The Winter Baby

by Sheila Newberry

  He said softly, ‘You can do better than that,’ and she allowed him to briefly kiss her lips.

  ‘Hello, Danny, how are you?’ she managed.

  ‘My right lung is fine, but I wheeze on the other side!’

  She winced. ‘Nothing to joke about.’

  ‘No, but it makes things bearable if you do. You’ll be glad to hear I have given up smoking.’

  Kathleen straightened up and moved a chair nearer so that she could still hold his hand. ‘Danny, you lost dear Marion, and now I have lost my wonderful Sam.’

  ‘I loved him too; he was my brother after all. He was a brave man, Kathleen – and he was a lucky one, because you chose him, not me.’

  She was silent for a long moment; then, as Jessie and Doc approached, she said quietly, ‘I made the right decision then, Danny, but I am grateful for your love now.’

  ‘Sam asked me to look after you if anything . . . Well, I’m not capable of doing so at the moment, but when—’ He broke off as his mother and stepfather greeted him.

  Jessie was relieved to see that Kathleen was not crying as she had expected. ‘How are things?’ she asked Danny.

  ‘They tell me I should be able to come home in a week or two, although it will mean extra work for you, Mother, I know.’

  ‘We will look after you between us,’ Jessie said, and she was the one shedding tears now, of relief. ‘Won’t we, Kathleen?’

  Kathleen nodded. She suddenly realised that she was still holding Danny’s hand. ‘Jessie, come and sit here and I’ll draw up a chair next to Doc,’ she said.

  ‘Then you can hold my other hand,’ Danny said with a flash of his old spirit.

  *

  Jessie and Doc retired to bed earlier than usual after an eventful day. They talked about the visit to Danny. ‘It’s a shame,’ Jessie said. ‘He’s got a bald spot on his head where they had to insert that plate – I don’t suppose he can see it in a mirror, though.’

  ‘Does it matter if he has noticed it? He’s lucky to be alive.’ Changing the subject, he continued, ‘Did you notice that young Dennis seems smitten with Heather?’

  ‘But she’s only fourteen!’ exclaimed Jessie.

  ‘Maybe, but I think she is old enough to make her own decisions, whether we agree with them or not,’ Doc said gently.

  In the next room, Kathleen lay awake thinking about what Danny had said to her: how Sam had asked him to look after her if anything happened to him . . .

  *

  Josh and Min called a meeting at the Barn House to discuss the future plans of the evacuees now that the bombing of London was no longer such a threat. The maroons still alerted the population when necessary, but the war continued on the Western Front and in the Middle East rather than on home ground.

  ‘Sam and Kathleen were very generous and agreed to minimal rent, as you know,’ Josh said to Olga, who was representing the O’Brien family. ‘Sam, sadly, will not be returning home, and Danny will be unable to return to the army and will need time to convalesce; he may not be fit to work for some considerable time. The family have seen their business cease to be profitable, but all are working long hours. Kathleen has a little money put by for the children’s future, but that is all. Her only real asset is the house her husband built; it may have to be sold. It is unlikely that the brickyard will be viable again. I would be grateful for any suggestions for a solution . . .’

  Olga was the first to speak. ‘We could get the pottery going again, perhaps, and give the profits to Kathleen? Or I have been thinking of using the barn as an art studio and taking in students of all ages . . . Heather could come along, with Kathleen’s permission, of course. Again, profitable for the family. We could pay more rent, I’m sure.’

  Josh put in, ‘The O’Briens have no home to return to in London; I know they hope to stay here as long as possible. I have advised Bridie that her girls should be enrolled in the local school; they need to be involved in village life, as we are very isolated here, and my wife insists I should resume my retirement. Young Dennis is a hard worker and is building up the sales of wood, besides keeping the home fires burning. Was Kathleen hoping to return here at some point?’

  Min shook her head. ‘No, she needs to be with her family, and Home Farm lives up to its name; it is Kathleen’s home.’

  ‘I’ll pass this all on to Jessie, Doc and Kathleen, then,’ Josh said. ‘What about Mrs Amos? She obviously wants to stay on here too.’

  Olga said, ‘She still has money invested in the bank; I’ll tell her this is a good cause!’

  Everyone smiled at that. Ann Amos had surprised them all recently.

  *

  It was September, nine months since they had received the terrible news about Sam. Kathleen had slept alone in the big room since her bereavement, but now she was moving back into the girls’ room, because Danny was returning home. She and Jessie prepared the room for him. The washstand and commode would be back in use as the bathroom was downstairs. Nurse Buss would be a regular visitor, and Doc would watch out for any problems.

  The children were all at school now, Jimmy included. Kitty was not academic like her sister; she preferred the village school, where she had lots of friends. So the house was quiet when Doc helped Danny out of the car and handed him his crutches. Jessie was waiting on the doorstep, but Kathleen was finishing her work at the stables. Daisy was in the kitchen, waiting for the call to brew a big pot of tea.

  Danny swung himself along the path; his legs were still weak from all his inactivity. He saw his mother coming towards him, wiping her eyes. ‘Oh, I shouldn’t be crying,’ she said, ‘but I am so thankful you are home at last, Danny.’

  ‘Don’t try to help me, Mother, I have to do things for myself if I can,’ he said. ‘It’s so good to see you, and to be home, but is there no one else to greet me?’ he joked as he manoeuvred himself over the threshold.

  ‘Wilf wanted to stay at home but decided Jimmy needed him at school, as he only started there this week. Kathleen will be back shortly; she had more to do this morning as Doc was collecting you.’

  ‘I need to sit down,’ he said ruefully.

  ‘Come into the living room. I lit the fire; there’s an autumn nip in the air,’ Jessie said, taking his crutches as he lowered himself into the chair. At once, Bobby came over, wagging his tail, and licked his hand.

  ‘You remember me, do you?’ Danny said, stroking the dog.

  ‘Welcome home, Mr Danny,’ Daisy beamed, bringing in the steaming cups of tea. ‘I’m just going to meet the children from school; Wilf will be so excited to see you.’

  When Daisy had gone, Danny said quietly to Jessie, ‘I haven’t seen my son for nearly three years, but it seems he is eager to see me.’

  ‘He’s a credit to Daisy, who is the one who has really brought him up. She made sure he would remember you by talking about you and Marion, and he is very proud of you both. He’s a bright boy; he -loves learning, like his Uncle Sam, but I see a lot of you in him too. I don’t think he’ll be tall like you, but you never know, boys shoot up later than girls. You probably won’t recognise Heather and Kitty now, but young Jimmy is the spitting image of his dad.’

  ‘Where’s Doc?’

  ‘He’s gone to the stables to help Kathleen finish up there and will bring her back.’

  ‘She looked very tired when I saw her – I hope she’s not doing too much.’

  ‘It takes her mind off her loss,’ Jessie said.

  When Kathleen arrived home, she just looked round the door and said, ‘Good to have you home, Danny,’ then added to Jessie, ‘I must have a bath, if that’s all right? I forked up a lot of manure today!’

  By the time the children came rushing in to see him, Danny was feeling weary. Doc beckoned Jessie. ‘We need to get him upstairs; he can have a nap before supper, eh?’

  When Kathleen returned, having changed and washed her hair, she was disappointed that she hadn’t had a chance to talk to Danny.

  ‘A parce
l came today from the Red Cross,’ Jessie told her. ‘Keep it to yourself until you feel like showing us what’s in it.’

  ‘I’ll take it upstairs and look through it before the girls come to bed,’ Kathleen said. ‘I’m sure there is something in there for you too, Jessie.’

  There was indeed a letter addressed to ‘Mother’. Kathleen put it to one side, unopened, with two other notes, one for ‘My girls’ and the other for ‘My son’. Then she took a deep breath, blinked away the tears, and opened the letter with her own name on. It was written in pencil and was very creased, as if he had reread it many times, and added to it too.

  My dearest Kathleen, the love of my heart,

  I endure the life here, if I can call it a life, because of you and our children. I dream of you often, and you are in my arms and I think how fortunate I was to marry you and of the passion we shared. Not everyone can say that. If I am unable to come home again, and that seems increasingly likely, I promise I will always be with you in spirit. If Danny should be more fortunate, I hope that you two will come together; after all, he loves you too.

  Darling, don’t be sad, remember all the happy times together.

  All my love,

  Sam

  After she had dried her eyes, she examined the items wrapped in a cloth streaked with mud. The rosary she put to one side; she would give that to Heather, she decided. There was a Bible with turned-down pages, obviously much read, and the notebook in which he had written about the mud of Flanders. There was also the photograph of Kathleen and the children, which she thought she would frame, and his silver pocket watch, which was dented in places but would be given to Jimmy when he was older. Finally, at the bottom of the bundle, she discovered the lucky heather that Min had given her all those years ago.

  THIRTY-THREE

  By October, Danny was showing signs of making a good recovery. However, as it was proving a wet and windy autumn, with hoar frost in the mornings, he was not encouraged to venture outside as he had hoped, or to visit the horses and other livestock at the stables. Instead, he sat in the kitchen talking to Jessie and Daisy, or put his feet up on the old sofa in the living room with Bobby, now his constant companion, and read the newspapers, which were full of the Russian Revolution. Russia was no longer involved in the war.

  He wrote letters, mostly to his old comrades still at the Front, and enjoyed the warmth from the crackling fire, which he replenished with bundles of twigs brought in by Dennis. He saw Kathleen only now and then, for she was always busy, but he welcomed the company of the children after school each afternoon. He realised ruefully that he had never been close to Wilf in the past, but this was slowly changing, and he was glad. He thought of Marion, and recalled the happy days of their youth. No one could take those memories away. The lively girls made him smile, and Jimmy looked on him as a father figure.

  ‘My family,’ Danny would say to Jessie.

  ‘You don’t know how much it means to me to hear you say that,’ she replied.

  Night-times were his biggest problem. He still called for help when he needed the commode. Nightmares were a regular occurrence and Jessie was always on the alert, which meant that she and Doc slept intermittently.

  One night he awoke, sweating and anxious, in the dark. The night light had gone out; Jessie had mentioned that it needed a new wick. He was afraid of stumbling and falling over if he got out of bed.

  Jessie, for once, was fast asleep, but Doc heard Danny’s cry. He nudged his wife gently. ‘Danny . . .’ he murmured. It took a few minutes for Jessie to come to, and she had just opened the bedroom door when she saw that someone else was hurrying along the corridor. She hesitated a moment, before returning to her warm bed.

  Doc yawned. ‘He’s stopped calling?’

  Jessie said, ‘Yes. Kathleen’s with him.’

  Kathleen put her candle on the washstand and bent over the bed. ‘Danny, are you all right?’ She felt his damp brow and helped him sit up. ‘There. You had a bad dream; would you like me to stay with you for a while?’

  ‘Please,’ he said.

  She stretched out beside him, on top of the covers. He put out a hand and said with concern, ‘You’re shivering, Kathleen.’

  ‘I didn’t have time to put on my wrapper.’ She folded her arms across her chest.

  Danny relaxed and lay down beside her. He made no attempt to touch her. Then he became aware that she was crying silently, and he tentatively put an arm round her. ‘Oh Kathleen,’ he murmured. ‘Am I dreaming?’

  ‘No, Danny. You needed me . . . and I need you too.’ She was still trembling, but she was warming up, inside and out.

  *

  Kathleen was up early as usual; she joined Jessie at the table for a bacon sandwich. The girls came through en route to the bathroom. Heather paused to ask, ‘Where were you last night, Mum? Daisy woke us up and told us to get washed and dressed for school.’

  Jessie answered for Kathleen. ‘Your mum is going to look after Uncle Danny at nights; he needs someone with him, and she’s younger than me, as you may have noticed. All right? Now hurry up before the boys come downstairs, eh?’

  In the bathroom, Kitty said innocently to Heather, ‘Where’s Mum going to sleep? There’s only one bed.’

  Heather, well aware of the facts of life, said loftily, ‘It’s none of our business. She’s Uncle Danny’s night nurse, I suppose . . . That’s my toothbrush, not yours, Kit!’

  ‘We can have more larks without Mum telling us off,’ Kitty said smugly.

  ‘Midnight feasts or pillow fights?’ Heather giggled. She was an avid reader of schoolgirl stories nowadays, like her friend Bridget O’Brien.

  Danny too had had an early awakening. He discovered that Kathleen was already up and about, so it was Daisy who brought him hot water to wash with and helped him out of bed. ‘Can you manage, Mr Danny?’

  ‘Yes, I think so; thank you, Daisy. I know you’re busy getting the children off to school.’ He hesitated. ‘Kathleen . . .?’

  ‘I expect she’s on her way to the stables by now. Doc goes down later. She’ll be back with the milk in a couple of hours as usual.’

  Danny lathered his face, steadied himself and applied his razor. Kathleen didn’t like beards, he recalled; that was why Sam got rid of his. Last night nothing happened, he mused, but don’t they say that love conquers all?

  *

  The family at Home Farm were hosting Christmas lunch for their friends over at the brickyard. Only Min and Josh had declined the invitation, for they were travelling to see their youngest son, now a minister himself: he had a heart murmur so had been turned down for active service. Three of their other sons would be reunited with them too, as they were being sent back to Blighty after being wounded, no longer fit for active service. Two of their brothers had been killed in action early in the war and were buried in Flanders.

  Jessie confided in Doc, ‘I have a feeling our dear friends will not come back.’

  Dennis was now on his own in the Barn House, but joined the family at the Brickyard House for meals and the use of the bathroom. He too had been turned down for conscription, because he had flat feet. He said dolefully, ‘I knew I had big feet, but they say I can’t wear army boots and march.’

  ‘We can’t do without you, Dennis, so that’s a relief,’ Jessie told him.

  ‘You’re one of the family now,’ Doc added.

  ‘I hope to be,’ Dennis said boldly, looking over at Heather. She made a face at him, but it was a cover for her unexpected feelings: was this what they called puppy love?

  *

  On Christmas Eve, Kathleen didn’t go to bed until almost midnight; she had to wait until the children were asleep to dole out the stockings. She spent the evening with Jessie and Daisy, preparing the vegetables for Christmas dinner.

  When she tiptoed into the room she shared with Danny, he appeared to be asleep, so she undressed quickly and stood for a moment looking down at him. His eyes opened and he grinned. Kathleen snatc
hed at her nightgown.

  ‘You seem to find it funny, catching me . . . well, with no clothes on!’

  ‘I thought you were doing it on purpose,’ he said mildly.

  ‘I haven’t got a lovely figure like . . .’ She paused.

  ‘You can say her name, you know: Marion . . . But you are desirable too, Kathleen. Aren’t you coming to bed?’

  ‘Why, what do you have in mind?’ she asked.

  ‘What do you think?’ he returned.

  ‘I think . . . perhaps we shouldn’t . . .’

  ‘And I believe we should. It’s what Sam wanted for us both. I’d marry you tomorrow if I could, but I know it’s not possible – are you aware that a man cannot marry his brother’s widow?’

  ‘It’s a ridiculous rule that will be changed soon, Jessie told me.’

  ‘Why did she tell you that?’

  ‘Because she knows you love me, and that I love you – yes, I do, Danny. It’s different from the way I felt about Sam – that was a passionate relationship between two young people, and it was wonderful – but I can’t help longing to be close to you.’

  ‘Come here,’ he said quietly. ‘It’s been so long, and I don’t know if I can live up to his memory, but I can try.’

  She threw the nightdress to one side and said simply, ‘I’ll try too.’

  He reached out and held her close. Nothing happened for some time, and she waited patiently. Their lovemaking was tentative at first, but quite suddenly they were both aroused.

  Much later, he asked hesitantly, ‘Were you disappointed, Kathleen?’

  She gave him a long, lingering kiss. ‘It’s just the beginning; we’ll get better at it, I am sure! Practice makes perfect, as they say.’

  ‘Did you feel . . .?’

  ‘I’m not disclosing all my secrets! We must get some sleep now before we hear the chorus of “Happy Christmas!”’ she said, and kissed him again.

  *

  It was an austere Christmas this year, despite the optimism regarding the outcome of the conflict that had blighted so many lives. With fears that food supplies were at a dangerously low level, there was more panic-buying and strong rumours that rationing would be introduced in the new year.