Taken Outback (The Dusty Rider Series Book 1)

by Stella Knights

  “How are you coping with being on the outside? Is there anything you want from me, ahh, I mean anything you want us to help with?” I am glowing with embarrassment from my Freudian slip up with words.

  He smiles at me in a suggestive way. My face must be redder than red. “I am sure there is something I want from you, but otherwise I’m fine.”

  “Well, then how about you come by in a week from today? I don’t see a reason to make you come back again this week.”

  “I’ll be in town on Friday, I’m happy to stop by if you want.”

  “We don’t do any appointments on Fridays. Unfortunately, Monday, all of my appointments are actually filled.” I recheck my calendar. “I could maybe squeeze you in on Monday, but honestly, I think you are doing all right, so I’m happy to put you on weekly visits and you can see me on Tuesday.”

  Aiden’s shoulders slump down and he seems a little disappointed. I would love to have him here more, but I cannot have him visit just so I can stare at his amazing body as that would be an abuse of my job. Or so I keep telling myself.

  I hand him a slip with an appointment for the same time in the following week. Looking into his eyes, I speak slowly. “If you have any issues or need anything, please call me or come and see me.”

  “I will do.” He picks up his Akubra hat, and as he passes me to leave the office, he brushes one of his large, solid hands up against my arm deliberately as if he wants to take hold of it.

  Oh, how I would love for him to grab my arm and run those strong hands up and down my body.

  I wish I was meeting this man under different circumstances. There is something electric and exciting about him. Watching him leave, I wish I could come up with some legitimate reason for him to come to my office every day.

  CHAPTER TEN

  WALKING INTO OUR apartment, I see Tom waiting with a glass of wine in his hand. Smiling, he stretches out his arm to offer me a glass. “How was your day?”

  What? Did Tom just ask me about my day?

  Normally, he comes home and either goes straight back to doing work or goes to sleep.

  Did aliens take over this man and turn him back into someone that notices me?

  Unsure of how to react, I hesitate before speaking. “Good, I guess.” I sip the wine, recognising it as one of our favourite reds, a vintage Penfolds’s Reserve. Wondering why a special bottle has been opened, I question, “What’s the special occasion?”

  “Well, babe, I was going to wait until dinner to tell you, but I’m just too excited.” Tom beams a smile I have not seen in a long time. It’s big enough to be disconcerting.

  “Well…?” I take another sip from my glass, preparing myself for what may come next.

  “I was told that I’m the front-runner for a promotion that has not even been announced yet. It means more money and possibly moving back to Melbourne.” I haven’t seen Tom this elated since graduation.

  I try to show some excitement. “Tom, that’s great.” My insides are telling me something doesn’t seem right about this news. Or maybe it is the idea of leaving Aiden?

  Furrowing his brow, Tom replies, “Why do I feel like you are not happy about this? Isn’t this what we were working for?”

  It was what you were working for Tom, not me. As for me, who knows what I’m working for anymore.

  I turn my back slightly as I cannot look him in the face right now. I know I’m meant to be happy for him and yes, this is what we were working for. But, I lie. “I’m happy.”

  “Hon, you should be more than happy. The money alone is worth getting excited over.”

  “Tom, it’s just things have been so hard between us and I’m not sure where I fit in your life anymore.”

  Moving towards me, he lifts my chin up to meet his eyes. “I know things have been tough. But I think this will get us on track. I only want what is best for us, all right?”

  I nod and sip my wine.

  Tom turns around and grabs the bottle to refill my glass. “There’s just one thing I have to do to lock this down.”

  One thing he has to do?

  “What’s that?” I ask anxiously as he refills my glass.

  With his back still turned away from me, he clears his throat as he speaks. “I have to go with the partners to Singapore for a few weeks, maybe a month. I leave tomorrow.”

  Time stops for a moment as my heart implodes. “What the fuck, Tom? Was the invite to dinner just a ploy to make me feel good before dropping this on me? Do you like building me up, only to tear me down moments later?”

  Tom’s smile fades. “Why must you get upset over this? It’s business. It’s what you do in this world to get ahead. You saw this with your own father. So, why are you giving me grief?”

  “But for a few weeks or possibly a month? And telling me now when you’re leaving tomorrow?” Tears build in my eyes, but I can’t let myself cry in front of him.

  I have shed enough tears over you lately and you don’t deserve any of them.

  Guiltily, he says, “Beth only asked me officially this morning.”

  “Officially? Beth asked?” I put my wine glass down and rub at my temples. As much as I try to hold back, I raise my voice. “So, you knew that it could happen and yet didn’t have the decency to tell me? And you think I’m going to be okay with you going away on another trip with that woman?”

  “You really need to stop with this Beth stuff. It’s sending me over the edge. And why should I stress you out about me going away when it wasn’t definite until a few hours ago?”

  I take my hands off my temples to unmask the resentment in my eyes. “I’ve heard that excuse before and it’s still bullshit. Is it too much to ask that you factor in my feelings?”

  Hold back those tears, Holly!

  “I do all of this for you.” He says as he motions around the room. “You need to just deal with it. I’m sure there are plenty of women who would be happy to replace you.”

  Did he just say plenty of women would replace me?

  Indignant, I find the strength to reply coolly, “You know, Tom. Maybe some time apart would be good for us.”

  Tom’s eyes widen as a shocked expression spreads across his face. “I don’t want time away from you. It’s just work.”

  From somewhere deep inside, my honest feelings bubble to the surface, finally breaking through. “You’ve hardly noticed me the last few months, so I have a hard time believing time away from me is any kind of sacrifice for you. I mean, seriously, Tom. Nowadays, you hold your phone more than you hold my hand.”

  His face looks sullen as he cowers back from my statement.

  The frustration has peaked inside me. I pick up my glass and drink down what is left. As I put my glass down, I look at his shocked face still staring at me, not saying a word. “You know what, Tom, forget dinner. I’m not hungry. I need some time to think.”

  “Holly, please don’t go. Give this a chance. I love you.”

  I walk out the door and mumble under my breath, “Well you have a funny way of showing it, mate.”

  My sudden courage is empowering, but I know I really don’t want to lose Tom. Still, enough’s enough. I can’t take him being so insensitive to my feelings.

  AFTER WALKING THE lonely, dark streets for hours, I return to our apartment. His packed suitcase waits near the door.

  Tom is already asleep, an empty wine bottle snuggling next to him where I should be. There are crumbled tissues lying close by on the floor. His eyes are puffy as though he has been crying, but I cannot be sure.

  I sit down on the bed and watch him for a few minutes.

  I do love this man, but how can I stay with someone who does not honour my feelings? Is this desperate compromise what marriage is all about? Can we ever go back to what was once between us?

  After showering, I crawl into bed next to him. I wrap my arms around him and hold him close, wondering if this is the last time I will ever touch him.

  Have I lost him forever or has he lost me?

&nb
sp; WHEN I WAKE up, I realise Tom is gone. He left without saying goodbye. He didn’t even bother to leave me a note. To keep my emotions at bay, I dress and make myself a coffee. As I take a sip, I look towards the door where his suitcase stood just a few hours before. A dull headache throbs behind my temples as a crushing weight sits on my chest.

  In my car, on the way to work, I imagine what the next few weeks will be like without Tom. It’ll be the first time we have ever been separated for more than a few days.

  Maybe it will give me some time to work out what I want from this marriage. Maybe a move back to Melbourne will be good. It’s what I wanted, right? Truthfully, I don’t know what I want anymore.

  Finally hitting the long stretch of highway outside Brisbane, the traffic slows me down.

  Damn cattle trucks making me late again!

  As I get into my office, I hear the phone ringing. Lisa has not arrived yet. I roll my eyes realising the day is not starting off well.

  I pick up the phone to Aiden’s voice. “Holly, I’m sorry to bother you but, umm, my parents asked me to take over their new property. They want me to get it up and running right away.”

  “Wow, Aiden, that is great news.” I smile because I like seeing good things happen to offenders trying to get their lives on track.

  Especially good things for this offender in particular.

  “Yeah, uh, I’m pretty excited about it. The only thing is that, uh, I’ll need to move.”

  My heart twinges.

  Why are the men I care about all leaving me? More importantly, why is Aiden’s news more distressing than that of Tom’s departure?

  “Oh.” My dull response reveals my disappointment. “Well, if you can give me the new address, I’ll get the approval done and transfer you out to an officer closer to your new home.”

  Aiden gives me the details, thanks me and says he looks forward to seeing me at our next meeting. I look down at the address and realise the area is unfamiliar. Even after living in Australia all these years, I’m amazed by how big this country is and how little I know of it.

  As the address fixes my attention, Lisa walks in. “Hey, hon.” Noticing I don’t reply, she asks insightfully, “Darling, did that man of yours let you down again?”

  “No, no, it’s not exactly Tom.” I’m afraid to tell her what is really bothering me, but after a few minutes, I decide to. “Actually, it’s about Aiden. His parents want him to take over running one of their other properties and he needs a transfer.” Disappointment weighs heavy in my sigh. “I don’t know why but it’s made me a little sad.”

  Lisa smiles sympathetically. “It’s hard when we finally have someone easy on the eye in this office and then they have to go and move. So, typical of a man to leave.” She rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

  I guess she has been through this disappointment before?

  I sigh and throw myself back into my unfinished pile of paperwork because I don’t want Lisa to realise how deeply the news of Aiden’s move affects me. I also want to avoid going into my situation at home with her right now.

  A few hours later, a big box of long-stemmed red roses arrives in our office. The unsigned card simply says, ‘You own my heart. Give me a chance.’

  I know it is from Tom.

  Lisa interposes my thought, “What if they aren’t from Tom?”

  Frowning, I insist almost too emphatically, “Of course, they’re from Tom.”

  As if some parolee is going to send me flowers and proclaim his love when he hardly knows me.

  With a Cheshire cat grin, Lisa remarks, “Honey, you never know what can happen in this office.”

  They have to be from Tom. Though Tom has not sent me flowers since we first started dating.

  How could they possibly be from anyone but Tom?

  As much as I don’t want to admit it, the unlikely possibility of the roses coming from Aiden gives me butterflies in my stomach. Then, I remember he’s moving and the ache in my heart returns.

  I cannot believe my attraction towards a parolee grips me in this way. Maybe it really is a good thing Aiden is leaving. Only trouble could come of the situation if I am this into him.

  I’ve got to get a grip.

  Lisa’s insightful suggestion interrupts my self-incrimination, “You know you could always slip him your phone number. No one will ever know. And if he’s keen on you, I’m sure he will call.” I raise my eyebrows in mock protest, before she adds, “Besides, you won’t be his Parole Officer anymore.”

  “Oh, I could never do that.”

  Or could I?

  MY LAST MEETING with Aiden is today. Approval of his transfer arrived an hour before he is scheduled to be in my office. I sigh in resignation that at least now my silly infatuation will end. I try to convince myself it’s for the best.

  As usual, Aiden is right on time and looking fit as ever. I get up to answer the buzzing intercom as Lisa grins at me. “Are you going to slip him your number?”

  “No, I just can’t. It’s wrong. As much as I’d like to, I can’t break rules, no matter how hot this guy may be.”

  Lisa does not detect my white lie. I had hardly slept last night, and despite what I knew to be best, I admitted to myself how much I want to give Aiden my number. This morning I'd prepared a note with my private number, and buried it in my pocket, ready to slip to Aiden at some fortunate moment. Now, I have to just decide if I can do it.

  I greet him with a warm smile. “Hi, Aiden, how are you?”

  “Hi, Holly, I’m doing well.” He holds his Akubra hat and gazes intently down at me.

  “Come in. I just got word that your move was approved. You can go immediately. You will need to report to the Senior Officer at the regional office in the Western Downs any time before next Friday.” I hand him the address of the regional office and my heart skips a beat.

  What about the other bit of paper in my pocket? Shall I give him that now, too?

  He takes the address and holds it in his hand a moment, just staring at it. “Thanks for helping me,” he exhales simply, deflated.

  Aiden looks so despondent. I wish I had the reckless courage to give him the paper now.

  “No worries.” My voice cracks as I watch Aiden still staring down at that paper. “Are you okay?”

  “I was thinking that I’ll miss seeing you.” He looks at me with longing.

  Words escape me. I feel no time. I look at him and touch the piece of paper in my pocket. Giving him this paper breaches not only the promise of my marriage but my ethics. Yet, I don’t want whatever this is to end with this man sitting in front of me.

  Holly, whatever will you do?

  I must break this awkward silence. “I’m sure everything will be fine with your new officer.”

  “Yeah, I guess.” He looks up at me with his hands steepled, and a yearning in his eyes that I have never seen before.

  I want to sound upbeat and professional, but my insides are screaming out to Aiden, ‘Don’t go’. My stomach knots as I say, “I’m sure the new property will keep you busy, which is a good thing. Keeping busy keeps us out of trouble.” As I continue to speak, my voice cracks weakly, “Is there anything else I need to note on your file for today?”

  “Everything’s good. You’re right about the work needed at the new property, but, uhh…” Aiden starts to say something but does not finish. His expression seems flat, almost as though he’s nervous sitting here with me. I watch as he thumbs his Akubra hat with those strong fingers of his, playing with a loose thread while squirming in his chair.

  After a few seconds, I fill the silence. “Well, I have to say again, Aiden, I think you’ll be fine and I wish you all the best with everything.” I have to get out of this room because I can’t handle this anymore.

  The air is heavy and my breathing is strained as I get up to lead him to the door. But I still haven’t decided what will happen between us. I’m still so torn about what to do.

  He gets up, too, but hesitates.

  Is
he also sad to say goodbye? Or has my desperation to be noticed inflated his intent in my mind? I don’t want to risk my job if I have misread this situation. Oh, God, what to do?

  At the door, Aiden turns to me and offers his hand to shake. Normally, because of rules, I would not reciprocate, but I want to hold this man’s hand. It may be the last chance I have to feel that electricity between us.

  I realise that this is the moment to give him the paper if I’m going to do it. I look him straight in the eyes, while holding his hand, willing myself to say goodbye and wish him luck. Our eyes lock, and I know there is something between us, but I’m worried I’ve exaggerated this whole thing.

  Could it be possible I have created this fantasy because I have been feeling so alone?

  After a moment, our hands break free and he turns to leave. “Ah, Aiden,” I delay things once again as my hand grips the paper in my pocket tightly.

  He turns. With sad eyes and longing in his voice, he says, “Yeah, Holly?”

  “Hopefully, I see you again.”

  He nods, “That would be nice.” Then looking down at the ground, he turns and walks away.

  I swallow the lump in my throat. The paper with my number remains crumpled in my pocket, moist from my nervous hand. I could not do it. So, I let him go and my heart shatters. Maybe unrequited love will just have to do.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  A FEW DAYS go by and everything goes back to being mundane at work. It was nice to have that temporary distraction called Aiden, but now it’s over. It was just some momentary excitement in my otherwise boring, lonely life.

  You must forget him, Holly.

  Another reporting day has come around and as usual, I get stuck behind another cattle truck. Thank goodness, Lisa has a coffee waiting for me when I walk through the door.

  Halfway through the morning, Rex, one of my probationers, busts through the waiting room door and slams his fist against the buzzer.

  Lisa alarmed, says, “Uh oh, looks like a live one.”