Suddenly his smile does falter though, and I’m sure he’s about to answer my second question. “And I’m sorry for not telling you sooner. We haven’t been talking a lot, and you barely ever asked questions about my life, so I thought you weren’t interested in hearing about her. I would have told you about her eventually but wanted to wait for a bit longer to see how things were going between us.”
Carter’s hand presses into my lower back, a friendly gesture that’s probably meant to comfort me. But the heat of his touch through my shirt has the opposite effect, and my skin buzzes from the contact.
My momentary distraction is gone when my brother’s words finally register, the impact of them making me waver for a second.
There are so many things I want to say right now but don’t. I know I’m responsible for most of the distance between us, so I can’t blame him for pulling back some too. Even more so if I might have seemed uninterested in hearing about his life.
What a mess.
I tell myself not to dwell on the past, and that there’s no better time to turn things around than right now.
Pushing past the lump in my throat, I try and give him the most genuine smile I can muster. “Well, I hope I get to meet her sometime. It’s easy to see how special she is to you. Your face lights up like a Christmas tree every time you talk about her.”
Ollie throws a quick glance at Carter, who replies, “It’s true, dude.”
When my brother looks back at me, he shrugs. “You’re right. I like her. She’s great, really great. And she can’t wait to meet you. I’ve already told her all about you.”
I’m flooded with emotions that he told her about me, but I’m also glad he did. “I’m happy for you. Why don’t we go out for dinner this weekend?”
He nods. “Sounds great to me. I’d really like that.”
Turning to look at Carter, my mouth starts talking without consulting my brain first. “You’re coming too, right? I don’t want to be the third wheel with those lovebirds.”
He glances at my brother before looking at me. “Sure. Why not? It’s a date.”
I roll my eyes and groan, but at the same time, I’m also unable to ignore the fluttering in my belly.
“Relax, Jules. It’ll be just like old times.” Carter chuckles and winks at me before looking at his watch and shooting my brother a look. “We better get going if we want to get any work done today.”
“I’ll be right there.”
Carter tips his chin, and after a curious look in my direction, he saunters out of the room.
Ollie goes to his desk and puts his laptop and his notebook in his briefcase. “It seems like you guys really have gotten closer this last week. You’re already bickering like you used to.”
His comment stuns me, causing me to freeze momentarily. I shake my head to clear my thoughts, knowing I really have to get a grip on my reactions. “I missed both of you. A lot. I didn’t realize how much my life had changed until this last week, and I’m truly sorry it took me so long. It’s been a bit of a shock, to be honest. Yet, I’m happy I’ve realized it.”
My voice is thick with emotion when Ollie walks back to me to give my forehead a kiss. “I’m glad you feel that way. You’re home now, and that’s all that matters.”
After giving my shoulder a squeeze, he picks up his suit jacket from the hook on the back of the door and drapes it over his arm. “I better get going, but I’ll see you later, okay?”
And with that, the two most important men in my life leave me alone to my wacky thoughts. At least, some things never change.
Chapter 16
Carter
The living room is dark except for the glare of the TV, but I find it oddly comforting. I’m still nursing my first beer, somehow not feeling in the mood to drink. When a certain someone left for her date a few hours ago, I thought having a few drinks was exactly what I needed. Guess I was wrong.
Maybe I should go to sleep. She might not be back for a while anyway.
It’s not like I’m waiting for her to come home or anything.
Yeah, right.
Just when I decide to not be sitting here when she gets back, the key turns in the lock before the door opens slowly.
The porch light illuminates Julia from behind, and it’s my first glimpse of her today. I’ve barely seen her since the conversation with her and Ollie two days ago. We’ve been flooded at work, putting in the necessary extra hours. The little I did see her at home, I’m pretty sure she tried to avoid me as much as possible. Instead of pushing her, like I really wanted to, I gave her some space, hoping this would be the right thing to do.
I can’t deny how relieved I am she’s not wearing one of the super sexy outfits she got on our shopping trip last week. But the green dress she’s wearing is still sexy, highlighting those damn curves of hers, the same ones I can’t stop thinking about.
On second thought, I’m starting to think not even a potato sack can hide them. Or maybe I just imagine her naked under me, no matter what clothes she has on.
I groan out loud, annoyed with the direction my thoughts have taken me once again, for about the millionth time this week.
“Carter?” Julia almost stumbles as she inhales sharply, her hand flying to her chest. “You scared me. Why in the world are you sitting here in the dark?”
“I’m not sitting in the dark, I’m watching TV.” The words come out a little raspy, my mind still stuck on my previous thoughts of her, when I point to the screen as if she doesn’t know where or what the TV is.
Way to go, Carter.
After closing the door, she walks over to me, her eyes focused on the TV. “Since when are you into reality shows?”
A quick check confirms I have obviously no idea what’s actually on.
Busted.
I lift my shoulders in a half shrug. “Oh. There wasn’t anything else on.”
Narrowing her eyes, she gazes at me, and I know she doesn’t believe a word I’m saying. She snorts as she sits next to me on the couch but doesn’t call me out. Instead, she grabs my beer and downs it.
Less than two seconds later, she swallows hard before pinching her lips together, right before pulling the bottle from her mouth with a loud pop. “Ew, this is warm. How long have you been holding this?”
I roll my neck and stare at the ceiling. “A while?”
“Reality TV and warm beer? What’s going on with you? Are you okay?” I can hear the smirk in her voice, and I can’t help myself and look at her. Her eyes sparkle as she stares at me with a grin.
At that moment, I realize I’ve actually missed her the past few days. It was so easy to fall back into our old pattern last week that I’ve gotten used to hanging out with her. Just being around her, laughing with her, it’s like sunshine for my body, releasing endorphins left and right. And that was without the sex. Add that on top of it, and my endorphins were on crack.
Since I can’t tell her that, I try my best to stay composed. “Sure.” I redirect the attention to her, which apparently also turns me into some kind of masochist. “So, how was your date?”
She sighs heavily. “Ugh. Don’t ask.”
“That good, huh?” The wave of relief that shoots through me shouldn’t surprise me, but I have a hard time not pumping my fist in the air. Which I realize is a total dick move, but there’s no point in denying I’m happy about the outcome, and I’m afraid it’s written all over my face too. I told her I’d help her with her little journey as best as I could, but that guy she went out with was definitely not husband material.
Not that I think anyone is good enough for her.
Also, when I agreed to help her, I hadn’t had the enjoyment of spending countless pleasure-filled hours with her. And that changed things, even though Julia seems to be sticking to her pretense that nothing transpired between us. So I play along, as good as I can.
The least I can do is make sure she doesn’t end up with a total jerk.
“I’m not even sure what happened.” S
he kicks off her shoes and puts her legs on the coffee table next to mine.
Her legs. The same ones that were wrapped around my body last week when I was—
“Carter, are you listening?” She snaps her fingers in front of my face to get my attention.
“What?” I blink before my gaze flickers to her face. “Sorry. I just remembered something, but it’s not important. Go on.”
She eyes me suspiciously for a moment before throwing her hands up. “I don’t know. He seemed so nice and funny at the gym last week, didn’t he? I mean you saw him too. Didn’t you think he was a great guy?”
I cross my arms over my chest, relaxing back into the couch. “I have no clue, Jules. It’s not like I talked to him.”
“That’s true, I guess. Anyway, he was boring as hell. It was so bad I actually drank a ton of water just so I could go to the bathroom more often. He probably thought I have a bladder problem.”
Her shoulders shake against mine, and I laugh too. That seems like such a Julia thing to do. She always comes up with the weirdest ideas. But it’s something I’ve always liked about her. It makes her different, unique.
“Only you, Jules. I’m sure there would have been easier ways to escape the evening and your lame company.”
The punch in the arm hits me before I can move out of the way, but she chuckles. “Stop it. It still turned out to be a rather productive evening in the end.”
My heartbeat increases. What?
“Oh yeah?” Does my voice just sound funny to me or can Julia hear it too? I clear my throat, willing whatever is blocking my vocal cords to go away. Neither do I need nor want to feel this weirdness around Jules. It only complicates things. “How so?”
She rummages through her purse until she pulls out her phone with a triumphant “Ha” before proudly wiggling it around in front of my face like it’s a miracle she found it in the first place. Which might have been the case.
I pretend to give this some serious thought. “Did you play games on your phone to distract yourself?”
She shakes her head.
“Take some funny selfies?”
Another chuckle, this one vibrating through me, reminding me of how much I like to see her happy.
Ugh. Make it stop. Brain, conscious, subconscious, or whatever is feeding me these thoughts. Shut it.
“No, silly. But when Chad was finally done talking about his boring office job, he continued to move on to his even more boring stock adventures he does in his free time. At that point, I couldn’t take it anymore and pulled out my phone under the table.”
I tip my head in her direction. “Yes, I got that. Just tell me already, Jules. The suspense is killing me.”
Not really, but she doesn’t need to know that. For all I know, she was planning her next date.
An impish smile makes her mouth twitch. “I finally had the time and inspiration to write my real husband checklist.”
She looks at me expectantly, clearly wanting a reaction, so I throw my hands up in the worst fake jazz hands performance ever. “Oh, the joy.”
She sticks out her tongue. “You’re so bad.”
“Sorry. Let’s hear it.”
Her fingers keep pushing on her phone, lighting up her face. It’s easy to tell by the remaining smile how excited she is about this.
“Okay. Are you ready?” She turns her body to face me.
Her leg brushes mine in the process, one of her knees firmly pressed against the side of my thigh. I shouldn’t react to something completely non-sexual like this but I do. Not to mention the fact that her dress has ridden up with her new sitting position, exposing even more of her gorgeous creamy skin.
I’m so doomed.
So fucking screwed.
After clearing her voice, she holds her phone up. “Here we go. Julia’s Husband Checklist:
Number One: Good sense of humor
Number Two: Commitment/Monogamy
Number Three: Family values
Number Four: Steady communication
Number Five: Emotionally stable
Number Six: Confident
Number Seven: Responsible
Number Eight: Respectful (especially to his mom)
Number Nine: Honest
Number Ten: Driven
Number Eleven: Romantic
Number Twelve: Reliable
Number Thirteen: Kind
Number Fourteen: Same life outlook
Number Fifteen: Sexual attraction
Number Sixteen: Good with children.”
My brain has tried to keep up with the list, inadvertently comparing myself to every item.
Air is suddenly stalled in my lungs, and my mouth is dry. Since the only thing around is the warm, stale beer, I cough, hoping this feeling will go away. “That’s quite the list you got there.”
The smile she gives me is dimmer than the previous ones. “The conversations we had since Nate called things off helped a lot. Also, my dinner date gave me lots of additional inspiration of what I don’t want. The evening obviously didn’t exactly turn out the way I wanted, but that’s okay. Even though he didn’t feel the same way. He actually thought we had a great time and asked if I wanted to come over to his place for another drink. Talk about not being on the same page.”
Her words make my skin all prickly. I have to do something about this. It definitely can’t continue this way. “Wow, he sounds like a real winner.”
I don’t say anything else, not wanting the choice words that come to mind to ruin the moment.
“Exactly. Like I said, not who I thought he was at all. But I’m happy anyway. At least now I have my list.”
“A very long list.”
Julia pushes loose hairs behind her ear. “It is. But I only want to settle for what’s best for me and nothing less. Is that so wrong?”
Shit. This whole conversation has put me more on the spot than I liked. “No, it’s not. You deserve all that and then some. Hopefully, you can find someone who will be just right for you.”
Even if I won’t like it.
Even if I will hate seeing her with anyone else, despite knowing how irrational that is.
But of course, I don’t mention any of that to her. She seems happy in her world of denial.
“Thank you.” The look she gives me is soft, maybe a little hopeful. Shit. I feel like I was just punched in the gut, because it makes me want to be everything on that list just to make her look at me like this every day. Every damn day.
But we both know I’ll never fulfill the requirements of her husband checklist. I am many of those things. Most of them really, except the most important one: same life outlook. I can’t share that. I can’t see marriage in my future, not after my parents have proven me time and time again how foolish love and relationships are, and that nothing good can ever last. And that’s what Julia deserves. A love that will stand the test of time and last forever. A marriage like her parents had. A marriage where love is enough.
Julia leans her head on my shoulder and we stay like this for a while, both of us lost in our own thoughts, with one thought especially loud in my head. When she finds her husband, we’ll never get to do this again, and a weird scratchy feeling inhabits my chest. How the hell do I get it out?
Chapter 17
Julia
Two dinner dates in three days.
Well, technically only one since I’m not going on a real date tonight. Carter and I are only meeting up with Ollie and his girlfriend.
Staring at my reflection in the full-length mirror, I smooth over the black dress I bought with Carter at the store last week. I love the way it accentuates my hourglass figure. At first, I wasn’t sure if it’s too much, but I knew I had to have it when I saw Carter’s eyes light up the second I came out of the dressing room.
Maybe, just maybe, it played a little role in me choosing it for tonight too. Who am I kidding? It totally did. Watching him drool over me has given me a confidence boost like nothing else has.
Which
is a whole other problem.
It shouldn’t matter what clothes he likes on me.
It shouldn’t matter that I want him to like the way I look.
Yet, it does.
This whole going-back-to-our-old-relationship thing has been a total bust so far, if anyone asks me. Carter has such an undeniable presence—sensual—even in everyday tasks. Like . . . putting away groceries.
How is that even remotely sexy?
It shouldn’t be.
I mean . . . crap. Crap, crap, crap.
I’m hopeless when it co—
“Jules, are you done in there? We have to leave soon to be on time.”
Carter’s words, paired with the knock on my bedroom door, snaps me out of my thoughts, the lingering feeling of them making my heart beat faster. If he only knew that he’s been invading my mind all week long, starring in some of my late-night fantasies. Okay, maybe not just some, but all of them.
I went out with Chad the other night, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. Maybe that’s why the date was extra bad because he couldn’t possibly compare to Carter.
To tell the truth, Carter was on my mind a lot too when I constructed my husband checklist. He ticks off most of the items, probably more than he realizes, but of course, the commitment issue is a real no-no. And that may never change. At least not until he finds the woman he wants to change for. Which stings a little.
Our sexual chemistry isn’t enough to forgo something that’s really important to me.
With a heavy sigh, I grab my things and open the door.
And oh.
Goodness.
Wow.
Carter looks as sharp as nails in his black suit pants and a blue shirt that’s unbuttoned enough for me to see the beginning of the light dusting of chest hair. Knowing his chest tattoo is an inch or two behind the opening doesn’t help me stay calm either. I bite my tongue so I don't drool at the sheer sight of it. On second thought, clenching my fists to keep my hands from reaching out to touch the exposed patch of skin might not be a bad idea either.
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