Outwait

by Lisa Suzanne

  I don’t know Sylvie well enough for it to be love, but my parents didn’t know each other very well when they knew. Carter didn’t know Courtney that well when he knew.

  What if it is?

  Even if it’s not, does it matter?

  Either way, Sylvie is worth fighting for, and it’s time for me to prove it.

  CHAPTER 28

  SYLVIE

  I haven’t seen him since I came back into the ballroom. Dessert was waiting on the table for me after my bathroom break, but I lost my appetite somewhere between a random by the pool and a waitress in the kitchen.

  “You okay?” William asked me, concern dripping off his words.

  I nod. “Fine,” I mumble, refusing to take my eyes off the red velvet cake in front of me. My eyes are brimming with tears and if I look over at him, he’ll know I’m about to cry. I close my eyes and draw in a deep breath through my nose. It doesn’t help the pain in my stomach, but it does help the tears. I refuse to cry in the middle of a charity event.

  Their words hurt more than they should. I should be focusing on the nice things they said—he’s different because of me, he’s into me, blah blah blah—but all I can think about is the fact that he’s never had a serious relationship. He’s always with a different woman.

  Tigers don’t change their stripes.

  He doesn’t want me for me. He wants me because he can’t have me. That much is obvious, and now that I know the truth about him, he will never have me.

  Never mind the fact that he came here alone tonight—that doesn’t mean he’ll go home alone. He knew I’d be here, so he came alone in the hopes of continuing his relentless pursuing. I remember mentioning Lindor-Hodge at dinner last night. I wonder if he’d planned to come all along. It’s been sold out for months, so I have to believe he planned to be here…yet last night he asked me to dinner tonight, and he has enough connections and money and strings to pull to get a ticket to any event he wants.

  My chest aches again when William finishes his dessert and tosses his arm casually around my shoulders. It’s some strange mix between annoying and comforting. This man beside me wants me for me. He doesn’t want me because of the company I’m associated with or because I’m involved with someone else or because I’m a challenge. He loves me. He knows me, and I know him. He’s comfortable. He’s home. He’s the man I’ve given two years of my life to, the man I planned to spend my life with—the man I still plan to spend my life with.

  Sure, I’m angry with him, but all of that has just been exacerbated because of my crush on Carson. This whole crush will eventually become a thing of the past; I just need to find a way to get over him—and I will get over him. I do my best to convince myself that Courtney and Emme’s words about him helped set me on that track, yet I find myself glancing at the door every few minutes just to see if he’s walking through it.

  The emcee gets back on the stage and says a few words. I glance back at the door for the hundredth time, but I still haven’t seen Carson walk through it.

  Good, what a relief.

  Maybe he left.

  Perfect.

  I hope he did.

  I think the words, but even in my mind I don’t believe them for one hot second.

  The emcee introduces the keynote speaker, who talks to us about having a giving attitude tonight, but I’m not really listening. I wonder where Carson went, if he’s still here, if he’s still staring at the back of my head…if he still has hearts in his eyes.

  I shake my head to get him out of it. I try to focus on what the keynote speaker is saying, but my mind wanders. He’s talking about all the children who will benefit from tonight’s funds raised, giving specific cases from last year’s beneficiaries. I should be listening with rapt attention. I should be tearing up because of the kids who were helped. Instead, I’m selfishly focusing on my own issues, which actually pale in comparison to those of the very children he’s discussing.

  Our dessert plates are cleared, mine still holding a full piece of cake. I glance over at my parents. They’re happy together even after thirty years, but it hasn’t been an easy road. My dad’s arm is slung around my mom’s shoulder in much the same way William’s is around mine, but for them, it’s sweet. For us…I don’t know.

  The keynote speaker finishes and Hoffman Lindor takes the stage. I can’t help but wonder if Carson is the type of person who would really take this guy’s wife right up on the stage. I know it was a joke, but would he really sleep with a married woman? He’s been after me without a care that I have a boyfriend, but I’m not married. I don’t know that I could be with someone who thinks it’s okay to sleep with someone who is, though.

  Not that it matters. I won’t ever be with him. I’m with William, and I’ll be happy with him again just like I was before Carson stepped into my life and fucked it all up.

  William goes to get me another glass of wine, and then the dancing begins.

  William seems off tonight. I know he’s trying, and I know this is his big effort to fix things between us, but he’s almost too over the top. He’s constantly touching me, and it’s all a little overwhelming—especially when I’m still reeling from my bathroom encounter with Carson’s in-laws.

  The music starts, and it’s a slower song. “You want to dance?” William asks me.

  I glance behind me automatically. Courtney and Emme are staring at me along with a man I can only assume is Emme’s husband, and all three look away when I glance back. Carson’s chair and the seat next to Courtney are vacant.

  “Sure,” I murmur, and I push back from the table.

  William helps me up and leads me to the dance floor. My parents stand as well and follow us.

  “You having fun?” he asks.

  I shrug. I still can’t really look him in the eye.

  He’s not the best dancer in the world, and we’re moving slowly in a circle. When he positions me in that circle so I’m facing the door, I happen to see Carson walk through it. His eyes immediately find mine, and my chest burns.

  “I love you, Sylvie,” William says. I hear his voice somewhere in my periphery. I’m sure he expects me to say it back, but right now I can’t open my mouth to respond.

  My eyes are locked onto Carson’s across the room. William turns me as we dance, but my eyes remain locked in place until they can’t anymore because I’d have to twist my neck to see him. As soon as we turn a bit more, I’m able to see him again. He’s glued to his spot near the doorway, his eyes still on me. I recognize Carter, his brother, from that article I read. He stands beside Carson. He says something to Carson, and Carson nods. He starts to step toward me.

  William stops his dancing, stops moving in a circle. “I wanted to wait until later to do this, but I can’t wait anymore.”

  He backs slowly away from me. I force my eyes away from Carson to see what the hell William is doing.

  To my utter horror, he kneels down. One knee is on the ground, and the other is bent to support his position.

  He pulls something out of his pocket.

  Oh my God.

  I feel like I’m going to pass out.

  I think I might throw up.

  It’s that same panicked feeling that rushed over me at The Port. I feel like I’m suffocating even though there is plenty of space around me.

  All eyes are on me. Somewhere in the distance, I hear my mother gasp, so I know my parents are watching. People are turning toward us as they notice what’s happening, and I feel all eyes in the room turn directly to me. Heat rushes up my body and into my face.

  I know what he’s about to ask, and I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do.

  I know how I want to answer and I know how I should answer, and those answers don’t match.

  People are watching.

  Carson is watching.

  My eyes find Carson’s again, and the horror I feel exploding in my chest is reflected on his face.

  “Will you marry me?”

  CHAPTER 29
>
  CARSON

  Fuck.

  No.

  No, no, no, no.

  Fuck.

  My eyes are glued to hers as I wait with baited breath for her response. I didn’t hear the question, but from the lawyer’s position on the floor, it’s pretty obvious.

  She breaks her eye contact from me to look at the man asking her to marry him.

  My heart sinks into my stomach. In the split second it takes for her to give her answer, a million thoughts run through my mind.

  If she says yes, it’s over. I have no last chance with her. I have no hope left. Like Lauren said that day in my office, if there’s a ring on her finger, that’s a big, fat no.

  But if she says no…

  Then maybe I do have a shot.

  I wish I could’ve spoken with her tonight before this moment, before he got down on his knee and asked her to spend his life with her.

  He’s an idiot—that much I know. She deserves a better proposal than in the middle of a damn business event. She deserves better than some lawyer she doesn’t even trust enough to tell about her father’s condition.

  Maybe I don’t know her very well, but in that split second, I feel like I know her better than William does.

  She has to say no. She needs to say no.

  My heart can’t take it. Everything aches again. I was better off outside, seething with anger at Courtney and Emme. I was better off not seeing the shit show in front of me.

  “Oh, shit,” Carter mutters beside me.

  I can’t be bothered to look over at him. I know he’s seeing what I’m seeing.

  She nods her head, and William slides the ring onto her finger. He stands, and they hug while I break.

  Everything inside me breaks. I’m broken. Irreparable. Done.

  I turn and head for the door I just stepped through a few seconds ago. I want to leave. I want to go home, back to New York, away from all that has broken me. I never want to return to San Diego again.

  Shit like this is why I prefer my life the way it has always been. When you take a random girl home to fuck and send her on her way before morning, feelings don’t get involved.

  Feelings are such bullshit.

  My life was fine before Sylvie Baker stepped foot into my boardroom. I wish she never had. I wish I’d never met her, because then I’d never have this heaving sorrow spearing my chest. I’d still be floating from one woman to the next without a care in the world.

  Instead I’m standing in the middle of a hotel lobby feeling like I want to cry. Heat presses unfamiliarly behind my eyes. Are you fucking kidding me? I move blindly toward the front doors of the hotel.

  I can only remember crying once in my entire life, and it was at my grandmother’s funeral. I was eleven and she was my best friend. She was my mother’s best friend, my brother’s best friend. I still miss her every day.

  “You okay, man?” Carter’s hand is suddenly on my shoulder.

  I draw in a deep breath, which helps that weird stinging in my face subside a bit. “No.”

  I pull out my phone and text Lauren.

  Me: I need the next flight back to NY. Text me when it’s done.

  I slip my phone back into my pocket. It vibrates with a reply, but I know she hasn’t booked it that fast and I’m certain she’s going to try to change my mind.

  There’s only one thing that could change my mind, but she just agreed to marry another man.

  “I need to be alone,” I spit at Carter.

  “Too fucking bad.”

  I rub my forehead.

  “Just go, Carter.” I go for a hard tone, but my voice sounds weak even to my own ears. “Go back and have fun with your girl. I’m leaving.”

  Carter sighs heavily and claps my shoulder. “Don’t give up, man. She was looking across the room at you when he was down on his knee asking her to marry him.”

  He turns and walks back into the hotel, leaving me with that final thought.

  He’s wrong. I have to give up now. She has a ring on her finger that says she’s going to spend her life with another man. I have no fight left in me.

  I pace in front of the hotel. I could leave—I should leave. My own hotel is less than a mile away. I came here in a chauffeured car with my family, but a walk might do me some good, might help clear my head. Besides, I don’t want to go back in that room to see his arms around her, to see them kissing in celebration, to watch their happiness as they look toward the rest of their lives together.

  But, as hurt and sad as I feel, Carter’s right about one thing: she was looking at me. Our eyes locked, and there was definite heat that traveled the length of the space between us.

  I’m just not sure if that actually means anything.

  CHAPTER 30

  SYLVIE

  I briefly wonder if this is what suffocation feels like. William is holding me tightly as we dance our first dance as an engaged couple—too tightly. I can barely breathe, but I don’t know how to tell him to back off. Eyes are still on us, watching our every move as the sparkly new diamond on my finger glints when the low lights catch it.

  I didn’t know what to do. He’s a prominent corporate lawyer at my company, and this event is well attended by everyone in our business community—including my own parents.

  My mom is thrilled. She hugged me tightly while the onlookers clapped, and my dad was next. “Are you sure this is what you want?” he asked.

  I gave him a small smile in response because no, I’m not sure this is what I want. In fact, it’s becoming more and more clear to me that this isn’t what I want at all.

  I nodded my head just once after William asked the question.

  I wasn’t nodding at him.

  I was nodding because I finally knew what I had to do. It was a nod of conviction, and I didn’t realize in the blur of what was happening that he might misinterpret what it meant. Just as I was about to open my mouth to tell him this isn’t what I want, he stood and pressed his mouth to mine.

  He took it as a yes.

  What else was I supposed to do? He slipped the ring on my finger before I could even process what was happening. My eyes went immediately to the door as the ring made its way up my third finger to rest in its cradle just above my knuckle. Carson turned and disappeared through the door, taking my heart with him.

  My heart isn’t here, isn’t with William. It’s out that door with Carson.

  I want to run after him and tell him that, but William’s death grip on me has me rooted to the spot as we move in a slow circle. He’s all blissed out, and I’m panicking again. Carson thinks I want to marry William. My parents dance beside us, smiling with approval. They think I want to marry William. Everyone in this room thinks I want to marry William.

  I don’t want to marry William.

  I didn’t even say yes.

  What’s the appropriate amount of time to wait to tell him? One song? Two?

  Or do I just leave it where it is for the moment and excuse myself to the restroom once everyone stops staring at the happy, newly engaged couple?

  These are the thoughts turning over in my mind while I dance with William. After one song, the attention moves off of us a bit, but I don’t know if it’s too late. I don’t know where Carson went or what must be going through his head right now.

  I wonder if he’s still here or if he left. Would he have gone back to his hotel?

  Last night he told me he was staying at the Hyatt, and I memorized the room number he told me: thirty-eight twenty-seven. The Hyatt isn’t far from here.

  Or would he have found a bar somewhere close by? A place where he could find a random woman to bring back to his hotel?

  He’s so wrong for me. He’s a womanizer. He’s stealing my family’s business. He’s unpredictable and he’s a prick. But…he’s also a vulnerable boy who wants to impress his father. He’s funny and has a kind side to him that I don’t think he lets many people see. He’s so ridiculously hot and he brings out these emotions in me that I didn’t
even know existed.

  He’s making me see color where I always saw black and white. He’s woken me from a lifetime of sleeping.

  And I barely even know him.

  I wonder when life got so damn complicated.

  Two songs, that’s my limit. “I need to run to the restroom,” I tell William. He grins at me and nods, his hair flopping in that way it does, and I want to feel warmth when I look at him, but it no longer exists there. I manage to get away from him before he plants another kiss on my lips.

  I try to rush out of the room, but I’m stopped by friends and colleagues with words of congratulation. I plaster that smile back on my face, but the beast inside me is clawing its way out. I need to get to him. I need to tell him this is all just a big misunderstanding and that even though I can’t comprehend what I’m feeling for him, it’s stronger than anything I ever felt for William.

  He’s not in the lobby so I rush out to the front of the hotel, but there’s no sign of him. I make my way through the lobby and out to the pool. He’s not there, either—not with a random and not by himself.

  I don’t know if he’s in the kitchen with some waitress or up on the stage with Lindor’s wife. I could text him and hope for a reply, but my phone is in my little clutch on the table in the ballroom. I can’t just sneak back in there to send a covert text; I’ll be stopped by a hundred different people, and William will surely be waiting for me.

  I sit on one of the lounge chairs by the pool for a second to try to figure out what the hell to do. I stare into the tranquil water, trying to find some clarity to calm the tumultuous thoughts pulling at my brain.

  I’ll go back into the ballroom. I’ll get to my phone at some point, and I’ll figure out what to say when I need to say it.

  Just as I come to grips with this new, weak plan, I hear my name.

  “Sylvie.”

  I turn toward the voice, and he walks toward me before he stops in front of the chair next to me.