“Did you just say swell?” His lips twitched, and I pressed mine together in a thin line. How dare he use his mouth against me now? He knew how much I loved it when I got even the slightest smile.
“If you were listening to me, then you’d know,” I huffed. It was hard not to smile when that damn corner of his mouth did a definitive upward turn. “What’s so funny?”
“Goddamn it. You always do that. Every time I’m irritated, you make me fucking laugh.” And then he went and gave me a full-blown smile.
My heart nearly exploded. I let go of his hands and threw my arms around his neck. Being pressed against him made me feel whole again, and when he didn’t push me away but embraced me back, I was inspired all over again not to give up on this. I couldn’t. This was exactly where we belonged.
“Go ahead and admit you miss me,” I whispered into his ear. Daniel looked down at me with an arched brow, the smile gone. “I’ll go first. I’ve missed you.”
He closed his eyes, pained. I couldn’t stand it. I touched his cheek, and he leaned into it. He was savoring it like it was going to be the last time.
When he opened his eyes, he was gone again, and for a fleeting moment, I wasn’t so certain I could get him back.
“I need to make a phone call.” His voice was hoarse as he disentangled himself from me.
“Unzip me first?”
I presented my back to him.
He sucked in a breath. Though I couldn’t see him, I felt him almost reach for me and then drop his hands. “I can’t.”
Before I could turn around, I heard the sound of his dress shoes on the hardwood floor as he walked away. And then there was silence. It made me want to scream, until it occurred to me Daniel had not ordered me or my things out. There was hope.
Muriella had mixed my things in with Daniel’s in the closet, and my suitcase was nowhere to be found. I loved that woman more than life itself, and I sincerely hoped I was around when he discovered what she’d done. He was used to our antics by now, but he wasn’t immune to them.
I wiggled out of my dress and put on my favorite jeans, one of Daniel’s white oxford shirts, and my ballet slippers. This was where I belonged. Where I could breathe.
I drifted to the bathroom and hopped on the counter, my legs dangling. He hadn’t said he wanted me home, but he hadn’t said he didn’t either. I could work with this. “You’re frowning.”
I hadn’t heard Daniel enter the bathroom, but when I looked at him, he took my breath away. His bow tie still hung untied around his neck, and he’d loosened the top few buttons of his shirt. There wasn’t an ounce of malice in his voice, but there was a definite sadness that made my heart hurt.
Before I could say anything, his phone rang, and he answered it right away. I heard a female cackle coming from the other end of the line, but it wasn’t clear enough for me to understand.
“That’s fine.” Those were the only words he spoke before he ended the call. “Giselle is home. You have to go.”
I didn’t move, lifting my chin in defiance, though it felt like he’d shot me in the chest.
“Did you ever make a promise to me you wouldn’t keep?” “You know I haven’t.”
“And have I made any promises to you I haven’t kept?” He sighed. “No.”
“I will not stop until I have my family back.” There was a flicker of something on his face. “If she is here, then she is not home. Do you want to tell her that, or do you want me to?”
“Vivian, you need to accept I’ve moved on,” he said, voice flat.
Liar.
His cell phone rang again. This time, he didn’t answer it. I slid off the counter to my feet and got right up in his face. “Don’t you get it, Daniel? When you find your everything, that’s impossible. You can fuck every woman on this planet one by one, but it will never be this.”
I grabbed his face and slammed my lips against his. He resisted, but I was hungry. It had been too long since I’d tasted him. This wasn’t a reunion kiss; it was a reminder he was mine. We’d given up any say in that eight years ago by the Christmas tree in New Zealand. My tongue coaxed his lips apart, slipping inside—caress‐ ing, claiming, possessing. Finally his control shattered, and he kissed me back, completely taking over. He pinned me against the wall, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. Our hands explored, our tongues dueled. I’d stuck dynamite in the vault and blown it to smithereens.
My fingers flew to the buttons on his shirt, and when I couldn’t get them undone because of my impatience, I ripped it wide open. I was desperate to feel his skin against mine again. I groaned at how hot and hard he was under my fingers.
He worked on the buttons of the shirt I was wearing but fumbled, and I smiled against his mouth; I had the same effect on him that he had on me. Realizing I was winning, he tore his mouth off of mine, his expression livid.
“This will not happen again,” he grated, reaching behind himself to unhook my legs.
Once my feet were on the floor, I was grateful for the support of the wall behind me. I was used to going from playful to serious and back again with him, but never from scorching hot to ice cold. For a moment, I was at a loss. He looked devastated and pissed off at the same time.
“Yes, it will,” I said when I finally found my voice.
His eyes flashed with anger as he plowed a hand through his hair. “Goddamn it, Vivian. Why can’t you just let it go?”
“If you wanted a woman who just lets things go, you wouldn’t have been with me for so long.” He glared because I was right. “I don’t know why you’re doing this. I do know you love me. If you would tell me what’s going on, we could get through it together and save both of us the heartache.”
“There is no getting through it,” he snarled.
Silly man. Did he think he would scare me with that? I stepped toward him and touched his cheek. His phone rang again.
“She’s not the answer either.” I stroked his face and stopped trying to hide my pain. “If you were attempting to hurt me, you succeeded.”
He closed his eyes, as if he couldn’t stand to look at me. “I don’t want to hurt you, V. I’m trying my damnedest not to.” The words were whisper soft and so full of anguish, my heart broke for him.
I pushed up onto my toes, brushed my lips against his, his forehead fell against mine. “Then stop lying to both of us.”
His lip curled into a snarl. “Are you ready to keep your word to stand by me no matter the circumstance?”
“Absolutely,” I said without hesitation, though his question gave me pause.
“I won’t let you,” he growled.
“You can’t stop me,” I countered. I would keep any and every promise I’d ever made to him.
“You’d better get used to gray and concrete. And maybe they’ll show mercy and give you an extra blanket,” he said bitterly. I blinked at him, at a loss. “Prison. I’m going to prison.”
Pieces began to click into place, though not enough to form the whole picture. “That’s why you were so angry about me finding the autopsy report.”
“I’ve kept you away from parts of my world for reasons you said you understood.”
“I do understand,” I shot back. I grasped his face in my palms. “Why would you think I’d let prison get in the way of us? Did you think I’d leave you?”
“No. Quite the opposite, actually. You’d do anything to keep me out of it.” Somehow I didn’t think he meant that as a compliment.
“Damn right, I would,” I affirmed, gripping his face.
“In this case, if you did, then someone else would get hurt. I can’t allow that.” He turned his head, and I dropped my hands.
I pressed my lips together and studied him. “I don’t care about anyone else,” I finally said.
Daniel’s eyes blazed. “What if it was someone who meant as much to you as Muriella?”
My lips parted before I snapped them shut. The man knew how to make a point.
“Do as I’ve asked. Let thi
s go. Give me the peace I need knowing you’re as far away from this as possible,” he begged. He reached out to touch me, but when he realized it, he stopped.
I took in a deep breath and tried to center my whirring thoughts.
They scattered and fluttered just out of my reach, so I just went with my instincts, like he’d told me to.
“I’m with you. All the way.” I softened my tone, and he took another step back.
Daniel held his hands out in the stop position. I stepped in between them.
“Here—” he pointed to his head, “and here—” he pointed to his heart, “are going to have to be enough.”
Another piece of me broke at the desperation and resolve in his words. “No.” I wrapped my arms around his waist. “We get here too.”
He stiffened when I pressed my body against his. This was home.
He knew it.
“I refuse for you to live that kind of life!” he roared. I drew back, though I fisted his shirt in the small of his back. I couldn’t let go. “What if I’m moved upstate? Or out of state? Do you think I’d make you stay with a man you’ll hardly get to see? I’m looking at a minimum of twenty years. You deserve better than that.”
I clutched the soft cotton of his dress shirt. “I’ll move closer. And as long as I get to see you, that’s all that counts.” He gently shoved at my shoulders in an attempt to distance himself. I held fast, though my voice rose. “And how do you know you’ll be in for at least twenty years? You haven’t even been arrested.”
He arched a brow as if to say, haven’t I? My stomach plummeted. “Oh my God. When?” Panic pushed to the surface, overpowering everything else.
“Last night.” His indifference had me shaking him.
“Are you okay?” My eyes roved his face and every visible part of him I could see, searching for any sign he’d been hurt.
“I had my own cell. If that’s where I end up, it won’t be so bad.” He shrugged, and I pushed at his chest.
“This isn’t a joke. How could you be arrested, spend the night in jail, and I not know about it? How are you out now? When do you have to go back?”
“This is exactly why I let you go. I can’t stand to see you dragged into this mess. There’s nothing to be done, and it’s not worth your worry.” His hands went back into his pockets, but he held my gaze.
“You are worth it!” I shouted, stabbing my index finger into his chest.
“No. I won’t have you coming to see me in a prison. That’s no place for you. And it’s not like you can just waltz in anytime you please. You’d spend more time traveling than we’d actually get to visit.” Excuses. All of them were pitiful excuses.
“So what? Do you think if we aren’t together that’s going to stop me from worrying, or missing you?” He offered me a bland look in response. “I’ll visit you any fucking way.”
“I’ll refuse to see you.” Steel was in his gaze.
“Try and keep me away,” I challenged, squaring my shoulders. “Goddammit.” He pounded his fist low on the wall behind us. “Let me do right by you. Let me fucking protect you. Please.”
“Enough!” I screamed, even as the please permeated my frustration. Of course he’d use that weapon now. “No more excuses.”
“Reasons. They’re reasons, not excuses.”
“I don’t want to hear them.” I slid my hands to his face. “They don’t matter.” I softened my tone and pressed up on my toes. I brushed my lips against his. “Start from the beginning. Make me understand.”
He squeezed his eyes shut and let out a long breath. My mouth hovered near his. I needed him to make the next move. We were close. All he had to do was take us back. I didn’t care what he’d done—in the past or over the last few weeks. I’d forgiven him already.
“I know people who have been through this. I’ve seen what it does to a wife when a man goes to prison.”
“That’s them and this is us,” I said stubbornly. “I’m not saying it will be easy—”
“You have no idea what we’d be up against. Let’s forget about the fact that I could be transferred here, there, and everywhere. The second one of those fuckers says something inappropriate to you…I’ll be in for a legitimate murder.”
“Who the hell is going to say something to me?” I asked incredulously.
“Donato’s wife was felt up by a guard. And let’s not even get into the shit other inmates said to her, and to him about her.”
“Do you honestly think I’m afraid of what someone might say to me?” I threw both hands up. “I won’t like it, but—”
“What if it drives me to beat the everliving shit out of someone? Any chance for parole will fly out the window the second someone says a word to you,” he said through gritted teeth.
“If Donato handled it, you can.”
He snorted. “Oh, he handled it all right. That guard mysteriously disappeared.”
I swallowed hard at that, but I wasn’t going to let anything he was saying deter me. “I’m offended you think so little of me. That I can’t handle this.”
“It’s not you that can’t, Vivian. It’s me. I’m the one that can’t deal with it.”
He pinched his lips together and scrubbed his hand over his face. It pained me to see him this way.
“I can’t do this to you. I never wanted you to be tangled up in my past. And if I keep you, I’m no different than my father. A selfish bastard who couldn’t see past anyone but himself.”
“But I know that’s not who you are. I love you, Daniel. That’s all we need to get through anything.”
His eyelids flew open. “Before you, I’d have said that way of thinking was naive.”
“And now?” I held my breath, waiting for his answer. “You’re my reason for…everything.”
I forgot to wait for him to kiss me. I smashed my lips to his and locked my fingers behind his neck. My eyes remained glued to his. Anguish, determination…and love stared back at me.
His arms banded behind my back, and he pulled me flush against him. “I don’t like this,” he protested, even as he slipped his tongue between my parted lips.
I tilted my hips toward him, his erection hard against me. “Feels like you do.”
His lips twitched before he touched them to mine again. “I want you to have a life. If I let you stay, you won’t. I can’t take your life from you.”
“You already have,” I murmured against his mouth. “All of me belongs to you.”
He groaned, his hold tightening. “Damn right it does.”
“I’m staying. You don’t get to decide.” I tipped my head back and gave him my I’m not fucking around look.
He dropped his forehead to mine. “I never had a choice anyway.” His eyes were clearer when he looked at me. “You’re the only way, V.”
“Are you done pushing me away?”
He swallowed hard and cradled my head to his chest. “I-I don’t know how to deal with leaving you on your own. It’s hard for me to accept you settling when you deserve so much better.”
I sighed and burrowed against him. “You are more than I deserve.
And we’ll find our way. Please don’t make me do it without you.” Daniel kissed the top of my head. “I never really left you.”
I popped up to look at him, eyes rounded. “What about her?”
“I knew you wouldn’t believe I was done, that you’d see right through my bullshit. I secured a modeling contract for Giselle in exchange for her pretending to be my girlfriend. She never spent one night here, just left some stuff so Muriella would tell you. I never touched her. Never wanted to.”
“Where is she anyway? I thought she was here.”
“She was. Paul intercepted her at the door. Apparently Muriella told him she wasn’t allowed on the premises anymore.” His eyes danced with mirth. “She said she was going back home. I told her that was fine.” He fingered a lock of my hair. “No one could ever take your place, but I had to make it convincing. Should have known it wouldn’t
matter.”
“Neither of us can stop this.” I motioned between the two of us. “You should know that by now.”
“I had to try. For you. But this isn’t just about prison. My fear of exactly what happened with Vinny tonight drove me to keep that part of my life separated from you and Muriella. I never wanted them to touch you. But in the end, my secrecy drove you to seek out Donato, which landed you right in the crosshairs. I made you less safe instead of more.”
“I get why you wanted to keep us away from those people. I’m glad you did in some respects. I never want to come home to a scene like that again.”
“You won’t,” he said, resolute. “I was wrong. I should have been honest with you from the start. A mistake I won’t make again.”
His features transformed. He kissed the tip of my nose. “Why do you always have to be right?”
“It’s just part of life.” I shrugged.
“Two seconds after telling you the truth and I see things so much more clearly.” He held me close. “I have to go, but you’ll be here when I get home.”
“Wait. We need to talk about how we’re going to get you out of this. Where are you going?”
“To get some answers.”
Chapter 36
DANIEL
* * *
Twenty-Five Years Earlier
* * *
“WHO THE FUCK IS IT?”
I balled my fist and pounded on the door again at the sound of my father’s voice. A roach skittered in front of my foot and through the wide gap under the door of room 213. I hope he steps on it barefoot.
The window air conditioning unit kicked on, a pitiful whine that morphed into an overworked wheeze as it strained to keep up in the heat. Pink paint peeled from the edge of the door frame revealing the piss-yellow that had coated the metal before. Six Michelob bottles were lined up against the railing across from the room next door, divots in the cement walkway in front of them. Target practice at close range.
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