing?" she asks.
"Making you pancakes."
“You can cook pancakes” she says giving me a questionable look.
“You will soon find out”
