Teresa Medeiros

by Once an Angel

  Emily’s rear struck the table. She tilted her chin in wounded dignity. “I’m quite aware of my shortcomings, but if it makes you feel better, do continue your assassination of my character.”

  Growling under his breath, Justin spun on his heel. It didn’t take him more than three strides to realize he was pacing without having to hop over stacks of books or snarled blankets. Emily folded her hands in a demure knot.

  “My books,” he muttered. “What the hell has she done to my books? She’s trying to drive me mad. I’ll never be able to find anything.”

  “Why, of course you will. I’ve organized them ever so nicely.”

  His accusing gaze impaled her. “I knew where every book was. Before you moved them.”

  A spirit of perversity seized Emily. She pulled his boyhood journal off the nearest stack and waved it under his nose. “Even this one, Homer?”

  Justin snatched it out of her hand and reached around her to jerk open the secret drawer. It slid from its moorings and clattered to the floor, spilling out papers, bottles of ink, several charcoal pencils, a thin pair of gold spectacles, and a yellowing packet tied with string. Muttering under his breath, he squatted and crammed the journal and his symphonies into the cubbyhole.

  Emily knelt to gather some papers, prepared to hand them over as a peace offering. She glanced curiously at an official-looking document signed with flourished signatures, but it drifted from her fingers, forgotten, as her gaze fell on the packet of letters. She recognized the bold strokes of Justin’s handwriting.

  He was still muttering through clenched teeth. “If I’d have wanted an infernal woman pawing through my belongings, I’d have married one, now, wouldn’t I? Why can’t you stay out of my things? Better yet, why can’t you just stay out of my life?”

  His hand closed around the letters, but it was too late. A tear splashed the envelope, smearing the faded ink. Another pelted his hand like a salty raindrop.

  “Oh, Christ, Em, don’t go all weepy on me. I get enough of that from Penfeld.”

  But Emily wasn’t looking at him. She was staring at the thick bundle of letters, each one addressed to a Miss Claire Scarborough of 45 Queen Square, Bloomsbury, London, and never posted.

  She gazed up at him through a mist of tears. He reached for her, but she was already gone, leaving the door swinging in her wake.

  Chapter 10

  I believe your charm would challenge even his most serious bent of mind.…

  The rain melted to a fine mist against Emily’s skin, mingling with her tears. The wind tore at her curls and whipped the sea into foaming whitecaps. She hugged her knees to her chest, lulled by the sibilant hiss of the waves against the shore.

  It didn’t take Justin long to find her. She looked up to find him silhouetted against a curtain of gray, hatless, his hands clenched into fists, empty and beseeching. Rain misted his hair and caught like crystal beads in the stubble of his beard.

  She turned her face to the sea, dashing her tears away. How could she explain it wasn’t sadness making her weep, but a fierce joy?

  He had never forgotten her, she realized. In all of those long, lonely years he had never once forgotten her. The thick packet of letters bound by a frayed string was proof of that. But why had he never posted them? Why had he robbed a bereft child of the solace his words might have given? She had slipped downstairs each morning at the school when the mail was delivered only to creep back to her attic empty-handed, praying the others girls hadn’t seen her. She could only imagine the joy and pride she might have felt had Miss Winters laid one of those crisp brown envelopes in her hands. She would have flown up the stairs then, torn open the letter, and savored every word from the guardian she had never met.

  Confusion buffeted her like the wind. If Justin had uttered one word, one contrite syllable, it might have all come tumbling out—the questions, the accusations, the pleas. Instead, he offered her his hand.

  Emily took it, relieved to find something of warmth and substance in her shifting world. He pulled her to her feet, and they faced each other for a timeless moment, just a man and a woman alone on a barren stretch of sand. He entwined her fingers in his own and led her up a sandy hill to a broad bluff crowned by a rough-hewn cross.

  The wind was stronger there. It whipped Justin’s hair to a dark froth and battered the purity of his profile as he freed her hand and faced the sea. Suddenly Emily didn’t want to know the truth. With a desperation that shocked her, she longed to press her fingertips to his chiseled lips, to silence his mouth with the ravenous heat of her own.

  But when he opened his mouth, only these halting words came out. “I hear music in my head all the time. I always have. For as long as I can remember.”

  Emily sank down in the shallow grass, her knees weakened by relief. “It must be a gift.”

  His laugh was short and bitter. “A curse perhaps. My family thought me a freak. I was my father’s only son, yet I had no interest in his shipping firm or the blasted social obligations that accompanied his wretched title. He couldn’t drag me away from the piano.” His voice dropped, became as gray and passionless as the sky. “When I was twenty-one he gave me a choice. My music or my inheritance. I chose the music. He tossed me into the streets with nothing but the coat on my back. I ended up at a music hall in a rat-infested rookery playing bawdy tunes for drunken sots who tossed me pennies for pay. That’s where I met Nicky. He took me under his wing and taught me how to survive.”

  He glanced down at the cross. Emily sucked in a breath, suddenly realizing what she was sitting next to.

  “Nicholas?” she said softly. “Is he buried here?”

  Justin looked up, blinking almost absently. “We never found anything of Nicholas to bury. My other partner rests here.” He reached down and ran a hand over the cross. “The dearest friend I ever had.”

  Emily couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. Emotions she’d thought long suppressed welled up in her throat, rendering speech impossible. She was as helpless as a doll in Justin’s hands as he cupped her cheek and gently tilted her face to his. He could have hurled her into the sea, and she wouldn’t have been able to do so much as whimper a protest.

  “I’m trying to say I’m sorry for shouting at you, Emily. I was afraid you’d think me a freak, too.”

  He leaned down and brushed her lips with his own, leaving his indelible taste. Then he jammed his hands into his pockets and started down the hill, his shoulders braced against the wind.

  Emily stared blindly out to sea, far out, where the hazy curve of the horizon met the waves. The rough-hewn cross slowly filled her vision. No marble angels for her father. No elaborate script carved in granite—David Scarborough, Beloved Father. Only a simple cross on a windy hill overlooking the sea. A cross, she knew somehow, lovingly carved by Justin’s hands.

  Tears dimmed her vision as she ran her palm over the sparse grass blanketing her father’s grave.

  “Oh, Daddy,” she whispered. “What am I to do?”

  • • •

  Emily returned to the hut much later. She pushed open the door, expecting to find it deserted in the deepening gloom.

  But orange and yellow tongues of flame licked at a handful of brush inside the stove. A pot simmered on top of it, fragrant with cumin and cloves. Penfeld met her at the door with a towel to dry her hair. Touching his finger to his lips in a plea for silence, he cocked his head toward the table.

  As Emily saw Justin, she shivered, realizing how chilled she had been. He sat with his long legs sprawled before him, his head inclined toward the table. As she watched, he drew a fresh sheet of paper to him and continued making furious marks, his hand flying across the page. His hair gleamed in the lantern light like damp silk. Emily wanted to wind her fingers through it, to bring it to her lips and dry it with a whisper of her breath.

  The towel fell from her fingers as she drifted toward him, remembering his earlier explosion. He pulled off his spectacles to rub his eyes, then glanced up, slanting her a
smile that made the fire in the stove cool by comparison.

  She dared to peek over his shoulder. His arm curled to shield his work, then relaxed in surrender to her curiosity. His casual posture did not deceive her. Her heart did an unbidden flip at his trust.

  She hummed a few shy notes under her breath. “Something new?”

  “Very.” He shuffled the papers so she could start at the beginning.

  Her hair brushed his cheek as she leaned over his shoulder. The wordless melody warbled from her throat, growing in confidence with each enchanting bar. As the notes tapered to an end, a lilting echo hung in the air.

  She lifted her head to find Justin’s eyes narrowed in a lazy appraisal that could not quite hide their hungry glitter. Emily leaned forward, lured by the irresistible curve of his parted lips.

  Penfeld’s applause broke the spell. “Bravo, master! One of your finest, I do believe.”

  “Thank you, Penfeld,” Justin replied. Wariness tensed his jaw as he tore his gaze away from hers and began to roll the papers. “What did you think?”

  Somehow to Emily it didn’t seem enough to murmur “Wonderful” or some other benign praise. She struggled to find words to express her brimming heart. “It began like a gentle rain, all soothing and safe. But then something dangerous happened, something free and joyous like a burst of thunder and lightning. Because of it, nothing will ever be the same again.”

  Justin’s hands stilled.

  “Do you have a name for it?” she asked.

  A ghost of a smile played around his lips. He swiveled on the barrel to face her and she heard once again the joyous strains of his song. “I call it ’emily.’ ”

  A new melody began that day, weaving its shy strains through the sunny days and lush tropical nights that followed. It whistled through Emily’s head as she splashed in the waves with the children. It danced with elfin feet across her heart as she trailed Justin through the fields, catching his hat in her hands when a gust of wind blew it astray. It haunted her serenity each night as she sipped her rich coffee and beneath her lashes watched him scribble his symphonies in a pool of lantern light.

  She found herself standing alone in the hut one morning, Justin’s letters to Claire Scarborough clasped in her trembling hands. She’d never had any qualms about reading anyone else’s mail, so why was she so reluctant to read her own? She held a letter up to the window. Sunlight filtered through the worn envelope, illuminating the bold strokes of handwriting within. Emily quickly lowered it. The morning was simply too bright to be dimmed by old memories and fears, she thought, tucking the packet tenderly back into its hiding place. For now it was enough to know that Justin had remembered her.

  She awoke that moonlit night to the discordant drumbeat of her own heart. A hoarse moan tore through the silence. Justin was dreaming again.

  Her blankets fell away as she scrambled across the hut. Her hand brushed his fevered brow. She was helpless to explain even to herself her frantic desire to soothe him. Was Nicky haunting him tonight? Or was it her father, his brilliant smile faded, his merry brown eyes glittering not with laughter but accusation? Pain twitched in the grooves around Justin’s mouth, and suddenly it didn’t matter who his demons were. She wanted only to banish them.

  She lay down and curled into his side. Her palm crept across his bare chest, coming to rest over his heart. His restless thrashing eased, then stilled completely. His groan was one of contentment as he drew her into the shelter of his arms and buried his face in her hair.

  Feathers tickled Justin’s nose. He wiggled it, sniffing back a sneeze. Aroma filled his nostrils, a scent so rich and pure it was rendered exotic by its sheer simplicity. Vanilla. It assaulted his brain with a longing for an England he barely cared to remember. It made him crave civilized delights like Gracie’s cookies hot from the oven and sprinkled with cinnamon. Scones rolled in sugar and wrapped around steaming peaches. Emily dipped in stardust and laved with melted moonlight.

  His eyes flew open. Emily?

  His nose nested not in feathers, but in her curls. Her body twined around his in drowsy innocence. She was as fervent in sleep as in wakefulness. Her thigh was flung across his leg and her hand lay in a gentle cup over his abdomen. The tempered glow of dawn caressed her face.

  The craving in Justin’s stomach shot to his groin with merciless swiftness. He shifted his hips. To hell with cookies and scones, he thought. He wanted a taste of Emily. He wanted to gorge himself on her tender body until they were both sated. It was torture enough to rise each morning to find her huddled under her own blankets, her pert rump tilted to the ceiling. But to emerge from the fog of sleep to find her curled around him like some sweet wanton? He felt so hard it might take only one of her artless wiggles to shatter him. Careful not to disturb her, he reached down and freed a button of his dungarees.

  She’d become more than a burden to him in the past few days. She’d become an obsession. He struggled to treat her with the same gentle affection he showed the children, but the sharp edge of his desire was only whetted by her merry smile. She’d flourished like a tropical bloom in the wilds of the island. Sunlight had honeyed her skin and tipped her lengthening curls with gold.

  His world belonged to Emily. She hovered around him like a gamin angel, lithe and funny. He pressed his eyes shut, battered by images of her bending over a flax plant at his side, wading through the shallow waves at sunset with Maori children dangling from her arms like crabs. He had even glanced up from his Bible Sunday at the meeting house to find her sitting cross-legged on the dirt floor, her expression pensive, her cheek resting against Dani’s sleek head. He had stammered through five verses of Matthew, then lost his place entirely. When he had looked up again, she was gone.

  He’d had his share of mistresses in London, both false and true, yet none of them could compare to the mischievous charms of the barefoot waif clinging to his side.

  Emily stirred. Her lips parted in a delicate snore. A twinge of shame touched him. Here he lay, plotting a seduction so lascivious it would have shamed even Nicky, and she was probably dreaming of starfish and sand castles. He ran his finger down her nose, expecting to find a dusting of cinnamon freckles on his fingertip.

  Her eyes fluttered open, then widened in a mixture of dread and horror that made him wonder if he’d sprouted fangs during the night. He ran his tongue over his teeth. They all felt reassuringly blunt.

  Ruefully, he touched his bristled jaw. “I know I haven’t shaved in a few days, but I’m not that frightful, am I?”

  He must have been, because she struggled to untangle her leg and roll away.

  He gathered her tighter into his arms, not willing to let her go without an explanation. “Why the terrible rush? Contrary to my staid reputation, I’m not averse to a little morning cuddle.”

  She gave a husky squeak. “But Penfeld—”

  “—is sleeping.”

  A sonorous snore from beneath the window proved his words.

  “So was I,” she blurted out. “Sleeping, that is. Sleepwalking, actually. I must have stumbled and fallen on you. Perhaps I struck my head. I should walk about and see if I’m dizzy.”

  She was halfway up when his arm snaked around her waist, jerking her back. He winced as her plush rear wedged against the part of his anatomy that at the moment was too prominent to be seemly.

  “If you’re dizzy, you need rest,” he said, hoping she would attribute the croak in his voice to drowsiness. “You know, for a good prankster, you’re a terrible liar.”

  “That’s not true! I’m a very good liar. All my teachers said so.” She wiggled in protest.

  Justin’s beleaguered body reached its breaking point. He shoved her off him, then rolled on top of her, stilling her struggles with his weight. He laced his fingers through hers and imprisoned her hands above her head.

  He arched his eyebrow in a wicked threat. “Now, suppose you tell me what you were doing on my pallet. Blowing pepper up my nose? Tying my blankets into knots? Planting
brambles in my dungarees?”

  She lowered her eyes, leaving him gazing at the velvety silk of her lashes. “I had a bad dream. I was afraid.”

  Her sheepish confession touched his heart. He knew only too well how it felt to awaken trembling in the dark. He imagined her creeping to his side, trusting him to chase away her monsters. He lowered himself, wanting only to kiss away her fears. Before his lips could touch hers, his hips grazed her bare belly. A shock of pleasure electrified him. He realized too late that swapping positions had only worsened matters. The heavy fullness in his dungarees had become impossible to ignore. For both of them.

  Emily’s mouth fell open in shock.

  To his utter horror he felt a blush creep up his jawline. “It’s nothing,” he said tersely. Her eyes widened in comical disbelief. “A normal phenomenon of the morning, I assure you. It has absolutely nothing to do with you,” he lied.

  She hesitated, then sniffed in prim sophistication. “I knew that.”

  Justin sat up, swinging his legs away from her. Of course she knew that, he thought. Her smug little gardener’s lad had probably taught her. Or had it been the chimney sweep? His temper burned with a ferocious urge to shove her back on the blankets and teach her a few lessons of his own.

  Out of the corner of his eye he saw her sit up. She drew her skirt down to hug her shapely thighs as if she were the shyest of virgins.

  He owed her a warning, he reminded himself, nothing more. “Emily?”

  “Yes?”

  “If you have any more nightmares”—he felt her waiting silence—“go to Penfeld.”

  “As you wish, Mr. Connor. I shouldn’t wish to burden you.”

  Justin was unprepared for the bitterness of her reply. He swiveled to face her, but she had already dropped to her pallet and pulled the blankets over her head like a sullen child.

  That afternoon Justin stood on the shore and watched the storm roll in with the tide. Black clouds poured from the west, driving the rain before them. Far out at sea it was already falling, melting sky and ocean into a seamless curtain of gray. Lightning crackled and snapped in a broken web above pitching waves tinted green by the eerie light of the approaching squall. Justin braced his legs against the wind and thrust his hands into his pockets. He welcomed the storm, seeking in its savage wildness a kindred spirit to his own mood.