The Winter Baby

by Sheila Newberry

  ‘Why did you do that?’ he asked, straightening up before putting the tray on her lap.

  ‘Because I wanted to,’ she replied honestly.

  ‘I thought you didn’t like me taking liberties.’ He sounded bemused.

  ‘I don’t – but I suppose you have been kissing your girlfriend under the mistletoe.’

  ‘Oh, we don’t need mistletoe for that!’ Danny said.

  ‘Thank Jessie for the delicious food,’ she said. ‘It’s lonely up here – will you come up again later, please, Danny?’

  He didn’t answer, because at that moment there was a knock on the front door.

  ‘That must be Doc Wiseman; I’d better let him in. Enjoy your dinner, Kathleen.’

  *

  ‘You’re very quiet, Danny – everything all right upstairs?’ Jessie asked later.

  He nodded. ‘Shall I bring in the pudding?’ he asked.

  ‘No hurry, Doc’s not finished his dinner yet.’

  There was no pudding for Kathleen because it was considered too rich for a nursing mother. ‘It could upset the baby’s tummy,’ Jessie had said. She left the washing-up to whoever was willing to do it and went upstairs to see to Kathleen and the baby.

  Kathleen had only eaten a small amount, so Jessie removed the tray. ‘I expect you miss your family today, Kathleen?’

  Tears spilled from the girl’s eyes. ‘I’ve just realised that now I’m a mother, I have to grow up and behave like one. I don’t think I’m ready for that. I’ll never have a sweetheart now, will I? I won’t get married in church in a lovely white dress. I know I must learn to love my baby, and I’m so fortunate to be here, but . . .’

  ‘I know, my dear, I know,’ Jessie told her, and just at that moment the baby woke, gave a little hiccup and began to cry.

  ‘I don’t want to feed her,’ Kathleen wept. ‘Is it wicked to say that?’

  ‘Of course not, but my dear, please try.’

  In the parlour downstairs, Sam wasn’t joining in the jolly banter. He was perplexed about his feelings after Danny had taken Kathleen her Christmas dinner. Why hadn’t Danny realised it was bound to make Marion suspicious? he wondered

  There was no announcement either, no toast to celebrate good news as Marion had hoped. She didn’t look at Danny and she moved away to sit beside her mother. Mrs Amos whispered something to her and Marion shook her head. ‘He thinks perhaps we’re too young. I think he’s changed his mind . . .’

  ‘He can’t do that,’ Mrs Amos said firmly. Marrying her daughter off to someone like Danny who had prospects was the first step in her plans for her own future.

  *

  Doc Wiseman was the only one who offered to visit the new mother and her baby and to congratulate Kathleen. He felt in his waistcoat pocket and produced a silver florin, which he pressed into her hand. ‘A little gift for the baby,’ he said, and then added, ‘Our good Nurse Buss might not approve, but I think you might be brought downstairs for the ceremony round the tree, and the others can admire your bonny baby!’

  ‘Danny . . .’ she said.

  ‘I’ll take you myself,’ Doc replied. ‘Jessie will bring the baby, I’m sure.’

  Marion didn’t look at Kathleen or the baby. She was aware that her mother was watching her. She knows how I feel, she thought. Danny overstepping the mark like that, touching me – I could read his thoughts all right!

  ‘Hold him off,’ her mother had advised, only last night. ‘He thinks you’re a ripe apple ready to be picked.’ I am, Marion privately agreed, but she wasn’t sure she was ready for all that yet.

  Kathleen sat next to the tree and Jessie cuddled the baby, while Sam called out names and handed over parcels. Kathleen received a pair of sheepskin mittens, so warm and cosy that she put them on immediately. ‘Hand-made,’ Danny told her proudly. ‘I stitched them myself. They are from all of us; Mother made a pattern and cut them out.’

  Mrs Amos nudged her daughter. ‘There’s your present from Danny, open it,’ she demanded.

  Marion unwrapped a fine cobweb-patterned woollen shawl. ‘You didn’t make this, Danny,’ she said flatly.

  He grinned. ‘Of course not! But I chose the best in the shop.’

  The lamps were turned low and they sang carols round the tree by candlelight, beginning with ‘Away in a Manger’, with a howling accompaniment from the dog, and later there were hot mince pies and Christmas cake, and the wine was drained to the last drop.

  When the baby became restless and it was her feeding time, Danny offered to take Kathleen and Heather upstairs. Marion said in his ear, ‘Can’t Sam do it?’

  Danny whispered back: ‘She’s afraid of his beard.’

  ‘You’re making a fool of yourself,’ she hissed.

  Doc Wiseman had good hearing. ‘I brought her down and I must see her settled for the night. Are you ready, Kathleen?’

  ‘Thank you all,’ she said tremulously. ‘Happy Christmas.’

  The party broke up at midnight and Danny took Mrs Amos and Marion home. Marion clutched her present and wondered if he really loved her as he insisted he did. Their parting kiss was brief and all he said was ‘See you tomorrow.’ She didn’t answer.

  Doc Wiseman sat in his study and by candlelight opened the diary he had kept all year. He was nearing the final entry, to be made on New Year’s Eve. He wrote: My friends made me very welcome today, but it was not the same as last year. There will be, I think, big changes ahead for the Mason family.

  FIVE

  ‘I hear you have been a naughty young mummy,’ Nurse Buss told Kathleen. ‘Jessie says you refused to nurse the baby, despite the fact that your milk is now established. If you carry on like this, your breasts will become very painful. Are you willing to try again?’

  ‘I can’t, I can’t!’ Kathleen cried. ‘I haven’t enough up top.’ She stared at Nurse Buss’s impressive bosom. She regretted saying to Jessie before Nurse arrived, ‘She had no trouble feeding her children, I’m sure!’

  Jessie had rebuked her. ‘Nurse Buss was never able to have children of her own, Kathleen. She’s a very kind person, and she didn’t judge you.’

  ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. But you all expect me to be a good mother when I never wanted to be a mother at all – well, not until I was in my twenties. I haven’t, you know, got over what happened.’

  ‘How can we help you if we don’t know what did happen?’ Jessie asked, but Kathleen didn’t answer. She didn’t know herself, she thought; her mind was too muddled.

  Now, realising that different tactics were needed, Nurse Buss said soothingly, ‘All right, my dear. It won’t hurt little Heather to have goat’s milk; Jessie knows how to boil up feeding bottles and prepare the milk, after all. But you mustn’t blame us if you suffer as a result of not relieving yourself.’

  ‘Jessie said I would have to bind my chest, and it would take a few days to stop the milk, that’s all.’

  ‘I want you to promise me you will cuddle the baby as before while you give her the bottle,’ Nurse Buss said. ‘Are you seeing to the napkins? You mustn’t expect so much of dear Jessie; she is a busy person, you know.’

  ‘I bathed Heather myself today.’

  ‘That’s encouraging. You will be able to go downstairs in a couple of days, something to look forward to, and I’ve told Jessie I think I know where she can get a second-hand perambulator for you. I must get on – I’ll see you tomorrow morning, eh?’

  *

  Marion made up her mind. She would tell Danny that if there was no engagement announced on his birthday, she would consider their romance at an end. I nearly gave myself to him, she thought. I might have ended up like that girl they’ve taken on even though they don’t know anything about her.

  First, there was New Year’s Eve, followed by the first day of 1904. Kathleen and her baby joined the family downstairs and Heather slept most of the time in her Moses basket, which Jessie had made comfortable with flannel sheets and a soft blanket. Jessie had b
een sewing again late at night, taking in the seams of a red velvet dress with a white lace collar that had been worn by her daughter during her last Christmas. She made the alterations when she was alone because she couldn’t help shedding tears as the memories came thick and fast. She said to herself firmly, ‘Mary would approve, I know. She loved that dress.’

  Kathleen glowed in the red dress, and with her long black hair loose, apart from a matching headband, she looked very different to the girl they had taken to their hearts the day she’d arrived in a snowstorm.

  Jessie, of course, was aware of the attention paid to Kathleen by her sons. She sighed and decided that she must have a word with young Danny. Surely he doesn’t intend to break Marion’s heart? They seemed so in love, she thought.

  Sam’s feelings were harder to fathom. Jessie’s opinion was that he took after his father; he was not impulsive like Danny, but if he committed himself to someone it would be for ever.

  Sam planned to celebrate his birthday evening with his brother and their friends at the local inn, the Old Ship, in Tatsfield. His present from Jessie was a smart waistcoat with a guinea in the pocket. He confided to his mother it would also be a chance to talk to Danny about recent events. Mrs Amos had told Jessie that Marion was heartbroken by his rejection.

  ‘I saw the sign to Tatsfield when I reached Hawley’s Corner,’ Kathleen mentioned.

  ‘It’s a friendly village,’ Sam said. ‘Many of the original houses were built on the escarpment of the Downs. There’s a nice village green, and a pond too. We are on the outskirts here, so we like to meet up with our old school friends when we get a chance.’

  ‘I wish I could go with you,’ she sighed.

  Jessie, shocked, actually reproved her. ‘Women are not allowed in the saloon, Kathleen. Anyway, you are not well enough to go out yet.’

  Kathleen bit back a retort; she knew that Jessie was right. Not only was she still recovering from the trauma that had forced her to run away, but Nurse Buss had told her it would take at least six weeks before she got her strength back after childbirth.

  Jessie regretted snapping at Kathleen, but she was genuinely glad she had been able to help her by taking her in. She would need to economise for a while, she thought, after paying the midwife’s fee, but it’s only money, she told herself, and Kathleen had repeated her intention to work and earn her keep when she was able. They’d just have to wait and see.

  At midnight, Kathleen awoke to hear muffled laughter on the stairs. It sounded as if one of the brothers was staggering, and the other was hanging on to him with one hand and the banister with the other. Danny! she thought. He’s drunk – and Sam’s likely the same.

  She pulled the covers over her head. The baby gave a wail and Jessie roused herself and went over to the basket. Kathleen pretended to be asleep.

  ‘There, there, my darling, Grandma’s here: I’ll warm up your bottle for you when those boys are safely in bed.’

  *

  The birthdays on the 5th were more sober affairs. Danny wondered if Marion would turn up as originally planned, but he hadn’t changed his mind about the engagement.

  In the kitchen after breakfast, Jessie gave him a pocket watch, which had belonged to his grandfather, and a new pair of rubber wellington boots. Sam presented him with a tweed cap to wear when riding his mare.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Kathleen faltered. ‘I haven’t a present for you, Danny, and you’ve all been so generous to me – I’ve got boots too.’

  ‘You can give Sam and me a birthday kiss,’ Danny said with a grin.

  ‘They’re pulling your leg,’ Jessie told her, but Kathleen, blushing, went first to Sam and then to Danny. Neither of them bent down, so she had to stand on tiptoe and grasp their shoulders before she could bestow a peck on their cheeks.

  There was a burst of laughter from both of them. ‘I didn’t mean it, you know,’ Danny admitted. ‘But we enjoyed it,’ he added.

  Kathleen flounced over to the Moses basket, turning her back on them, feeling humiliated. She lifted Heather up and went into the living room to tell old Bob all about it.

  SIX

  January had been plagued by squally weather, but February 1904 would prove to be the wettest month on record; it certainly lived up to folklore, where it was known as ‘February fill-dyke’.

  Doc Wiseman declared Kathleen fit to begin work at the end of the month. His opinion had been sought because Kathleen believed Nurse Buss would advise her to stay at home with the baby. Jessie agreed with Doc. ‘Best time for you to do it, before she’s crawling into everything.’

  Kathleen was aware that Jessie took everything in her stride, and that little Heather was well looked after. She’s just like a grandma to my baby, she thought.

  Now Kathleen squelched in her new boots along the muddy lane beside Danny. They had eaten breakfast before six o’clock and it was still dark out; they needed the lamp to light their way so they could avoid the puddles. Danny also carried a large container of water, which he had pumped up earlier. He glanced down at Kathleen; she was wearing the voluminous plaid cape for the first time since she’d arrived at the farm, and an old cloth cap she’d found on the hallstand. She’d bundled her hair under it and turned her collar up.

  It was warmer in the stables. Besides the mare and foal, there was a young gelding still to be broken in, a huge plough horse, a grey pony, which pulled the buggy, and an aged donkey that the boys had ridden when they were young. These all needed their breakfast rations of hay while the straw and muck were shovelled up and deposited on the growing heap of manure a few yards away outside. Although Kathleen didn’t enjoy this task, she was determined to show she could do it. She looked forward to helping with the grooming, especially the beautiful chestnut mare, Red Ruby; the gelding, Jack Spratt, had a glint in his eye.

  Danny had other jobs to do, too. He let the chickens out into their run, filled their water container and scattered corn for them. He called Kathleen to feel in the nests to see if there were any eggs. ‘There’s a basket on a nail in the barn.’

  She found six big brown eggs, still warm, which she took while the hens were busy pecking up the grain in the pen.

  Danny went on to check the goats and to show Kathleen how to milk them. She wasn’t too sure about their horns and their dancing hooves, which could easily become a kick if they objected to her presence, she thought.

  ‘You’ve milked a cow, surely, on your farm?’ he asked her.

  She shook her head. ‘We only kept horses, racing ones, like Red Ruby.’

  Another revelation, he thought. Following advice from his mother, he did not comment.

  She managed to get a few squirts of milk in the bucket, and then became aware that a fierce-looking billy goat was eyeing her over the half-door that kept him in his pen. She panicked and almost knocked the bucket over as she fled outside, where Danny was tying up a loose panel in the fencing. ‘Danny, the billy goat will get me!’ she panted.

  ‘Don’t be so silly,’ he told her. ‘But I’d better take over before you, well, kick the bucket, eh?’

  Kathleen watched from the doorway as he sat on the stool and began to hum a tune. The goats seemed to calm down and listen. He had names for them: Dotty and Spotty.

  When he didn’t speak to her, she sneaked back to the horses and located the grooming tools. Surely he would appreciate that, she thought.

  ‘Why did you go off like that?’ he demanded later. ‘You can help me take the milk back to the farm, and I expect Mother will brew some tea and give us a biscuit or two.’ He looked at her thoughtfully. ‘You’re good with horses; I might teach you to ride, eh?’

  Kathleen snapped back, ‘I expect I could teach you a few things, like not using a whip!’ She had spotted the crop among the saddlery.

  ‘I have a light riding crop, true, but I just flick it now and again to urge a horse on,’ he said crossly. Then he remembered belatedly what Jessie had told him about the raw red weals on Kathleen’s back when she first arrive
d. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said.

  ‘What for?’ she flared. ‘No one is going to beat me ever again!’ She pressed her face against the mare’s flank, trying to hide the fact that she was crying.

  ‘Oh Kathleen,’ sighed Danny, turning her gently to face him. This time she buried her face against the harsh wool of his jersey. His arms tightened around her.

  ‘You smell of farms,’ she said in a muffled voice.

  He shook with laughter. ‘What d’you expect? You’ll smell like that at the end of today, I reckon. Fortunately you took off your smart coat. Hey, isn’t that one of my old jerseys?’ He lifted her off her feet so that they were face to face. She clung to him and closed her eyes. It was a moment when anything could have happened, and they were so close she was aware that his heart was beating fast, like her own.

  She wriggled free from his grasp. ‘Well it’s my working jersey now. Jessie said you wouldn’t mind.’

  ‘I don’t, but it swamps you, like your cape; there’s hardly anything of you since you’ve had the baby.’ His face showed his concern. He couldn’t help comparing her slight figure with Marion’s delectable curves.

  ‘You’ve been ignoring me since my . . . our birthday, you and Sam,’ she reproached him.

  ‘Why do you think that is?’ he said softly. ‘I let Marion down because she was jealous that I was paying you attention. It’ll take time for her and me to get back on the old footing.’

  ‘Is that what you want?’ she challenged him.

  He handed her the cape. ‘Why should I tell you? Come on, Mother will be waiting for the milk.’

  ‘But what about Sam? I thought he liked me too.’

  He handed her the lighter bucket. ‘Well, you and I have something in common –horses – but Sam is only interested in building his house and making bricks.’

  ‘Oh good, here you are at last. Heather needs her bottle,’ Jessie said, as she took the milk into the pantry. ‘Have you finished your chores in the barn, Kathleen? When you’re cleaned up, will you bath and dress the baby? I would like to go up to the village later and I thought you could come too with the pram and we might meet some of my friends. At least the rain’s let up for a bit.’ She looked at Danny. ‘Did she do well, Danny?’