The Beast's Baby

by N. Alleman

  “Olive, go upstairs.” I nod to the staircase and pat on her back before she runs up the stairs.

  I don’t care about being naked but so I don’t appear to be a savage, I grab a towel out of the adjoining laundry room and wrap it around my waist. When I return I perch on a white stool next to the table. “What are you doing here, Barry? Can’t you see I’m on vacation?”

  “Nice to see you, too, Axel,” he says, grabbing a stool so he sits across from me.

  “You’ve been ignoring our calls.”

  “Our?” I say, raising an eyebrow and mocking him.

  “Our,” he repeats, pulling out his phone and showing me all the calls he’s sent me. Ones I hadn’t even noticed. I’d only given Coach’s any merit.

  “Mine. Parker’s. And …” He continues off a list of names of people and their petty bullshit, and I don’t listen until he pulls out an envelope. He throws it on the table and motions for me to open it.

  I grimace at him, and push the envelope back with two fingers. “If there’s supposed to be bad news in there, you can just tell me. In fact,” I add, “I expect you to tell me.”

  He shakes his head in disdain and rips it open. A stack of photos falls out onto the table, and he pushes these toward me.

  “Are you going to look through these yourself? Or are you going to make me do it?”

  “Now that you mention it, I think I’ll make you do it. Thanks,” I say through gritted teeth.

  Christ, I’m an asshole. I’m more aware of it now that I’ve been around Olive and Lark.

  He grins at me.

  “That’s the stuff, kid,” he says. And for a second, I’m confused. Until he flips over the pictures.

  “The media have been going crazy. This is what they have of you, so far. There’s this one, and this one, and …”

  He spreads out lots of pictures on the table. Pictures of me and Olive. Pictures of me fighting Jason. News clippings that she’s my wife, and that we have a daughter together. There are photos of us landing in Santorini, and my eyes flash to the last photo as he holds it up, his face grim.

  “And this,” he says, “Is probably the worst of all of them.”

  I snatch the photo out of his hand.

  “Wait a second. the fuck are you doing, Axel?”

  The photo shows us wrapped together on the beach, from last night. But I hadn’t seen it in any magazines.

  “I won’t send this to anyone if you come back, Axel,” he says.

  So the bastard took it.

  I clench my fists at my sides, not wanting to beat the shit out of my own business manager and ruin what I have with Olive and Lark here.

  “This isn’t the life for you, Ax. You’re not ready to be a father,” he continues. “Hell, you’re only twenty-three. You have a bright future ahead of you, kid. You don’t love this girl as much as you think you do. You can take care of them from a distance, pay their way if you want, but you’ll find another one. You have a match coming up. Six days from now. We’ve got a flight at four to make it there in time for autographs and some damage control. Be there or I’m releasing the photo.”

  He gets up, and I feel more sick than angry. I’ve got nothing to say in response.

  He’s got me, and I’ve got to go back to my career.

  Since when had Barry turned into such a heartless bastard? I remember him as kind. Cutthroat when wheeling and dealing, though. I’m just on the other side of the knife now.

  “Think about it long and hard, Reign. But not too long. Be at the airport by three.”

  19

  Olive

  I’m not supposed to be listening, but I can’t help it.

  After I get dressed I tiptoe into the hallway upstairs and sit on the stairs. The men downstairs can’t see me, but I can hear them. As soon as I hear the man, I hop up so I’m not caught eavesdropping.

  Axel is probably pacing back and forth in the kitchen, clearing his head as he gets ready to leave.

  I know he’s going to leave now. He has to.

  After the threats the man made. I’ll bet that picture of us is really revealing. If I were Axel, I’d be leaving too. Not that I want him to leave, but it seems inevitable. Deep down, I think I always knew he would.

  Us being together as a family felt too good to be true, and now I realize it was.

  I’m about to give in to a few tears when Lark runs over to me and hugs my legs tight.

  She must have missed me last night. It is strange spending the night away from her.

  “What’s wrong, Mommy?”

  I sniff. “Nothing. Maybe a little bit of allergies.”

  “Do you need a tissue?” she asks, and it breaks my heart. My daughter shouldn’t be comforting me.

  What have I done, putting my baby and myself in this position?

  “No, but thank you. You’re an awfully sweet little girl.” I kiss the soft curls near her forehead.

  I sit down on the stairs again and hold her close. It occurs to me that this time, when Axel leaves it will be just me and Lark. In the past I always had someone to help me with her—my dad or Jason. But this time it will be just us girls.

  I can already feel the hole Axel will leave in our lives widening.

  “Is Axel leaving?” Lark asks. Children know things and Lark is a smart cookie. And suddenly I’m so relieved I never told her that Axel was her father.

  I promised Axel that I would tell her, but how can he hold me to that now that he’s leaving us once again? That’s not the message I want Lark to get about dads. Men. That they constantly leave you, and that’s okay. No, I’d rather she not even know who he is.

  “No, sweetie,” I lie through my teeth, and I hate myself for doing it. I’ll find a way to make it up to Lark later. I feel sick betraying her trust like this, but I can’t deal with her disappointment on top of my own right now. Not when I feel I might break apart again.

  “Let’s go upstairs.” I lug her into my arms and haul her down to Selena’s room. She’s getting heavy and soon I won’t be able to pick her up anymore, not like Axel can. He’s so strong, it’s easy for him to pick her up. Heck, he picks us both up.

  But that’s about to change.

  “It’s morning!” Lark protests through her yawns, and even though sunlight is shining in the windows, I need to keep her occupied while I talk with Axel.

  “That’s okay.” I tickle her, a surefire distraction tactic. “You’re a silly, goose. A silly goose.”

  She denies it, but she’s smiling all the while. When I open the door to my room, I say, “Hey come get under the covers, squirt. I’ve got a great story for you to listen to.”

  “Are you going to listen with me, Mommy?”

  “I will, but first Mommy has to go talk with Axel for a few minutes. You just listen to your book, and I’ll be back soon.”

  Lark nods then snuggles up with her stuffed bunny and forgets all about me, lost in her story.

  As many times as I’ve asked Selena to watch her lately, I’m happy to give her a break this morning. She needs her rest so her leg can heal properly. Hopefully, I won’t be gone long, I think as I head downstairs in search of Axel.

  He and I need to talk.

  He needs to know that we can never see each other again.

  It’s too much upheaval for my daughter. Not to mention me.

  I’m not sure how to tell him, because I don’t want him to know I heard him.

  Every step I take, I feel a little piece of my heart die.

  But when I get downstairs Axel isn’t there, so I go looking for him.

  I call out his name as I walk along the beach and wonder if he’s already left. Maybe he decided to go without saying goodbye. Maybe he thought that would make it easier on both of us. Or maybe he never really cared at all.

  I can’t think like that. I know he loves me. But this situation is tainting every memory we’ve ever had together, and it feels like each moment was just another stepping stone toward the ultimate heartbreak. />
  When I finally find him, he’s sitting in the sand where we made love last night. He’s put on some clothes, though. Loose fitting shorts and a looser shirt that blows with the wind, making it seem like he’s running away from something even though he’s sitting still.

  I plant myself in the sand beside him.

  But I don’t say anything, and neither does he.

  For a while, we just sit there. The wind blows and the ocean’s waves roll in and then back out to sea, leaving driftwood and debris behind—battered and sun-bleached, but still it survives.

  I wish we could do that.

  I offer him my hand, and he takes it in his. Still we sit there quietly. It’s not as tense as this should be. But as soon as I speak everything changes.

  “Axel.”

  “Olive.”

  We say each other’s names at the same time, stumbling over each other in our attempts to get out whatever we have to say first. He pulls me to him, words like “It will be all right” and “I’ll come back” flow from his mouth.

  Promises. Promises I can’t believe, and I have to tell him.

  “Axel,” I gulp out his name again, moving my eyes down so he doesn’t see how little I mean what I’m saying.

  “Axel …” I repeat his name again, trying to sound less unsure. He’s having none of it and grabs my chin, making me look at him.

  And every hope I had of sounding reasonable fades away as he looks at me. Eye to eye.

  Not for the first time, but probably for the last I blurt it out, “We’re not going to work out, Axel.”

  He stares at me, and I see a flash of hurt that I’ll never forget before he recovers.

  “What? Olive.” He presses a hand to my forehead, trying to be the jokester he usually is. The man I fell in love with. The man I love. “I think you’re getting sick, baby.”

  “No.” I shake my head. He can’t know I overheard, or he’ll just want to go back to me. He needs to think this is all my doing, but I can’t bring myself to break his heart like that.

  “Axel, this is nice, and, and, everything. It’s nice.” It’s the best thing I’ve ever had, and I can’t believe I’m saying this. “But we’re not right for each other.”

  We’re perfect.

  We were born to live and die together, leave our mark on the world as one.

  “After this …” I breathe. Breathe, Olive. Breathe. “I don’t want to see you again.”

  Our hands are entwined until the last sentence, the grip getting weaker and weaker with each word.

  Axel’s jaw clenches. He throws his fist into the sand and gets up, running as far away from me as he can. Then I get up too, and I’m running away from myself as best I can, too, but unfortunately, I’ll always be stuck with me.

  I’m not even halfway to the villa when the tears finally fall.

  20

  Axel

  Nothing ever goes right in my fucking life. I was about to tell Olive what was going on when she dropped that bomb on me.

  My hands go to the pockets on either side of my shorts, searching for something.

  The box.

  I take it out in my hand, watching the light of the bastard sun glint off of it. Not an engagement ring, yet, as much as I’d like it to be. I always hoped my grandmother’s ring would look beautiful on Olive’s hand.

  No, this was to be a promise ring.

  A promise to hold and to love her, forever and now. To be there for both her and Lark, when they need me and especially when they think they don’t.

  But somehow, I fucked it up. Just like I fuck up everything. I don’t know what I did to make Olive hate me so much. I want to believe that deep down she still loves me, but I don’t know if I’m just deluding myself or what.

  No. I’m not some insecure loser. Olive is my girl, and she always will be. But right now, something’s going on, and I’m pissed.

  I take the ring out of the box and stare at it as I move farther down the beach. Closer to the shore and the girls in bikinis I’m supposed to lust after. Away from my love.

  Eventually, I break away from all the crowds. The sand is colder here, where the sun hasn’t yet gotten to it. It’s wet between my toes, and I’m grateful that I didn’t put on shoes. I was rushing to get out of that house. I might not have if I had known Olive was going to come find me with that news.

  Fuck!

  I curse at the sky, not caring if some stupid family on vacation hears me. I swing my hand back and throw the ring as far into the water as I possibly can, but my throw is fucked in my anger and it bounces a pathetic distance into the sea before sinking.

  This is so wrong. I need to make it right. But I need to clear my head first, so I continue down the beach toward some trees I admired earlier. I’m almost completely through the copse when I trip over something pink, and warm.

  Hot, suntanned flesh.

  Familiar flesh. Not in the sense that this is a girl I’d been with before, or ever intended to be with.

  “Selena?” I ask, so confused, I feel almost drunk.

  Wait, my girl’s best friend is lying at my feet, her body all tangled up with …

  “Barry, you motherfucker!” This is all his fault. Everything was fine until that bastard came in here with his greed and his blackmail and got between me and my family. Better than fine, and now he’s ruined it all.

  “This is all your fault!” I’m filled with venom as I move to attack him, but I slip in the sand.

  “You’re losing your touch, Axel,” Selena says, a hand over her eyes to guard her gaze from the sun as she looks up at me.

  She shoos away Barry, and he scurries off. They’re obviously worried that I’m going to fucking kill him. As well they should be.

  Because I fucking might.

  “Your new boyfriend is walking on thin ice,” I snarl.

  But when she pats the ground next to her, I collapse down beside her on the sand. As upset as I am, it occurs to me that Selena might be able to help me.

  “You need to calm down. What’s up?” I don’t answer, and she raises an eyebrow at me.

  She still can’t raise a brow like I can, but she’s gotten better—clearly, she’s been practicing. “Olive?”

  “Olive,” I repeat, “does not love me anymore.”

  “You,” she pushes a finger to my chest, jabbing it at me with each word as she mocks my tone, “are full of shit.” Her voice turns to normal as she says, “You and Olive are meant to be together. Always have been, always will be.”

  “You seem pretty smug for someone whose best friend just broke up with me,” I say, realizing that I like talking to Selena.

  I can be a casual asshole with her because she does the same, and neither of us want to call the other out on it. I see how Olive would love the both of us, albeit in different ways.

  “Did she really?” She turns on her back. She’s been lying on her stomach this whole time, I realize. Then she takes her phone out from under her towel and I’m confused. It’s not even on.

  “Ah, you see,” she says, noticing my frown. “This phone isn’t on. This phone doesn’t even get any fucking service out here. But this phone? If it were on, I bet Olive’s been texting me, begging for ways to get back with you.”

  “I didn’t breakup with her, remember?”

  “I remember. But you forget,” she grins, turning her phone on, “that my friend is very neurotic. I have a plan. Come here.”

  I move closer to her until she nods and pushes a hand against me, shoving me back a little—a playful reminder not to crowd her space. She’ll get me and Olive right again. We just need to work together.

  Selena tells Olive that we still have some time together and we need to keep the family together as best we can, for Lark. And then they can figure out an explanation for the little girl. I feel bad about using my daughter as an excuse to get close to Olive, but …

  What can you do?

  Nothing, Axel. Calm down.

  We get into a car I didn’t k
now anyone up here had and drive down into town. There’s a market Selena wants to go to, so she can buy some ingredients to make food.

  The plan is for Selena to find a store she likes then she’s going to say they don’t have what she needs there and ditch me and Olive.

  I nod at Selena from where she sits in the passenger’s seat, and she nods back. Olive and I are together in the back with Lark between us.

  Barry is driving, so I can’t kill him right now without risking a car accident, as much as I want to. But my anger is subsiding now that I’ve convinced him to give me a few more days here.

  I put an arm around Lark and touch Olive too. She doesn’t fight it, but she scowls.

  I tell myself this is temporary, that she can’t mean any of it.

  Once we arrive in town, we get out of the car and walk along the cobbled stones of the old road.

  Barry drives away, looking for somewhere safe to park, unlike the space beneath the tree close by where we might be hit, he says. He works for a boxer but he’s adverse to danger. I make a note in my head to give him shit about this later.

  The streets are filled with carts full of food, and Selena’s ruse is actually a good one. I grab an orange from a stall and pass some money to the man working there, then split it up into little pieces—even smaller for Lark, but she’s learning to handle big kid food now, more than ever—and pass them to the two most important women in my life.

  “You know,” I say, catching Olive’s attention. “If Selena decides she doesn’t want to cook, I’m plenty capable of making dinner too.”

  Olive snorts, slamming herself against my shoulder playfully.

  “Since when?” she teases, her tone betraying that she’s happier around me than she ever is alone. “You’d probably burn it.”

  “I’ll have you know I’d be a great housewife.” I wink at Lark, who giggles. I joke, but I am actually a great cook. Hopefully one day Olive and Lark will both know that. We walk through the market, making plans of what to do today to bond and have some fun, and we all smile. But I’m just thinking of them and the future, and how I can stretch this vacation out into the rest of my life.