by S. M. Shade
“Can you determine the sex?” Airen asks.
“It’s too early for that, but we’ll do another ultrasound around four months, and we may be able to tell then. Any preference?” She grins at us.
“Boy,” I blurt out, as Airen says, “Healthy.” They all look at me, and I shrug. “I realize that’s not the politically correct answer, but I want a boy.”
Airen kisses me on the forehead. “I’d love to have a son, but another little Abby running around would be wonderful as well.”
I let it go. There is no need for him to know how that possibility terrifies me.
* * * *
The morning sickness passes, and my appetite returns with a vengeance. I’ve lost nearly fifteen pounds, and while I know I’ll gain it back, I’m trying not to overeat and get too big. I’m tired all the time, but Julie assures me that will get better in my second trimester.
We haven’t told the kids yet. They have been occupied and happy because Uno received a clean bill of health from Julie. I don’t think we can keep the pregnancy a secret much longer. The way the guys are fawning over me, insisting I eat, and suggesting I take a nap in the afternoon is making it apparent that something is up.
It’s barely been two weeks when Jayla approaches me. We are both enjoying a rare day of relaxation. Walker and Carson are occupied with a video game. Joseph and Airen are at Julie’s house helping her rearrange furniture in her bedroom. Jayla and I are lounging around the living room, reading, and I feel her eyes on me, as she stares over her book. When I raise my eyebrows at her, she blurts, “What’s wrong with you?”
“Excuse me?”
“Something is wrong. I know it. Dad and Joseph act like you’re made of glass. You’ve lost weight, and you take naps when you never used to before.”
This girl is perceptive I’ll give her that. “I’m fine, sweetie, I promise.”
Her eyes narrow, and her nostrils flare. “I’m not a little kid anymore. It’s worse being in the dark than knowing what’s wrong, even if it’s serious,” she snaps.
Her eyes blaze, and she could so be Airen’s child. I sigh. “Come here.”
She sits alongside me. “How bad is it?” she whispers, all trace of her anger dissipates as worry sets in.
“Depends on how you feel about having another brother or sister.” I laugh as her mouth forms a perfect O.
“You’re pregnant!” she squeals, her eyes lit with joy.
“Shh! I’m not ready to tell the boys yet.”
“Does Dad know?”
“Yes, he knows. Julie and Joseph do as well.”
“How long? I mean, when are you due?”
“I’m only a couple of months along. I’m due in May.”
She squeals again and hugs me. “I hope it’s a girl, or it could be twins!” she gushes.
“Bite your tongue, girl.”
“I don’t know how long I can keep this a secret,” she confesses.
“We’ll tell the boys at dinner tonight. I should talk to Airen first.”
She nods. “Do you mind if I go to Julie’s?”
“Go ahead. Tell Airen I want to tell the boys tonight, together.”
Later, as I’m setting the table for dinner, Jayla, Airen, Joseph, and Julie all file in. “Well, if it isn’t the worst secret keeper in the universe,” Airen says, kissing the top of my head.
“She was worried,” I cry defensively.
“Pushover,” he scoffs.
“Stop. She was outsmarted by a teenager. There’s no need to rub it in,” Joseph declares, laughing.
I smack him on the ass with the spatula in my hand. He squints his eyes, purses those red lips suggestively, and blows a kiss at me. Ever since Airen’s little comment that morning in the barn, they love to tease me about Joseph’s lips.
“Jerks,” I mumble, carrying the food to the table.
Carson is surprised at the news, but not unhappy. Walker looks concerned. “Will it be a boy?”
“I don’t know yet. Do you hope it’s a boy?”
He shakes his head. “I’m your little boy.”
Joseph’s eyes twinkle, and he glances at me, trying to hide a small smile.
“You are my little boy,” I reassure him, kneeling to put my arms around him. “No matter what happens, that will never change. I’ll always love you, Carson, and Jayla just the same. The new baby will be lucky to have you for a big brother.”
“I can read to the baby. I can read chapter books now.”
“You sure can, sweetie.”
“What is the baby’s name?”
“Bosephus Cletus Skeevage,” Joseph volunteers, making the kids giggle.
“We’ll think of a name when we know whether it’s a boy or girl,” I reply.
“Just don’t name it Walker,” he pleads.
“Nope, there’s only one Walker.”
* * * *
“When do you want to have our wedding?” Airen asks, crawling into bed.
“Do you want some time? To be engaged, I mean. We can wait as long as you want, Air.” Time to change his mind and run screaming.
A frown flits across his face. “Why do you always assume the worst? I was thinking Friday.”
“This week!”
“It’s not like we have to hire a caterer or book a venue. That gives you almost a week to find a dress and write your vows.”
I turn away, trying to conceal the small grin that blooms on my face.
“You’ve already written them, haven’t you?” His face lights up with amusement and perhaps, joy. It makes me blush.
“Possibly.”
“When?”
“The night you proposed,” I admit.
He chuckles and kisses my neck. “I’m not good at that sort of thing, darlin’. I don’t want you to be disappointed.”
“Your proposal was beautiful, so I’m not buying that for one second. Besides, you’ve already sworn to love me forever. What more could a girl want?”
“My sweet girl,” he murmurs against my neck as we pull one another close. “I love you so much.”
“I love you, too.”
The day of our wedding couldn’t be more perfect. The air is warm, and we are surrounded in color. The leaves are at the height of their beauty, ensconcing us in a red, yellow, and orange paradise.
Julie and Jayla have baked a huge chocolate cake with our names and the date written beautifully in white icing. Joseph has prepared a short dedication, and then Airen and I will read our vows and exchange rings.
I chose a simple yellow dress that clings to my chest and waist and flares into a billowing, airy skirt ending just above my knees. Airen loves me in yellow. Jayla and Julie look lovely. Jayla is in a pale cream skirt and white ruffled blouse. Julie wears a little blue dress, and appears as uncomfortable as I feel. Joseph, Carson, and Walker all wear suits and ties.
My mouth goes dry, and I inhale sharply when Airen appears. Damn. I could orgasm at the sight of him in his tuxedo. His usually messy hair is neatly combed, and he’s clean shaven. The tux fits him perfectly, showing his lean muscular physique, and I can’t help picturing his tight body beneath the clothes. He’s beyond handsome when he beams at me, giving me an all out, dazzling smile that makes my knees weak. His jet black eyes shine as he takes my hand and kisses my cheek. He is stunning. He is mine.
“God, Abby, you look amazing. Are you ready, sweetheart?”
I straighten his bow tie. “Of course, I’m marrying the most gorgeous man on the planet.”
“Stop,” he murmurs.
“Ready?” Joseph asks.
“Thank you for doing this.” I smile, and he hugs me.
“You’re more than welcome, honey.”
“You look so handsome,” I whisper. He does. His green eyes are bright, and his blond curls practically glow in the autumn sunlight.
“You look radiant today, Abby. Airen is a lucky man.”
“All right, dimples, hands off my woman,” Airen says, as he takes my hand and e
scorts me to the huge pine tree in the yard. The kids have decorated it with white streamers that hang almost to the ground. Jayla snaps photos frantically.
Joseph stands in front of us, and Airen and I face each other. It feels so surreal. I had been confident my entire life that I would never be married. I can’t even say it’s a dream come true, because it’s something I never dared to dream about.
Joseph begins. “I’m so delighted today to unite two wonderful, beautiful people in marriage. We’ll begin with the vows Airen and Abby have written for one another.” Joseph smiles at me. “Ladies first.”
I’m suddenly self-conscious, but I force myself to meet Airen’s eyes. If it’s this difficult for me to announce how I feel, I can only imagine the extent of his discomfort. I swallow hard and begin.
“Airen, I can’t begin to describe the depth of my feelings for you. I feel as if I’ve loved you forever. No one has ever treated me with such love or shown me such kindness and respect, even when I’m being a pain.”
Airen’s lips twitch as he tries not to smile.
“I promise to be faithful, to love and trust you, to try my best to be as kind, understanding, and compassionate as you have been. I swear to stay by your side no matter what comes and to love you forever,” I finish, my voice trembling. Airen leans forward and kisses me softly.
“It’s not time for that, yet!” Joseph scolds, making us all chuckle. “Airen.” He gestures for him to begin.
Airen fumbles the scrap of paper in his hand and glances up at me. “Abby, my sweet girl, I love you with all that I am. I swear to always be there when you need me, and to protect and guard you and our children. I’ll always be a man you can count on and trust. I’ll always treat you with love and respect.”
He sighs and lowers the paper he’s been reading. “I wish you could see what I see when I look at you, Abigail.” His eyes bore into mine, and he takes my hand, running his thumb across my knuckles as he continues.
“I see such a wonderful, caring person who is overflowing with love for others. I also see a beautiful woman who has no idea of the effect she has on the men around her. I love you. I’ll always love you.”
I can’t help the tears running down my face, and I notice Joseph and Jayla are both wiping their eyes.
“You want to pull yourself together there, buddy?” Airen smirks at Joseph, making us laugh again.
“Do you take Abby to be your wife, to care for her in good times and bad, to be a faithful and loving husband?” Joseph asks.
“I do.”
“You may place the ring on her finger.”
“For infinity, my sweet girl,” he whispers, as he slips the silver ring on my finger.
Joseph turns to me. “Do you take Airen to be your husband, to care for him in good times and bad, to be a faithful and loving wife?”
“I do.” I place the ring on his finger, completing the symbol so we both wear the figure eight, the sign of infinity, of forever.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife, bound together for eternity in love and family.” He gives Airen an impish grin. “Now you can kiss her.”
It’s a kiss I’ll remember for the rest of my life, a kiss filled with promises, devotion, and love.
Troy
“You will resume your meals, Troy.”
“Or what? You’ll kill me?” I scoff. “Don’t do me any favors.”
How long since Micah was killed? I have no idea. Long enough to become skin stretched over sagging muscles with ribs and hipbones protruding. Long enough to develop sores from lying on the rough cot for days without end.
“We can cane you until you comply,” he threatens.
My laugh is hollow. “Maybe that’ll kill me.”
“I will not allow you to die before you’ve found Jesus.”
“Is he behind the chair?” I laugh.
“I’m allowing you one more day to come to your senses, Troy. You’ll be force fed, or I’ll have the doctor insert a feeding tube,” he threatens, leaving me alone again.
I consider trying to hang myself or cutting my wrists, but they’re a step ahead of me. Nothing is left in the stable I could use to commit suicide. It sometimes makes me laugh to see their reaction to my current state. They wanted to break me, and now they don’t know how to repair their toy.
The chains rattle, as someone slides them from the door again. Has it been a day already? No, the sun is just beginning to set, and it’s still as hot as the devil’s balls. I chuckle again. I wonder what old Abe would think of that expression.
“Oh, Troy,” a soft voice exclaims. Jennifer sits beside me. I haven’t seen her since she became Sister Jennifer.
“What are they making you do now?”
“Nothing. I overheard them talking about you. They’re worried you’ll die. I told Abraham I had a dream in which Jesus told me to save you. I needed to talk to you.”
“Why?”
She leans close and whispers in my ear. “Because Eric and I have a plan to kill them.” Straightening up again, she stares at me intently. “You need to be strong and healthy when the time comes.” I have only met Eric a handful of times, but he always appears embarrassed and ashamed of himself. If anyone would revolt, it would be Eric and Jennifer.
“If you’re lying and Abraham sent you to give me false hope to get me to eat, I’ll find a way to kill myself.”
“I swear. I convinced Abraham that God wants me to stay with you to nurse you back to health. Can you play along a while longer, Troy? Give them what they want until we get our chance?”
I sigh. Can I?
Jennifer stays with me for nearly a month. In the beginning, I’m almost too weak to move. She feeds me vitamin drinks through a straw until I can keep down solid food again, and cleans me up, treating the bed sores with antibiotics. She brings a fan to cut through the stifling August heat. She even buzzes off my long, shaggy hair, and gives me a battery operated electric razor to shave off my scraggly, itchy beard.
Gradually, I begin to feel like a person again, although I don’t suppose I’ll ever be the man I was before the plague. Jennifer is the only person I see for weeks until Abraham shows unexpectedly.
“You look much better, Troy,” he says with a smile.
“Thanks to Jennifer.”
“And Jesus. He sent her to save you.”
“Yes, she told me.”
“Do you believe He saved you?”
“Yes, and I promised Him I’d do my best to please Him and live a good life,” I reply, bullshitting my way through what I know he wants to hear.
“That makes me very happy, Troy.”
I give a fuck. “I want to be honest with you about two things, Abraham.”
“Of course.”
“I was gay. I thought I was born that way, but I was wrong. I no longer have those feelings.”
He beams at me. “Jesus took them from you, my son.”
“The second thing, I swore to Jesus I’d do my best to live for him, and I intend to, but you should know something.” He raises his eyebrows expectantly. “I won’t survive another caning. If I have to endure that again, I’ll find a way to kill myself. I won’t be able to help it.”
I hold my breath, waiting for his reaction. I have essentially given him an ultimatum. I’ll cooperate and survive if he retires the cane.
He considers for a moment, his eyes darkening. “I can’t promise you won’t meet with punishment. You’re on the correct path to salvation, and I must keep you on it. However, you’ve come a long way, and I see no reason I should need the cane again.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Since you’ve recovered, Jennifer will be returning home. Don’t fear. You won’t be alone for long. There are others to be saved.”
“Can Jennifer visit with me?” If they really have a plan, I’d like to be kept in the loop.
“If she wishes.”
“Thank you.”
We eye each other as he rises to leave. A tentati
ve truce has been declared, a line drawn in the sand. I feel I’ve won a slight victory. In a small way, I have beaten him and forced his hand. And for that, I have no doubt he’ll make me sorry.
Abraham
It takes an enormous amount of self-control to resist killing him on the spot. Who does he think he’s fucking with? It’s blackmail. If I cane him, he’ll commit suicide. I have no doubt he’s being truthful. It’s in his eyes. He just doesn’t care anymore.
I will not allow him to die, simply because he longs for death now. How do you control someone who would welcome death? We must watch him constantly to prevent him from being successful. Did God really talk to Jennifer in her dream? Is this his way of helping me save Troy’s life? I’ve allowed her to nurse him back to health, and it appears she was successful.
I can choose from plenty of punishments that don’t require the cane. He’ll be sorry, lying to me about his attraction to men, pretending to be cured, and giving me an ultimatum. I’m nowhere near finished with him.
At least Micah is no longer a problem. The thought of his body rotting in the woods, being feasted on by animals brings a smile to my face. He killed Steve, and he deserves no better. Still, he was a large man, and would have made a formidable Soldier of Abraham. If only he had been trainable. A slight tap at the door pulls me from my reverie.
“You asked to see me?” Eric hesitates at my door. His eyes dart nervously back and forth before settling reluctantly on mine.
“Close the door. Do you have something you would like to tell me?”
He pales. “I...I don’t think so. Have I done something to upset you?”
“You’ve been spending a lot of time with Sister Jennifer since she moved back to the house,” I remark.
“She’s very nice.”
“Yes, and a pretty one also. She may make you a suitable wife in the future, Brother Eric.”
“Do you think so?”
“I do. I thought you might want to ask my blessing in courting her.”
Eric grins in relief. “May I have your blessing?”
“You may. I must remind you that sex before marriage is a sin, so don’t do anything inappropriate,” I warn. “Come and see me when you’re ready to propose marriage, and I’ll be glad to perform the ceremony.”
