Roguelike

by Paul Bellow

  After grabbing them, I placed them together, end to end. Holding them, I couldn’t reach the spot to activate the wand. Did I have anything to fasten them together?

  Nothing in my backpack would help. An idea hit me. I stood and staggered toward the table, almost toppling over. Tabby lifted her head—barely—and gave me a look.

  I pulled out a non-magical dagger, hoping it was sharp enough. Tabby hissed then jumped up and stumbled to the other end of the wooden table.

  “You promised you wouldn’t eat me,” she said.

  “I need your hair to bind the wand together.”

  Her cat eyes glimmered in the light.

  “Will it work?” she asked.

  “Yeah,” I lied. “Definitely.”

  She cautiously crept down to my end of the table.

  “I’m too tired to fight anyway,” she said. “Kill me if it will keep you alive.”

  “You’d keep me alive a few more hours, but we need to find water soon.”

  She sat down on her hind legs and lowered her head. I brought the dagger closer to her long, coarse hair. After finding the source of a long strand, I cut it off then repeated the process.

  I collected the tufts of hair together then stared down at the two pieces of the broken wand on the table. The hair wasn’t going to solve my problem. Not in a hundred years.

  “Hold on…” I said, another idea hitting me.

  I dug out a Scroll of Identify and the Potion of Fruit Juice.

  “Liquid,” Tabby said. “Let me have some.”

  “I was saving it, but we need to use it as glue.”

  Her head tilted to the left.

  “What are you talking about? You’re dehydrated and talking crazy.”

  “No,” I said. “We can use Paper Mache to mend the wand. Using the parchment from a magic scroll soaked in sticky fruit juice…it could work. Am I crazy?”

  “You’re definitely crazy,” she said. “But it might work.”

  “We have to try.”

  I ripped up the Scroll of Identify. Crafting had never been a big part of my gameplay, but in the Tower of Gates, I only cared about results. The life or death aspect of the game made it so more immersive. Well, that and the fact no one had ever figured out how to quit the game. I’d heard many rumors about the real story behind the VRMMORPG, but I doubted the veracity of them.

  Once I finished ripping up the magic parchment, I wet it with the fruit juice then wrapped strips of it around the want. Please let this work.

  “Looking good,” Tabby said as I wrapped another strip of wet, sticky paper around the wand.

  Spurred on by the hope in her voice, I wrapped a few more strips of parchment soaked in the fruit juice. The wand smelled of elderberries, but all I cared about was that it worked and helped us escape.

  The fruit juice slips from your hands.

  “No…” I yelled as the fragile glass hit the table and shattered.

  Tabby shot forward and lapped at the pooling liquid.

  “Don’t waste it all,” I said. “Maybe I used enough…Give me some.”

  Unable to overcome my thirst any longer, I leaned into the table and lapped at the fruit juice as it soaked into the dense, oak wood. Tabby raised her hair to hiss.

  “Watch it,” I said then picked up the wand. “Seems stable enough.”

  Tabby raised her head.

  “I got a splinter in my tongue,” she said, sounding strange.

  “Serves you right,” I said.

  “You’re the one who dropped the bottle of juice.”

  “It’s these cursed gloves,” I said. “Come on, before I drop the wand or break it again.”

  After Tabby walked to the end of the table, I picked her up. She felt ten pounds heavier with all the hair, but that could’ve been because I was so weak from hunger and dehydration. No food or water had to be one of the worst ways to lose a character in a roguelike.

  The thought of all the time I’d spent building my character going to waste hit me. I understood a bit more why the other trapped players had created a place of their own outside the game. Why they’d named it Dwarven Valhalla was still a mystery.

  “Ready?” I asked.

  Tabby glanced up, slowly shaking her head from left to right.

  “Yes,” she said.

  What a contrarian.

  I zapped the wand. The tip glowed the right color, deep purple, but the intensity appeared off. As it got even brighter, smoke rose from the break I’d tried to repair.

  Then the unthinkable happened.

  ()xxxx[:::: Chapter 15 ::::>

  Fall of the Zookeeper

  The hastily patched wand exploded.

  The Wand of Digging DEMOLISHES you for 400 damage.

  You have [411/811] health remaining.

  Your Backpack of Holding is scarred.

  You fall gently.

  You are on level 52 (-2150’)

  You are a Level 36 Orc Samurai.

  You hear distant wailing.

  Ghosts? Already? I picked myself up off the floor. Dust floated in the air. I glanced around at the debris spread all over the floor of the room we’d floated down into.

  Tabby jumped down as I coughed and waved the air in front of me with my hand. As I stared up, I could still see level fifty-one of the dungeon.

  “I smell food,” Tabby said, limping toward a nearby hallway.

  The door had been blasted off its hinges in the explosion. I followed her, forearm over my mouth and nose to cut down on the coughing. Tabby trotted forward.

  “Hold on,” I said. “Not so fast.”

  She disregarded me, so I picked up my pace, feeling faint.

  You are thirsty.

  You are hungry.

  No kidding. The real-life hunger pangs were bad enough. The roguelike didn’t need to keep reminding me. Even without a flashing countdown timer, I felt time slipping away.

  “In here,” Tabby said.

  What now? I stood, too weak to lift my weapon.

  As I emerged out of the tunnel, I saw a gigantic square plaza. Several tents with shop names on signs in front of them occupied the outer edges of the area easily a thousand-feet across. In the center, a glorious life-giving water fountain stood. Tabby rushed toward it with me following close behind.

  We could buy more supplies in a bit. I needed a drink of refreshing water. My dry and cracked lips parted as I approached. Halfway to the fountain, I tripped but kept crawling on my hands and knees. Tabby jumped onto the stone ledge running around the stone fountain. When I reached it, I grabbed onto the rim and pulled myself up. As Tabby lapped away at the clear water, I dipped my burned and bruised hand in then brought it to my mouth.

  The cold, refreshing water hit the spot. I went in for more.

  “Don’t guzzle it,” Tabby said. “You’ll puke it up.”

  “Human hair-ball, huh?”

  I laughed. She laughed. The fountain laughed.

  Huh? I backed away.

  “Enjoy my water,” the fountain said. “It’s free.”

  A mouth morphed into the stone base of the fountain smiled.

  Tabby returned to lapping at the water. I grinned as the fountain laughed. While strange, I didn’t care as I stepped forward and filled my canteen with life-giving water. We had been so close to dying. After another drink, I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and stared back at the shops.

  “We should go,” I said.

  “Come back and get me,” she said. “I need a nap.”

  “You need more than a nap,” the fountain said. “See Thomas in the tent of alterations. He can help you both.”

  I brushed my long hair from my eyes. While starving to death, I’d forgotten about our predicament with our hair growing quickly, not to mention my cursed gloves.

  “Let’s go check this out,” I said.

  Tabby sighed then replied, “Okay. Fine…”

  I turned and walked toward the first row of tents. As the detailed signs in front came into
view, my mood lightened. Forget the ghosts, this magical plaza oasis would help us reach the bottom level of the dungeon with enough stuff to win.

  After walking a few steps, I found the Tent of Alterations. Inside, a man named Thomas greeted me with a wary look, saying, “Welcome. You have gold?”

  “I do,” I said, glancing around the tent.

  The interior was more spacious than it had looked from the outside.

  “Yeah, yeah,” Thomas said. “The inside is bigger. It’s a miracle. What can I do for you two? You’re looking a bit scruffy.”

  “That’s the problem. We drank some strange water from a fountain, and our hair started growing. It’s not stopped since.”

  “Your hair started growing after you drank from the fountain outside?”

  “No, no,” I said. “Another part of the dungeon.”

  He nodded thoughtfully then stepped over.

  “Can you please stop it?” Tabby asked.

  Thomas glanced down at her.

  “I’ll remove the curse from both of you and get you looking good as new for a thousand gold or something equivalent.”

  “Deal,” I said, nodding at a leather chair in the corner. “Should I sit down?”

  “The cat goes first!” Thomas yelled.

  I raised my hands in the air, not wanting to cause any problems.

  “Just kidding,” Thomas said. “I don’t get many visitors. Have a seat.”

  I walked over to the chair and sat down. Thomas threw a dark green tarp over my front then loosely tied a string around my neck. I relaxed as he worked, clipping away at my unruly hair. He rubbed strange oils into my scalp after he finished.

  “Wow,” I said as he held a mirror in front of my face.

  “My turn, my turn,” Tabby said then jumped into my lap.

  “Let me get up,” I said.

  After she hopped down, I stood and untied the apron, sending my hair to the floor. Tabby jumped back up on the chair, surprisingly calm. I walked over to the entrance of the tent and stared outside. What if the roguelike kept expanding? I wondered. The game had to have an ending at some point in the procedurally generated adventure.

  Thomas finished with Tabby a few minutes later, breaking me out of my thoughts. I paid the thousand gold, happy to rid myself of the fast-growing hair curse.

  “Great job,” I said. “Thanks again.”

  “Don’t mention it,” he said in a surly voice.

  I grinned then walked out of the tent with Tabby following at my side. Thomas had been much nicer than some of the other shopkeepers I’d met. With my backpack full of gems, gold, and more, I stopped in front of the next tent.

  After shopping around, I found the best bargain on equipment that would make sure I never faced dehydration or starvation. Unable to resist, I threw in some other goodies.

  Potions of Mega Healing x48 (all in tiny handbag of holding).

  Grip of Enhancement – boost to Thor’s Hammer – 3x attacks per round.

  Golden Armor of Altruism – I was too evil to use it, but I bought it just in case.

  Mega Sack of Holding – Hold huge items up to elephant size.

  Scroll of Find Nourishment x2.

  Scroll of Minor Burns.

  Scroll of Fire & Fury.

  Scroll of Recharge Wand x12

  Oak Wand of Gem Detection [100/109] charges remaining.

  Pine Wand of Remove Curse [5/9] charges remaining.

  I only stopped when I ran out of gold and other items of value.

  With a renewed sense of hope, I walked back to the fountain outside the random collection of tents in middle of the dungeon. Tabby hopped up on the ledge as I stopped. I couldn’t imagine life without her.

  To get to the bottom of the dungeon, defeat the Wizard of Yendro, and escape the roguelike with the Amulet of Yendro, I needed to be smart and strong. It would take excelling at both to succeed, mixed with a bit of luck. Roguelikes consistently relied on random chance to inject a sense of excitement into a game. That could be extremely dangerous.

  “Time to go,” I said.

  “So soon?” the fountain asked. “I have more water.”

  “You’re welcome to come with us,” I said then laughed.

  The stone fountain chuckled along with me.

  “I’m afraid I’m stuck here,” it said then sighed.

  Tabby jumped off the fountain.

  “Are you ready?” I asked. “The other tunnel must have the staircase down.”

  “I hope you’re right,” Tabby said. “I’m so ready to get out of here.”

  We approached the second massive tunnel, and I saw something at the end of it. The staircase down? We walked toward it.

  “Thanks for not eating me earlier,” Tabby said as we stopped at the top of the stairs. “Maybe we should go back and tell the shopkeepers the ghosts are coming.”

  “Nah, it’ll be okay,” I said.

  “But, Alex, they’re in danger.”

  “They’re just NPCs,” I said. “Don’t worry about it.”

  “What do you mean? How can you be so mean? They’re just like me.”

  “Tell them if you want,” I said.

  “Forget it,” she said then walked down the tunnel.

  I looked over my shoulder at the shopkeepers then followed the well-trimmed cat. Not more than fifty feet away from the entrance, I triggered another trap.

  The floor opened below us. We gently fell deeper into the dungeon. My heart sank as I saw what awaited us below. Even with the cursed gloves gone, I had slim chances of winning the next battle.

  YASD, here I come...

  ()xxxx[:::: Chapter 16 ::::>

  Everyone Gets Stoned

  You are on level 53 (-2150’)

  You are a Level 36 Orc Samurai.

  You are gently falling like a feather.

  You hear the rustling of animals below.

  As we dropped toward a cavern packed full of creatures and monsters, I flapped my arms, trying to swim through the air to land closer to the door.

  “Goodbye, Alex. It’s been nice knowing you for this adventure.”

  “Don’t talk like that,” I said, breathing heavy as we floated down, closer to the floor.

  I recognized an armored attack yak, several fluff balls, and an assortment of higher level creatures. The room curved, hiding some of them from my view.

  “Good luck, Alex. I’ll hold them off.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  Tabby wriggled out of my grasp then leaped forward, the momentum pushing me closer to the door as I dropped. She fell quickly. I lost sight of her as animals growled and feasted on her flesh. When I hit the floor, I backed up, going through the doorway and into an empty hallway.

  A dire baboon screamed then rushed through, swinging its arms ending in razor sharp claws. I lifted Thor’s Hammer and attacked. The new Grip of Enhancement gave me three blows. All of them hit the brown baboon, its body dropped down to the floor as an armored yak rushed toward me.

  The armored yak MUTILATES you for 97 damage.

  You have [714/811] health remaining.

  You DEVASTATE the armored yak for 45 damage.

  You DECIMATE the armored yak for 38 damage.

  You MAIM the armored yak for 56 damage.

  The armored yak DISEMBOWELS you for 113 damage.

  You have [701/811] health remaining.

  You DISEMBOWEL the armored yak for 123 damage.

  The armored yak is dead! (+1000 xp)

  Its body blocked the passage partially, but an imp spell caster crawled over. The foot-tall creature with grey skin waved its arms, sending a flurry of Golden Bolts in my direction.

  The Golden Bolt INJURES you for 12 damage.

  The Golden Bolt HITS you for 9 damage.

  The Golden Bolt GRAZES you for 6 damage.

  The Golden Bolt HITS you for 13 damage.

  The Golden Bolt SCRATCHES you for 3 damage.

  The Golden Bolt GRAZES you for 7 damage.


  The Golden Bolt INJURES you for 14 damage.

  You have [637/811] health remaining.

  I dispatched the imp spellcaster with Thor’s Hammer for an additional thousand experience points. After it went down, I pulled out the Scroll of Fire and Fury. Time to light it up. After reading the arcane words I pointed my right hand. A fireball whizzed over the armored yak then flew toward the large zoo. Flames exploded in the room.

  +1000 xp

  +2000 xp

  +3000 xp

  +500 xp

  +500 xp

  I grinned at the kills even though I hadn’t seen them. Screams of pain filled the hallway as I kept creeping backward, my eyes on the zoo’s entrance.

  A giant, white snake slithered over the pile of bodies and came toward me. With no decent wands from the tent shops on the level above, I hefted Thor’s Hammer.

  I ran forward and swung, saving the three chain lightning spells for something tougher. The mighty war hammer smashed the head of the snake—hard.

  You DECIMATE the giant white snake for 35 damage.

  You DEVASTATE the giant white snake for 49 damage.

  You MAUL the giant white snake for 29 damage.

  The giant white snake attempted to retreat, so I attacked again.

  You MAUL the giant white snake for 29 damage.

  You WOUND the giant white snake for 18 damage.

  You MAIM the giant white snake for 60 damage.

  The giant white snake is dead! (+1000 xp)

  “Bring it!” I shouted.

  Tabby my trusted companion had given her life for me. I couldn’t let her down. Something yanked the armored yak backward, opening the hallway. A group of orcs rushed forward. I triggered Thor’s Hammer to send a chain lightning toward them. The electricity hit the first one then jumped from one to another. All of them fell to the floor.